Once Upon A Jekissa

Hey who ever plans on writing here- don't put "jekissa woke up at the city dump." write "Jessica woke up at the city dump." thanks!

-jess

Jessica woke up at the city dump. No, actually, I lied. She didn't wake up anywhere.

Jessica was walking along the busy streets of Manhatten one day, whistling "here comes the sun" to herself, even though it was beginning to rain, and in general feeling quite pleased with herself, when suddenly a man jumped out of an alleyway and held a gun to her head.

"Don't move!" the man croaked. Like she was going to move with a gun pointed at her left temple anyway.

For some reason, Jessica felt calm. She raised her hands above her head and asked "what do you want?"

"Your soul!" the man hissed omonously. He motioned for her to come closer.

"Mr. I'm sorry, but I can't give you that." Jessica said, still feeling calm, although her heart had started to beat faster. "I do have some money though."

"Shut up! Quit wasting my time, I don't want your stupid money. Now come with me."

He was still waving the gun at her head. Jessica looked around, suddenly starting to feel desperate. No one was around. She looked back at the man, and then went into the alley ahead of him.

Suddenly the man turned around. "You don't know me, do you?"

"Um... no, I don't" Jessica said. "I'm sorry."

The man smacked his head. "Of course! I forgot, you haven't been to camp yet. I'm Evan." He offered her his hand. Jessica shook it nervously. "Now then, would you say you have a large soul or a smaller one? We have to get it into the right bag, you know." He showed her two burlap sacks. Jessica frowned in confusion.

"Well, c'mon, which is it?" Evan persisted.

"I'm not sure..I don't know.." Jessica answered truthfully. Just then, a large van came tearing up the alley, and it stopped right behind Jessica, grabbed her, and hauled her into the van, and slammed the side door. It screeched out and around the corner, leaving Evan and his burlap bags empty and muddy.

Little did Jessica know, the van people were probably more dangerous than Evan. They were nuns.

The nun in the front passenger seat turned around. "Are you alright? I'm glad we got you in time."

Jessica frowned warily. She didn't trust anyone anymore... expecially nuns with bleached hair and little goatees.

"My name's Ted" said the bearded nun. "And the sisters who picked you up are Sister Lotus and Sister Ali. They're sisters."

"Um... you said that..." said Jessica.

Ali laughed. "No, we're actually sisters. Blood sisters. And the driver there is Charlie."

Lotus said seriously "You're lucky we got you away from Evan in time. He's involved with a dangerous group of soul-stealing rebels. They bombed the commune we were living in last fall. But we will get our revenge on them, oh yes..."

"Be quiet" said Charlie, who had be silent up til now. "We don't even know if she's trustworthy."

"I won't betray you!" said Jessica hotly. She already liked and trusted these nuns. "You saved my life. I would do anything for you!"

Ali and Lotus looked at each other. "Really?" said Ali. Lotus said "There actually is something you could do....."

Jessica shifted nervously. "There is?" she asked. Lotus looked at Ted, who nodded. Lotus spoke. "There is...we need you to kidnap Heather to prove your loyalty."

Jessica gulped. She loved Heather... but on the other hand these people had saved her from a fate worse than death... "Alright." she said. "I'll do it... You'll see I'm loyal!"

"You must seal it with a kiss," said Ali, and suddenly they were smooching.

It was a kiss out of a fairy tale. Jessica thought she was falling in love.

Suddenly the van started shaking. Ali and Jessica pulled apart, gasping. The front mirror was covered in what looked like...

"..starfish?" Lotus said, bewildered. Suddenly, a high pitched maniacal laugh rang in their ears. Charlie yanked on the steering wheel, and the van bumped it's way blindly, over what seemed like several large animals, a few grocery carts, and maybe a vegetable garden or two.

They could still hear Evan's laughter, like a horrible nightmare that won't go away after you've woken up. Ali and Jessica looked at each other nervously. Ali reached for Jessica's hand.

A loud squelching noise began. The starfish were moving.

"What are they trying to do?" Lotus shrieked, enraged.

"Turn over the car" said Evan's voice, pausing the laughter. "oh see their legs? see how none of them have any algae or anything on them? each one has thousands of these little clipper things that they use to cut themselves free of all of the junk that tries to attach..."

Ali and Jessica looked at each other, their eyes wide and terrified now. Lotus was wincing. Charlie had his ears covered. Jessica looked at Ali, her newborn love for her making her brave. She sat up straight. "EVAN!" She screamed. But Evan just smiled gleefully as he watched the starfish work. Suddenly the van tipped on it's side and Jessica, who had had a strange enough day already, fainted.

The first thing she saw when she came too was Ali's face. But in truth Ali was no where to be seen and neither were Ted or Lotus or Charlie.

"Hmmm..." thought Jessica. "Where in heavens name am I?" She thought she saw a movment out of her left eye but when she turned there was no one.

"What are you doing here Jess?" asked a high pitched girls voice.

Jessica spun around and saw Heather seated on a porch swing hanging from the ceiling of the porch where no porch had been only seconds ago. To top it all off the swing was covered in fuzzy purple carpeting six inches deep. Heather was wearing her alien-giggly-bobbers and looking at Jessica quizically.

"Remember your promise" sang Ali's voice in her head and Jessica felt sick. How could she kidnap Heather? But how could she disobey that gorgeous voice? She swallowed.

"Choices choices choices" she thoguht to her self. "Why did I get involved in this NBTSC/Wiki crowd anyway?"

"Do you really want to answer?" asked a voice and Jessica saw a tallish woman with frizzy brown hair and red high heels hovering in the air in front of her.

Without thinking she nodded.

Suddenly she was picked up by a strong wind and was blown upside down, as if someone was holding her feet, through a long black tunnel.

"It is a long story" the woman said "But it begins here"

And she launched into the tale.

"You see Jessica," the tallish woman said in a melodic voice, "The NBTSC crowd has become twisted, and ruthless, always fighting each other, stealing souls, becoming NUNS of all things, and well, I won't even get into what they're doing with cucumbers. Some blame this constant struggle between campers on Ryland (well, he is God, and God can stir up a mess of trouble if he likes), some on Ted. He's the leader of the nuns by the way. But no one knows exactly why this group of inseprable friends got torn apart. Except me."

Jessica's head was spinning. And it wasn't from the tale she was hearing. Hanging upside down in a long black tunnel tends to make you a tad uncomfortable. She thought she was about to pass out. And she hadn't done that since that one wild night in Sherwood forest with that strangely sexy fox.

"The cause of all this strife is........Jake."

Jake? Jessica had heard only wild rumors about Jake. Most of them she discredited, like the one where he actually woke up in the morning and did annoying wake up calls. But she was certain that the rumor about all the human toes he ate was true. She'd seen far too many unschoolers with only 9 toes not to believe that something had happened to them. The last anyone had heard of Jake, he was off in the wilds of Alaska dying polar bears pink, and torturing them with bannana peels. So how could he be the cause of all the weirdness that was happeneing with the NBTSC'ers?

"Jake has been plotting the downfall of NBTSC for years." The lady said. "He has been brainwashing campers in their sleep every night to get them to turn against each other. And you, having never gone to camp, are the only one who can stop him. Here's what you must do."

Jessica vision was going blurry, and before she could tell the lady she wasn't well, she blanked out.

When she awoke, she was lying on a grassy knoll, and a very soft one at that she realized, it would make a good bed. Her thoughts drifted to Ali slowly, but then she saw a faint image of the tall lady.

"Don't forget what you must do to defeat Jake. You are our only hope." she said mistily.

"Don't go!" Jessica yelled, but it was too late. Now what was she going to do? She plopped down on the grass in despair.

"Hello Jessica." came a smoothly sexy voice.

Jessica whipped around. A tallish guy, with black hair and dark eyes stepped out onto the knoll, knotting up Jessica's stomach. All thoughts of Ali vanished without a trace.

"My name is Jake. I'm so glad to meet you at last."

Jessica looked Jake up and down. He must have some sinister plot to seduce me. Cradle Robber! she thought. Jessica took a step back.

"At last? What have you heard about me?" Jessica said, trying to hide the trembling in her voice.

"Enough." Jake stepped forward and reached out for her hand, and as soon as he grabbed it, she was under his spell.

But suddenly, just as he started to lead her to his beat up paddy wagon, three fairies landed in front of them. Jessica instantly recognized them as Becky, Franny, and Fiona. Jake tried to hide Jessica under his coat, but in vain, for they seized her and flew upwards with Jessica before Jake could say, "I'm evil!"

Jessica was amazed at how she suddenly sprouted pixie wings and was flying away with them.

Suddenly Jessica started feeling lousy. Like, really, really lousy. She looked down at where Fiona had jabbed an IV into her arm and pumped some wierd make-you-feel-lousy drug into her. "Wha...?"

Fiona smirked in a way that made her look an awful lot like Morpheus (aka Laurence Fishburne), and said "That's what happens when you try to steal my Paprika, bitch."

Jessica felt very puzzled. She tried to say "Paprika? What Paprika? I don't even use spices in my food!" but she passed out instead.

She came to suddenly, just like as if a lightening bolt had zapped through her brain. Although, usually lightning bolts make you pass out, not wake up. Nonetheless, she woke up fast.

Jessica tried to move her head, and found that she was apparently almost entirely numb. But she managed to use the weight of her head to turn it. She noticed that she was hanging by her hands from a wall. She looked at the person staring at her intently, and began to worry when the person niether blinked nor said anything.

"Oh, heh, sorry. I guess I'm staring, right? It's just I'm not used to being able to see many people down here, y'know?"

Jessica narrowed her eyes. "Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Ali?"

"Uh...heh heh!" was all the person, who, if you're wondering why I insist on calling the person "the person" versus "he" or "she," was so dirty it made it impossible to tell what sex the person was, would say.

Jess started growling. Slowly, the growl got louder and louder, until it rumbled through the very rock. Small chunks of it started falling, hitting the person on the nose and making the person sneeze.

"Ok! Ok! Sheesh. No need to get so bossy. My name is........." the person paused, looking anxious to have Jessica get the right reaction. Unfortunately, she was less concerned at the moment with what the person's name was as with the odor that appeared to be drifting towards her from the person. "Well, actually," the person said with an embarrassed air, "my name, that is, the one i was born with...well, here's the problem, I have you know, um. Amnesia! That's it! Well, I have it. And I can only remember my name when ...that person and...that other person and...the third person who have us stuck here say it to me. And then I can remember just dandy. But um. So that's the problem. I'm sorry. Currently I have no idea if we're enemies because I don't even know if you're me or I'm you or if we share the same name and if that's a good enough reason to be enemies or not. Y'know?"

"you mean...." jess could suddenly feel her head pounding.

"You mean....I get carried off by these freaky pixies and I wake up and I'm not Jessica anymore?" her voice started to sound slightly hysterical. "You mean that you could be Jessica and I'm...I'm no one?"

Person shrugged. It could be.

"But how do I figure out who I am?"

"You ask them" Person shrugged again

"Freaky pixie trio?" Jessica said as she raised one eyebrow, a trick she had finally mastered.

She was just about to ask when they would be back when she heard a buzzy noise and three voices arguing loudly. The FPT (freaky pixie trio) landed on the wall and ignored Jessica and Person while continuing their argument in little screechy voices.

"What are you arguing about?!" Jess screamed at the top of her lungs.

"She started it!" fiona yelled.

"No. She did!" Franny yelled back.

"What someone started......" Becky said "is...is....add here