Hey all! I thought I'd be brave and post some of my poetry on here. I would apriciate honest feedback. So without further ado: Only A Tree by Irina Paymer I stand all alone with hundreds around Cool wind on my limbs the only sound No way to move right or left Words spoken are swallowed as if all are deaf My body is stiff my hair is green Others stare at me like I'm a bad dream I try to stand up and fight for my rights They seem me as nothing "Unimportant" Not Quite! If I get too big and strong they cut me down Strip me of everything, make me part of their town I stand in this forest with all these voices Chattering around me declining my choices They treat me as if I am only a tree They wont let me move wont let me be free.~ December 21st 1999 Midnight Do I Belong by Irina Paymer Am I right wrong do I belong should I pretend or end send my heart away can I live for today or think of tomorrow which causes more sorrow If I am now will I somehow find the right left wrong do I belong in a song a poem a way of life am I right will I lose if I choose something uncommon if I win will I spin into the ground hear no sound will I be found? I go round and round turn upside down if I sing will it bring bliss or maybe I'll miss my path my way the right or will to play it's all looking gray what can I say? What should I do? It's all so new since I grew so how do I know which way to go whether I've made the right choice can you hear my voice? or am I well hidden somehow forbidden from the knowledge of who I am am I right wrong do I belong being who I am.~ Tuesday November 28th 2000 1:51p Invisible Words by Irina Paymer Words sit on the edge of my mind just barely out of reach they want to come out to teach what I've been taught the knowledge I have faught it all seems so vague and just wants to come out as rage so instead I turn the page trying to leave it all behind so I can possibly find a new place in the world for me.~ Tuesday January 2nd 2001 10:00am
Parkers Prairie, MN
This one is currently untitled, but I want to post it anyways: By Irina Paymer So what the fuck is this all about sometimes I just want to scream and shout I love you! I feel kinda upside down turned around by the way you see the world you mold it to fit you at the same time drowning frowning on lifes little imperfections but in your detections did you not see that those imperfections represent me and in your adoration could you not tell that just by your voice I completely fell for you or maybe it's the image you want me to see by believeing every word I hear but all that other shit the psychic little bit that's what I fear. Tuesday November 21st 2000 Train Station Blues by Irina Paymer Train pulls in there's only time for a brief goodbye and I ask myself why it always ends this way if only today it were different time would pause we could stay here holding you near forgetting the cold it's not important I should have told you how everything you do brings me to life I anticipate the night when I could hold you tight feel alright Waiting to hear your voice say something anything nothing make me laugh I want to take a photograph of how I feel so I cna look at it and remember all this was real give me time and I'll heal I don't want to though I don't want to let go I should have let you know but I didn't, couldn't say so so now you're gone our time apart will be so long so I'll write you a song to find where we belong am I completely wrong? Did you say what I thought? is that why your song brought what it brought? Or have I gone blind lost my mind misread your heart and mine yeah, I know I'll be fine but when we had to say goodbye I wanted, I broke down and cryed when I ask myself why all I get is regret and I try to define why I wish you could stay mine you're just so kind and I'm so afraid I won't find you ever again. Monday December 4th 2000 3am Staples, MN Train Station And now for some song lyrics.....this one is pretty new. Skin Me Alive (Chorus) Skin me alive I can still survive 'cause I can durive from what you say what you really mean You plan your way to save me for later when you need someone to fall back on I couldn't awake I just imagined there was too much at stake so I'd pretend you were more then just a friend (Chorus) I spent a day saying my goodbyes are you surprised at how time flys Open up your eyes it's time for you to finally realize and no longer pretend that we are ever even going to be friends (Chorus) <Bridge>Fuck all that your efforts too late the ball is out of the court I am no longer your sport I imagined you're so great but dreams arn't always real and you don't feel won't feel can't feel so fuck all that Repeat first verse (Chorus) Outro: You plan your way to save me for later when you need someone to fall back on Distance Distance so far away can’t see can’t touch but feeling so much so god damn much! The confusion of miles clouding shrouding feelings reeling from the strength of emotions of truth of honesty of connection refection of self in your eyes desguized by distance so far away so hard to say what’s in your eyes what’s in you what you feel so hard to make it real for me cause the distance is so hard to bear to feel that you care and know whats in me but I can’t see with you so far away so for now all I can do is say how much I love you. ~Irina Paymer Sunday February 25th 2001 3am i just spent the weekend doing a writing course so my head is full of words. your words are soo powerful though in their seeming confusion and almost despair. i feel your pain and the feelings as if they were mine (well, some of them are). i love you and i love your writing, ax'man Hey Sweetie.... This one really touched me.... I know this feeling so well. I don't know what to say... it's beautiful, just like you! : ) I miss & love you so much! ~Selena All The Same We watch while others captive captivated by their image on a small screen a dream to be them glamor fame it's all the same to me 'cause I want to be free the damage is caused and all we do is make aplause so pause and think of what it's like when you're on the brink remember remember the pain when it's all the same there is no cut no taking back and what you lack has nothing to do with the image on the screen thats only a dream a fantacy that fractured your reality and made you believe in glamor fame it's all the same to me 'cause I want to be free. ~irina paymer Thursday March 22nd 2001 10:37pm Just found this one in a note book I thought I'd lost....I really like it so I want to share. Rising Sun Rising sun spun from within a new begining life a way to move forward not forgetting the past memory will always last but forgiving it for all it's faults unlocking the vaults and setting free a new side of me nothing locked behind bars hidden behind clouds or held back I'll watch my own back only I can protect myself from another crack a surpise attack can cause sorrow but I choose to notice there's always tomorrow I no longer need to barrow your courage I have my own spun from the rising sun where I begun I begin again ~Irina Paymer Monday February 5th 2001 12:00am pacific Here's another cool one I found in my notebook: (note: it's so cool to find things that I wrote a while ago that I actually read over and am like "wow! I wrote that!") Through to the Otherside Boxed in boxed up surrounded you gain in the pain understanding strength sold out by trust confused by lust then amused by the consiquences so your defences drop stop and turn doesn't it burn to yearn so bad never glad for what you had always future never past let the pain last wallow swallow your tears close your ears ignore and indure no longer pure sure you don't deserve reserve a space for saddness shoving love out of your way forgetting to say afraid to find what's in their mind so please slowly pass through the glass onto into through to the otherside no longer hide no need to fear that others don't hold you dear. Wednesday February 2001 1:27am eastern This is new: I Wonder I wonder does it matter where I've been who I've met seen slept with I wonder will it change the future when it's past forgotten only a memory or is it really a scrape you can't escape won't heal something you'll always have to feel I wonder if you can't edit the past why it matters so importantly unwillingly burdend with guilt for things that are not wrong never have been will be can be though is it possible to know to predict the outcome I wonder does it matter where I've been the things I've seen heard written shown the world am I an example I wonder are we all examples placed here to teach eachother to help eachother find a little piece of mind or I wonder are we here to face our fears and be there to lean on when others have tears I wonder does it matter at all any of this ~Irina Paymer Friday April 6th 2001 12:53pm Mt Dora FL I may turn this one into a song: Beautiful Stranger This beautiful Stranger has me entranced taken by a glance a smile a glimps of style movement of lips and rips in jeans so perfectly natural in actual beauty in grace erasing my own memory of my pretty little self This beautiful stranger with so much natural power presance of peace has me entranced the glint of sunlight on hair of a gentle stare the gorgeous nature the radiating elation has me forgotten erasing my own memory of my pretty little self This beautiful stranger no need to have met just walk by makes me sigh an eye catching moment sends me into dreams the wonder of you beautiful stranger strange in your pretty way of moving erasing my memory of my pretty little self.~ Tuesday April 17th 2001 10:49pmNBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 23 times, last edited on March 1, 2002 by 128.226.4.85. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
