Shy Or More Than Shy

Do you freeze up in crowds? Do you get dizzy and feel your palms sweating and your heart racing? Do you want to pass out? Do you run away? Do you give short answers when you're alone with strangers and end up killing the conversation? Do you fail socially almost on purpose? What about paranoia? Do you see everyone laughing at you and picking apart everyone move you make? Are you afraid to speak? Or afraid to shut up?

I wish I could think of a better title, but anyway... I don't think there's a page here to discuss shyness and social phobia, which is weird because I can't be the only one, right? So yes, go ahead and post.

This is a neat idea for a discussion. I can be pretty shy sometimes, but it really depends on how I feel and whom I'm around. Sometimes I find myself saying the complete opposite of what I want to say because I'm nervous. And a lot of times I get nervous around new people for no reason at all! Weird. But I feel as though it's become less of a problem... With complete strangers, I feel like I can be friendly and helpful, like when I'm at work. It's just when I get introduced to people that I start thinking I'll embarass myself, and get so absorbed in those thoughts that I forget what I'm doing or saying. (But that is partially due to my sometimes short attention span.) And when I'm in a weird mood, like when I haven't had time to gather my thoughts for awhile, I tend to act shy or just plain strange.

But.. I know I'm not as horribly shy as some people. Asperger Syndrome (look it up on google or go to http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/) seems to run in my family, and so does bipolarity. So I have close relatives whom I've had to see struggle a lot in social situations a lot more than I've ever had to and enough to break your heart. (note: it's really important to look up Asperger's and other disabilities if you feel like your "shyness" is way more than just being shy. some of my relatives have taken medications that help them tremendously [and some have taken ones that help a little] but just educating yourself about it helps a lot. )

In a lot of ways, though, having relatives with these disabilities has made me wonder if I have them too, which has prompted much confusion. I've had to deal with my own "social anxieties" by myself, and I've come to find ways to help myself deal with these situations. I am not an extremely social person at all, so meeting new people doesn't happen very often. When I am going to meet new people, I try to prepare by just having time to gather my thoughts and be in a good mood. I guess that there are still quite a few things that I have to work through, but right now they don't feel urgent and I am considering what options I have to take care of them. Overall, I like people a lot, and my only real concern is that when I meet them or am around anyone I know, that I am presenting myself as the person I think I am, and not being dishonest or rude.

-Mari

I've always been shy. It used to be much worse than it is now- people who didn't spend more than an hour with me when I was little, for example, never heard me talk. My pediatrician didn't even know I could talk until my mother explained why I wasn't. I also used to be mildly anxious around people. That's gotten better in the past few years, but I'm still sort of shy and tense when meeting someone new.

I'm not good at keeping up conversation with people I've just met because my brain apparently stops working in that sort of situation. I can never think of much to say. I'm difficult to get to know because someone has to stick around for more than five minutes to get anything meaningful out of me. Many people aren't willing to do that, which I can't really blame them for.

I'm fine once I've gotten to know you and you've gotten to know me. Then I'm my normal self. But until it reaches that point, I tend to hold back on conversation, and not say what's on my mind. It's counterproductive, I know, so I'm trying to change. That doesn't happen overnight, though. -Katherine