Courage To Be Normal

It?s hard to be just normal. It?s certainly harder than to be weird, or uniquely strange, or any of those after all of those years of trying to fit in with the odd crowd. But now I?m getting up the courage to admit my middle-of-the-roadness.

I fight with my parents the same old fights that all 17-yr-olds fight, for adulthood and freedom and invisible support nets. I worry about the risks of unprotected sex and yet have it anyway. I don?t talk about politics anymore because it all makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I regularly spend more money than I gain. I coo over babies (and have my own named already). I go to school. I do just enough to get by, most of the time. I identify with Catholicism more than Paganism (and will disagree with you when you give me the ?they?re the same? argument). I wear nondescript clothing (a large portion of which comes from Old Navy and the Gap, though I still refuse to wear blatant advertising). I role-play. I eat more fast food than anything else (with the possible exception of Kraft macaroni and cheese).

I?m comfortable with most of these. My fights with my parents are really tough right now, because I?m not used to having a normal relationship with them. I grew up being able to count on their support, and I suppose letting them run my life quite a bit. But now I?m not willing for them to tell me how to live, and a feelings are being trodden upon. I?m told that this happens to everyone, for the most part, and that I will never be able to talk them into letting me go (Lord knows I?ve tried). I guess it?s time for the time-honored saying, ?You can?t make me.?

Unprotected sex is something that I see as stressful but okay in my life currently. It?s only with one person, and I know that STDs aren?t in the picture. Pregnancy is the only factor, though it?s a large one. I know that ?pulling out? isn?t accepted as viable birth control, but it?s alright for right now. Eventually I?ll get on the Pill.

Yes, I?m going to college in August. I?m looking forward to it quite intensely. I love classroom structure. I?m not really an unschooler anymore? but that?s a whole other discussion.

Religion is touchy. I?m getting more and more Christian every day, which will eventually make for a bone of contention with my parents. It?s odd? for the first time in my life, I can identify with the whole Jesus thing. That?s still a bit of a novelty.

I don?t regret any of these personal characteristics of mine, nor am I suggesting that they are in any way the whole of my thusly developed personality. It?s just something to think about.

I don?t quite know why I wrote this here. I think I needed to place some kind of warning, a notice that I have changed a lot and I?m interested in discussion but I have a new life, etcetcetc. Maybe it?s just closure, or maybe I?m looking for someone to agree with me. Do what you will.

becca

• Ok I'm not agreeing here, but PLEASE. go take a look at the SafeSex page. -Lorin