Once Upon A Shippy

Sheriff Shippy "Sharp-Shooter" Smith wiped the sweat off her forehead and urged her horse onward, keeping her eyes open for bushwhackers. She and her posse had been chasing the same gang of troublemakers for nearly a week, and the trail was still hot. The sheriff had a feeling that today just might be the day they caught up with the outlaws.

Near as anyone could tell, the gang had formed about a month ago. The ringleaders were the Loyd Brothers, Charlie ("Chicken Lips") and Peter ("Poodle Thief"). Chicken Lips, the elder of the two, had abandoned a promising career in typography to become the most notorious train robber in the West. Poodle Thief, of course, was well-known as a dognapper. Their flunkies included, among others, Tessa Walker (aka "Tessa the Terrible"), Robyn Hauck ("Rotten Robyn"), Lotus "the Lizard" Lofgren, and Mitchell "Moose Breath" Hahn-Branson. Sheriff Shippy had been asked to help hunt them down because everyone knew she was the rootin'est, tootin'est, ass-kickin'est gal on the prairie. Her hand was fast and her aim was true. Everyone knew she was the woman for the job.

But there was a problem. A big ol' capital-P Problem, to be exact. Chicken Lips was not only guilty of the theft of millions of dollars' worth of gold, silver, and blueberries; he had also stolen the heart of Sheriff Shippy. She had kept her forbidden love for this dangerous scoundrel a secret from everyone, including, until recently, herself. But she didn't know just how much longer she could keep this seething, burning love under wraps. Even though she had sworn to stop the Loyd Brothers Gang at any cost, deep down, in her heart of hearts, she wondered whether she could pull the trigger if it came down to that.

Suddenly her sharp proboscus caught a scent of something that was definitely not from around there. It almost smelled like... a moose. The only creature around those parts that had ever been known to smell like a moose was Moose Breath Hahn-Branson. She signaled her posse to slow down and stop, then sidled over to her deputy, Kat "Killer" Ernst... add