Having Divorced Parents

thought it might be nice or helpful to be able to anonymously (or not) talk about our feelings for those of us who have divorced or seperated parents. i know my parents have just split up and i would like to be able to talk with others about this. maybe we could share ups and downs and whatever on the subject and just give each other support, advice or just talk...because, it's hard... well, love to you all.

well then. my parents... they left each other, what, three? maybe four years ago. maybe more. i was young then. young but stronger than they thought. strong enough, because i'm alright. but my parents lost love for each other long before i knew. if they ever loved each other at all... i don't know. it was a gift, them seperating. i cried when they told me, but regardless of how young i was and how oblivious, i knew it was for the best. she moved into an apartment, he stayed at home. home sweet home. her stuff, all her belongings made the transfer... her apartment wasn't home, but neither was the house my father lived in. not any more. because she wasn't there. how could home be anywhere, unless i had my momma and my daddy? i adjusted quickly... liked the idea of having a new place to live, sort of exciting. i always clung to my mother... at that time she took up a job. she became a truck-driver. my heart ached every time she left, because i wondered if she would come home to me, or if she would find something else in her adventures that she liked better. i missed her. so now she's married. and so is he. i cannot stand my stepfather, in all honesty... too bad he's such a wonderful man. i cannot let myself love him, because he is not my father. but he treats me so good, and my mother... he doesn't want to be my "step-father". he wants to do everything he can to make my mother happy. and that includes making me happy. and i just won't let him. because i'm selfish. because... i don't like divorce. i don't think it's right, i don't want it intruding on my life. it's not right. last week... my father got married. a much more peaceful union, in comparison with my mothers... i've been through this before, i know more of what to expect. do i like my step-mother? i don't know... i mean, yes. she's a good woman. she'll make my father happy. but i don't like the idea of step-parents... "parent" is not part of their title. not in my case, at least. they have little authority over me, and i need them to realise that. my father and my mother will keep me under control, i am their responsibility. so now i'm adjusting even moreso... you see, when my mother got married my daddy was still alone. he went into somewhat of a depression... he was entirely alone, except for me, my sister, and my brother. and so he was very protective of the alotted time he had with us... every weekend. we seldom were alowed to leave the house, because he didn't want to be alone. so my mother had someone, and i took it to be my responsibility to keep my father occupied. i took him under my wing and i was the one who made sure that he was happy. i enjoyed that. though it got to a point where i was practically a parent... and it got to be too much. because i was just a child yet, and i wanted to spend time with my friends on the weekends. not mother my own father. and now he's married. he's not my responsibility anymore. and though that is a weight off of my shoulders... i miss it. you always want what you don't have. i know my parents more than anyone. is that entirely true? when my "step-parents" inform me of things about my own parents that i was unaware of, i just want to scream. "you don't know them more than me! i am their child, their spawn! i have known them all my life." but they know my parents in a way that i never will. and that's okay. but it took me a long time to realise that that was okay. but i'm catching on. i'll back off and let them love, and let them live. they still love me. so, i'm okay. i'm doing fine. she lives here now, and that is odd... but eventually i will become entirely used to it. so patience... i have talked unceasingly on this topic now. i hope i have not tired your ears or eyes. so many childrens parents are divorced today, and so many different feelings i've heard expressed. though i was first on this page and rambled on and on, there is so much more yet unsaid. *sigh*

my parents just split up. i can't even face the reality of it. i don't know what to do. i don't have the answers. all i can do is carry on and keep putting one foot in front of the other, but i can't help but cry for what's lost...

I hate how in our society it's more common to have divorced parents than happily married, or just parents who are together in a loving relationship. My parents seperated when i was 9 years old. I'd just gotten back from a trip to washington and canada with my older sister, and i flew home alone (her going to cali for a few weeks), it was horrible. Up until that point my dad was the parent i was closer to, i mean everyone has a preference, whether they admit it or not, and he was mine. I loved him (still do) so incredibly much, and was devestated when they seperated. They told us it was only temporary, and that they needed time apart, that we were still a family, and nothing would ever change that. They said we'd spend our vacations together, our holidays together, and that they wanted to start over, together. A year and a half later, my mom was pregnant. The baby wasn't my dad's. I love my littlest brother, but in my heart of hearts i wish with all my self that my parents were together still, that we really were a family, together. My parents are pitted against each-other, anything brought up about my dad to my mom makes her mad, and she starts getting all defensive, acting as though i'm taking sides with him, as if its so horrible that i want to spend a little time with my dad. I need my dad. Not that he does anything to help the situation, he doesn't call us or see us for nearly 7 months, and out of the blue he calls up, chatting like we saw each-other yesterday, telling me that he can't spend time with us because he has to have time for his wife. Goddamn it, we're your kids shouldn't we be a priority too?? I never talk about my parents being divorced. I never discuss how it feels knowing that my dad would rather spend time with a woman he met less than three years ago, than his children who've been a part of his life for 23 years. How i don't talk to my mom as candidly or freely as I used to, for fear of her flying off the handle mad, angry, upset at my dad (and i suspect at herself as well) over what's going on, or has happened in the past. I never tell anyone how much it hurts when i see how loving their dad's are to them, or how much i wish my dad cared enough even to call me on my birthday, or know where i worked. I never talk about how my family doesn't have much money, and that things mortage payments, and car insurence are brought up daily, making me feel powerless because i can't do anything to help, and yet stressed over the problems that i know we're having because of money. KNowing that if my parents were still together, we wouldn't be having these problems. I never talk about it because it makes me so sad, that i'm sitting here trying my hardest not to cry.

• franny gives you a big hug and is here whenever you want to talk. if you wake up at two in the morning and need to rant i will shake myself awake and listen as long as you need me. i know what you've been through (not really. no one but you does) and you do not desserve it jazz because you desserve nothing but love from the world because you give it nothing but love and sweetness. smile darlin' sometimes it's hard. but smile. you are loved!