OneOneFiftyOne who i have become cries more much and bruises too easily and narrows her eyes with anger she found trying to ignore and escape you -ali, written quickly because franban asked her to OneOneFiftyTwo easily you wipe tears from so far away and i have gone from the taste of guitar strings to bouncing because you believed. -franny OneOneFiftyThree you wipe tears from the eyes of the hearts you've broken and you touch my salt-stained skin in redemption for the light you took from my eyes and i kissed the mouth that said the words that stained my skin with salt and i ate the words for you because failing was never your style -ali OneOneFiftyFour broken i have dissappeared to heal again then fall again wipe my knees again smile again at who? you wish i'd tell and someday i will when i'm ready to go away and hide without anyone coming to find me and pretending they understand pretend their words will affect and heal me. in truth they are lemon juice (and sugar!) -franny OneOneFiftyFive as you smile again i can't help but remember how much you loved me because i made you feel so much better then you where. as i see her kissing you i see her glow and melt then i watch you lap her energy up like a kitten enjoying milk. i know it wont last because i see past your fancy moves and fench kisses. as i see you watch me tie my hiking boots up you actuly reolise i'm no longer yours.
OneOneFiftySix because i see past your fancy moves i don't believe your "i'll always be here for you" because you saw me at my weakest point i don't know if i can bare my heart to you again my fingers almost dialed your number today but my meddling brain kept getting in the way "what would you do?" "what would you say?" my hands almost wrote you a letter today almost told you secrets almost let you /really/ in but my analytical mind wouldn't allow it up close and personal things have changed although i can't quite place it was it you, or i? silly girl, you know what you want but can you do it? will you say it? silly little princess, wheres your nerve?
OneOneFiftySeven my fingers almost dialed your number today but i discovered i'd forgotten it and i didn't want to go upstairs and get my book where it was written in pen. my fingers missed you today because you took my hand on a day in january and it wasn't cold but i needed warmpth and my fingers cried. i forgot your number today and so i didn't know for a long time where you were or where you were going and why. you passed me on the street and i stuffed my hands in my pockets. -franny OneOneFiveEight In January, snow fell. Now what remains is hard and dirty, not soft and white as it once was. It's warm outside, yet we stay indoors, waiting quietly while the day passes us by. Days passing so quickly now and soon they will be gone. Gone as fast as snow in summer. ~Qetyria~ OneOneFiveNine as fast as i've said i love you i have to say i'm sorry and with that i wipe out your past and face my future. -franny 1160 I have to say I'm sorry it's been coming for a while, you know I'm sorry for wasting years waiting for you to look in my direction just a glance from you would have sent me through the roof and you knew it yet you still didn't bother to look sometimes I think you purposely kept your head turned the other way so that your eyes wouldn't accidentally come to rest on me because that would have made me happy and you're only worried about yourself as long as you've got girls hanging off of your arms you're happy who cares how they feel you'll kick 'em around until they stop coming back but there are always more to replace the ones that grow minds of their own and realize that you're not worth wasting any time on I'm just sorry that it took me so long to realize that for myself What makes me mad is that now that I'm happy you're trying make me "come back" so what the hell took so long? You missed your chance to speak up about two years ago and all I really have to say to you now is Too Fucking Bad
1161 who cares how they feel the faceless mass i see around me revelling in their weaknesses they cry & i can see the thought of another sunset without you turning me into this drizzly day dripping saline rain turning salt into sorrow & then it's forgotten & then it's gone.
1162 turning salt into sorrow lapping up tears like raindrops smiling through glistening tears pretending to be alright you have to wonder though when is enough enough? lalalalalalalalalala lapping up teardrops like rain smiling through the fog because you are alright even if it only seems that way at 1am singing in the sunrise...
OneOneSixThree enough? ok. i'm gone already you can try to imagine me back but i will turn upside down and it will not look right. that's your fault because it isn't mine you say i always do this. i smile. -franny OneOneSixFour i'm gone already yet i'm still always there in the spaces between reality between coming and going i am there in the past i'm already there waiting for the spinning of the earth the dance of time and space to catch up with me i'm already there in the next time i say goodbye and i walk away without collapsing cuz i'm already there in the time after that when i say hello again i smile because somewhere somewhen in this wayward world you exist and that's enough for me because right now it has to be it's all i've got Jauss OneOneSixFive in the time after we say goodbye, again after we say hello and after whatever happens, happens I will stare out the bus window and I think I will smile after I hurt, or don't after I see your smile in the dark again You have become part of me, of my Past another reason to cross that line in a PowerShuffle, something else to think about when I'm lonely In the Now, lonely, I think about you and wonder about hello, and goodbye and what will happen before the next hello
1166 in the dark again i try & i don't forget i close my eyes & bite my lip trying to hear your voice trying to remember what i saw when i was blinded & i dialed the number i listened to the intruding ring in the dark again i saw everytime we said goodbye again & last night i wanted the silken caress of spring grass on my legs forget your troubles because we're all lost today.
1167 we're all lost today
which means we're all together
when you know where
you're going, you don't need anyone else.
we're all lost today
which means we'll find something
we weren't looking for. when you know
what you're looking for, you forget
to watch for new solutions.
think I'll get lost today
and learn something new
(who is very tired) 1168 you're going, you don't need anyone else. you walked away, you never looked back you turned at the corner, & you never saw the tear in his eye nor the hand he clenched into a fist wishing he had your heart wrapped in it like a birthday present he bought for himself one to look at now & then like some prized possession everybody's looking over their shoulder but you walk forward & your gaze it never wavers.
1169 like a birthday present he bought for himself and then gave away he doles out pieces of his soul. for keeps, he says, Take care of this. and he only did it because he thought it was the only thing of value he had to give. but value's one of those things, that saying about treasure and garbage forgets only one thing: compost. and so even if his tresures were well guarded they decomposed. and you know souls - they grow slow. so he's left with pices hacked out and empty hands and empty friends, pleading for forgiveness and another piece.
1170 to give & then to take you thought it was just another season with night falling on the horizon you look & there's nothing there so we're waiting on the ocean to remember we're waiting on the evening air to remind us & then maybe you can walk away & maybe then i can let go tonight we can curl up in a bed turn off all the lights & i can see you true & you can see me whole.
OneOneSevenOne i can see you true to everything you ever thought then regretted then thought again i can see you remember them with a smile because in the end it was right and people stared. you didn't care it was really what you'd looked for the whole time until that and so much more was yours and where then would your smiles shift to? -franny 1172 ImPerfectAletyS remember them with a smile then fuck em all if they stand in your way. remember him with a kiss that was the perfect langth thats how love is suposto be played. its played like love darts not body checks. remember me? that imperfiec lass who has bad spelling and a that funny way of puting depression? remember me and my imperfectalety still stumbling over my new found roots remember her with her perfect poetry with nice crips captlised i's and nice indented lines that call out "forget by blood and pain because i forgot to loved myself today"
OneOneSevenThree with her perfect poetry she will love you always but with her mind she might forget. -franny OneOneSevenFour She will love you always With gifts trinkets
emotional overtures
I sit with loose-fitting socks and short jeans
wondering what that love holds for me
It opens like a treasure chest deserted by pirates on some anicent
island
And what do I find? A poem, socks, and some akward words
I wouldn't trade this treasure for anything.
OneOneSevenFive i sit with the beat inside of me and i can't write because my body moves and my fingers can't keep up. life is just a game i say to you, and you get frustrated (i know you do) because you think that i mean there are winners and losers and life is not lost, (i am told reproachfully). and i say watch me win. life is a game like life is a dance and life is aching for rocks to scramble and new love and the sound of old laughter and life is a dance like life is a game and i am going to dance my life away dizzy with the music the ache the laughter.
OneOneSevenSix life is a dance a series of perfect twirls around and around and back around. life is my dance to stand on tiptoes and see over the top. -franny One1Seven7 life is my dance so I'll dance my rage and my love and my fear and my hope it's a wild drumbeat an uneven rhythm of smiles and laughter and tears and sorrow my feet are callused from dancing across the sharp rocks of the what-ifs and the should-I-or-will-yous and the if-onlys the misspoken words and the tangled meanings and miscommunications it takes a while to find the rhythm and where you belong in it but once it's found it's as natural as breathing
OneOneSevenEight natural as breathing this writing this typing just clack clack clack away make sure you're listening to good music that makes your fingers pound in unconscious rhythym make sure you never stop never stop typing never stop typing never stop thinking never stop breathing because once it stops the wheel stops the rat stops and the cat attacks and then you'll have the time to catch your breath but your breath has been caught and that's the end of you.
OneOneSevenNine make sure you're listening to good music when the phoenix rises again you'll want to remember that sing and dance to it the anthem of fire and gold leave your keys in an unexpected place for an unconventional person to stumble upon and open the door of the castle in the sky which you too often forget is still waiting there through the darkness, beyond the morning beyond the mourning, through the light remember that ladders go everywhere one step at a time and the farther you go is the longer back again (unless you're the type to go base jumping off the grand canyon) but bridges are always there somewhere between the platforms you just have to find them you just have to reach them and then the fun begins so make sure you're listening to good music when the phoenix rises again Jauss ElevenEighty When the phoenix rises again, you'd better be prepared. My time is coming after the dark and the pain. The earth shakes with the forgotten memories. And now the rain is pouring down at night and my breath hovers with the dark earth's song of rebirth. Winter plays in my head at dawn, and only you are in my head at night, but there is a cavern of lava in my stomach, and it eats my heart's whisperings before they reach my lips. Don't you know it's darkest just before the dawn?
1181 before they reach my lips they touch every part every crevice of my thoughts they hover in the chambers of my heart trusting in my strength to guide them they float to the center where i doubt everything the most & ask over & over again is this the right thing to say? before they can ever reach my lips i have already dismissed them & started again.
float away from every chain-like obligation today you needed laziness. but instead you proceeded to indulge and atrophy set in. give me something uncommon, loves some kind of color to fight against the blurring edges when all you can see is the way gray would make all things romantic. I would do a lot today for my throat to embrace mellow jazz soothing, twinkling at a microphone lights and the moon. perfume across a lake i'd give up a lot of me to be drunk right now forgetting and ignoring those obligations that float around my eyebrows.
OneOnetyAteToo some kind of color some kind of light thats all i need to get by. all i need is just some light colours to make me smie again. thats all i've ever needed hunnypie so please lend me a light of somekind
OneOneEightThree make me smile again (smiles) make me sit up and notice how long i've been waiting for this. then i will appreciate it fully and live it fuller (you always have, she says) then i will dissolve and puddles will follow (oh but shimmering puddles) and this this will pay. -franny OneOneEightFour This will pay, For all the times I bitched at him, I think as I draw the blade across my flesh. This will pay, For the 'physical argument' my brothers got into today, I think as my knife pierces my skin again and again. The blood seeps freely down my leg, A deep beautiful red. This will pay, For the trouble I cause my mother, (I can still hear her crying) This will pay, For my broken heart, And for everyone elses. This will pay, For every child who's every gone hungry, For every woman who's ever been raped, And for any other person who's every been beaten, or otherwise abused, For their race, gender, religion, sexual preference, Or for just walking on the wrong fucking part of the grass. My life, will pay for the world. OneOneEightyFive this will pay because in your mind its all my fault you lost i won did you really think i wanted it to end like this? loss or gain it didn't matter to me i never thought it would end like this nobody ever asked me "what do you want?" they all assumed and they assumed WRONG maybe i'm not pretty enough maybe i'm not talented enough maybe you like /her/ or /him/ more i don't fucking care anymore don't care if you don't think i'm good enough don't care anymore what /they/ think because "its my life".
OneOneATESix its all my fault so just point your boney fingers and laugh send little peces of paper i won't ask. kick up your heals and call out at Me, the pritty lost girl with no where to flee.
OneOneEightSeven the pretty lost girl with no past to speak of every day she starts again and i help her as much as i can but sometimes she gets stuck and i can't get near without breaking my fingers because, you know even when she's calling for help, damn is she gorgeous -franny ElevenEightyEight Start again with your unfinished conversations, your unfair way of making my heart beat too fast. For the first time now I don't fear you, no I say No thanks. You say Oh ok, and go on with your next tangent and I type that I smile and I think this doesn't feel like a new beginning in spite of not talking to you for two months, and who knows how long before that; in spite of the nights I cried wishing your arms were around me and the nights I cried wishing they never had been. I remember hugging you, I do You always made me feel safe and comfortable and loved and warm and I remember lying in your arms desperately, knowing you were asleep relaxing only when you turned over like I knew you would That night was an end, and tonight was a beginning. I said, I'd rather not. I still don't know what will happen next because you have always made me feel safe and comfortable and loved and warm and I refuse to relax into your arms anymore, I refuse to trust what has fallen beneath me, I refuse to keep leaning on you when you were always walking away. So yes we can be friends, yes we are friends, yes we should talk more and no, I will not love you, even if you say you wouldn't mind. bravely,
ElevenEightyNine Wishing your arms were around me, pale moonbeam arms to sing silent symphonies to me when I can't go to sleep for thinking of you. There is a lightness that sometimes overtakes me, a feathery rush in my chest, heart like a stone skipped across water, knowing exhilirating, deep-down, you'll be beside me soon, and I'll hear light caressing whispers in my ear where now there's only the echoing night, and sleep soft as velvet shadows against the warmth of your gently breathing chest.
1190 when i can't go to sleep i dont bother trying anymore and i don't bother talking it out solving things has lost it's appeal. i don't mean to be angsty i just can't help not liking you. and no, you don't get it and no, don't bother trying to get it i am tired of your antics all the time trying to fix whats wrong when you don't realize that what's wrong is you. and you don't change, you just get worse. and at 2am when i can't sleep i can't stop complaining to myself, about how much i know i'll regret thinking this in the morning.
1191 i'll regret thinking this, because i know what you think of my thinkings. i think you think i need help but i disagree because; because i'm ready to be free. i'll regret saying this, because i know what you say about my sayings you say that i'm saying that i'm just another wanna-be who wants to be a wanna-be but when i looked you in the eyes and made your pritty face melt you knew the was no lies traped in my poetry i'll regret feeling this, because i know how you feel about my feelings. i saw you last night night hiding behind your whine glass mummbling to your Mr. superman what a fuck up that gal is because she knows the ancwer to her everything.
OneOneNineTwo hiding behind your wine glass lord we just drank from the bottle you see yourself reflected in what you think is my shallow cup and babe, i want to tell you that the reason i let that happen is because i don't want you to see just how deep you run in me darling, we never knew each others skin, bundled up in so many clothes but once it started your skin tingles from the inside out the corners get shaved off of your smiles and your vision melts and just being there was enough hiding behind the bottle, like a cartoon character can hide behind a stick hiding underneath jackets and beanies and i couldn't care less what was exposed next.
you couldn't tell what i was about and i wondered how hard you were willing to look it was almost funny the way i walked away so stylishly did you see, did you notice? i admit to making you look at me it was so easy to run a hand through my hair my hair that fascinated you, the fact that it was red and you weren't used to red hair but you never made a muscle move to touch me and i didn't waste an extra breath trying to lure you in you belonged to everyone else that night and we never knew each other's skin and we would never get inside another word my words belonged to me and every hand you laid on every grain of wooden floor and every inch of fabric was yours and my heart stretched, trying to allow you to hurt me a little longer see, you had everything but you won't have me --Landis I forgot to number that, damn. That was OneOneNineThree. OneOneNine4 you had everything except, in your mind, beauty you scrutinized your reflection picking over every flaw while I sat there crying silent tears for you crying tears for the beauty that you simply refused to see and you cried, too you cried for the beauty that you believed you didn't posses you cried for the "perfection" of the faces staring up at you from the pages of your magazines and it killed me but when you looked at me I had to smile at you because even when your cheeks were streaked with tears I couldn't find a single flaw
OneOneNineFive crying tears for the beauty you had then lost then had again. you remember when you were halfway in you body and it held you together but just barely and you wanted to hide in your clothes because people could see you. you thought you were out of proportion and no one was there to say that you were growing up. jeans out grown and you tried to fit into the and keep your hipless slimness and stay in a shape tht can be deffined in a sentance and be symetrical (not that you really were) and now you've grown back in and mirrors don't scare you when you're in your room getting dressed with your door half open and pants half on you aren't scared if you catch a glimps of yourself belly sucked in only slightly because your jeans still bother you sometimes you think you should look different in this culture where no one appreciates stomachs and it's hard for people to say 'you're beautiful' even if it's needed you're beautiful though even if i don't say it and i guess i'll have to beleive that i am too. i'm trying. -franny (hesitantly) OneOneNineSix belly sucked in only slightly because we internalize everything; joy, envy, disappointment, amusement, pain, we suck all of these in so they aren't outwardly revealed calm, composed, back straight, head up are your shoulders down? ah, the very smile of reason! see how she carries herself, floating The only thing that shows is ribs slightly expanded and a belly retreating in shame struggling to touch each vertebrae in a long line of spine OneOneNineSeven long line of spine as stright as this road of mine i've strayed so often out of choice but full of fear of pain that lay waiting so near to my heart. try as you might (and you do) it's neevr enough to keep me from curiosity because i've often imagined i was a cat in an apartment and the idea of spending myl ife on the windowsill observing the heads of people below drove me out of my mind and then the door and building and city until i was lost but happily and with nothing but shoes to my name and even those were hardly mine but just a fragment of what my life used to be and that life isn't mine anymore so neither are these shoes. -franny 1198 as stright as this road i may seem to your sleepy eyes but there is a curve up ahead that i disapeered at curving spining loopy and came out queer. i use to walk the straigh girl walk were purple was just purple pink was just pink and rainbows were just speical things after rainstorms. now somthing changed when i was 15 maybe it's from when i was small and was droped a few to maney times or i kept licking electrict outlets when i was old enough to know better or i fugered out that girls actualy kiss better in my eyes i useto be straight old white now i'm as gay as a rainbow and happy as a poet
1199 something changed when i was 15 something inside that normal people have shattered and i was shredded by the edges inside myself and ran raw and bleeding to a place far, far away from myself... 1200 to a place far, far away from myself... were dyke isn't slang make up is war paint and black is happy. to a place far, far away when you can flash your grated up wrists lift up your eyes and not run away and say i hurt myself todayNBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1 times, last edited on February 27, 2002 by fiona@nbtsc.org. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
