So yea. Sometime's I write all the time, and sometimes I don't write at all. But it's my thoughts. and my fears. and randomness. and pieces of me. and pieces of the things that surround me.Some are super old, some are brand spankin' new.they'll be added slowly but surely.You can bitch about my opinions, tell me you love them, whatever. it's up to you. we'll see how this turns out, yo. Love---rachel Body Slam.
Toll not paid.
Please give money.
will help people.
Body Slam.
You don't know.
Who I am.
I know.
Who you are.
Body Slam.
My nightmares are happy.
Yours are scary.
Body Slam.
I don't know.
Who I am.
Tranquilize my soul.
It needs to stop it's incessant beating of care.
I stop myself before I smash my head,
but not before I do some damage.
I cannot stop my mind from thinking of the endless
possibilities between you.
bring out the colours in my eyes for yesterday I couldn't make
myself shine enough to celebrate the excitement.
Do not leave me here, I am dependent on someone, and it might be you.
You argue for the sake of needing someone to prove your intensity to
It's sad when you are the last person that will listen.
Tranquilize my soul.
It needs to stop it's incessent beating of care.
intoxicate appreciate the way words and sounds relate i feel my fate scratched up on slate i wait to hate elaborate extrapolate intertwine my soul refined mind i need to plead read my lips it rips my hand bounce like a rubber band i stand stru to my words you heard reflection direction stopdontwontcant listen anymore the floor runs in circles with me i see the way it will be grow like a tree reject my defect it's not my fault my heart is in a vault i double my trouble by staying subtle discreet theres a sheet i could try and die but no i dont want to go im a kid and i have a life to live this shit if making me confused youll still lose your mind in time im old and cold and not so bold i am told hypnotize realize i sacrifice myself to you its true i try and hide not let you see my other side i lock up my hope i hope it floats your boat i wrote a letter saying i love you its true i dropped a chain because of the pain that drains i dont know if it is true but... i trust that lust will make and break take my hand stand a chance i glance your way you stay gray fingers i linger a trickle of nickel it jumps appreciate fascinate can you relate? They tell me i dont listen i cry because i have changed rearranged my tangled mangled rectangled shapeless mind i find that you could make me blind if you tried.....derive survive strive on my displeasure my notion of emotion kills you its true my shoes tells the story of glory back when people gave a damn bam reality hits me the shock of the harsh world it twirls i dont believ it happened unwrap me from myself put me on a shelf like a doll its fall bright light make me want to fight ill bite i write to tell you i fell i see it well red fiend trends blend with friends corrupt disrupt i hit my head on your bed its red from the blood i tried to lite i couldntishouldntiwouldnt traitor...relate retract relaz the traits blend i send a message psychic try to show the way fairies live thimble rumble and tumble jumble my brain it rains of shame i blame myself. 12/19/00 ivory bones lay slightly askew in the world too harsh. i can't handle you. you feel, and dare to question. dare to ask why. to wonder why the stars are bright and how the moon can stay
and where the sun goes
to ask why i feel this way. and what love could possibly mean. to taste me, like i am not other and forget about the past. to smell the sugar inside my veins i love you like no other. 12/19/00 my fingers are a little loose tonight i am a little bit of seperation a small barrier between my mind i fear it's growing larger. my skin is rubbing thin the holes let in a little light can you see me? i hope not. maybe your eyelids are closed. for inside me. i am bruised. i am pink. i am open to comments. i am susceptable to pain. and unfortanatly, i am willing to change for you. not so fortunate... changing for you. you are not a good way to be. you do not help my situation. we feed off our anger diminish our passions and sing about slowly melting burning
slowly sliding
away from the inside me closer to the you you portray
closer to the image i glorify
further from the thoughts that are predominate further from the lies i tell myself close to being another. close to being together. rolling warm through the streets in a subtly deprived city being part of the beauty. reflecting the blistering sun. i'm coming closer to me. 12/24/00 i am a little bit numb. for i am loosing a piece of my wonder. it's christmas eve. and... i don't feel as warm. the lights aren't as bright... and my eyes burn from the tears. maybe i'm building up my letting go but i can't grasp this feeling and the cookies are burning and i'm singing radiohead and i'm slowly burning out. i feel insecure and i hope. i can get warm again. 1/8/00 slow beats reverberate in the back on my mind undone my nakedness thrown your image somewhere sticky it's here to stay. she has her pain to make her passion he has his voice to build his alter whats inside me? what connects me to you nothing such a similar world so seen in my eyes nothing noone never the letter n has this biting burning tingle in it to me too present in my mind flowing like her seductive words off his heart he grasps for me in this selfish uncaring fucked up life in my wonderland of bloody smiles of apple hearts chewed down to the core of smoke rings and bubbles blissthis is what i see when i close my tears so the tears well up as cotton candy when the salt is so flavourful hitting my pink lonely lips when my hands are running up and down the window pane waiting for the snow drops to bring the burn much desired much craved missed wanted for whatever is being torn at bleeds very slowly heartand your eyes let me see................... yes you care with hard fingers and a warm belly far away. 1/9/00 these sheets all lay with my internal blood from the deep down crevices that i dare to let him feel that i try and not hold you away from the kind that are warm and moist and if you mold them into your mind they bleed for years and my blankets are so cold tonight because there is no rushing blood in my body to keep them warm there is no movement in my soul for your vacuum sucked me mouth and i hope you keep them cube inside you like blocks of ice............ i havent had time to breath and at night i come home and the same daily events use all of me that can be called energy and i'm left to the low moan of my anthem and my salty sparkly tears rolling thru the crevices of my face gently burning my dry skin and sometimes i say the pleasure of pain is comforting and why because it makes me realize that i have some good to do at least to soak up my tears and make enough mistakes that others learn not what to do. lets go burn our tongues on hot chocolate, baby. lets turn this into a metaphorical song of their bond. push me aside? universal society never lets you breath1/17/01 typewriters and pavilions Underlying feelings yeah they can tell a damn good story they can let you in on a lot of things in the third sense if you know what i mean when the late night drug stores are just another manifestation and all your dreams have sunken too low and your eyes are closed shut with the yellow feelings the training to be human is long and rough but you've got what it takes.... or so he says that the stars are really bright in your eyes yeah these shapes kind of remind me of a geometry class i once took the way your limbs fit together is kind of like clay scored and marked scored and marked.... scored and marked. so you leave behind a little piece of you with every one i hold on a little to tight until the need for passion is so burning the...... late night cold shuddering bones beneath all the blankets and screams all my layers of fat could be burned away i'd be left with a little mess i tell you im a messand you disregard it as if it doesnt matter just because you are worse off because any day now she might be gone and you'd be left shaking and alone vulnerable in any high light place with your scars exposed to all these corporate american middle aged men wtheir minds full of medicine and jets and tell me now what are you going to sya with your butched up hair in any form any minfestation of blood.... one of those colours that
that makes those corporate american men bleedmakes them see beauty in the passing moments and the fleeting glances in the body too small in the hands too big in the butched up hair in any manifestation of bloody. in any phrase of lyric or moan that could possibly hold a connotation that could possibly trigger this wonderfully abusive feeling we really crave alone. for its the way to be i mean it got him somewhere it got him the compassion froma thousand billion militant minds sucking on their hard candy and contemplating late night sex scams and those mommas with their babies on the streets with no way to pull out of it with no double meanings i tell you there is no yes or no it is susceptable to noones opinion how many timesdo i have to say they are aloneand they have all these harsh expressionless beautiful faces to tell them you know jesus doesnt love you and good luck putting food in that babys belly and if only he was my child you wouldnt corrupt him this way and tell me you know what it feels like to have nothing but jelly and some stale bread and to be told lady you know it's never going to look up and the cracks will keep tripping you and it will never stop if you don't take you own life into those dry old hands of yours if you dont put an end to this insanity before it kills you and leaves these marks for you children to be stuck in you if you listen to what those people who are heartless who cant imagine tears if you listen to what they say
you will never stop crying
goddammit didnt i tell you beauty couldnt be bought? stop crying. 1/24/01 someone choke me rid me of this world because i keep being told baby cant handle reality girl can't take responsibility and they have all this ability denied to me to let it go. but it sticks in deep in me and it's not letting go and there is so much hurt supressedand my ankles burn from the snow. i'm sorry i'm not young and beautiful i'm sorry i'm not the one for you i'm sorry i can't be here forever i'm sorry i hurt you so much i'm sorry i never do good i'm sorry that somehow this is always my fault i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry 1/31/01 tonight feels particulary inconsistent it's just one of those mental trips that does a body no good when the kind of things that make you feel are kind of lacking and my indecision is pulsing and my fear is taking over taking over taking over taking over and my biggest fear might be to not feel to not care to not think to be lacking passion void of person to not be me. and lately i think all these outside sources might be altering my insides and my organs might be changing like the blinking lights all these blinking light from houses and telephones and hearts saying i'm alive i'm alive feel me breathe feel me breathe and i think a lot of things stand out and why do we feel empathy empty so superman triggers wings and thoughts trigger emotions and emotions monopolize our reactions and i've got this image of angelic silver buildings and it's crumbling down. the stablization is crumpling under the pain under the stresses of humanity under the sticky bun metaphors. under the fire drills and the shrill shrill love. i fall for sharp. and glass pieces soft in my pink feet.
with the puddle i leave as i walk.
when i leave i walk very slowly. with intention and a big lack of large feelings. and you can only watch me run once i'm open. once i'm under the passion. once i've forgotten the pain. there is a place and time in this world toss me a little insight tonight let me know why our bonds were broken why our rings and chokers we wore so tight were broken why when my heart is vulnerable why when i'm pulsing why when you say you love me you broke me. maybe you've got some pent up anger some turmoil boiling like water welling like tears i'm not made of china so find some little porcelin bitch and break her it would take a lot less time and a lot less skin and i don't mind it when i'm laying on you and your heart skips a beat like an old record and i'm feeling kind of fake made of popping peanuts or styrofoam all these holes and gaps of air really cheezy rap inspires me let's go to hell. at least it is warm there. where beauty is passion and passion is flames and typewriters come in quarter machines full of pennies and scripts someone write me up a play and tell me how i live my life because this quick sand is slowly sucking me in and all the irony is turning my into jello my bone marrow turning to dust i'm turning out. rachel: this last poem on here is so beautiful. it makes me hold my breathe and want to walk through empty streets and night and have a good cry. but beautifully. i love it (and you)~sarah(your sister) "are you a poet?" "no." "do you write poems?" "yeah." "so you're a poet." "no." "but i thought you said you write poems." "I do." i love you, rachel compton!! Hola. This is another Rachael. Call me Rae, so we dont get confused. RAE
NBTSWikiWiki | Recent ChangesEdited 17 times, last edited on May 8, 2001 by ::ffff:209.233.238.201. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
wb
