Annonymous Sap Poetry Marathon

 He loves me, he loves me not,
 he's not what I want at all,
 but is so much more
 than I've ever had before.
 To pass up this chance
 seems like folly.
 To take this chance
 seems like a straight, long
 fall off a cliff.
 As night comes on
 I begin to want him
 I begin to delve surreptitiously
 into the closets in my mind
 and bring out rumpled
 memories of him
 shining softly
 and making me feel like
 this is the end
 How can I be so uncertain?
 Isn't love always a rist?
 B ut aren't you supposed to
 learn from your mistakes?
 I don't want him at all,
 and then I do,
 and then I just want this
 to be over with, and his
 arms to be deciding for me,
 making everything
 all right.

 Memories of him,
 imaginings of almosts.
 Wishing for more time.
 Delighting in what was there.
 It's swoon-worthy, she said.
 I agree.
 How did I end up
 with something so perfect?
 Only one thing I would change,
 and that's easily fixable
 next time.
 Lips brushing,
 but still too shy
 too unsure
 to linger long.
 I am struck smitten,
 but not blind.
 And now I can write
 silly love poems.

 Lips brushing.
 Flashback.
 Sunlight sunsdtruck lovers eyes.
 Upside down smile
 I lay with my head in his lap,
 absorbing the butterflies
 that flew between us
 with a thrill.
 I think we talked about
 kissing,
 before it happened
 I know I offered up
 some caveat, but
 then kissed him anyway.
 spread along the sidewalk,
 I was oblivious to
 the radio blasting across
 the street
 I was sweetly blind
 to the gaggle of frumpy
 business women passing by,
 their eyes carefully covered.
 There was only the sunlight
 and his head haloed
 against it.
 He protected me from UV rays
 and blindness,
 but he himeslf got the
 blindness in return.

 Absorbing the butterflies
 is my greatest chore and 
 biggest pleasure, lately.
 I mark a new line in chalk
 every day, every hour
 Remember this. Dream of this
 No farther. I remember how
 
 I ignored the butterflies
 that first night, exausted
 from traveling in the dark
 and frustration. All I wanted
 was the morning.
 And in the morning
 the sun shone through the trees
 and I ate sugared and fried yams.
 We walked on water that morning
 and stared into the fire that night
 and that night my line
 was above his head,
 behind his lips.
 
 Tonight, everything is floating.
 I look out the window. He is there,
 somewhere, and I'll see him again.
 Tonight, my line is somewhere
 under the rainbow
 where only he can dare
 to step across.

 Dancing until dawn
 is something I would never
 do without you. Although
 I don't even know
 if you dance. But I
 just want your voice
 in my ear-- your hands--
 your eyes just where
 I could see them if
 I turned my head.
 Tell me your heart
 will dance with mine
 and my smile will
 bring up the sun.

 The conversations from yesterday
 dancing through her head
 she goes over in her mind
 every word, sentence, letter.
 Giggling, blushing, she thinks about how
 he quotes love stories,
 teases, and is teased back.
 She goes floating on air,
 flying high
 touching the moon
 and soaring back down.

 He quotes love stories.
 On his tongue, they make her laugh.
 They talk late into the night
 not surprisingly-- but he always says goodbye
 to her differently and surprises a blush
 onto her cheek.
 She knows how much she has to learn
 and some if it she wants to share with him--
   he is the only person who's 
   ever made her happy
   by worrying about her--
 and some she wants advice on,
 and some is none of his business--
 but she wants to learn one thing from him:
 how to laugh at love.

 how to laugh at love? she wonders
 when i feel so goddamn serious
 but when the people who would box up her gazes and label them
 with a simple piece of masking tape and a Sahrpie
 when they come around she smiles
 and pretends it's for sport
 that her stomach doesn't come near to flip-flops when he
 looks across the room
 she wishes he'd catch her eye
 she prays he won't 
 see her looking those stars in her eyes
 might be visible
 she closes her eyes and pretends
 he's standing next to her.