Thoughts On Jealousy

Okay Well I am a very Jealous person.. and I hate it.. but I thought this could possibly (?) be a good place for people to discuss what/who/why they are jealous and what problems it brings up.. or anything. yo. yea.mwah-Rachel

ways in which i am jealous;

• i hate couples. i'm not talking just annoying to be around, i'm saying i red-eyed-nostrils-flaring-fist-clenching-teeth-grinding hate couples.
• i personally believe in polyamory, but i can't stand it when someone is in a relationship with someone i'm stuck on. if i was in a relationship with them, i would probably not get so pissed about it, or jealous, or whatever, but when i'm not, & have probably a 10% chance of doing so, i get really really jealous.
• people who know who they are & what they want make me really really sad.
• people who can go out & talk to people & be extroverted & be honest & not be afraid that the person might be really annoyed by them.
• motivation. i want more of it dammit!
• happiness. see above.
• extroverts. 'nuff said.
• people who find it easy to take care of themselves, & don't have to force it upon themselves.

 i think my big issue is with couples. bah. i spit on them! there are very
few couples who i actually enjoy being around, & usually even then i'm
jealous of them. 

kat, who knows this is a pretty pointless post, but saves it anyway.

I used to think I wasn't a jealous person, but in the past year I've discovered that I AM in fact a very jealous person. I hate being jealous. Take my best friend for instance, he's my best friend, right? So that means it shouldn't make a difference if he talks/hangs out with other girls, right? WRONG. Everytime I see him talking to another girl, I get jealous. It's like what Ari said below, about how your heart does that twang jealous leap. Thats what I feel like, and I guess that scares me at times. I'm scared that I care so much about someone, and that they won't return those feelings, or if they do now, they won't continue to.I think jealousy DOES have a lot to do with self worth, and how you think of yourself. Because someone really secure in the knowledge that they matter to people, isn't going to be as jealous as someone who thinks that any minute their friends will drop 'em.

I think thats also one of the issues I need to deal with. I want soo badly to be a priority in someones life, to really matter more than anyone else, and I think before that's going to happen, I have to become a priority in my life, Also that I can make other people priorities in my life as well, and hopefully it'll become mutual. Anyway, those are my thoughts on jealousy for the moment. ~Jadzia

okay, here's a question for you all. Is it possible to be completely and totally inspired by someone, but not jealous? How about if they are really good at something you really wish you could do or be talented at, or appear to have a quality you don't know you will ever have? ~Rosie

I think it's definitely possible. Jessie O. said it best, I think, when we were talking this year at camp. She says that she's *glad* to be jealous of people, because it makes her realize what it is she hasn't done, where she needs to go next. Basically, jealously is frustration at unrealized potential. It's an amazing thing to stop and think about when that hot scared feeling rises in your chest... witchbaby

I've recently discovered that I am pretty jealous, too... there's a feeling when I see people spending time with someone I really love and I am not that moment, and I see it and... twang... my heart does this jealous leap. Now, ordianrily, I'd have thought of jealousy as a/bad/ thing, but I'm not su sure anymore. Every time it happens to me, it's like this instant reminder that I really love the person I'm jealous of. It's really an intense feeling, though, and kind of overwhelming.

I'm so mad.

I used to think I couldn't be jealous. Really. Seriously. I very rarely ever got jealous. It just wasn't something I was capable of. But now.. I don't know. It's just changed. I've found myself being jealous towards certain people a lot during the last year. What makes it even worse is that I don't do anything about it.. I just get mad with myself and try to force the emotion away. Which ends up in me being grumpy and then hurtful towards people (In particular those causing my jealousy)...

I hate jealousy SO much. Especcially when it's exhibted in me.

Zen

Heh. I can't believe I never posted here or even really noticed the existance of this page until now. How awfully silly of me. And now is a good time to stumble upon it because lately I've been drifting back and forth through the space of jealousy. I believe that all jealousy is based on insecurity and is therefore unnecessary and issues we all need to get out of our system.

Relationship-wise: You cannot control another person. You should not. You shouldn't be able to control who they see or where they go or what they do. We're all individuals. You wouldn't tell your friends, "You can only be friends with me and thats it," so why would you tell your lovers that? Which makes manogamy/closed relationships seem absurd, and jealousy an issue to get over and move on with.

Yet, though I know I believe that I must simply endure and learn from my jealousy and move on, I still find myself wanting to control people and situations, wanting to make sure that I am always the main concern in everyone's lives, etc.

Everyone feels this way. It's impossible to avoid in a world wherein people are taught that you must be either the only focus in someone's life, or you are nothing.

But how do we grow from our jealousy without letting it overpower and consume our lives, and without pushing it aside and slowly and silently allowing it to rot our self-esteem?

I don't have that much jealousy in general situations. I don't get overly jealous of my friends for their beauty, friends, lives, families, or posessions. I get somewhat jealous of their healthy relationships, but not in a truely overpowering manner. It's a mild aching jealousy that I get over fairly easily.

I get most jealous and insecure when it comes to my romantic/sexual relationships and crushes. I don't know how to handle not being The One while at the same time, I wouldn't know how to handle being The One anyway, because I'm still so young yet, and I know that I'm not ready to settle down.

I don't know. It's a frustrating situation.

Anyway, that's tonight's ramble on jealousy.

Peace and self-love,

-Jennyrose

I go to Metaphore Whores, and I'm jealous not more people have written about me. That other (popular) people get tons written about them... I get jealous when I see boys I like talking to girls they like... I get jealous when someone tells someone else that they are their best friend (which excludes me)... I'm jealous that my friends have fun without me... Jealousy is terrible. It's always there no matter what circumstance. -D

Hmmm... I don't know what to say, I don't know if this is where to say what I want to say. But somehow... I want approval from all of you on something I've been struggling with. But before I let myself write any of this, I have to emotionally give up that desire to have approval. Accept that you guys might not approve.

I struggle constantly with the fear of being the "overly controlling jealous girlfriend". I delight in the site of my boyfriend talking with other girls... because I know it makes him happy to be talking with people and hearing their opinions, but there's one girl who I'm not okay with. Not at all, really. She's a lesbian, so why should I worry, she says. But its not about sex or anything like that. Its the idea of this other person wanting to be involved with him... to have him available as her friend whenever.

And I can justify my thoughts... I can say, its not about jealousy at all. Its about trying to find the relationship I'll be happy in. If I want a long term relationship... then why let it develop bad habits now? I've watched to many people fall in love with the one they thought was "just a friend". I've been taught that when you're in a relationship, you don't have "close friends" of the opposite sex. You avoid being in situations where such friendships could develop. That's what I've been taught.

So where does any or all of this leave me? Struggling... wondering... talking, over and over again with my boyfriend about "the reoccuring issue". Because he's been taught its perfectly great for a person to have really close friends of any gender, even in a relationship... and when he's talked to others about my feelings on this, he's told that I'm just to "jealous and insecure".

Where's the connection between the two of them? What's the connection between being jealous and insecure. In some ways... if you're insecure about something, of course you're going to be jealous. May I ask though... who has ever been in a secure relationship? Even marriages of thirty years can break down. There's been people whom I've been constantly told are "perfect for each other" and wonderfully secure in their relationship.... and then the relationship ends suddenly. What's wrong with wanting to create habits and behaviors to protect the relationship?

But life shouldn't be lived out of fear. Life should be lived out of love, which is opening to the world. How can I live thoughts of love within my relationship? Somedays I think I can't... that I'll continue to fear unless he's willing to, out of love, voluntarily back down from these other friendships of his. And some days he's wililng too.

I don't know. I'm rambling right now. Rambling, rambling, rambling... I'll shut up now.

jealousy is something that slowly burns away at my heart. I think jealousy is pure evil. I get jealous of beautiful people.. of my sister.. of people like her more.. of talking to her more..of strangths other people have.. of weaknesses they have overcome.. of aotention they get that i want.. of people i have crushes on loving others more.. Of someone I love so muhc never loving me as Much As I love them. this ones attacks me the most. of beautiful faces. of talents of writing. I'm trying to over come it. Recently i thougt maybe talking about it will help. But i don't know. -rachel

I don't get jealous. I actually enjoy seeing people who have something that I am wanting, because it gives me clarity on what I want. And I know that I "diserve" everything that comes to me. ~Erin

Jealousy is plain awful. It's something that happens to me alot, because I'm extremely sensitive to rejection (but who isn't?). I usually feel it most intensely when I see a boy I like, or a boy I don't know very much but would like to get to know better, talking to a girl that he seems to be interested in. I hate myself for being so jealous, especially when I don't even know the boy very well! Arrgh. It makes me feel like I won't get a chance to get to know him, because he's "obviously" found someone else, and it makes my self esteem plummet. And being jealous of the girl he's talking to ruins my chances of being friends with her, which makes me even more upset! I usually try to make a point of talking to girls I'm jealous of and trying to befriend them, because getting to know them usually takes most of your jealousy away. I also get jealous when people talk about being best friends with someone right in front of me. I mean, I suppose if you are "best friends" with someone, there's no reason for you to hide it, but it often seems like what the person is really trying to do is make you jealous by advertising the fact that they have a best friend, whereas you probably don't. I get jealous when people seem to be "popular", but don't go out of their way to get to know many people outside their crowd. I get jealous when people can draw better than me. I get jealous when people can sing better than me, or play an instrument better than me. I'm jealous when people can dance better than me. Sigh... I think jealously is really sort of a mixture of awe and just not knowing someone very well. Because it usually seems that I'm not so jealous of people I actually take the time to talk to and get to know (unless they turn out to be nasty or something). Anyway, there are MY thoughts on jealousy for you!!

yo, just a little thought from my pointa view...jealousy can be damned helpfull and damned crippling an example for me where it's been damned good is..being jealous of zen and matt and spike and erin and adrian and all those other totally rad people who play instrument's damn good caused me to just recently start "playing" bass (i can't really do anything yet..but it's really fun!!) and that's really kick ass..so a big thanks to all the rad people who play instruments-Robby

for me there's a big difference between being envious and being jealous. I hatehatehate being jealous, it makes me feel crappy inside and spoils my friendships and makes it hard to think about anything else. I feel jealous when someone (yes, usually a guy... but not always!) that I feel I have a claim on in some way is paying more attention to someone else than to me. So I feel jealous if I think that the person's somehow 'promised' me something and then given it to someone else. Thank God it doesn't happen that much.

Envious... I'm envious of a lot of things. Healthy relationships mostly... and talent, and things people get to do... especially traveling. Ooo do I feel envious of people traveling... but that's not such a bad feeling. That's the feeling that pushes me to do better, to know and get what I want etc.

Now y'all owe me some pennies.