Who Is Erin W

• lovely unschooler that is beautifuly yourself

- a camper that loves you and misses you. happy late birthday dear.

Hmmm. Me. Who am I? That's a good question. I look at my rad page and read it... It is accurate, yes. I like it, sure. But it is only a small portion of who I am. Which is expected, people can't see (and much less write) all that I am down on this one page. The thing is, I like to be happy. I like to be nice. I like to love and to be loved. But I am a very moody person. I am not always happy (who is?), and quite frankly, I am glad I am not. It is when I am feeling my worst that the greatest clarity comes. Who I am, really, is everything. Because I will not exclude anything, no matter what.

"Erin takes being insulted well and is very optimistic and cheerful, almost to a fault."

Well, I guess I do take being insulted well. That doesn't mean I don't get upset, that just means I am thankful for the opportunity my emotional reaction gives me; to lower resistance, ebliterate yet another defense. Optimistic...I don't like that word. It seems to point that I don't see the negative side. It's like 'oh, she sees the glass as half full'. I am fully aware of both sides. I embrace them both.

"she's so nice to everybody and me"

I try to be nice. It is only when I am obsorbed in something that I am onconscious of how I am acting towards others. When I am rude or defensive or mean in any way, I realise it at some point, usually when someone tells me (which I encourage), and I feel very compelled to right it. Because I love you, and I would much rather make you feel good than bad. But it is not my place to decide how you feel. But I know I can control the way I act, and plan to do it so people feel comfortable with me.

If you really know me, if you have spent extensive time with me, chances are that you know I do not fit in a box. It startled me tonight when a friend of three years told me he had never seen me unhappy. Maybe he has never seen me unhappy. But I know I was, many times, even (or in some cases especially) when I was around him. The truth is, I know how to be happy. I know it is possible to be happy always. I choose not to be. But I do choose to be happy a lot, and to express joy more than unhappiness. Why? Because it feels good. So, in this respect, I like my box. It makes people smile and feel good. I just want people to know that it's not some odd instance, or even a bad thing, when I am sad. And I want you all to know that I love you very much. And I judge you not, more and more, as my mind opens.

crazy. I have been told I am crazy. Insane. Yes, I guess I am, in a way. All crazy means is a state that the person using the word cannot fully understand. So I will not try to explain this part too much. It will probably make your brain hurt, trying to interpret what I say. We all express ourselves in different ways. We all have different realities, ranging from slight to large, the gap in between understandings. I'm sorry if I tramatize you (not pointing fingers here...heh) with my crazy rantings, where I seem insane, and can barely say things because I'm laughing too hard. If it seems hard to understand, give up, and relax. You don't need to know. If you understand, you understand. If you don't, it's okay. Just know that I love you, and everything has it's right time. *hugs to you all who have taken the time to read this*