This is a page of my poetry, some of it is on the poetry marathon, and some of it isn't (actually i'm trying to remember which ones are poetry marathon ones so i can take them away). And maybe if I ever get around to writing any stories i'll put them here. But for now this is a poetry page. They're in order that I wrote them. So much to do, And so little time to do it in. Sometimes i think I just need a break, But then I realise I already had one. I wish I could just drop what I'm doing. And run out the door, Down the road, And away. When I look at the world, I am sad. How did inocent monkeys manage to create this mess? People fighting and dieing, And for what? To change the world? Is dieing really going to help I wonder? Maybe one day enough people will get the messge, And the world will be different. But how likely is that? Not very I say. People are stupid. Here I am. Now what do I do? I exactly 7 hours, My first alarm will go off, Telling me it's time to start another day. 15 minutes later, My next alarm will go off, Telling me to get the hell out of bed. I'll get up, Shower, And drive 2 hours to town to play my music. Is it worth it I wonder, But then, is anything? I figure there's only one now, So you beter life it to it's fullest, Cause you may not get another chance. So fall in love, Fall out of love, Do your laundry, And kiss your mom. The world is full of suprises. So live with it, And be happy. I'm bleeding. Do you see the blood dripping down my cheek? I didn't think so. Why is it that I can be surrounded by people, And yet feel so alone? The world is full of people, Yet I'm on an island, Seperated from the population. It's at times like this that I wonder If I'm really the only one alone, Or if everyone else is on islands aswell. Seperated. And alone. How many things are there that I've done, But wish I hadn't. Too many to count. Why do I only think clearly, After I've done something I'll regret? I wish I hadn't kissed him. We could have been wonderful friends. I can't believe I put that cigarette to my lips, And inhaled. I can get high on life! I don't need pot! What was I thinking? I just don't know anymore. I know it doesn't matter to you, You can't feel my regret. Soon, you'll forget. But not me, I'll remember. Always. Here I am again, Playing my violin to the window, Trying to keep my bow in the right place, And my fingers moving where they're supposed to, When they're supposed to. It's getting dark, And I can see my reflection, I should have finished playing hours ago, But I was outside, In the sun. It's not often we get sunny days in November, And I stick by the rule of, "Enjoy the sunshine while you can, Because you might not be able to later." So I'm practicing late. Again. How could you do this to me? I don't understand how anyone can be that cruel. You can't just leave me here, Alone, And cold. But you can, And you do. And I am left alone, To brave the world by myself. And I'll make it, Alone. Without your help. I can shut you out. Just watch me. And you beleive that I will forgive you, And take you back into my arms. But I won't, Not after this. Stupid you, You think I can't do this by myself, That I'll be back soon enough. But I won't be back. Not ever. I can do this, And I will. Alone. Today, is not like any other day. It's different, And special. The rain has been pouring down, Since early this morning, I can't see the mountains, Because of the fog. It's beautiful out. I can almost taste the air. This day has magic in it. Why do you always look at me like that? When I speak of things such as these, Is it because you think i'm crazy, To see beauty on a dreary day? Or is it because you can't see it? Can't see the way the rain drips to the ground, Making everything live. Or the way the wind makes the leaves dance. You can't see it can you? Can't see the air vibrating with energy. But even if /you/ can't see it, I can. I can see the magic in the day. And the beauty. And I know, That something will happen today. This is a small insignifigant note. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, And always will no matter what I know you're angry, And I don't blame you, But I still love you. And nothing will ever change that. You mean the world to me, And now that I've lost you, I dont know what to do. Time will pass, And you'll find someone else. But remember, I'll always love you. Where are you? I can't find you. I think this game of hide and seek, Has gone on for a little too long. Why am I always the one, Who has to seek you out? Why don't you seek me for a change? I'm tired of always being the one to show affection, Can't you, just once, Show me that you love me? Please, Tell me that you love me. I need to hear you say it. I'm sick of trying to guess what you mean. Do you love me? I love you, But do you love me? Do those gental kisses show love? Or just friendship. Please, If you love me, Tell me. I think it would be nice to know what you want. You're always hinting, That you might like to be more than friends, But sometimes, You're so distant, Like I mean nothing to you. Tell me what you want, I might not give it to you, But I need to know. I'm tired of this, Let me know the truth, And I'll tell you my truth. I'm scared. I'm scared to love, And be to loved I guess I'm afreaid of a time when you don't love me anymore, And I think it's easier for you not to love me at all. I'm afraid of the end, So I don't think about the begining, Or the time inbetween. Are you like me? Are you afraid to be loved, And to love? Afraid of the end, Like me? Sometimes it sems like life couldn't get any worse, Until suddenly, It does. Have you ever felt like that? Like you'd rather just end it now, Instead of waiting for it to end itself. Or felt like you would like to run away. Far away. And never come back. If I was strong enough, I would leave. One way or another, I would go. But I'm not strong. And maybe it's good that I'm not. But good or bad, I don't think I'll be leaving any time soon. The snow falls gentally to the ground, Twirling and wirling, The delicate crystals falling ever downward. Everything is beginning to be tinged with white. Before long, The world will become a fairyland. Beautiful. I can feel the chill in the air, That only comes with snow. It will continue to get colder and colder, And the beauty will intensify. But good or bad, Winter is coming. What is it that I'm feeling, I wonder. It's not love, For what is there to love? It's not fear, For there is nothing to fear. It's not joy, For what reason is there to be joyous? It's not anger, For there is nothing to be angry at. It's not grief, For what is there for me to grieve for? Then what is this feeling inside me? I think I'm just confusing myself for wondering. If I ignore it, Maybe, Just maybe, It will go away. For the first time in my life, I think I'm becoming, Someone else. Someone I've never even heard about, Or dreamed about. Just someone I found, When I was searching, In the locked drawer, Of my soul. Then suddenly, There she was! Beautiful in her confidence, Shimmering in a cloud of knowledge. Finally, I've found her. I'm becoming me. Betrayed. How could they do this to me? I can't beleive I trusted them. I can't beleive, That at one point, They were my dearest friends. Now my dearest friends, Live hundreds of miles away. I trusted them, And loved them. Now they can go to hell, For all I care. I can't beleive they would do that. And yet somehow, I can. I never really ment anything to them. I was just there. Finally the've done something I connot forgive them for, And now I have a reason, To let them go. I'm going home. I've been gone for too long already. My life has fallen into little bits and pieces, And now I'm ready to pull it back together. I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing, Or where I was going. But now I do. Finally, I'm going home. Sugar smiles, At me, saying "Eat me, eat me." "No!" I cry, "You can't make me!" "Come on, You know you want to." The problem is, I do want to. And the damn sugar knows it. "Try me" It coaxes, "Just a taste" "No!" I scream, Slowly inching nearer. "Give into your urge" It pleads, "Alright!" I yell, As I run out the door, "I'll do that!" And I splurge, On some books, A cd, And a present for you. god i have no idea what i was thinking when i wrote this. Everyday, I see someone smile at me. My friends, my mom, my brothers, But the smiles never seem to reach their eyes. They smile, But they don't mean it. They smile at me like I'm something that doesn't understand, Something too stupid to see they're faking it. And I seath quietly to myself, Retching over their stupidity. Tonight when my mom asked if those were tears, I quickly wiped them away and said no. What's the point of explaining it to her? To anyone for that matter, I can't even explain it to myself. I feel like shit. Please kidnap me someone! Anyone! Take me away from here so I never have to come back. Is that really me I'm seeing? Do I really look like that? When I looked in the mirror, There was a girl there, Who I had never seen before. Do mirrors ever lie? Is that some other girl, Staring out at me? But it couldn't be, Mirrors aren't magic, So... That really is me isn't it. I never knew I looked like that. Wow. I'm beautiful. Silver sparkles, Dancing in the moonlight. Skipping into the shadows, And twirling under the stars. No cares or worries. Just love and beauty. I wish I could sparkle. Sometimes when I cry, It feels wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing it. I should be strong and stony. Not letting any emotions show, Except joy. Nobody wants to know about my hurt and pain, Nobody cares how bad I feel, And how low I've actualy gone. Nobod really cares about me, Sometimes I don't even care about myself. That's why I've got scars I guess. I just don't care. Help me. I'm dieing. Drowning, In my own tears. Nobody knows, What ti's like. No one can see, The star, I cut inot my wrist. Life used to be worth living, Now I wonder why, I'm still here. It's killing me. Even if I don't kill myself. Help. I'm falling, And there's no one here to catch me. My chest hurts, Where I held the knife. My wrist hurts, Where I cut a star. My mind hurts, I fear it will soon be dead. Why do I hurt myself? Is the pain so bad I need to make it worse, To feel better. It seems like the only time I'll feel better, Is when I'm dead. I've been several days without my face. And I have forgotten what I look like. But it doesn't matter does it? This is just the body I hide in. Just the box that contains my soul. Too many people judge someone by what their wrapping looks like, And it doesn't matter (too them) If they have a beautiful soul or not. There's more to a person than what's on the outside. The important part is on the inside. The part that lets you think, And feel, And love, And live. Holy fuck. This can't go on. Can it. I wish it were easy again. But it will never be the same again. You can never go back to the moment When you were most happy. But god I wish you could. I feel so damn shitty. And there's no one here to help me. I'm drowning in tears, And no one's here to save me. I'm falling, And no one's here to catch me. I've recut my star. But it doesn't matter, To anyone but myself. Or maybe it does. I just haven't met anyone who cares. Perhaps we should go now. But why leave just when we were enjoying ourselves. Now that I think about it, I'd rather not leave. I don't really have anything to go home for, Except an empty house. A lonely house. A house that is missing something, And I never can figure out what. Something vitally important, I think. Something to turn my house, Into a home. So now you're gone. And it still hasn't sunk in. You're still supposed to be here dammit! And yet you're hundreds of miles away. In a fricken different country. I keep expecting to see you, When i walk around the corner. And then it sinks and. Dumb bitch, he's gone. Really and truly gone. Fuck i miss you. You're there, And I'm here. Perfect. Just what I always wanted. To be a thousand miles away, From my best friend. I haven't talked to you in a month. Reason? We're both broke. I wish you were here, To help me out. I'm so confused. (what else is new) And you always make me see clearly. Though in this case, You might not be the best one to talk to, You might wring my neck. Or his. Fuck. I don't know what to do. I've seen people cry, I've seen people hide themselves behind a wall of emotions, I've seen people cut themselves, I've seen people starve their body, mind, and soul. I've seen people say everything's just peachy, when it's damn well not. I've seen people slowly waste into depression. I've seen people hang up, then their father calls, I've seen people burie themselves into someone they're not. I've seen people bleed. In other words, I've seen me. As I look into your face, The expression changes. Where there was once love, There is now fear, And anger. I'm sorry. I know i hurt you. I know I crushed your soul into little bits, And then let the pieces fall onto the ground. I know. I'm guilty. Maybe someday you'll forgive me. And believe me, When I say, That this was for the best. But for now, I turn my back, And silently realise that nothing is permanent. Sitting here, Quietly singing to myself, I think. Hey, life ain't perfect, Neither is anybody in it. I know you aren't. And I sure as hell am not. I know everytime I do dishes, And roll up my sleaves, To reveal my arms. I know everytime I see someone eat something, And know that that's what I should be doing, But am not. I know everytime my father calls, Three days before my birthday, And asks to talk to my brother. I know the world needs counselling. Too bad the world doesn't know that. The sun sinks behind the mountains, Casting beautiful colours, Throughout the clouds. I watch the world, Slowly change it's shade. I watch the world, Sink into twilight. And I gather myself, For my continuing journey, Towards the light. I've been journeying, For many years now. And I expect, I'll be at it for many more. Running through the wilderness of my thoughts. Searching for a meaning. Forever chasing sunsets. When I told you, That I was bleeding, I scared you. You hid it well, But I saw through your mask. You were afraid. You told me that it was all going to be all right, And that I didn't deserve to hurt. What right have you to tell me what I deserve. I'm my own goddess. I'll make my own choices. I see you walking down the road, With Her at your side. I silently swear to myself. You walk up to me giggling and joking. We exchange a few polite remarks, And part again. I can hear you whispering to Her, As I walk quickly away. I'm sitting quietly by myself, Thinking about my life. I hear that riduculous laugh of yours, Penatrate through the walls. Back in the crowd, I see you following him, Like an obidient dog. "Oh pick me! "Pick me! I'll be a good little whore! Just don't tell my mom!" I hear what happened shortly thereafter. You made out with my brother. Stripped down to your underwear. And now I can see you following Him again. Trailing Him as though you hadn't just screwed around with someone else. I see you pout cutely at him. I see you pursue him intently, Touching him at every oportunity. These events make me realise, Just exacly how much we've grown apart. We used to be best pals. Swaping secrets and giggling together. Have you changed? Or have I? Did I used to be like you? A mindless slut. Drooling over any boy that comes your way. You were my goddess, The one I turned to when I had given up on the world. But by letting my down, You have strengthen and matured me. Thank you. I'll be my own goddess now. please comment on them. i really want to know what you think of them. ~erynne
-franny who loves your poems NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 35 times, last edited on February 10, 2002 by 63.175.56.26. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
