Cheese Pizzas

The universe is a cheese pizza. This has been proven pseudo-scientifically by Rick, Charlie, Peter and Noam. You see, we were out for pizza one night in Corvallis, and decided to calculate how many topings you needed to order before it became worth geting a small pizza versus the equivalent amount of pizza in slices (different topping costs for pizzas vs. slices). In the process, we discovered that a large cheese pizza, while having a larger diamaeter, has the same area as a small cheese pizza. Now, this doesn't seem possible[0].. unless the area is infinite in both cases. So we concluded pizzas have infinite area. (Some have suggested that we simply made an error in our calculations, but we know better.) This discovery led to the logical conclusion that since the universe has infinite area, and so does a cheese pizza, the universe is a cheese pizza.

We continued with our theorizing to come up with some other proofs.

• The universe is a cheese pizza with alfredo sauce

There is an existing proof that all horses are the same colour; this proof can be adapted to pizzas easily.

 Lemma:  All pizzas are the same color.

 Proof (by induction):
 
 Case n=1:  In a set with only one pizza, it is obvious that all pizza
		in that set are the same color.

 Case n=k:  Suppose you have a set of k+1 pizzas.  Pull one of these
		pizzas out of the set, so that you have k pizzas.  Suppose
		that all of these pizzas are the same color.  Now put back
		the pizza that you took out, and pull out a different one.
		Suppose that all of the k pizzas now in the set are the same
		color.  Then the set of k+1 pizzas are all the same color.
		We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all pizzas are the
		same color.
 

Now, it follows from this that if all pizzas are the same colour, each pizza must be a single colour, the same as all the others. Since a pizza has to have cheese, and mozzarella cheese is white, there is no such thing as a pizza with tomato sauce (since the cheese is white and the sauce is red, you have more than one colour). Therefore pizzas must have white sauces, like alfredo.

• The universe-pizza has an infinite number of legs

By an existing proof (again about horses, but can be adapted to cows):

  Theorem:  All cows have an infinite number of legs.

  Proof (by intimidation):

  Everyone would agree that all cows have an even number of legs.  It
  is also well-known that cows have forelegs in front and two legs in
  back.  4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a
  cow to have!  Now the only number that is both even and odd is infinity;
  therefore all cows have an infinite number of legs.[1]

Since cheese is made from milk, and milk is a subset of cow, cheese inherits the infinite number of legs from the cow. And since pizza is a superset of cheese, the pizza too must have an infinite number of legs.

An' if the universe t'were made of green cheese, the pizza may still have alfredo sauce, being that alfredo sauce has little green bits in it. Green bits.[2] With cheese. Verily. ~ Anonymous

[0] "take the Babble Fish for example, it's so staggeringly usefull that it couldn't possibly happen by pure coincidence, which proves that you exist, and Q.E.D, you don't." Oh said god, "I hadn't thought of that..." and promptly vanished in to a puff of logic.

[1] can I quote this? pleeeeease?? [3]

[2] but that means GreenAndWhiteAreTheSameColor!!

[3] By golly, yes! It's a net-public thing anyway.