Once Upon A Ruth

The Moose touched its wet nose to Ruth's Cheek, as if to say thank you for pulling the CD out of her ear. Ruth patted him on the head and thought about the day she had ahead, lonely work now that Robyn was gone. She remembered the nights spent in Mohave, the curtains drawn tight and the stars as big as .. well .. the moose...Those were the good ol' days before the moose stole her CD's and Robyn started talking in rhyme......

Ruth flopped on her bed for her last five minutes of freedom and put the CD (taken back from Moose) in the CD player.

"what is this?" she asked after a moment.

the CD was....no...it couldn't be. but yes. It was talking to her!

"Run away Ruth. Don't go near the convent. Go to the mountains. Oh. And one more thing. The Moose is...not who you think her is."

Ruth sighed. She was sick of all of the things about convents and mooses and mountains. She was sick of mountains. She was sick of everything. The world seemed to have lost it's luster and all she wanted was the ability to run her life the way she saw fit.

She grumped and sighed and finally flopped down on her couch with a bowl of microwave popcorn to watch the Matrix. She slowly realized that she wasn't alone...

She turned and saw that yes, it was true! Making microwave popcorn had invoked the spirit of Charlie!!

She blacked out.

When she awoke, Ruth discovered herself in what could only be explained as a badly filmed McDonalds commercial. Clownish looking people, scarily resembling "Ronald" were dancing about her, shouting about magic and happy meals.

Ruth freaked out. She ran and tried to find some place to hide, but there was no place to go! The dancing Ronalds slowly closed in on poor Ruth, and she was certain she would die. She heard sad little squeaks and glanced over, only to notice that there was a little girl sitting slumped over on the floor, with red and white facepaint smeared into a makeshift ronald face. The ronalds had obviously been torturing her.

Ruth was about the scream when she heard a huge "BOOOOOOM!" come from somewhere behind the millions of Ronalds. The Ronalds parted and Ruth saw whom she could only guess was their master...

CHARLIE!

Cherlie walked up to ruth and said: "Now that we have you where you can listen to us without running away, we are going to explain something to you. Ted and the nuns are all looking for wilfred the pickle. if ted gets it, he will use it to inflate his ego to the bursting point, and if that happens, he will be able to take over the world, which as everyone know's is everyone's goal. However, ryland is also hot on the trail of wilfred, and he gets a hold of it...." Cherlie shuddered and sort of went into convulsions, and all the ronalds shrank back at the thought of ryland being reunited with the unwilling wilfred. "this mcdonalds", charlie continued "is the base of our secret operation. here we have a few of ourmembers. Ronalds, unmask yourselves". victor, marina and kathleen took off their ronalds masks and hugged ruth. The bad chocolate moose we sent you was only to get you here. you're safe now. Ruth was not happy about this. alhough she was rather sick of hearing about the nuns, any other organiztion sounded just as bad to her. And then there was the tortured ronald.... so she decided to fake happiness, then escape in the night.

That night before they would let Ruth go to sleep they made Ruth eat an Egg McMuffin, a large order of fries and a cup of... Well they called it coffee. Lucky for her Ruth had learned some slight of hand tricks and all the 'food' endded up in the cash registaer instead. They finaly let Ruth go to sleep after singing the ronald McDonald song to her 9 times. After everyone else fell assleep Ruth picked her way out of the ball pit slid down a couple of slides and snuck out of the drive thru window. Ruth was so tired of hearing about the nuns, and wilfred the pickle and all the other crazy things she had been hearing she decided to run away to the mountains and live there all by herself exept for her dog and her horse. So she packed a bag with pixie stix, A few good books, a change of socks and a henna tattoo kit and left. She found a cozy little old cabin that had no walls but the roof was still good and dragged in a stump to use for a chair and another for a table and then set her books on the table to make it look more homey. Seince it was now about dawn she decided to take a nap and look for wood to close the sides of the house later. She knew it would be a long day because she had to rebuild the cabin, find something to eat and re-invent fire seince she didn't grab any matches. Add.....