Safe Sex

This isn't really an issue that has been directly discussed on Wiki, just tidbits here and there, but it's an extremely important issue that can come down to drastic issues like life and death - not to mention that a sexually transmitted disease can make your life a real hell and that some stds [herpes for example] stay with you for the rest of your life; or that pregnancy is a big deal and not something to take lightly. Anyway, this isn't meant to be a big lecture, but a discussion forum and a place to gather and give information about things that most people are extremely underinformed about. -jennyrose

Um wouldnt the smartest thing be to not have sex at all? then theres no risk...

True. But hardly anybody is going to do that. Therefore, it isn't realistic and it's important to get real information out to people. Celibacy is obviously the safest route. But I'm not gonna be celebate and I don't know too many other people who are willing to either, and there needs to be easily accessable information and discussion about the topic of safe sex. -jenla
well, you could always choose to have sex with one person. if you're clean [of std's] and so is the person you want to spend your life with, then there's no risk, right?

except how many people do you know who are, realistically, going to stay with *one* person for the rest of their lives, or only have sex with *one* person? *shrugs* it doesn't seem really likely to me. glitterpixie

just because the majority of people in our society choose to throw their hands in the air when temptation rears it's ugly head doesn't make abstinence an impossibility. i, for one, choose to have sex with only one person, as do many people i know. and if that one person does have an STD due to their being sexual with a number of people in the past, then that's something i'm going to have to accept, obviously. but in my eyes that's still all the more reason to give myself to only one man.
Not to mention that there's no guarantee that the aforementioned partner has only had one partner their entire lives. I realize that unschoolers are extremely trusting and mostly trustworthy, but it's a case of needing to be careful, and that extends beyond trust in a relationship, because it could be a life or death situation.

Even if you are in a mutually first-time monogamous relationship, you should still take precautions until six months after the first time the two of you are both tested for STDs. Sex isn't the ONLY way to contract STDs, and as a life and death case, better safe than sorry.

i am interested in doing a safe sex workshop at second session of camp, if anyone would be inerested in helping out with that...let me know. love~sarah

If i'm there, i would love to be involved in that. definately. xo ~jennyrose

I think that would be a rilly cool workshop to have. I think it kicks ass that this page is here. Thanks y'all.

Experiences and Discussion

Ok You've all thought it, right? "STDs? That would never happen to ME!"

Well Get that thought out of your head. I had that general attitude, and now I'm paying for it- hundreds of dollars for it as a matter of fact.

I found out yesterday that I probobly have Gonorrhea...after a trip to the emergency room a couple days ago when I woke up unable to pee, and had a rupture in my penis in the process of trying.

Let me tell you that it is no fun...having instruments shoved up your restricted urethera to try to take a culture, infection, huge shots of antibiotic (a whole gram!), and last but not least, having to tell your partner(s).

Ok, just in case you were getting scared- if detected and treated promptly your probobly not going to end up in the emergency room with pee coming out of a hole half an inch from where it is supposed to- I kind of ignored some of the earlier signs I think, and then an earlier round of more severe ones was misdiagnosed as a prostate infection, probobly partly due to my not thouroghly explaining what was going on.

So, my advice.

Use a condom put it on before any genital contact whatsoeverUsing a condom doesnt mean you have to have intercourse.

It is probobly best to only touch one set of genitals. (Remember you have two hands! Maybe you can use one hand for you, and one for your partner, if you need to play with both.) Keep hands that have been near genitals away from eyes, or open sores/cuts/ scrapes. (Gonorrhea can cause blindness.)

Wash your hands thouroughly after any genital contact- weather urination or sexual, your own or somone else's.

If you have any reason to believe one of you might have an STD, (well ok- other than not knowing that you don't, which kind of takes all the fun away) avoid contact with eachothers genitals, or other possibly infected areas until you have been tested.[0]

Learn about STDs and what the common symptoms are...and refresh your knowledge ocasionally.

If you think you might have somthing go have it checked out! delaying to see if it goes away will most likely cause problems later.

Make sure you tell you Dr. exactly what your symptoms are- and try to get as much of the story as you feel is nescesary to let them know what you are expiriencing out... don't let them cut you off and jump to conclusions. (I need to practice this skill myself)

One last thing- I think I'm going to start having myself tested for STDs probobly once a year- just to make sure. (I suppose I should ask my urologist about that, but it seems like a good idea, at least while I'm in a stage of life where I may change sex partners fairy frequently, and have partners who may have other partners. I strongly suggest that any one who is sexually active do the same.

Of course This is just my advice. You have to make your own decsicions about how much of a risk you want to take-But please. If Your partner wants to be more carful than you feel it is necescary, Let their opinion prevail...It's hard to be too safe.

So anyway jusst use common sense, make sure you know about the risks and benfits of what you choose to do, and have fun being safe

Lorin

What Safe Sex Entails:

A lot of people are taught that if you just use a condom for intercourse [penis/vagina, penis/anus] you'll be safe. Unfortunately, that's not true.

You can get stds via oral sex, touching your genitals and then touching the other person's genitals or anus (and vice versa), touching genitals and then your mouth/eyes/sores, etc, as well as any genital contact at all.

Julie(lipse's safer sex basics:

Use latex gloves for manual sex. Use dental dams or plain old plastic wrap for oral sex on a female. Use a condom (preferably flavored!) for oral sex on a male. Use condoms for penetrative sex of any kind. This includes using condoms on sex toys.

Use water based lubricant for all of these, to keep things running smoothly. KY jelly or liquid is cheap and available. Astroglide is expensive, but worth it. And there are tons of other "personal lubricant" products in between. Babes in Toyland (http://www.babeland.com) sells an all natural waterbased lubricant from Canada called O'My, but I haven't tried it yet.[3]

Do not use oil based lubricants. This includes any sorts of vegetable oils, massage oils, vaseline, etc. These will eat latex. They'll also eat some sex toys.

Pee before and after sexual activity of any kind, especially if you're female. It'll help prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs), and believe me, it's worth it.

For condoms, I recommend Kimono Microthins. Even I can tell how good they are (and I'm on the receiving end, as it were!), and they're stronger than most other condoms on the market, too. I do NOT recommend Trojan. They're thicker and tighter than other condoms, and many people have problems with them.

Be very careful about using spermicide. Recent studies have shown that using nonoxynol-9 spermicide products increases your chances for contracting STDs. This is because nonoxynol-9 irritates human genitals, making it easier for STDs to enter into the body. If you must use it, test a little on yourself first to see if you have a noticably bad reaction, and be aware that it's still having an effect even if it's not a noticable one.

Get tested every 6 months. Understand sex, understand yourself, be in touch with your body.

And the golden rule, over all the rest of this: communicate with your partner(s) in exquisite detail. Even if it's just a fling, or even if you know you're really in love, or even if you think it's too late to start now, or whatever. Talk about safe sex. Talk about disease. Talk about expectations. Talk about pregnancy. Lots of talking.

          "Damn honey, where out of reynolds wrap again.")
                                                -Dan H.

Tool For Safer Sex:

Options > http://wso.williams.edu/orgs/peerh/sex/safesex/

For Sale > http://www.condomania.com http://www.condoms.net

Question: has anyone ever used/currently use oral contraceptives? I'm considering getting on "the pill" as well as using condoms so that I don't have any chance of pregnancy and don't even have to worry about it, as well as being as safe as possible from STDs. I've read rather extensive information on what the pros and cons are, but I need some personal experience here. xo. ~jennyrose

Updatatory: i went in today and talked to the people at planned parenthood - if you're sexually active or even thinking about the possibility of being so, find out if there's a pp in your area because they're so nice and friendly and calm and real and they don't treat teenagers like 4-year-olds and they rock for everything from free birth control to pap smears to sti/std tests, etc. - and decided to go pill + condoms. i got feedback from people at scarleteen as well who said it was an excellent decision ( http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000687.html ). Anyway, we'll see how it goes, but if you're curious or considering it, feel free to contact me. -Jenla

Whoohoo! I saw your post and figured that was you. :) I haven't said anything 'cause I'm not on the pill and don't plan to be (having read about the risks, it's just not worth it to me personally... yes, they risks are very low, but they're ever so serious, and I use three, soon to be four other methods of bc concurrently). But now I must say, I love my local planned parenthood. I go there for routine gynecological exams/pap smears, and occasionally for infections, and they're very calm and friendly knowledgable and really cool. Inexpensive too, and I'm happy to support them. You know they're dedicated, 'cause they risk their lives going to work every day :( (the only thing there that really stands out is the massive bank of security monitors inside...). They've never been crowded for me either. Speaking of which, I really need to make an appointment for my annual check up. I'd better do that today. - Julieclipse

Resources:

Planned Parenthood http://www.plannedparenthood.com

The STD Homepage http://www.grin.net/~sycamore/std/index.html

Scarleteen http://www.scarleteen.com (lots of good information, both basic and not so basic, and a kickass discussion board (I'm a moderator there :) ) It's pretty cool! Check it out! - Julie(lipse)

Changing Bodies, Changing Lives, edited by Ruth Bell

Out of curiosity, how far does everyone practice safe sex? Like, to what extent? I mean, it's fair enough to say.. I use a condom.. and such.. but who here uses condoms during oral sex? Dental dams? Latex gloves?

I'm just curious...

-Zen

I don't use them as much as I should, especially the dental dams. I go in for my pap test on cue (even though the doctor is a condesending bitch and a half) but I don't usually talk to partners about Their history. I don't have to worry about getting pregnant but I'm starting to realize that I ought to put more attention into STD's risk than I do right now. -Miranda

i don't use condoms for oral sex...i tend to not think about that as much as i should. the freaky "ohmygod" pretection fears run directly towards pregnancybecause i've been there,done that, so my brain freaks out about pregnancy and leaves stds to wallow by the way side. but this site is bringing to my attention once again, thankfully. peace~sarah~

I'm not super-experienced in this department, but I'll say a few things anyhow: Preparing and staying safe, no matter how much of a mood killer it may appear to be, is SO very much better than post-sex paranoia. I am very fortunate that my experiences have been with disease-free people but if I continued to behave as I have in the past, I have no doubts that my luck would soon run out. Insist on protection with EVERYTHING. And stay clean. The cleanliness thing seems a little odd at first, but get the fluids off, take showers, etc....it'll prevent some of the little (but still very obnoxious) problems that occasionally come with. Julie's note on peeing after intercourse is an important one too.

grin* Ah, yes...and whoever said that thing about Trojans being too thick and generally uncomfortable, I highly agree; durex is much much better (both for guy and girl in my situation). And stay awaaaay from lambskin. ~Maggie

[0] Actually it's a good idea to avoid contact anyway, unless you know that neither of you does have an std. If both people have recently been tested and the results came out negative, i'd say it's safe, but if either of you have/had multiple partners within a year, testing for STDs once every 6 months is a really good idea. Another concern with touching genitals in a heterosexual situation is the possibility of pregnancy. A female can get pregnant from both cum and pre-cum of a male. -jennyrose [1]

That's what I fucking told him, the bastard! -Samantha

[1] I was refering to hand to genital contact in that paragraph. Yes- Definatly avoiding genital to genital contact unless you know neither of you has anything is a good idea. Yes avoiding any contact what so ever is even better, but when you're both horny and want sex, that never seems like much fun...Just wash your hands when you're done!!! and don't do it if you have open wounds on your hands.Lorin-[2]

[2] Definately. If you have open wounds on your hands, use latex gloves.

[3] I've used it, it was nice, no weird odours or bad tastes, it was drier than I like but that's just personal preferance. -Miranda