Playing With Telemarketers

Come on... we all know how much fun it is to play mind games with telemarketers... go ahead and post things you've done/want to do/ would never have the guts to do.... -JessicaSkater

Whenever they ask for Mr. or Mrs. Robinson (my mother kept her last name of Summers), I know it's a telemarketer, so I tell them that they either died, don't live here, or that 'daddy left us three years ago- thank you for opening up that wound.' and start sniffling... the responses I get are really quite amusing.

My grandma and grandpa have two lines- one of which is unlisted, so whenever the unlisted phone rings, he answers it 'This is 911. Please state the nature of your emergency' and 9 times out of 10, someone will respond- quite startled, and apologize or hang up. He also answers the phone 'hello' and waits one second, and if they don't answer right away, then he hangs up - because y' know how they have those machines that make sure that a real person answers? He knows it'll be a telemarketer, and he doesn't want to talk to them.

One of my mom and dad's friends asked a telemarketer who called about carpet cleaning 'Oh, good. Can you get blood stains out of furniture?'

There are so many more ways that I, or other people I know, have tortured telemarketers, but I actually don't have time to list them all right now- but go ahead and post yours! -JessicaSkater

Ok... I'm, adding more now...

When some people called to try and sell us fire insurance, mom said that we didn't need any. They asked if we had any, and she said no, and he told her that if we didn't have any, we needed some. She said we didn't, so he asked if we had any rugs or carpeting.. she said no. He asked if we had any pillows or furniture, and she said no. He asked if we had electricity and she said no. He asked if we wore clothes, and she said no. Finally, he gave up... not too bright, though...

Or when they ask you how you're doing, say thank you for asking. I've had a horrible last couple of days. My wife/husband left me, my garage burned down, my mom died, and my cat ran away... I thought no one cared- oh, also... -continue on in that manner until they hang up on you, or until you run out of horrible things to say happened to you -JessicaSkater

I had an interesting experience with a telemarketer who was selling cell phones once. I told him I didn't like cell phones when he asked me if I wanted to buy one. "So, you don't like cell phones?"

"No."

"Me either. I'm just selling them. It's my job."

My family has laughed about that one for years.

-Fuzzhead

I'd love to come up with more witty things to say to telemarketers when they call (usually it's the New Haven newspaper trying to get us to subscribe) Then again, though, my dad was a telemarketer for a long time, so I know what it'd be like to have a job like that. Yuck! Anyway, be as entertaining as possible because chances are they are bored to death... but don't be too mean because they're just trying to earn some money.

 ~Eryn

they are required to give you their busness address, no matter what they say to get out of giveing it to you, they still have to give it over, then once you get it, tell them that all calls to this number are billed $10 per minute, it can be bes to give this as an answer to why you need their address, and once you perfect telling people this, and get a nice long call, you send out your bill. (note, if you do not tell them that they are being charged, you can not charge them, and you should keep track of how much time you spend talking to them, becuase that is all you can bill them for, and keep the bill resonable, for if it is to big, it would be cheaper to pay their lawers, then to pay you)

About four years ago, I answered the phone to a plasticky voice, "Hello, this is AT&T, can I speak to the 'man of the house'?" My parents were busy.

"It's your turn to get it," Dad said.

"No, it's yours," said Mom.

"Dylan, it's for you," Dad called to my brother. He was 4 years old.

"Hullo?" Mom, Dad, Lindsay (my sister), Rosie, and I were all hovered over him, waiting to see what would happen.

"What'd they say, Dylan? What'd they say?"

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and dial your operator."

We all burst into laughter. Good job, Dyl. Good riddance.

-Melissa

hahaha when telemarketers call i speak polish. it's hilarious. try this one even if you don't speak polish. -kimbelry, who can't seem to spell her own name today