Tried To Change My Heart

Trying to forget someone, trying to stop loving them, trying to change your feelings for them... feel free *Katelet*

Oh God. I've been there. Been there so many times. This page really, really speaks to me, and I'm getting all choked up looking at the stuff people have written, and thinking about those times when I loved, loved SO deeply, and it just wasn't working out for whatever reasons. And I'd hash and re-hash it, over and over, til desperation, til oblivion. Sometimes I want to be able to totally give my love to someone so much, but I feel like I can't trust them with it, so I'm always having a constant battle in my heart. I'll be thinking good things about the person and getting all happy and dreamy, and then a little voice will say maliciously "He doesn't feel this way about you. Can you imagine him ever really being completely there for you? Can you imagine him loving you as much as you love him?" I hate that voice. My first-ever "relationship" was long distance. It ended horribly. It broke my heart. And through the whole thing, I tried to change my heart so many countless times. And finally, I did. And it was a good thing, and I was so happy, because I finally realized that the boy I was involved with was using me, and was a jerk, and I finally got over him. At least mostly. But I still have scars. And I just wish that people didn't have to get hurt so much when they love. ~Becky~

• I get the voices, too, Becky. I totally hear you. *sighs*

Tried to change my heart... and that never worked. I'd sing "I'm gonna let him fly" in the shower at the top of my lungs, and then my heart would flip around a few times whenever i saw that i had an email from him. and phone calls geeeez i had no control over myself at all after one of those phone calls. so what is it with me? i tried to change and i tried to change, because it was hopeless. we were FRIENDS and it was a miracle we were even that. and then...... i changed. i'm not sure what happened, except that HE changed, maybe. and i'm feeling almost lonelier than before, because i don't like him the way he is now. i miss feeling in love as miserable as that sometimes made me feel. I'm pretty used to asking myself to change my feelings, but i've never had my feelings just changed for me. if that makes ANY sense at all.

roya

I recently 'tried to change my heart' when I thought something wouldn't work out, but lets just say...it didn't work. My feelings are even stronger for this person. He starts school on the 14^th and he is going to be so busy that I will not get much time to see him. He is rather shy. He isn't very good at asking for what he wants, so his schedule is pretty much made by the authority around him. I am just going to have fun with him whenever I can, be it not often. I have very special feelings for him, but I guess, like other infatuations when you're this young, this too shall pass. Or somehow we can be together and...that would be great :) ~Erin

hmm, yes... I'm trying to deal with some camp crushes... I don't really want to get together with any of them, I really don't like the idea of long distance relationships... but I miss them. Him and him and him and him. So much. Arg. I'll survive.

And I'd really like to get a crush on someone who lives closer to me... but I've never been able to force myself to get a crush on someone. Grr! Why is this so unmanagable???

I totally and completely can relate to this page- and many thanks to the person who started it. I was really good friends with a certain person at camp, and then when i got home i suddenly was totally crushed out on him. i am trying not to feel this way because it would ruin our friendship! ahhhh! ~head-over-heels-and-not-happy-about-it

Dude, I hear you. I have feelings for a friend as well, and I'm trying to get over it because I know that we work best as friends... but you can't really control your feelings all the time, can you? I'm trying to ignore it, dunno if it'll work. Camp crushes were better, they've faded to good memories and left at that. -wanderlust

I have little problem changing my heart (and my head) for the most part. That fact has been part of my way of life for some time. I truly am a changeable person.

i don't know, i keep trying to change the way i feel about someone, but on the other hand i'm really grateful that i'm able to feel this at all, even if i shouldn't. if that makes any sense. i can talk myself into anything so why can't i talk myself into this??? people laugh at me and say that i'm wrong, i'm being silly and immature, but i can't change the way i feel, although i can pretend hard enough to make it seem like i don't feel that way. i can pretend really hard and hope that the lies i tell myself will eventually come true. if i could have it all again i'd change it all. jenny

Hell, yes, I can forget. I can change my heart. Pridefully, arrogantly change. It's mine, isn't it? I don't need to seek out. I need nothing and what I need I got. I get what I want on demand.

O, why'd you have to say his name?

Wind.

do you ever hear that voice in your head, it says "nobody loves you the way i do, nobody will ever love you like me"?

• yes. i am the best friend i have.

what about changing your heart, wanting to love someone when you don't? maybe wanting to return love, or just wanting to push friend-love one step further. that never works for me... i can stop my self from falling in love... usually... but i cannot make myself fall in love. on the other hand, once i'm in, i'm in.

there's this girl. and i love her. god do i love her. i can't explain it. she's there and i'm here & there's this world between us, a whole frigging world that isn't just going to disappear. but there is no goodbye. i don't think i could handle a goodbye.

	*Irina is wondering who wrote this.....I completely understand the
feeling...please identify yourself!

• glitterpixie wrote this

Changing your heart? Well I don't think love is something you really get to choose about. It just kinda happens whether you want it to or not. I know for me when I start loving someone I can't stop! Doesn't matter what they do or how hard I try to forget them, there will always be a part of me that loves them still. Trying to change your heart if pretty much impossible. All you can really do is decide that it's best to move on and eventually you'll be able to accept it and move on, but there will still be that love no matter what you do. At least thats how it is for me. ~Irina

I wish I could change my heart. I try. It doesn't work. Its as if there is a glass case around it and I have no key to adjust its settings and so instead, I'm forever stuck to love the way i do now. But its impossible to change your heart. You may change your mind. But not your heart. ~Jasmine

I have never successfully changed my heart. There have been a couple times when it would have been the wisest course. The most straightforward. The easy, caring, respectful way out. But though I try, though I wish for all I am worth that I could take that easy path, it has never yet worked. The wonderful thing is, both siuations have turned out the better for it. Sticking with the choice that felt truest has brought me such joy in the long run (though, in the process, skating me close to incredibley painful calamity). I am incredibly fortunite. Once my heart and soul fix on whaat must be, that usuaally becomes an open path. Don't ask me how. Maybe I'm just incredibly lucky. -Tessa

Now why in the hell are we trying to change our hearts, ladies? Lets think this through. So you feel a certain way and it's hurting. Allow me to draw your attention to the excellent fact that you're: 1) feeling something; 2) it's prolly a really strong something, or you wouldn't be struggling with changing it. Don't you feel better. Yeah. For me at least, it's easier to keep my ship together and ride the feelings out than try to alter course completely. You feel for a reason. Go with it.

I guess what bugs me is people being too changeable. It seems like some persons I know would fall for anyone. And do. Is there no such thing as constancy in the world?

~Wind, melodramatic.~

Perhaps it's more painful to change your heart than have it broken. someone tell me what's going on in my head. It's a chance I suppose I'll just have to take. someone tell me how to change what's going on in my heart

• I don't think there's any easy way to change your heart without coming to the realisation that the other person is a complete ass. There really is no middle ground in love, you either do or don't, they're either wonderful or horrible. Only time can make you indifferent. If you can get the other person to a place in your relationship where it can handle one or both of you're admitting to being crushed out, then do so. Because that way, no matter what happens romantically, you still have them as a person. I don't think our hearts are something that really need to be changed as often as people think...explore your feelings before renouncing them...they mean something. wind

• I think there is love or the absence of love. if you love someone and they don't love you back, it hurts you. but that's not when love hurts. I don't think love hurts at all. it's the lack of love that hurts you. at elat that's the way I see it

I can convince myself really and truely that I don't adore/have a crush on someone even if I do. it hurts less because I'll think about it and be like "did you forget? you don't like them and I belive it. It can feel aweful sometimes. Why? Because a teaspoon of my heart deep dow at the bottom knows it isn't true. ~Franny

                 the truth about love
 the truth is i still miss you and you kisses still sailty in my mouth

i miss the way you talked to me. now im just some bitch that does not frown.

 the truth is that i still love you and i won't let you go no matter how
much i want it.
 the truth is that i still write you letters and poetry in hopes you will
kiss me just one more time.
 the truth is i love you too much to let you go flying alone
 the truth is i love you too much to be your x

truth is i love you too much to let go