Miranda Babbles

I talk too much.

poetry and shit:

 touch me
 make your fingers accidentally brush me
 sit too close on the bus
 pass me a book
 Anything!
 seeing you without feeling you
 is too much
 too close to perfect
 I can't believe you're real
 touch me, show me you're there
 I love you

 this god you've made
 your first and only superior
 how can something that owns someone 
 as powerful as you
 be so needy
 so insecure.
 look at you, on your knees
 appologizing.
 we miss you darling
 miss the girl who used to laugh
 and joke
 and /_Meet Our Eyes_/
 miss the woman with her hands on her hips
 all we're allowed to see is the nun
 scared
 silent
 lost in your appologies
 for everything.
 Anything.
 do you appologise for us?
 on your knees
 eyes on your god
 sobbing through your prayers.
 when you're telling your sins
 is knowing us
 one of them?
 we loved you
 we still miss you
 but goodbye.

paranoid

 I keep seeing his face
 in my friends
 in my mirror
 I keep feeling his hands
 in my chairs
 in my clothes
 I know he can see me
 my back against the wall
 he's in the walls
 and the air I breathe
 his sweat strangling me
 his raging prick cracks into my calm
 I can't curl tight enough
 run fast enough
 scream louder than his whispering
 slithering
 clutch

 I didn't love her
 I didn't want her
 maybe I /did/ hope she'd "disapear"
 die?

But I didn't Mean It

 Fucking hell I'm /_So_/ _Fucking_ _Sorry_!
 I still truly believe women have a /right/
 that it _Isn't_ wrong or immoral
 to do what I would've
 could've
 very nearly did
 But I Didn't Do It
 And for some Fucked up reason 
 on the gut-wrench knee-jerk emotional level
 that means something
 even though on the gut-wrench knee-jerk emotional level
 I haven't accepted the excuse.
 how dare I go against everything I believe
 how dare I Feel against my moral convictions!
 /But I'm Still Sorry/
 and it still rips my fucking heart out.
 she died
 in me

 letter to self:
 Dear Darling,
    you can burn me and I'll bite back
 I can match it and my burns are Clean
 my bites open holes
 to let the ragesobhatepainwalls out
 and maybe you'll see me melt into the ground
 feel those bites bite back
 but when the ugly is gone
 we'll just see me drift away
 glowing and resting
 better than dead
 so when I'm alive again
 tomorrow morning
 you'll see that glow shining all over me
 and only we will know
 those beautiful bright lamps
 are really oh so deep and dark
 they'll never leave us darling.
   kisses

 I can't do it
 I can't think "this must stop"
 I /want/ to be right

 but

 I can't stop thinking
 _this_ is right
 this is strong
 this is oh so beautiful
 I hold my breath to touch
 feel
 remember
 these lines I drew
 show me who I'm made of
 they are my strength
 /They Are My _Right_/

 don't look at me
 don't empathize
 don't feel my pain
 don't know me
 don't remember me

 how dare I be afraid of fire
 of burning
 how dare I betray what I've done
 who I've made from my self
 pretty campfire so close
 I'm cringing
 I could reach right into the embers
 let my hand melt
 crackle sizzle
 all gone
 black bone cinders
 drift peacefuly up
 gone 
 empty
 hush

 I'm so fucking needy
 That's it, I'm closing down. 
 I eat so Much it's a constant flow through my body
 In and out
 Back and forth
 I'm sick.
 No more Feeding
 No more giving in
 No more taking on my little band-aid-comfort-foods. 
 Count me out.

 my weight
 my space
 haunt me.
 you avert your eyes
 pretend you never saw me
 but I caught you.
 I wish you hadn't
 seen me
 I wish I was something
 worth seeing
 I wish and wish
 but all I 
 want 
 is less

 She stands so careful, silent there
 A shy grin wrapped around her face
 Quiet eyes on flowing hair
 She won't join in but still keeps pace
 
 My sweet why can't you show that self
 Sweet glitter Goddess dancing slow
 If you jump off that hidden shelf
 You just find us, the folks you know

 Now grab my hand and join our world
 You're real despite your incubus
 So maybe some fists will be curled
 There's always hate, for all of us

 It's wrong, no shit, but which is worst?
 You know your cock will kill you first

sonnet for a woman I'll always be waiting for.

 there are things I can't talk about
 not even inside my own head
 there are places I can't go
 no words there
 no thoughts
 there's nothing to face
 it just sits behind my eyes
 waiting for me to slip up and look at it
 so it explodes
 /can't speak can't walk/
 /growl and roar and tear at the walls/
 /drive hands into my mouth/
 /further/
 /fists meet teeth, nails in cheeks eyes arms walls/
 /sit rocking biting clawing screaming/
 why?
 don't remember what the trigger was.
 droped my toast, saw a bird take off.
 {red: _Screaming!_ }
 beat the walls that aren't there
 but it's not enough
 can't -/bite/- hard enough
 can't /-scream-/ loud enough
 drown the thoughts out but /_Can't Kill Them_/
 eyes glaze
 no thoughts at all, nothing moves
 sleep

 One more shot-in-the-dark goes wide
 I did try
 I tried so hard to miss
 but out of control I keep firing
 terrified of hitting

 My Desire and sense
 are deep in debate
 but too busy to include me.
 so I stare hard ahead
 trying to focus on you
 trying to hint
 without hinting

 But someday, my Desire,
 you'll notice me
 the message will hit home that I love you
 Heaven Forfend

i love your writing, miranda dear. i really enjoy reading them whenever you post more up. i like your writing style, & i like the letter to self alot. *smooch* glitterpixie