Closer To Being

closer to being

 by Roya Sorooshian (for cristie)

i could hear her singing just like she had taken a big tube of oilpaints and squirted it on the wall. but my eyes were closed. and her throat was closed too, i think, tightly, in the grips of the beating drums. but her arms were open and her fingers stretched, even her feet were open to the swaying floor, as she leaped and tiptoed from one crest to another hill. the ceiling gave way above me, as i arched my neck to the sauna of the sky. bright colors were dancing in front of me, colors turning to energy while i watched. without knowing it, my eyes were turning to light, my hands were turning to fire, and my thoughts were turning to steam. i realized right away, that the key was in losing my consciousness. and i focused on that, losing myself in the bright energy ribbon that seemed to entangle us all in it's mad pulsing. and it felt good, *good* to be one of the captured, to have no hold on time or on myself, good to be thoughtless, wordless, but full of expression. satisfying, but i couldn't have given it these words then, the only energy i had was for electrifying the air, giving hues to soundwaves and meaning to answers. i watched those beams of light piercing through my eyelids, the warm sense of what they are seeping into my skin. i realized, in utter wordlessness, how close we really are, to color and light, to life, to sound to each other. how close we are simply to BEING.