I have been heavily contemplating camp next year. Not so much whether i have the means to go or not (because who really knows at this point), but do i want to go? I have talked to a few other campers about this and have heard varying answers. There is the ever popular: "Of course! Why wouldn't I?" But i think the most common reply i've gotten lately is "I just don't know/don't think so/haven't decided." I was wondering what everyone was leaning towards at this point and why? ~carsie~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ okay... still me...now i am going further into detail on the subject. i am probably not going to camp next year. the reasons to go are abundant and somewhat obvious, one (or two) week(s) with 120 of the most incredible, creative, intelligent people i could hope to find, consistant joyful and beautiful and enlightening experiences. duh. then there is my one, huge, glossy, shiny, glowing reason not to. my first year, i was miserable when i went home. like, suicidal, clinically depressed, why-aren't-they-here miserable. it took me quite a while to fall out of it. but i knew i had to go back because i summed up the joy to be a little more intense than the pain. the second year, i still had post-camp misery, cried a lot and clung on to my camp relations for dear life, but also came away with something a little more helpful. the need to change my life into something closer to that environment. and i did. it is closer. i have open, honest, fun relationships with the people in my life. and i am usually engaging in some artistic or dangerous or ridiculous (or all of the above) adventure. and i have reasons to be where i am right now. and i have plans. and goals. and i made it this way. it was hard. and i don't know that i would have taken the initiative to do so without camp. so, this year, when i came back, i wasn't really sad to go home. i mean, i was sad to lose all of the people, but not the feeling. i just had this huge sense of completion. and it wasn't nearly so scary, because it was less like descending from euphoric paradise to the deepest pit of hell, as it had been previously, and more like leaving a small collection of joy and elightenment and beauty for a slightly larger one. life itself. not just my life at home, life in general. i was just amazed- to find that what i do to function as a human being, and everything i see and feel and hear no matter where i am, or who i am with, can be a tiny little clip of euphoric paradise. so, no. i don't think i'm going back. i think i got it. i think camp has taught me all i can learn from it. and i'm glad. ~~~~~~~~ wow, carsie, this is realy interesting. i'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, and about what they got from camp and how they may have changed hings at home because of it. The first year I went in 98, camp was really one of the most intense things I had done in a long while. Don't get me wrong, I had more fun than I could put in to words, but there were SO many learning experiences, some of which are just now coming to light two years later. I was determined to go back, and did, almost to both sessions but dropped out of first at the last minute (I needed new Pickups..bad) the scenario was much the same, tho at the time I would have said it was one of the worst weeks of my life. After camp in 99 I was convinced that I wouldn't be returning, not only did I have, over all, a less then desirable time there, but I really didn't feel I had any thing else to learn from the situation. I was so convinced until about two weeks before second session 00, when I found myself calling Lesley and placing my self on the waiting list. Camp was it's self as unusual. and I found I had alot of lessons yet to deal with that kept popping up where I never saw anything before. I'm still dealing with all the stuff I learned (am learning) from camp this year, and why not, I'm still learning things from camp 98.
I do have plans, tho not different ones, to go back to camp next year. it has never proven to be the most enjoyable week of my year, but it's ceaselessly packed at least six months worth of life experience in to something one works to unravel for many days to come. the long and short of it is that it's not always fun, but I have grown more from camp and all that comes of it, then from any other one thing I have ever participated in. See you in 2001 My first year of camp ('99) I had an awesome time, but I only got to know a few of the awesome people there. I hardly went to any workshops, and I don't think I got a whole lot out of it. I was cliquey. I didn't participate in a lot of neat things. But it was still really really fun! :) So that was good. This year I met a lot more people, though I didn't get to know as many as I would have liked, of course. I went to more workshops and group activies. And..I felt like I became a completely different person. Seriously. I had been sort of down before camp for a variety of reasons, but mostly 'cause I was sick of my current routine...camp came at the perfect time and it was amazing. I discovered I am outgoing, fun, interesting, energetic...it was damn cool! I discovered I could be happy, that I had the power to change my life so I like it and, well..be more like I was at camp. ...but...I'm still working on that part. :P *sigh* You know, I couldn't really think of my ideal day during Evan's barnraising prep workshop...but when I came home, I realized exactly what it would be. I'd go to work at one or two of the awesome shops/restaurants on the Drag, then hang out in one of them doing schoolwork or writing letters or whatever. Then I'd go to Ballet Austin and take two or three classes as part of their pre-professional program. Basically, before I figure out any other scheduled activites, I need my dance schedule nailed down. I've been taking walk-in classes and I'll audition for the program in a week or two. Then..I'll see. I may not quit my current job until January, out of pity for my co-workers. >:) No, seriously. We're extremely understaffed, you see. - Emma I went to 1st session this year. it was my first year of camp, and i absolutely loved it! it wasn't an easy week by any means...I had ups and downs and issues with people that i had to work out...but everyone was always there for me. it was the most incredible thing i've ever experienced. there were things i did that i regret, one being throwing away the chance of a possible relationship, but i learned from all of it. camp definately created more emotional challenges in once week than i've ever had to deal with...but it helped me grow. i almost didn't go to camp because i was so scared about going to a place i'd never been for a week. but i went, even though i was scared shitless. i am ever greatful i did. since i got back from camp i have had challenges too; i miss everyone terribly much and have been sad quite a bit recently. But i learned so much from camp, and i know that there has never been a place where i've been happier. i grew up that week, became a different person altogether. that sort of scared me at first, and i wondered why i was so different. then, i came to the realization that maybe who i became that week was myself. so even if next year will put more challenges in front of me, i am definately going back to camp because camp has changed my life and helped me find who I am...i feel like i have finally found a group of teenagers i belong with- i feel like you guys are the people i've been searching for my entire life. and when i'm at camp i suddenly feel so...complete... ~Nell A big thank-you to Carsie for starting this page!! I was thinking of starting this, but you beat me to it :P I love you, Carsie! Anyway. Yeah. I'm not sure about going to camp next year. On one hand, I feel like if I don't go I'll miss out on a big adventure, and a chance to have a lot of fun, plus a reason to travel... Also, I feel like I didn't give much to camp this year and I want to have the chance to make up for it, and have people remember me as a Shining Person. But on the other hand, it's expensive to go there for a week, travel all that way, and maybe not have a good time. I dunno. See, I'm the kind of person who is best at getting to know people over long periods of time, like a few months. At camp, I feel incredibly rushed and then I start to panic. I either try too hard to fit in, or distance myself completely from people. And strangely enough, I don't feel like I can be myself, which is hard to explain. Thing is that I love all the people from camp. I think you are wonderful, but I want to be with you outside of camp. I want to talk to you through letters and phone calls and visits and parties... but not at camp. I want to have permission to form un-rushed relationships over a longer period of time, and have it be okay. I want to get to know you without competing with 100 different Shining People. Am I making sense? Another thing is that... I don't need camp anymore, really. I am finding local friends who I enjoy being around. Sure, I can't share Deep Inner Feelings with them, or be radically honest, or stuff like that. But I've realized that I don't need that. I am happy to just hang around, go out on the town and go to movies and concerts, and enjoy the company. I don't feel lonely anymore, I feel fullfilled... just by having these people around me. And that's the problem with camp friends; they're spilled out all over the country, and though I may be close to them, I can never feel truly connected to them because they aren't near me. And when they are near me, it's only for a week It seems like camp is an artifical kind of environment. All these great people come to NBTSC and I love them to death, but the environment that we are in is strange. It's not like real life. In real life I meet people at work, volunteering and other activities, walking around my city, and I get to know them without getting close right away. And... it makes me feel better to do it that way. It makes me feel less vulnerable. At camp, I feel vulnerable a lot, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. At least, not for me. Hmmm. Yeah. Grrr, I'm not sure I'm being very articulate here. I have enjoyed camp, but I don't know what else I can learn from it next year. I think, though, that if there is an east-coast session, I will go to that. For one thing, it's closer to home... and another thing, it may be less expensive, and I may have less to lose. Who knows? Loveyouall... ~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, I have more to add! I just want to say that there is a major lesson I've learned from camp the two times that I've been there, and that is that I have to find community closer to me if I am going to ever feel fulfilled in my life. And that is why I've made friends in my own city. That's why I have company. They are not like camp people, where you can see their brilliance right away. But they are real, and thinking, and fun, and amazing people as well. One of the assumptions that I've had to give up is that unschoolers are the only worthwhile people to be friends with out in the world... and that's really what I used to think, and it sort of made me limit myself unconsciously. So one reason I may not go back to camp is because I don't want to make it my life. My life is here, in New Haven, in the city with gangs of local company. It took a while to make this community, but I am working on it, and it has fulfilled me more than camp ever did. -wanderlust the urban pixie, who hopes that she doesn't sound smug or snobbish If I can get the money and time to go to camp I will definately be there next year. I don't really have the.. problems with going back to camp some people have I guess. I've never really viewed it as a 'big emotionally powerful event' in my life. Yes, I won't deny camps changed me for the better in a lot of ways, but so have a lot of other things. I really go there just to kick back for a week and goof off and have fun with a group of very cool people. But I don't feel camp is my life.. I have other groups of cool people to hang with... but I will say camp people are the group I generally feel best around. But, ya, I don't really go to camp to learn anything about myself or the world. I just go because I love the people there, and I always come away with new friends. And even if I had a shitty experiance at camp one time, I'll still go back the next year because I know it's going to be diffrent people and I'm going to be diffrent myself. Camp is never the same. My two cents. Zen I'm definitely going back to camp next year. But I'm thinking of only going to one session, and using the $450 I would be paying for train fare to visit all of you. The main reason I went to both sessions this year and would next is to meet everyone. There were several amazing people I met this year who I had never met because they'd gone to different sessions. I love the sense of peace I get at camp I'm definitely going to NBTSC next year, because unlike Carsie, I haven't gotten all it has to give. Hooray for the process of growing up! *hugs* -marina NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 14 times, last edited on October 27, 2000 by 24.8.190.53. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
witchbaby
