Once Upon A Noam

Noam waited patiently, hidden by the tall potted plant, tranquilizer gun in hand. "Ah ha!" he thought, as the perfect specimen walked by. He looked around the busy mall, to see if anyone was watching. No one was. He took his aim, and fired. His target dropped to the ground, unconcious. Noam quickly dragged the unconcious person back behind the plant, where he got a good look at her face for the first time. It was Marina! Noam was shocked. He hadn't seen Marina in years, not since she started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Those nuns had changed her alright. But this was no time to think about the past. This was a perfect oppertunity to spy on those nuns! If she was still hanging out with them, which he was pretty sure she was. Marina started to stir, so Noam quickly put the radio collar on her, and got out of that mall before she woke up.

Noam started walking straight to headquarters, because he knew the boss would want to be told right away about what had just happened. They had been looking for a way to spy on the nuns for years. But the nuns had covered their tracks much too well. This was the perfect chance. "I'm sure to get a promotion for this." Noam thought, quickening his pace.

But when he got to headquarters, everyone was out having pizza! Quite rude of them, and dangerous, given the circumstances. But he wasn't hungry anyway, so he stashed the body in the infirmary. She's started to wake up on the way, but he gave her a good dose of sedative and all was well. Suddenly, in the eerie silence, the payphone in the hallway started ringing. Noam jumped, and then walked towards it carefully. He picked it up:

"Hello?"

It was Agent E. Otherwise known as Eire. She had been out of commission for about a year, and he wondered what would make her call here again. But he soon found out.

"I know this is hard to believe, Noam, but you've just got to listen. See, I have these dolls stashed away in a trunk in the closet, and um... one of them decided to take a cruise to Victoria and now all the others are rebelling.. and man! I don't know what to do!"

"Is there a defect in their chemical complex?", asked Noam. Logical as always, even in the face of great chaos.

"I dunno, man! Dolls aren't supposed to be walking around and talking and especially not taking cruises to the other side of the continent! It's just wrong. So... I have to ask you a favor. Could you pick her up at the border? She's not human, so she probably won't get across, and I don't want to lose her to the grisly hands of the border patrol. Her name's Kathleen, not to be confused with the other Kathleen, who is also at large..."

"I don't know, Eireann," said Noam. "I have so many other duties, there's a lot going on here. Why is a doll so important?"

"That's what they said about the nuns, too! And look where that got you!"

"But, um, give me time. I gotta think about this..."

"Please, Noam!", pleaded Eire. "Pretty please with a cookie on top?"

There was only silence on line, and then Noam let out a great big angry yelp, and then shouted to the rooftops:

"Never give a geek a cookie!!!!! Ever!!!"

Eireann felt his wrath, but was unfazed. He could practically see the raised eyebrow and shrug of her shoulders on the other line.

"Well, okay," she acknowledged. "Just do as I say, and treat yourself to a nice hot bath and some tea. You sound like you need it. And I promise there will be a nice reward at the end of this ordeal."

The line clicked, and all sound became dead. Noam smiled. He went to the cafeteria and got some good, strong coffee and sat down at the computer. He skimmed through some coding, casually, and decided he was glad to have the place to himself. Here, alone, he could feel like the king he knew he was meant to be. Imagining his minions, he chuckled: "I shall call him... Minnie me..." [1]

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[1] I actually dreamed up this story! Literally.