Hobbit Porn

Collections of sordid material gathered from the most...unlikely places... of middle earth. Feel free to contribute to this most splendid nastiness. Sauron

 Oh Frodo, I'm a homo,
 Gandalf makes me stroke my randalf,
 and that ring, ooh bling bling!
 The Shire's fun when I gots bun,
 and Bill the pony's horny;
 so when the Nazgul come,
 I know I'm gettin' some.

Cassandra Young, Eireann's sister

 One day Bilbo had a dildo,
 and what a thrill it was;
 for Shire children love a toy,
 one for every girl and boy.

 But one day it was rudely snatched,
 for a plan had cleverly been hatched,
 to steal the thrill that day.
 It was hidden, tucked away,
 never to be seen again.

 Poor Bilbo was distraught, 
 for Sting served him naught,
 and he sadly went to Elven city,
 to find some pleasure, even itty bitty.
 When he was there he heard a tale,
 about a dilbo made of chainmail!

 It was hidden by a dragon!
 So off went Bilbo in a wagon,
 to steal this glorious prize.

 He fought with the dragon in its bed,
 killed him until he was dead!
 But alas, no dildo could be found,
 no holy shaft with a tip so round!

 But then a glint beneath the dragon's tail,
 and it, the dildo, was somehow lodged, well, there!
 Out it came with Bilbo's finger,
 and silver it was, oh how Bilbo longed to linger.

 To wait until he got the Shire?
 Too strong was his lusty desire,
 so off came his clothes,
 his lady's pantyhose,
 and in went the dildo,
 and happy was dear Bilbo!

Cassandra Young

 In the fay city of Rivendell
 There is no tale as great a sell
 As the one of an elf so fine
 With a quivering bow, so divine!
 But his days! they were dark with shadow
 For the only booty he could get.. was ghetto
 oh, Leggy Lass! Of the grass!
 He worried so, over his ass
 For it wandered in his neighbor's yard
 And the whole city was put on guard
 And as Mordor rose and darkened the land
 The elves fled, and Leggy Lass got canned.
 But his days would not remain dark
 For in the blackness, there was a spark
 For there came upon him, a wet pink dwarf
 And they satisfied each other, on the wharf
 And how he loved the call of the gulls
 Though their droppings fell into his nose
 (Along with other, more personal juices)
 And anything else that rhymes,
 Oh, those were wonderful times
 And how warm and fuzzy they felt
 As they buttoned up their belts
 And they cared not for the wrath of Sauron
 For he was a rat, and a moron
 And though he had powers glorious and wide
 He could not brag of two bottoms so fine
 So in the end, though the many trying battles
 They brightened their night with whips and paddles
 Once they came upon a forest
 Where they heard a drunken chorus
 As they drew near, out popped an ent
 And Gimli's bling bling, up it went
 For he had a fetish for trees
 And Treebeard had the nicest peas
 Treebeard offered them some draught
 But drink it they could not
 For they were underage
 And had no fake ID.

, Cassandra, Slinky, and Dandy

• OH...my...very good job on making the poems rhyme. And very..amusing.. content. -mike, still laughing