Once Upon An Ari

"Once upon a time, in a faraway land..." Wait, stop the presses, hold it! This isn't going to be another run of the mill story, is it? I mean c'mon, how unoriginal!

Alrighty than... Once upon a time Ari woke up, and realized he had absolutely no clue where he was, or why on earth he was handcuffed to the door handle of a bright metalic blue volkswagon bug, probably a '01 one model thought Ari to himself. Hey! wait a sec, doesn't Jadzia own one of these? Just as Ari was starting to get his bearings, the front door of the car opened, and in tumbled Carrie, Raina, Franny, Jessica, and..... Jadzia. I knew it! thought Ari. "Well Ari, have you decided to comply with our demands yet?" asked Jadzia who was attempting to act tough, but failing miserably. "No never!" said Ari who was laughing his head off at Jadiza's attempt at sterness. "C'mon guys, why doncha just uncuff me, and we can talk about this like rational, sane unschoolers". That last poppyseed cookie must have effected his reasoning... thought Jessica. I mean just using the words rational and sane in the same sentence as unschoolers is just plain ridiculus! Franny stepped out of the car, and closer to Ari. "Whats there to talk about anyway, eh? We all know it was you, we know what you did, and as soon as we bring you to Ryland, were going to get some answers!"

After a long drive from san francisco to menomonie, wisconsin, in a very cramed small bug they all pulled into ryland's driveway. Ryland was standing in the cucumber patch with his legs slightly spread in a menacing way. As the struggling rick go dragged closer to ryland's imposing frame, he saw that ryland was straddling the stump of a cucumber plant. Ryland pointed down between his feet at the stump of the cucumber and frowned. "I understand your sister is involved with Charlie's anti nun group. They have something I greatly desire, I'm sure you know what." Ari thought hard. This must have something to do with wilfred the cucumber, the very one that ryland had grown and had let all of his wood and metal working skill flow into, along with a lot of other things. "My sister" stammered Ari, "is at home. Just yesterday she was in the video store to rent the matrix. I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen....." Ryland snorted. "I'm not talking about the matrix. The matrix is small beans compared with Wilfred the cucumber!" Ari continued: "Then she went to the store to get some microwave popcorn..." microwave. popcorn. CHARLIE! Rylands mind was racing so fast rick could hear it whirr, and he could hear rylands thoughts. Ryland grinned now. "Ah, I see, you had nothing to do with this. Ruth got summoned by charlie through the microwave. This makes things simpler." (Little did ryland know that at this very moment ruth was esaping from the midden McDonalds base where charlie had taken her) Ryland was in a good mood now and invited Rick up to his workshop to show Ari his latest motorcycle.

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