Robyn's Play

BRIAR BEAUTY WHITE, OR: THE PRINCE WITH DAINTY FEET

Scenery is loose at best; use a table and/or chairs for everything. Scene One opens with KING and QUEEN huddled over baby doll wrapped in cloth. The NARRATOR stands in front of the scene, looking grand and narrator-like.

 NARRATOR: Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom a long time ago...  there
lived a king and queen who were extremely happy all the time, at least in a
superficial sense. They had prayed for a child for many years, and finally
their wishes had come true.
 KING: Oh, what a sweet little girl!
 QUEEN: Yes, such beauty! What white skin! What a perfect complexion! Such
lovely eyes!
 KING: And exceptionally tiny feet, too!

They continue to exclaim over the baby quietly while the NARRATOR keeps talking.

 NARRATOR: The father was so proud of his beautiful daughter that he had
invited all the local fairies to her christening, in the hope that they
would be so enchanted by her that they would bestow blessings on her. He had
of course neglected to invite the wicked fairy of the land, thinking that
she wouldn’t know of the princess’s birth. Amazingly this tactic worked. You
never can tell in fairy tales. But the princess was still in for some
problems....
 (the FAIRIES enter the room. There are three of them. They walk up to the
KING and QUEEN.)
 FIRST FAIRY: Oh, what a beautiful child! She looks just like our fair
Queen. And such pretty feet! Of course she should be blessed! She will be
kind and gentle and gracious, and it will be impossible for anyone not to
love her!
 SECOND FAIRY: My, my, she certainly looks intelligent. You parents must be
so proud. I will bless her also.... She shall have good mathematical
abilities, and will learn the ways of the stars, and...
 KING: Um, wait. I don’t think that’s entirely appropriate for a princess...
	 
 SECOND FAIRY: Oh, fine. She’ll also be a good needlepointer. Happy?
 SECOND FAIRY looks disgruntled. The THIRD FAIRY is about to step up, but
suddenly the QUEEN speaks up.
 QUEEN: you all think this kid is so great. And that’s wonderful.  But my
magic mirror says this girl is going to be awful! Horrible! Plus more
beautiful than me! And I have magical abilities none of you ever knew about!
Ah ha ha! So I’ll “bless” her too! When the girl is not sixteen, she will
DIE from hypothermia! And d’ya know how she’ll get it?! FROM SLEEPING IN THE
CINDERS AH HA HA HA HA.... 
 (The QUEEN falls over dead)
 ALL TOGETHER: Oh dear.
 THIRD FAIRY: Well, at least I haven’t given my gift yet. That queen
certainly had an imagination. Well. But I can lessen the spell. She won’t
die, she’ll only fall asleep for one hundred years.
 KING: Sleeping in the ashes? Won’t she mess up her clothes?
 THIRD FAIRY: Well, yes, but it’s the best I can do.
 KING: Oh. Well, I suppose that’s good enough.
 THIRD FAIRY looks disgruntled. The FAIRIES exit, and the KING picks  up the
baby and carries her off. After everyone else has left, the QUEEN gets up
and leaves too. The NARRATOR continues.
 NARRATOR: As might be expected, the beautiful princess grew up.  The KING
tried his best to keep her away from the royal math tutors and scholars, and
so the good fairy’s gifts went to waste for the most part. 
 (Enter PRINCESS. She sits down and begins to ‘sew’.)
 NARRATOR: She was, however, an exceptionally good needlepointer.
 (Enter KING. He walks over to PRINCESS.)
 KING: Well, Briar Beauty White, what are you making today?
 BRIAR BEAUTY WHITE: Oh father, they’re slippers!
 KING: They’ll look lovely on those adorable feet!
 BRIAR: Mm-hmm (going back to her sewing.)  (Turning to audience) (Whispers)
Don’t you think this foot thing is a little odd?
 (The KING strides off. BRIAR continues to sita quietly and leaves after a
minute while the NARRATOR speaks.)
 NARRATOR: As Briar Beauty White’s 16th birthday approached, the King did
what he could to prevent the spell from beginning. First he tried burning
down all the fireplaces so she couldn’t sleep in them, but not only did he
discover that fireplaces weren’t flammable, he also created more ashes
attempting to burn them down. He at last had to be satisfied with piling
blankets all over every hearth in the kingdom. Then, a Really Unfortunate
Thing happened. The King was called away on urgent business (he had to go
play cards with the neighboring king to get his underwear back) on the very
night of the princess’s birthday! 
 (PRINCESS and KING enter, talking loudly.)
 PRINCESS: But Daaaaaaaddy, why can’t you go to King Norbert’s another
night? It’s my birthday!
 KING: Baby, you know I wish I could stay. But it’s  imperative that I go
tonight. I have important business with the man!
 PRINCESS: (pouting) Well, okay. But hurry home!
 KING: I will, dear. (he hurries off)
 PRINCESS: (heading ‘upstairs’) Hey, that’s weird, the door to my bedroom is
locked. And that maid has already gone home for the night!
 (PRINCESS begins searching all over the ‘castle’ for a bed)
 NARRATOR: Mysteriously ( s/he snickers) every door was locked but the one
to the kitchen. The princess was unhappy (in background, PRINCESS sighs) but
she had no choice but to sleep in the kitchen, in the fireplace of course
because it was the warmest. 
 PRINCESS: (suddenly) Hey! I thought Dad went wacko a month ago and put
blankets in here!
 NARRATOR: (to audience) He had, but the cook took them home, thinking they
were a gift from the king. Who ever sleeps in a fireplace?
 PRINCESS: (sighs again) Well, fine. I’ll just sleep here.

(she lies down and goes to sleep. Soon she is shivering uncontrollably.)

 NARRATOR: Just goes to show you that you should never leave your cursed
teenagers alone at home. The princess unwittingly set off the curse, and she
would sleep for one hundred years cold as the dickens. (shakes head). The
third fairy had neglected to tell the king one vital detail, too. She had
set briars growing around the castle to keep intruders from waking the
princess too early. By the time the king got home...
 (KING walks in) KING: Hey! What the hell! (he stomps around for a minute)
Oh well. At least she’s safe. Now I can finish my card game.  (Exit KING) 
 NARRATOR: (rolls eyes) What a shining example of a caring parent. Well, I
guess it doesn’t matter anyway. By the time the one hundred years have gone
by, the king is stone dead. Old age, you know. So is everyone else Briar
Beauty White knew, but that’s the way of it when you’re an enchanted
princess. Eventually, word got around about the gorgeous royal chick with
these amazingly small feet asleep in her own castle. It helped that whoever
married her was going to inherit the castle too because the king had
croaked... but hopefully the princess was a good enough lure on her own. One
day, a dashing, daring, courageous, and yes of course noble prince rode up
to the castle.
 PRINCE: (“rides” up to the castle) Ho ho ho , another day, another princess
to rescue! Really, this area is just crawling with them. Last week I saved a
girl who was trapped in a glass coffin, who was thought dead because of a
poisoned apple! I tell you, the world gets zanier every day! That’s why I’ve
started my own company – Rescues and Revenge, Inc! As of yet, it’s all
freelance, and I kind of have to assume payment because most of my clients
are enchanted or dead..... but it’s interesting work, at least! And today,
I’ve found yet another lovely girl in need of help!
 (PRINCE dashes up to castle and hacks his way through the ‘briars’. He
begins to search the castle.)
 NARRATOR: Our heroic prince dashed all over the castle looking for Briar
Beauty White. He first looked in all the tall towers and deep dark dungeons,
but finding no princess...
 (PRINCE scratches his head)
 NARRATOR:.... he began to search in more... unconventional places. 
 PRINCE: Now where the devil is this girl? She’s a crafty one... wait, the
kitchen door is open! Huh. I wonder if this is her. She’s wearing awfully
dirty clothing. (leans over and examines princess) Oh wait. Look at her
feet. Feet like these belong only to a fair princess! Well, here goes... (He
pops a breath mint, and then kisses her heroically)
 (The PRINCESS begins to blink and sit up slowly.)
 PRINCE: Ah ha ha! There you are, my lovely! My, my, you certainly are a
catch! I think I’ll marry you immediately!
 PRINCESS (Sitting up): Hey, wait just a gosh darn minute! Who are you? Brr,
I’m cold. Did you ask my dad if you could marry me? Heck, did you ask me? 
 PRINCE (looking surprised): Well.... Well you were enchanted, my fair
lady... lady...
 PRINCESS: Briar Beauty White.
 PRINCE: Ah. Briar Beauty Rose. Anyway, you were cursed to sleep until a
handsome prince woke you... and I came through here (he waves behind him)
and... and... rescued you!
 PRINCESS: Oh. Well, that was nice of you. I suppose you think that means
you’re entitled to marry me now. Well, I won’t have it. I’ve been bossed
around since the moment I was born.
 PRINCE: Bur your Highness, that’s only natural for a princess.
 PRINCESS (Sneers): Oh yeah, huh? Natural, huh? I’ll give you natural! Get a
load of –this-! (She raises her arms high and brings them down suddenly.
There are loud noises and everyone falls down.)
 NARRATOR: Now it is time for Act II. Princess Briar Beauty White knew that
her predicament, like all other princess’s stories, was not ‘natural’. She
had had plenty of time to think it over while she was asleep, and having
inherited her mother’s magical abilities, she decided to teach the young
prince what her ‘natural’ condition was like. Thus.....
 (The KING and QUEEN come back on stage, again huddled over a baby doll
wrapped in cloth. The NARRATOR stands in front of the scene, looking grand
and narrator-like.)
 NARRATOR: Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom a long time ago that yet
somehow seemed familiar...  there lived a king and queen who were extremely
happy all the time, at least in a superficial sense. They had prayed for a
child for many years, and finally their wishes had come true.
 QUEEN: Oh, what a sweet little boy!
 KING: Yes, such beauty! What white skin! What a perfect complexion! Such
lovely eyes!
 QUEEN: And exceptionally tiny feet, too!

They continue to exclaim over the baby quietly while the NARRATOR keeps talking.

 NARRATOR: The mother was so proud of her beautiful son that she had invited
all the local fairies to his christening, in the hope that they would be so
enchanted by him that they would bestow blessings on him. She had of course
neglected to invite the wicked fairy of the land, thinking that she wouldn’t
know of the prince’s birth. Amazingly this tactic worked. You never can tell
in fairy tales. But the prince still had problems...
 (the FAIRIES enter the room. There are three of them. They walk up to the
KING and QUEEN.)
 FIRST FAIRY: Oh, what a beautiful child! He looks just like our fair King.
And such pretty feet! Of course he should be blessed! He will be kind and
gentle and gracious, and it will be impossible for anyone not to love him!
 SECOND FAIRY: My, my, he certainly looks intelligent. You parents must be
so proud. I will bless him also.... he shall have good mathematical
abilities, and will learn the ways of the stars, and...
 QUEEN: Um, wait. I don’t think that’s entirely appropriate for a prince...
	 
 SECOND FAIRY: Oh, fine. He’ll also be good at needlepoint. Happy?
 SECOND FAIRY looks disgruntled. The THIRD FAIRY is about to step up, but
suddenly the KING speaks up.
 KING: You all think this kid is so great. And that’s wonderful.  But my
magic mirror says this boy is going to be awful! Horrible! Plus more
beautiful than me! And I have magical abilities none of you ever knew about!
Ah ha ha! So I’ll “bless” him too! When the boy is not sixteen, he will DIE
from hypothermia! And d’ya know how he’ll get it?! FROM SLEEPING IN THE
CINDERS AH HA HA HA HA.... 
 (The KING falls over dead)
 ALL TOGETHER: Oh dear.
 THIRD FAIRY: Well, at least I haven’t given my gift yet. That king
certainly had an imagination. Well. But I can lessen the spell. He won’t
die, he’ll only fall asleep for one hundred years.
 QUEEN: Sleeping in the ashes? Won’t he mess up his clothes?
 THIRD FAIRY: Well, yes, but it’s the best I can do.
 QUEEN: Oh. Well, I suppose that’s good enough.
 THIRD FAIRY looks disgruntled. The FAIRIES exit, and the QUEEN picks up the
baby and carries him off. After everyone else has left, the KING gets up and
leaves too. The NARRATOR continues.
 NARRATOR: As might be expected, the beautiful prince grew up.  The Queen
tried her best to keep him away from the royal math tutors and scholars, and
so the good fairy’s gifts went to waste for the most part. 
 (Enter PRINCE. He sits down and begins to ‘sew’.)
 NARRATOR: He was, however, exceptionally good at needlepoint.
 (Enter QUEEN. He walks over to PRINCE.)
 QUEEN: Well, Sleeping Snow Rose, what are you making today?
 SLEEPING SNOW ROSE: Oh mother, they’re slippers!
 QUEEN: They’ll look lovely on those adorable feet!
 ROSE: Mm-hmm (going back to his sewing.)  (Turning to audience) (Whispers)
Don’t you think this foot thing is a little odd?
 (The QUEEN strides off. ROSE waits a moment and then quietly leaves while
the NARRATOR speaks.)
 NARRATOR: As Sleeping Snow Rose’s 16th birthday approached, the Queen did
what she could to prevent the spell from beginning. First she tried burning
down all the fireplaces so he couldn’t sleep in them, but not only did she
discover that fireplaces weren’t flammable, she also created more ashes
attempting to burn them down. She at last had to be satisfied with piling
blankets all over every hearth in the kingdom. Then, a Really Unfortunate
Thing happened. The Queen was called away on urgent business (she had to go
play cards with the neighboring queen to get her underwear back) on the very
night of the prince’s birthday! 
 (PRINCE and QUEEN enter, talking loudly.)
 PRINCE: But Moooooommy, why can’t you go to Queen Norberta’s another night?
It’s my birthday!
 QUEEN: Baby, you know I wish I could stay. But it’s imperative that I go
tonight. I have important business with the woman!
 PRINCE: (pouting) Well, okay. But hurry home!
 QUEEN: I will, dear. (she hurries off)
 PRINCE: (heading ‘upstairs’) Hey, that’s weird, the door to my bedroom is
locked. And that maid has already gone home for the night!
 (PRINCE begins searching all over the ‘castle’ for a bed)
 NARRATOR: Mysteriously ( s/he snickers) every door was locked but the one
to the kitchen. The prince was unhappy (in background, PRINCE sighs) but he
had no choice but to sleep in the kitchen, in the fireplace of course
because it was the warmest. 
 PRINCE: (suddenly) Hey! I thought Mom went wacko a month ago and put
blankets in here!
 NARRATOR: (to audience) She had, but the cook took them home, thinking they
were a gift from the queen. Who ever sleeps in a fireplace?
 PRINCE: (sighs again) Well, fine. I’ll just sleep here.
 (he lies down and goes to sleep. Soon he is shivering uncontrollably.) 
 NARRATOR: Just goes to show you that you should never leave your cursed
teenagers alone at home. The prince unwittingly set off the curse, and he
would sleep for one hundred years cold as the dickens. (shakes head). The
third fairy had neglected to tell the queen one vital detail, too. She had
set briars growing around the castle to keep intruders from waking the
prince too early. By the time the queen got home...
 (QUEEN walks in) QUEEN: Hey! What the hell! (she stomps around for a
minute) Oh well. At least he’s safe. Now I can finish my card game.   (Exit
QUEEN) 
 NARRATOR: (rolls eyes) What a shining example of a caring parent. Well, I
guess it doesn’t matter anyway. By the time the one hundred years have gone
by, the queen is stone dead. Old age, you know. So is everyone else Sleeping
Snow Rose knew, but that’s the way of it when you’re an enchanted prince.
Eventually, word got around about the gorgeous royal dude with these
amazingly small feet asleep in his own castle. It helped that whoever
married him was going to inherit the castle too because the queen had
croaked... but hopefully the prince was a good enough lure on his own. One
day, a dashing, daring, courageous, and yes of course noble princess rode up
to the castle.
 PRINCESS: (“rides” up to the castle) Ho ho ho , another day, another prince
to rescue! Really, this area is just crawling with them. Last week I saved a
boy who was trapped in a glass coffin, who was thought dead because of a
poisoned apple! I tell you, the world gets zanier every day! That’s why I’ve
started my own company – Rescues and Revenge, Inc! As of yet, it’s all
freelance, and I kind of have to assume payment because most of my clients
are enchanted or dead..... but it’s interesting work, at least! And today,
I’ve found yet another lovely boy in need of help!
 (PRINCESS dashes up to castle and hacks his way through the ‘briars’. She
begins to search the castle.)
 NARRATOR: Our heroic princess dashed all over the castle looking for
Sleeping Snow Rose. She first looked in all the tall towers and deep dark
dungeons, but finding no prince...
 (PRINCESS scratches her head)
 NARRATOR:.... she began to search in more... unconventional places. 
 PRINCESS: Now where the devil is this boy? He’s a crafty one... wait, the
kitchen door is open! Huh. I wonder if this is him. He’s wearing awfully
dirty clothing. (leans over and examines prince) Oh wait. Look at his feet.
Feet like these belong only to a fair prince! Well, here goes... (She pops a
breath mint, and then kisses him heroically)
 (The PRINCE begins to blink and sit up slowly.)
 PRINCESS: Ah ha ha! There you are, my lovely! My, my, you certainly are a
catch! I think I’ll marry you immediately!
 PRINCE (Sitting up): My hero! Thank you so much for saving me from that
awful spell!
 PRINCESS (gallantly): Why it’s no trouble at all, my lord. Now it’s off to
the chapel!
 PRINCE: Yippee!!
 (They dash out happily)
 NARRATOR: (looks after them) And they all lived happily ever after, or at
least until the next gender evolution. The end.

OOOOOOOOOOhh!!!!!!!!! ROBYN! Have I ever mention your crazy?! I loved it! Write more plays PLEASE!!

Ruth (who) enjoyed that emensly