To Bulk Mail Generators

What kind of dog dung e-mail are you sending me? Waitdon't answerlet me take a guess. I bet it's the e-mail address of a company with such puny ethics and such a lousy product that it has to resort to spamming complete strangers in a last-ditch effort to foist its mediocre amaz-o-grow on the unsuspecting masses.

So, just what deluded thinking went through your gnat-brained cranium to make me think that I wanted to receive your worthless conglomeration of electrons? I'd rather be receiving e-mail from Uncle Bubba's Pnumonia Emporium of Des Moines, Iowa.

Because of cold-blooded Internet Iguanas like you, I have now been forced to change my e-mail address. However, please feel free to continue to spam me at my old address. And let me know how you like it when that 48-gigabyte auto-reply viral attachment takes all the data on your rotten little polyester hard drive and turns it into puke.

If I ever get another lousy e-mail from you, I'll do more than just press "delete." All I have to do is make a call to my buddy, Vinny the legs crusher, and he'll personally deliver a profound, up-close-and-personal new meaning to the terms "crash," "reboot" and "out of memory." And he won't be using a keyboard. Generally, Vinny does some of his finest work with a sawzall. If you'll excuse me now, I just realized that I have to renew my membership in the National Organization for Heavily Armed Survivalists and Secessionists, then it's off to therapy to keep working on those hard-to-manage violent outbursts I seem to keep having.

Cordially,

Jessica

cc:

http://www.irateairforce.org/visitme/autosignup.html [1] http://www.CultoftheAlmightySmileys.org/signup/lists/all.html [2] http://www.cdc.gov/blackplague/freesampl. . .e/opencontainer/snailmail.html [3]

Isn't Car Talk grand?

[1] not real. don't click [2] not real. don't click [3] not real. don't click