Four Hundred And Thirty Four

Every time you go

 The floor breaks where you've tread.
 And every time you go
 It's my heart that's breaking too.
 Look in your eyes and you know what it's like
 But they don't know, and they're the ones who get to decide
 Our world.
 I'm splitting at the seams.
 I'm a ragdoll coming undone.
 I'm a forgotten lolipop sticking in the dust under the carnival rides
 They all swing, but I don't swing because 
 I'm the girl in the corner
 Alone corner
 Alone with no one.
 Everyone is not alone.
 But I am alone.
 Without a date, without a star, without a giggling candy-clad
 girlfriend.
 Without a dance or a hot boy who won a champion Lindy contest.
 From Minneapolis.
 Who needs Minnealpolis.
 I'll swing on home and cry on the shoulders of those 
 who are the only ones left to cry on.
 And I'll debate my fate with wicked calculations.
 And cry 
 To the steering wheel
 And all those lost pieces 
 Of myself.
 ~Becky~

FourThirtyFive

 I look into your eyes,
 and you know what it's like.
 You know what it's like to feel split in half,
 heart broken,
 when you're so alone.
 They don't understand.
 They don't understand why I don't just go out 
 and find myself some friends.
 Because wouldn't that solve the problem of being lonely?
 But I don't need more friends.
 I have so many.
 But I can only see them 2 or 3 times a year.
 and that is nowhere near often enough
 to keep me from withering,
 wilting from the lonelyness.
 It's not a lack of friends that makes me lonely.
 It's being so damn far away
 from everyone I love so much.
 so far from the best friends I've ever had,
 and probably ever will have.
 It's tearing me apart
 and it's all I can do to hold myself together.
 And I wonder yet again,
 how I can last through 2 more years of this.