Elect Jigglypuff For President

Jigglypuff/Schlessinger Campaign Takes Off

Jigglypuff decries prejudice, intelligence, at capitol

by Rosie Records

Associated Press

(Washington, D.C.) Jigglypuff alone of all the candidates represents the interests of small pink fluffy taxpayers everywhere and will work tirelessly to ensure their protection. Jiggly-puff has been a persistent champion of children and senior citizens for over three days and is deeply concerned with the importance of supporting our educational system and nurturing our children into a life of thoughtless materialism and wastefulness.

"I feel my experience as a major slogan of a successful business enterprise selling crap nobody needs to the gullible masses makes me the most qualified candidate for the job," said Jigglypuff at a press conference in the capitol yesterday.

When asked by an anonymous reporter to comment confidentially on Jigglypuff's presidential merits, his personal aide, Misty, said, "Let's face it, Jiggly has the most sex appeal of any of the candidates. I mean, that's not saying much, but it's definitely an edge over the rest of the market, and we're gonna [sic] play it for all it's worth."

Jigglypuff's decision to nominate Ms. Laura Schlessinger as his running mate, known to millions by her television and radio talk shows, was greeted with wide press attention.

"A new age has dawned. The American people have moved beyond discrimination. Today we are making history. On this revolutionary day, we have proved that our differences unite and strengthen us, that we all must be treated equally, that it matters not whether you are vindictive talk show host or vapid pocket monster---as long as you've got money, anyway," said the presidential candidate at a celebration summit last week.

He was briefly interrupted by an intrusive reporter, charging that Jigglypuff was not an American citizen and moreover was not even human. He answered calmly,

"My friends, we have risen above exclusion of non-citizens as presidents. We have risen above exclusion of non-human candidates. My pocket monster DNA makes not the slightest difference in my concern for this country and my ability to do the job right. So there."

In a moving acceptance speech that brought tears to the eyes of many present, Schlessinger lifted Jigglypuff off the podium, shook hands, and turned to the audience. "Do the right thing," she said. "Vote Jigglypuff and Schlessinger in the year 2000!"

We can only echo her simple words of wisdom and invite you to join us at the ballots this November and unite in support of a better America, a Jigglypuff America!

© 2000 by the Jigglypuff for President 2000 Campaign

Paid for by the Jigglypuff for President 2000 Campaign