Unimaginable Loss

I wish I didn’t understand, I wish I didn’t grok so well. I wish that I, could feel the pain, I wish that I, Didn’t feel like hell. I wish that I, could hate you for it, I wish I could be bitter. I wish that I, Didn’t know, Exactly why you left.

I wish it wasn’t, Quite so obvious, I wish it wasn’t true, I wish that you, could love me deeply, And know it best for you.

I wish this didn’t have to happen, I wish it was pretend, I wish it wasn’t a mirror image, From beginning straight to end.

You’ve needed this, Since we first met, You’ve never been quite ready, But maybe some day, This will seem right, And we’ll wed with red confetti.

What Irony. The moon is full tonight.

I wish I could forgive you. I wish I could not forgive you. I wish I could believe you. I wish this seemed real. I wish this wasn't real. I don't want this. I want you. I don't ask the world for much... why is one person too much to ask? why is this happening? Am I really having trouble getting to sleep, or is it waking up I need... I wish this wasn't real. I wish I could wake up. I wish I didn't know perfectly well that this has been building so long that were this a dream it would be prophacy. I wish I could hate you. no I don't... I just wish I had nothing to forgive you for. I wish your mother had gotten a job at Temple the year we met. I wish I wasn't single. I love you still. my life is in shambles. my future in ruens. I know you're right. This had to be. That makes it worse. That makes it pure hell. I love you. I hope you didn't read this. I'm sorry you did. I can't help it. I love you.