Don't Quote That Archive5

Archived on 1/28/02

Arianna: That's the same metaphor..

 Box-Of-Rain: well yes, but this version has a slurpee...     

"I'm not off the deep end, I'm just bouncing up and down on the damn diving board!"

"Gender fluidity is something I'm used to, I can handle that, yeah sure there's only a guy there, I'm just going to get her.... but the saxophone's another story. Gender fluidity doesn't extend from laptops to instruments!" -Alix Olson, at the Againest Patriarchy Conference

"I remember at 2am or so we went out to get some dick's" -Plattypus

"I'm goin' out for some Dick's!" -Charlie

"I love Dick's!" -Charlie

"God snaps his finger and 'Boom!' there's a Statue of Liberty!" , playing civ

"I was, like, frenching your nose??"

"The world is much colder than the bathroom" -Robyn

 Robyn: "and the collumn said " Oh that's /such/ a good idea!" And I was
thinking, well . . . "
 Tessa: "Who'd want to fuck Ann Landers?"
 Robyn: "Exactly! Except I didn't want to say it cause  I'd get don't
quoted."

see im like "im gunna suck on this" NEVERMIND! cruch crunch crunchruth in the car talking about sweet litlle things

"Does God like nookie, or not?"

"You'd be suprised how realivent Pretzels are!" NALB

"Enjoy the freedom of your genetalia" -Mike

"He's John Lennon's sleazy alter ego!"

From Eireann's little gathering:

"I feel so dirty that I have to brush my teeth"

"You have to say 'action' if you want action" Friend Slinky (Tera)

"So, do you... ack! Get off my leg!" Dan D.

"Tighter! Tighter! I mean, let me go!" Slinky

"Don't you have a whip somewhere?" Julia S.

"I'd rather just screw"

"That's why we like boys, Kathleen. They're better than drugs."

"If parrots had hair, he'd be a parrot."

"Marlboro ad! Marlboro ad behind us!" Becky talking about the sunset

"Yes, pantless-ness is all that stands between us unschoolers conquering the world." Emma

"Kathleen, would you clean up our sleeping arrangement, 'cause it's pretty dirty right now."

"The great grayish-tan north!"

"Every time his foot was cold he'd be like, "Oh, I miss Becky!"" Emma

"bwap! Wench!" Thomas, describing potential interactions with the dentist.

"As I breathe in I calm my body. As I breathe out, I crack the hell up." Emma, misquoting Thich Naht Hahn

"As I breath out, it gets excited all over again." Emma, a couple seconds later

"I suppose I'm more likely to be a cellist in the mob than a supreme court justice in the mob." Kyra

Carrie: I love you infinite buckets of lemming feathers.

"All of a sudden my lap is a happening place!" Emma

"Wait. Why would it hurt me if you had lyrics up your butt?"

"...I'll talk about puppies and kittens and making out!"

"It's really interesting to walk around the house and find thongs on the floor." -Mike

"Victor in both ears! Now that sounds dirty."

"Ohhhhhhhh. . .. and there's a Big nut on top!" A coworker of Colleen's

"Oh yeah, I got pictures of her round ones." Colleen's boss.

"I wish *I* had PMS."Jason (Spikes friend)

"Oh my. . . I don't think I'll be able to resist that penguin. Hold me back!" Will Pope

"Everybody's eating me tonight!" Mel (from CA)

"Damn it, I want see through underwear!"

"Yes you are Fiona. Now put some pants on."

From a car trip to go sledding in the lovely mountains of Oregon:

"We suck at the same rate!" -Mel

"It's a herding turkey!" -Mel

"I'm so vegetarian, I can't even spell meat." -Mel

"I'm confiscating your boogers!" -Colleen

"Look, Luke! Lake!" -Mel

"Get your spike heels off my peninsula!" -Mel

"There's a ho in your pants." Victor

"Hold on a sec. I need to recharge my tampon." -Ben S.

Ted: "You're not a piece of luggage." Emerie: "Aw, how sweet."

"Imagine you could urinate ketchup from the end of your finger all over this restaurant." - Brad, one of Ted's drunk co-workers.

"I want to be Jake's sex life."

"Good morning, sunshine! I'm saying that to everyone this morning. Except for you. I said 'Hello Bitch' to you."

"why just 'Dial-a-Rabbi' when I could SLEEP with a Rabbi???" Shippy

"It turns out that if you use a big enough laser, almost anything can become a gas..." -Gary Mort, Robyn's chemistry teacher

"Okay, so who wants to feel the waiter's nose?" Colleen

"That's the stupidest... most accurate thing I've ever heard." - Pax Marius, a Buzzy

"Meanwhile, at that exact same moment a few minutes ago..."

"Loving yourself is the best way to buy a mirror..... Or a chia pet." -Colleen

"I'm all saintly and yooooouuuurrrrrrr mortal, nananana..."

"In spite of the fact that you have never shaved your head, been pagan, vegan, or lesbian, you are such a head shaving pagen vegan lesbian!!!" Roya to Marina

"It's the spawn of two fucking radios! Hey, that sounded bad." Colleen

"There is apricot sauce, God does love me!" -Rosemary

Mom did you know that gnomes are really penis's dressed up~Jackie's little brother

"I lost Ethan's virginity!" Marina. "Peanuts are not pop culture." Jessica

"Dad's rearranging his underwear!!!" Colleen's mom

"That's a bad thing, mom! That's a hundred and seventy-five dollars sitting in your pants!" Colleen

"We're better than family! Thicker than blood!.....More like Cheese. Corey shiner

"wonder if they have a bleed now pay later payment plan" Melissa jackie's mom

"Now that will make an interesting story, Cam, Colleen, and the suspender button!" Cam

"I was unsatisfied last night, I'm gonna need another." Cara (one of Colleen's friends)

"Mom, I love you because you make fun of all of my friends as much as I do!"

"If your clothes are not off on the count of three, there will be hell to pay." -Emily (a friend of Fiona's)

Found on a peice of paper from Candra's New Years.....ah, memories.

"I have bizzare Mustard"Candra

"What!!!!!! Did you just come to her house and insult her mustard????"Zaria

"You don't need condoms, you just need several hundred plastic horses!"

"I don't think you'd recognize me with my clothes on." Ethan's friend Emily.

"Hey, you know, this IS starting to sound more and more like a boy band. Maybe I'd better stop licking it." Carson

"spare the pukage" ~Becky~

"You would be amazed at what you can come up with laying upside down on a couch!"

Some more quotes from Candra's New Years party.....what she can remember at the moment.......

"DickShaft?, Buttfroth, Mouth shit, and featureing......Cold Taco...."Will (you SO had to be there)

"I would like to take this moment to ask you all to picture Mr. Rodgers having sex with your mother"Will

"Bill Cosby naked"Will

"Martha Stewart has a potpourri dildo."Will

 Chris: "Where's my flashlight?"  
 *big pause*  
 Candra:  "STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!"

more later.......

"Fiona's cat is trying to seduce me." -Franny

"Fiona gives birth to cookie sheets!" -Franny

"The whale is my boyfriend!"

"It's a penis shaped cookie!"

Fiona was very tired when she said this

During a game of risk at the Stewart house:

"Okay, peace monkey, you can die" Daniel S

"Ow, you hit my forehead!" Tim

"How is my hair getting all over your body??"

"First you take this shovel, and you dip it in honey..." Robyn's dad Mark, talking about Southern cooking

"That's what we do on New Year's. Snort Doritos." -Franny

"I wasn't choking at you. I was just choking." -Franny

"Yeah, but they lick themselves constantly."

 "Look, I know what you're thinking, and you're sick."
 "I wouldn't put a hockey skate THERE!!" --Fiona and her brother

"I am mental! Only in my head, though"

 All of these quotes, (and more are coming soon) were taken from Candra's

New Years party... DAY ONE

"That cake is evil!" "Don't insult my cake!"

"You two like soo need to be locked in a bathroom together" Calen

"Midget porn! Now that would be awesome, and Nick he can go into sex stores and get me stuff!"Candra

 "Yes, but would he?" Emily

"Wonder how old George is" Candra

 "Tyler will get some midget porn for us"

"Everyone has seen my niple hair now" Travis

"Look! I'm Zaria's barbie doll!"

"Where's my little bitches?!"Zaria

"Excuse me, is that a battery in my cake?" Zaria

"There is nothing like a well-toned pyschic ass" Rachael W.D.

"I can shake my ass like a fucking ho" Kit

"Legolas is not a Leggy Lass!" Eireann's sister Cassandra, on an elf with an unfortunate name

"Oh shit! It's time to eat more baby sheep!

"Mart, you are going to be a social fish.."

"I'm trying to imagine dairy cows farting long disance"

Shinra is a company, not a person! It does not collectively need a gay lover!

"I happen to like the color of pea-green soup, thank-you-very-much!" -Ari

"Octothorpe. Bless you." -Thomas

"It's a tree! -Caer "It's a big dead stick!" -Ruth

"People who think against Rush Limbaugh." -Ryland

"So you were one of those rude little fetuses." -Ryland

"You know, this arouses. . . . . wait. . . this raises. . . . wait. . . this brings up. . damn-it!!" Jared (Colleen's friend)

"No more sex for my car!" Colleen

"I love these bowls, as you eat more you get to see little historical figures. See look, there's Betsy Ross!" Luke

"Wow, three awesome dancers and one woman in plastic." Mel

"it's because we has DSL....or LSD?....or something like that." -Kimb.

"well..it is a dog brush. but it's never been used on a dog. except for me when i'm being a bitch. haha." Kimb. again

"I've got Lemon Pepsi! Mmm! Tastes like Windex! Or maybe more like Lemon Pledge..."

"Wait, if the party's going to be three days long, will everybody have to wear those little cone shaped party hats all that time?"

two quotes from Joel, Emerie's dad

"I need a slutty ice machine. One that really puts out." Kathleen's Dad

"Hey, I know! I could be a prostitute and write it off as community service!" Matt (Colleen's friend)

"I will not eat beans off my girlfriend's feet, I'm sorry." Danniel (another of Colleen's friends)

 "Oh God! Please don't make me take my clothes off!" --Fiona, on the 
 phone with Becky.

 "I don't want your cleavage!" --Fiona again, still talking to Becky.

"May I ask, why there is a fish stuck to your head?"

"if you want to live cheeply in a place like teluride, you move in to a garoge... with other people."

"free goat inspection!?!?"

"what tops getting drunk with your best friend and taking a shower together and having a masterbation contest?" -Naomi

 Becky: "Mom!" (holding up a jar of boysenberry jam) "Did you know they
make

this stuff with BOYS and berries?!"

 Becky's Mom: "Oh, so that's why you like it so much?"

"The pigs are sending us distress calls in morse code!" -Melissa, Fiona's mom again

"There is NO mutiny in chess!!" -Melissa, Fiona's mom

"getting kicked is way better than getting hit with a stick." -Alex from MHT?

"She's got dead people down her shirt!" -Alex from MHT?, refferring to Fiona

"he had me at 'would you like to buy a burrito'"Zaria

"Snort dimes not crack! Dimes: my anti-drug" -Emmet (franny's brother)

"I'm an innocent bystander with an orange."

"Bialys are sex?"

"But it was an organic broccoli band."

"Don't mess with my chicks or I'll ram my antlers up your booty." -Thomas, explaining the thought process of an elk.

"I'm hanging slowly by my testicles, who're you?"

"Hey cool! I can turn myself on!"

 "It's al Qaeda's fault!"
 "It must be!  Hell with the Constitution, I want my cheese!"
 -- Emma's brother and mom

"so what music do you lission to?" -male friend "lesbin folk music"

"I've had fun with Lysol before" -Mike

Dude i feel sexy!

Dude i look sexy

Why the hell wont enny girls talk to me?!?!

i smell good, i look ok

OH SHIT? maby I DONT? look good!

Oh damn i thot i had self esteam there for a second...

or maby the girls i see dont like sexy people.........

Thomas talking to himself woundering why it seems girls dont like him...

"I could take your butt right now if I were a knight, but that's not really useful" , after too much chess, apparently.

"If we were naked that wouldn't have happened!!" Jared, Colleen's significant other.

"I'm an idiot. I think I'll go do my hair" Carrie's King-side Knight

Roya and Marina on AIM:

 RJ onthego: oh god
 RJ onthego: i'm pathetic
 RJ onthego: i found a bottle of sparkling apple cider in the fridge
 Ms RainMa: uh oh...
 RJ onthego: i now have a wine glass
 Ms RainMa: oooooooooo
 RJ onthego: and i am now
 Ms RainMa: oooooooooooooooooooo
 RJ onthego: drinking alone.
 Ms RainMa: well hey, sounds good to me...
 RJ onthego: except this is like the 3rd time this week!!!!!!!
 Ms RainMa: *laughs!!!!!*
 RJ onthego: i'm an appleciderholic!

"Silly Travis, tit's are for kids"Will (Candra's friend)

"Good Ill toward Men!"A sign in Candra's town

"I got the pork and beans!"Travis (Candra's friend)

"Look! A fat bastard with a candle!"Will

"Just remember. They're for babies"Joe (Will's boss)

"Guess who doesn't it get it very often!" Jeannine (Colleen's aunt)

Jared "Hey wanna play sex?" Colleen "I don't have enough gas." Jared - "Well I've got money. . ."

"We've done it nine times in four years!" One of Colleen's co-workers.

"And they'd go, moon shark candle chicken? Oh, that makes perfect sense!"

"I like blowing trash cans"

"Let's forget about the $30 and the tooth fairy. Say they both went to hell."

"Larissa and plus her dog cannot be simplified, because they do not have the same base..." Robyn 's math teacher, Larissa Shatalova

A bunch of quotes from when my dear friend katie spent the night~JackieC

Ohhhh let's play Jerry Springer with barbie dolls~Katie JackieC's? friend

Bitch you better sit down before I tell everyboby you gave your self a hicky with a vaccum cleaner~Katie JackieC's? friend

Ok mom were just going to go get friendly in my bed~JackieC to Katie

safe sex right in the bathroom and I ain't even going blind~Katie

I don't like weed~Katie Did you smoke it~Jackie Only three times~Katie

did you know my dogs a lesbian~Katie

my butt cheeks are warm~Katie

Ijust wasted a good fart~Katie

GRAVY? IS SO YUMMY?!My fat baby mama~Katie

How much you wanna know about my ass cheeks is about how much I wanna know about your sex life~Katie to Jackie

more later when I stop laughing my ass off ok it's later =)~

smell my elbow smell my elbow~Katie

Jackie stop screaming your moms trying to sleep~Katie

"Don't you ever just look at a girl and think to yourself oh I just really want to impregnate her?" - CatieWo

"You're saying it would be conformist? To admit that glow in the dark pubic hair is cool?"

"I never get any good stalkers."

"Mister Rogers is the Shit!" Kim

"sorry, I could not tell Dawn, and Ted apart"

"Oh..It's you, sucking on your thing."-F.Jay (Snow's friend talking about another girl & a straw)

"I'm going to go watch people eat a poor defenseless bird to celibrate killing native americans" Jackie

"Andrea, I have not put any clothes on Hal yet, but rest assured he will be a bad-ass.." -Galen, Robyn's school friend [5]

I'd like to point out that that quote is dangerously cool. Ben S. "Now it just looks like he's moldy" , talking about George Washington

"Wait a minute it was a threat now it's a reward" Lauren, Jackie C.'s little snibling

"I used to do people's drugs all the time - I mean, do their psych drugs... I mean..." -Melissa, Fiona's mom

"He'd be so adorable restrained!" -Becky

"Dad, give me your butt!" Ben S's lil brother.

"Who died and made you hoodie president of the world?" -Katherine H.

"My alter ego has a signature!" Ethan's friend Reuben

"Folic acid turns me on!"Townely (Candra's friend)

 "What are you rubber cementing?" 
 "James Dean." -Fiona and Roya

"Excuse my wiggling finger.." Tam (Emma's mom)

"I'm color-deaf!" Ethan M.

"Too bad they aren't naked... Too bad they aren't girls." Ethan M.

"Can you hear my balls?" -Ethan M.

"Candra, quit shaking your booty at the green beans!"Michelle (Candra's friend)

"Well I only have one STD"One of Michelle's friends.

 Miranda: yeah, "Radishes?"
 Sabrina: It was sortof an asperagus is green moment
 Miranda: only not so E.T.
 Sabrina: well yeah, E.T. isn't funny.

"Oh my god, my brother rocks! I am in shock."

"Ted, your mom is repeatedly giving me kisses!" -Justin, one of Ted's Canadian friends

"Mom? That shopping cart is talking to me..."

 "i was the cat in the hat for halloween."
 "how did you pull that off?"
 "i had a mask and stuff but i couldn't breath in it. so i pulled off
 the hat. and wore that."
 "and went as a cat. did your tires go flat?"
 "how'd you know that? Asked Matt."
 "did it make you look fat?" --ali and matt h.

"I don't need to be excited by my toilet bowl." -Fiona's mom

 Mel: That's very nice, Luke... is he shoving a carrot up his nose?
 Luke: No, it -is- his nose!

Hers looks more like a moose in a box!

 Mel (brandishing a pencil): C'mere, Luke, give me your nostril!
 Luke: I don't feel safe anymore!

Astral s/m? Holy crap.

It's being milked out of it's back legs!

See, you're enjoying this! Admit it! Come on, help us plan the orgy!

I keep losing more and more nostrils as the night goes onWill (Candra's friend)

I am a self-help program! That's what I'm here for. I'm self-helping myself!" - Alyson

damn it Jack give me back my balls~JackieC's? sister Lauren

Everyones a dick except for the people who aren't~ZachD

Lauren go eat your crotch waffles~ZachD

I can so see you as C-3PO! "I'm fluent in over 5 million Ani DiFranco songs!" The LHF to Marina

"I like to eat balls."

"Guess who will wipe your butt with the floor- I mean... wipe the floors with your butt." -Fiona's brother Casey

"I keep old ladies in my underwear drawer." -Fiona's Mom

"yeah.. fortunately, I don't find public speaking engagements to be arousing" -platypus

Mike:"hey, guess what?"

Mel:"what?"

Mike:"things and flings rhyme, and sometimes they both just happen!"

"I'm warning you buddy ... I'm wearing a tampon don't pull my string!"

"Have fun Banging" - Erek

I think this is an extention of my soft squishy personality~ZachD

"One you worships this Jesus dude and the other you get to dance around naked in the woods.."Heather explaining the difference of Christmas and Solstice to Ted

"and it's easier to put it up in the shower thing, so you don't have to do a hand job." anne, jessica's mom

"do you want me to blow you?" anne

"get your nose out of my face!" jessica

"you have a butt. I'm looking at it." jessica

there were more, but I can't remember them. But they were damn funny.

"Fetus Fettuchini!"Will (Candra's friend)

That reminds me of one of my mom's... "Placenta Helper- Now in Stroganoff!" "Don't you DARE? touch my peanut butter!"Candra

"Well I've played scrabble, and it's got me all hot for sex!"Matt (Candra's friend)

"But we're all connected in the end, because of the bass (fish)"Matt (Candra's friend)

 "you'd like my toes! they're canadian."

Mel

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on" - Joel, Emerie's Dad. (As quoted by Ted.) [4]

"I like a hot bowl of Anthrax in the morning." -Ethan M.

 "Are you trying to shut me up?"
 "No. I'm just playing with your mouth." -Mel and Fiona

"Ted's a bad kisser."

 "I'll be the only girl there except for Kathleen and Carolyn"
 "I was about to say 'and Rael', but then I realized Rael isn't a girl."

-Marina and Mel

As a side note, Mel feels really bad about this Rael finds this very funny.

 Two naughty quotes from Luke, Mel's boyfriend:

 "I'm going to beat myself with a bare butt!"
 "I save my fucks for later."

 "They must have a Zen thing going on" --Platypus
 "No, they have a Javascript thing going on." --Rick

"Being a bad-ass chick is great! No one messes with you. Well, except that one dude." Mical

"Being sleepy is a poor excuse for going to sleep" - Daniel D.

"This is not good, drunk people with knives" Lauren, jackie's sister

"Lauren, if you really need to do that, do it in the bathroom" Zach

"I'd rather stay around here watching drunk people eating each other's... fingers.." Lauren jackie's sister

"Hey look its the cat with orange balls!" Lauren

So how does this relate to you biting the heads off of crayfish?

You vicious self-quoter you. I got you I did! Ay, where's the contstable? BenS Hey, I quoted her. *grins* Yeah, overhearing phone conversations is fun..... The standard one comes with three balls.

Uh oh, someone's got mad hedge trimming skillz.

I like any of them, especially all of them.

I am not the real world!

 What you don't know won't hurt you, but it might give you gas. --Ari
 That should be embroidered and put on the wall. --Marina's dad Alan

If I were named "Chunky Bubba" I wouldn't write very well either.

I won't kiss anything that looks like a dead codfish.

There is a lion in the codfish face!

"Where did my nose go? Oh, it's under the table."

"No comment."

I wonder why I worry about spontaneous salads. I don't wonder why I worry about spontaneous salads, but I'm done worrying about spontaneous salads.

I'm trying to think of what Microsoft software I legally own...

That's really distracting when you stick your tongue in my mouth when I'm trying to talk.

 "Are you ready?" -Eire's boss Peter
 "Peter, I'm so ready it hurts" -Eire's coworker Leo
 "Leo, is that a pornagraphic remark?" -Peter

"Is somebody naked back there? Chris, do you have your pants off? Leo, do you have your pants off?" -Eireann's boss Peter

 "Yeah, well, you can do things that Ted can't!"
 "Like what?"
 *thinks for a minute* "Have babies..." -Mel and Fiona

Femininity is expensive

"Have you fingered your teeth yet?" Victor's Dad.

 "I didn't know you were going to put makeup so close to me"
 "Makeup goes everywhere" -Fiona and Ted

"Mel's corpse is hitting on me!"

You know why canadians do it doggie style? No why? So they can watch the hockey game.~Zach and Jackie discussing the best way to watch a kevin smith flick

"..and now Mel's humping me." -Fiona to Ethan on the phone

"Oooooh! Lubricate his head!" -Mel

 "I'm sorry I'm, like, feeling you up"
 "Oh, that's okay. I don't mind." -Mel and Fiona

"You need to pull hard and fast." -Mel

"I'm all lubricated!" -Mel

"Hey, Fiona... Mel's snorting dry ice!" -Ted

"I have nothing in my head at the moment." -Mel

"I fantasize about hamburgers." -Mel

"Porn Monkeys?" -Mel

"Do you want a condom on that camera or not?" -Ted

 "Gimme that cosmo!" 
 "NO! I was reading it FIRST!" -Fiona and Ted

"I like being molested in my sleep" -Mel

"Mel's molesting Ted's feet!"

"Fiona, your face is in my crotch." -Mel

"I know! Doggie Style!" - Matt H.'s little brother

"My bits are wetter than your bits."

"Oo, Freudan bits..."

"I like sandy bits."

"There's a rubber band in my cereal."

"You eating my carrot isn't nearly as weird as me eating my own carrot!"

 "She sang like a hacksaw" --Neal's Dad, on Yoko Ono

"He's got so much space its coming out of his ears." Jessica/Jekissa on AIM

Emily DB: am I going to die? Malia: not while we're around, can I have some melon? Emily DB: only if you want a pencil with it. Malia: sounds great.

Candra: Ya know, it's extremely satifying to pee. But pooping never does it for me.

 Rory: I know what you mean.  Peeing when you really need to is on par with

masturbating in my experince. Kind of puts things in prespective

 Candra: That urination is as good as sex?
 Rory: That urination is as good or better as solo sex.

"Wow. That bathroom was really fun" -Alex #1 (from MHT?)

"Okay... you guys? Stop perverting the sharks. Seriously."

"The best gifts are the free ones." NickH's? friend Gabe on a 6 hour car ride.

"So what's all this about the 'War On Cygnets'?" Chris and Lorin's Dad, over-mis-hearing a conversation about health at camp this year

 "Not only thirst-quenching, but also belly-filling!" -- Robby on eating

frozen waffles without thawing or toasting

 "I want to go to Paris!" --Nancy (Marina and Ethan's mom)
 "I want to go to Minnesota!" --Ethan

"Ow, a guitar string's stabbing me. Ow, a guitar string's still stabbing me..."

"You mean penguins, as in the flying kind?" -Victor

 "How do you get organic SAND?" -Emmet (frannys brother)
 "Pasturize it!" -Louie (franny's other brother
 "That's when you heat something up to kill the germs right?" -Emmet
 "Right" -Franny's mom
 "So...is glass pasturized sand?" -Emmet

test

"When you're in a wheelchair, and I'm like 26, I'm going to push you down a really large big hill." -Thea

Pixi stix and underware.....What more could you want?

"Melissa and Charles sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes a baby in a carriage, then comes marriage. Or something." -Fiona's parents

"They're ugly, but they're fashionable" ~Some lady FionaIsRad 's parents were out to dinner with

AHHHHHHH? there's something in my pants~Lauren Jackie C's little sister

Get me some food now slave!~Jackie's little brother

Swear to god. That is exactly what he said. I was there. ......sorta. Ans jackie's little brother is supa fly. Not even kidding. BenS.

"There's no R-ness about it." "There's no P-ness about it either" Ethan & Mom talking about something on the calendar.

 "What's next..a banana at the crotch?" --Emma's Mom Tam
 "Hey, that's what -I- was going to say!" --Emma

Go make your self some fucking toast~ZachD

There's nothing like fucking a girl on her rag~JackieC

Sweet baby Jesus. Whoever quoted her on that, I'm gonna slap you up but good. *shivers at rememberance of THAT conversation* BenS.

"Whoa. Elvis. Porno movies. Cheese breasts. I'm so lost." *big pause* "And there are CHILDREN? over there!"Candra at the mall today

"Damn! No x rated sock puppets!"Some telemarketer at Candra's place of work.

I'm like a flying pig." jess

"I heard it's better longer." -anne, jess's mom

"What if there were two Candras? I like Candra, but I'm glad there's not two of her" "Me too" "Oh, dear... camp with two Candras... imagine what would happen with a flashlight then.. and if camp without Candra is like sex without a vagina, what would camp with two Candras be? A hot lesbian orgy?" "Can we quote that?" "No, If we quoted all we said that was quotable, we'd spend all our time quoting and never say anything" "Can we quote that?" "Sure. This quote one-ups the previous quote by not only being a quote about a quote, but a quote about itself." "*giggle*" "This quote one-ups the previous quote by not only being self-referential and meta-quote, but points out that the next quote will be about quoting too!" "This quote says that the last quote has an inferiority complex." Rick and Carrie

"Can cats masturbate?"

Yes cats can masturbate. They just have to lay on their back and retract their claws. And now you know. The real question is: Are cats sexually frustrated? I know my cat licks herself alot but that's just wrong. Ben S.

-A late night Marina-and-Kathleen conversation:-

 "Eyes."
 (pause)
 "What about them?"
 (pause)
 "You have them."

"Water boils more slowly in Colorado." -Ted

Why is this funny? -Ruth Emerie laughs. It just is. Perhaps you don't appreciate my sense of humor. Well fine then. Wait, you don't mean to say it's somehow true that water boils more slowly where you are? -Emerie Water boils at a lower temperature in higher altitudes. As you increase altitude, the external pressure on the water is decreased, therefore it will take less energy to break the water molecules free from their bonded energy. (this dry science note was brought to you by Mel)(so yes, Emerie, it could be true that water DOES? boil slower in Colorado) Well, see... I knew that somebody would get around to pointing that out eventually, but it's funnier if you don't. Mel dear, you're too damn practical! -Emerie, who isn't stupid, she just has a weird sense of humor, okay? "How does a naked man wearing a bush make me want to buy a subway sandwich?"

Oh wow, those are the best comercials in the world. I fear change, and will keep my bushes!!!! Ahahahahaha! The end. "Monkeys do interesting things, like stick long sticks into holes. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for sticking long sticks into holes. I didn't mean it that way! I meant they're our ancestors! Oh no..."

"Eireann, you're like an aroused cat on helium!"

"religious-free popcorn!"Candra

"great mimes think alike!" -EthanMoses

Mel: Camp? Without Candra? That's like sex without a vagina!

in response to reading this, roya said.. "we'd just have an anal camp!" [2]

"They were evil Oompa Loompas!"

"They should make a Scooby-Doo movie with real people." -Joshua, Jadzia and Snow's 11yr old brother

 
 "Yeah, they already made real people movies of 'Archie' and 'Josie & the

Pussycats, and it would have a real Great Dane!" Snow

"What's the dogs name?" Jadzia (talking about scooby, and she was serious!)

"That's what friends are for Fran, pointless conversations involving camera's and Canadians late at night!"

Ali's short collection of Empire Builder quotes

"The sun always shines on Mt. Wilbur!" Andrew, nice kid on the train we met... it was funny at the time...

"Shit, I feel like I'm on the Enterprise..." random passenger after going through too many train doors

"That man's butt is talking."

"Jesus ate a creamsicle!" -Eira

"So Linux Doesn't have bugs, it just has flightless waterfoul?" Neal's Mom

"Nope. Not in my fantasies!" ~Fiona, to Victor

"And God said.... let there be duct tape"

"and in the beginning, there was..... duct tape."

I took the liberty of quoting myself, because it didn't appear that Ethan was going to. *grins* Eireann's dqts from Camp/Theory:

 "Heather, stop sticking ice down Mitchell's pants!" -someone
 "What? I'm just trying to get a rise out of him!" --Heather

"Dammit, there's crap in my underwear"

"No, I don't like sex" Morgan

"Blow Zack blow! Go Go Go!"

"I think he likes it, he's getting all hot" -someone

"Ryland, are you a lesbian?" Kim W.

"And then you die. In bed. Sexually. Ow."

"That's assuming you have a booty to shake.."

"And this one time, at Not Back to School Camp, Candra stuck a flashlight up her..."

"If we don't find a 7-11 soon, I'm going to pee in the tub." "That would be interesting." -Maggie & Jasmine

In Eugene, at a comic book store:

 Scott: Excuse me, do you have any bondage fairies?
 Clerk: Right over there.
 Scott: You don't seem to have any new ones. Do you have any new  bondage

fairies, since last week?

 Clerk: I'm sorry, if you're not more discreet, I'm going to have to  kick

you out.

Marina's DQTs collected at camp

"Burn them. In church. Sexually."

"You don't know how to say "Gummi bears are fucking on my shoe" in sign language??"

"Wait, how would that work? Someone pushes my button and grabs my ass?" Scott

"Your baldness came off on my fingers!" Charlie

Marina's DQTs collected at Theory/Ashes

"Ew, there's pasta floating in my tea!"

"It's all about degrees of molestation." Morgan

"The only thing you'd have to worry about is burning the doors down." Rick, talking about major warfare on Walmarts across the nation

"Actually, it usually blows itself out on the instroke." Rick

"We're getting old, our tongues are shrinking."

"Enough with the fucking pigs!" Mitchell [1] [3]

"I can do interesting things with oatmeal." Rick

"I tried to eat an exploding burrito with a stiff upper lip."

"Of course I'm your friend Candra! I'm going to clean your basement. I do not want to talk about your feces."Zarria

After hearing about the grape whore services..."Jesus tap-dancing Christ. That is the coolest thing I've ever heard."Jake D.

"Just shake your penis at it! That's how I fix things at my house!"Will Pope

"Everything ends up being about charred remains with you."Chris Simpson

"Mical is like a fondel me Elmo doll" -Kim

"Sophie you look like a greased pig rider without your cloths on"- also Kim

"Where's Eric? I wanna tell him he's ugly." Emily, a friend of Ethan's

"Special friends are everywhere, they could be hiding under your chair..." - sung by Tsunomon, a.k.a. Sammy

"there's some serious permission problems around here" - ZachD

"that was some pretty funky grass" - Jackie

"whoops, did i just make out with you?" - jennyrose

"stop stroking me!" butch/ben s. (at camp)

I'm feeling Mitch's head while he's naked! - Tom

I've got elephant cum on my head !!! - Knuteboy

There's funky shit in my hair... and it tastes bad! - Knuteboy, butt-naked in the shower with the door open

Desire?E?Miranda's girlfriend): "Dodge No Drugs In Finland"? If someone pitched a big lump of crack at me I'd fucking dodge it!

Miranda: no! you missed the end, it said "Dodge No Drugs In Finland, Aries" see? They're not even talking to us, the finnish people only throw crack at Aries

Desire? *grumbling* well I still don't see why he can't duck, you'd think it'd hurt...

"if you think that there is no space in Rylands cleavage!" Charlie

"Someone cop a feel and get that rubber band ball back ... Hey! Don't reward that kind of behaviour! That was just a cheap attempt to get quoted." Platupus

"The shit threw me off I guess." Colleen

"Here. Have a limp carrot and go to your dark tent." Dawn

"Well hey, if I ever want to sleep in I'll just go in the bathroom." Colleen

"I've been bitch-slapped by God!" -One of the Dans on the train..I can't remember which one....

"If you're together but not under stress, how do you know you're together?"

"...so, we should definately redesign the web page while we're here. We'l need to ..."Charlie "That, however, calls for clean hair, so I'm gonna take a shower."nick

"Zach, Wheres the fun stick?" Noah (zach and dan D's little brother)

"There need be no explaination for this ooh, condoms!Morgan

"There's a little puddle of Colleen on the stage, trying to be sensual" Colleen

"Cows R' Us" Neal's Dad

"The Allosaurus uses his special technique of looking bigger." - Keith

"I just wanna punch one of those big guys outta their lights!" - Sara

"If you don't have breasts, get to know someone else's!" -Taber

"What are they doing in the kitchen?" -ruth "Well, Ted did say he was raping Ryland..." -marina

"You should draw a penis on his head" -ruth "no you should draw a penis on his head" -marina

"That felt like driving over shrunken heads!" - charlie

"okay, so who here's put a microphone in their mouth and listened to it?" - charlie

"death by icecle, scary thought!" - Ruth

"you need to work more on your glow" -Chris, talking to one of the people who just came in claiming to have just had a nice orgy.

"I thought that chair was marina at first" -mitchel

"I'm not perverted! I'm just sexually aware!" Ben S.

"It's like body Origami." Charlie

"My nose isn't just running, it's a fucken refugee!" Eireann at camp

"I'm wrong, but I want to be. Shut up!" Zack

"I'm morally opposed to lying. But then, I'm morally opposed to Republicans." Morgan

"if anyone see's john, I want to ask him about gassolean" Evan

"hey, Mel... I'm still wearing your underwear... Do you want them back?"

"There have been no casualties reported in conection to the weiners"- NPR News

"Fine, you college people do your own thing, I'm gonna stick to the screw." Colleen

"Nature abhors an empty closet." Tam (Emma's Mom)

How you gonna interrupt me with a tree~Cute Ben(tehehe)or should I say Butch the lesbian

Ahhhhh I didn't think you guys would do that~Vitcor

Are you guys naked~samantha screamed after seeing Megan and Zack

Oh shit the kitchen~Matt The funny thing was it wasn't his day for morning kitchen clean up

I love being deflowered~Cute Ben

Once you get a lap dance laying down you never go back~Cute Ben

"I'm gonna get home, and I'm gonna go down to the park and hug every heroin addict I can find!" - morgan.

"I'm glad most of my scars are from other people." annonymouse camper.

"I didn't lose my willpower. Chocolate is a sacred expirience."

"I'm going to drown you with a spoon!" -Carrie

Rick: "If it smells like an avocado, eat it. If it smells like bacon, don't eat it." Lorin: "So what does it smell like to you?" Rick: "Bacon."

Colleen: "Hey Matt, you want a blow job?" Matt: "Have to go clean the showers right now. . " Colleen: "Oh it'll just take a second." Matt: "I think you're underestimating me."

"Hey, my blow job matches my fingernails!" James

"Has anyone seen my package?" Zen

Keith: Kotomi is fire, Eriko is water, and I'm the sun...

Sara: And I'm a volcano!

Sammy: And I'm the Caribbean sun!

"pull her back in"

"it feels like i'm still spinning" -EmilyOh

"boobs are the spawn of satan"

"I do it with pillows" Fiona's friend Kelli

"sorry i just have to grab your ass a little bit longer"

"you could have a little disney orgy" Fiona to Ali

"Society needs vaginas!"

"I don't want anything on my urethra!" Charles, Fiona's dad

"That is the physical version of Lorin's duck voice."

"That's why I like having beady little eyes" Chris B.

(while using a breast pump) "Moo!" ~Emily, Fiona's aunt (who just had a baby)

"This is better than chocolate and red cabbage!" Chris Black, while eating a chocolate graham cracker with a slice of tomato on it.

"It's sad that her family should go hungry for simple lack of counter space."

"Wouldn't it be weird if you could only express your feelings through gummy sharks?"

"You don't want to know where her tongue has been!" -Ali

"It's my new best invention .. better than Kansas!" -Sara Smee, Robyn's cousin

"I'd rather it be blood than tomato." Colleen and Mel's Mom.

"Excuse me, I'm burping mangos." Colleen and Mel's Mom, again.

"What language are you cussing in?" And one last time, Colleen and Mel's Mom.

Jess at Victor's house

(disclaimer: sorry if we're gross. I swear, they give you some sort of drugs out here that make you say stuff you didn't mean to! really! jekissa )

 "Alex, are you going to go back to your own bed now?" victor
 "I'm limp." alex

"I will go in your pants!!" Jessica

 "The first 11 year old to need viagra!" jess
 "What's Viagra?" alex (the 11 year old)

"There's nothing funnier than watching a juggler chase his balls...that sounds really gross..." gordon, vic & alex's dad

 "How many balls do you have?" jess
 "I have 29!" victor

"My eyeballs!" victor

"Carter enter room. Carter leave room. Li not see Carter leave room. Room blow up. Li think Carter dead. Li sad. Carter have fun." victor, explaining a scene from Rush Hour 2...

"THEY'RE? MY GONADS?!" jessica

"Suck me up the damn tube, dammit!" alex

 "What...kind of tube?" vic
 "Penis enlarger!" jessica

 "What's with you and Miranda and sweet love in an M bottle?!" jess
 "That sounds like a Bob Dylan song!" victor

Everything is silent for 30 minutes... "Hey, I got some bananas!" alex

"Sex ed, School House Rock style!" victor

 "You're on my knees!" victor
 "Well you're on my hair!...How did we get into this position?" jess 

"You always start with balls." victor, talking to jessica

 "Now I get to whack you with a pillow!" alex
 "Are you gonna whack him off too?" jess (who has a particularly nasty mind

at night...)

"My balls keep meeting!" jess

 "Yea, candra's butt is really big, it's sorta hard to miss." vic
 "You might not want to say that to her face." jess
 "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" vic

"My breasts are falling out!" victor

 "Vic, stop using all your feet!" alex
 "How many feet does he have?" jessica

"You really know you're having problems when you can't find your own butt." victor

"There's nothing like throwing china on the floor to get people's attention!"Rick

"My diodes are vibrating!" - Noam's Mom

One of Fiona and Candra's weird poems, created while sitting with their legs suspended in the air:

 Candra: Your brothers a brat
 Fiona: You had sex in a vat
 Candra You've had sex on a mat
 Fiona: You've had sex /with/ Matt!
 Candra:  You'd get pleasure from a gnat!
 Fiona: Matt's the size of a gnat!

"I keep my amazing fact book up my ass" Candra

"I find pants very restrictive" BonziMonkey?

"No! You're perverting the monkey!" Candra

"Is it a dragon? Can I eat it?" Jessica, to alex, about his latest Lego spaceship...

"I only blow when they're not looking." Becky

 Marina: "We should just go naked all the time."
 Kathleen: "And you think we have hormones now..."

"Naked waving biscuit! Yeah, score!"

 Roya: When you think of paranoid skitzophrenics, Jessie's the first person

to come to mind.

 Jessie: No she's not!

"You are a loser poser hoser!"

"I'm feeling up the Native American artwork." Tenay

"YEAH? Well, I have boobies on my foot." Candra

Robyn: "Meanwhile, the elephant is happily eating his bike parts."

Buzzy: "Meanwhile, other girls our age are at the mall."

"You guys scare me with your casual treatment of exponents." -Robyn's Dad, Mark

"It's amazing what people will promise you once you get them in bed with you!" Candra

 "Spike? He's a rent-a-sex-monkey."
 "nono... MATT's the rent-a-sex-monkey!" --Calen and Candra

"Okay... I can explain the whole gonad thing."

"Do you shave your beaver's ass?" Calen

"Pirate ships and boobies!" Candra

"I don't touch other people's nuts" Candra

"I want to live until the end of my life!" ~Franny~

"Prostitution on the internet...EBAY?!"

"I bet she'd be well suited to CPR?" Neal, on Ani Difranco

"good unschooling conversations are like a drug..."-Dawn

"OKAY?! Enough gonads and strife!"

"They always put dancy music at the end of movies, so you can get the sleep out of your butt!" Robyn's mom

"And after dinner, we can go conquer Europe!" jessica's dad

"I didn't know bobbypins were so powerful!" Fiona , to Franny on the phone

"Oh, you do not need tonsils!" Fiona , to Franny on the phone

"But he doesn't have a hat!!" Buzzy, very empathatically, playing Pictionary, after being told that someone's picture was of a sailor...

"There's nothing better then a fine cuban cigar lit with Lou Panella's hat!" Neal's annoying little brother

"Why is everyone wiping themselves on me?! Oh wait, that came out very wrong. . " Colleen

"Hey Jevon, my hands are wet again, you wanna experience them?" Jevon's dad, Jeff aka Mr.Bill

 "I just like his stuff!"
 "His... /stuff/?" -Fiona and her brother

"Yeah, she just wants to... 'listen to his music'." -Fiona's Mom... said with suggestive undertones

victor and jess, on phone!

 
 "You're funny when you're tired." Jessica 
 "Oh, Bugger off." victor

 "Much plot explosion. Explosion...Exposition!" victor

 "Ok, so no hard feelings or bad feelings or anything, right?" jessica
 "Can I have mushy feelings?? Oh that came out wrong..." Victor

 "I'll give you names some time when we're not on the phone, and the CIA

isn't listening..." jessica

 "They are?" victor
 "Yep." jessica
 "Ok...let me interrupt your story for a minute...Hey, CIA guys! DEATH TO

BUSH!" victor

"slash me has a laughing fit. SLEEP? IS GOD!" victor

"slash me hugs." victor (too much irc, me thinks)

"ACK! You're DQTing? me again!" victor

"I got my toes stuck in the fan!" thomas, mocking jessica over the phone

"A nun just kissed me twice!"

"I just can't keep my hands off your ass!"

Yeah watch out, I'm squirting." Joe

 "I think we're most ourselves when we're alone" -Cas, Eire's sister
 "But all you do when you're alone is pick your nose and  masturbate!"

-Eire

 "Exactly!" -Cas

"hold on a sec., I have to take some pictures of my butt" Candra (followed by "oh, she is getting her ass quoted. Waitaminute.")

"DON'T? say that to a lesbian girl with a pickle in her hand..." -Tessa (followed by shrieks of "dont put that up, my girlfriend will see it!")

"At camp I want to be Ryland and Shippys love child..."- Mitchell

[1] Mitchell claims he didn't say this, but several other people who were there vouch that he did... [3]

[2] Neal would like to note that Camp without Summer was somewhat like that... as it would be without a number of people, but this would be a more apropriate thing for AllSoRad...

[3] Ahem. Mitchell does not specifically deny that he said this; he simply has no memory of the event, and thinks he would be fairly likely to remember saying something so thoroughly out-of-character. His memory would probably be jogged if anyone knew the context of this quote. Mitchell also wonders if he said anything else he can't remember now. Scary thought, that. Maybe he let something slip about his involvement in that business with the radioactive, oversexed mutant chipmunks...

[4] That actually happens to be a quote from a musical. "Mame". I forget who it's by. But I saw that musical when I was about... 7, and I still remember that quote. *grin*

[5] oh my god that is a cool quote. i want to write a story just around that quote. yeeeah.