Pen Smudgings by heather Warning:i am human. i laugh, cry, sing, giggle, and spread light. i have fallin in out and all around love. i have danced with happyness and kissed depressions lips. i have been in the depths of saddness and the top of joy. i have had lovers eyes i could not tuch, friends smiles i could not see and i've heard soul seekers pleeds for freedom. All of this and much much more more is expressed, blirted, cryed, carved, bleed, printed, painted, wispered and scream out in around 300 of my poems. To read my poetry and works of art is to accept the fact that i am human and i take up space. that being said please enjoy, learn from and respect my words of so maney letters Yours In Poetry
Started: about a month or so after April 9th 2001 Finshed: never greater beings granted copyright everybody's free letter to a mewith 'save me' scars still scratched over her body 'fat bitch' frishly washed away from her soul yet it's still stained in her ears she walks away. she walks away from every mind game her daddy played with her from her burn marks and knife woonds she runs away from her dark allies annerixic waterfalls sexual experence weird looks and scratched soul. she steps under the waterfall of her past and washes her hair body mind heart and soul of every mind game any fucker played with her. as she steps out she sparkles glows shines and sworlies with love compassion poetry beautie and strangth. she is heather a person so strong no poetry can capture her beautie and life. but she is more then just some pritty words said in a patteren she is a goddess who is willing to fight she is the keeper of 10 million souls she's ready to lission and talk and draw and paint. she is a goddess bitch lover child teenager painter artest autodidact self lover free thinker and poet in her own right she is a pixie with blue hair whos shadow that falls into mine for she is me. i'll love you heather even when you don't believe yourself. your way stronger then you give yourself thanks for. people read and love your painting and songs and poetry. you know many things and you know how to smile. i love you even when your lost in yourself. come home soon. i miss you
"you've never heard me cry before" said a voice so far away. "i'm lost and i can't get out i'm drowning in my own feelings" silents is an okay thing my heart pounded out under my skin. "you've never heard me smile" "i'm starving to let you become free" "theres a first time for everything" i say softly "thank you" said the far off voice "i believe in you" "thank you" said the voice misting with tears "i love you" "thanks" said the crumbling voice "sleep my angel and ancers will come" "thank you" said the fighter "thank you ever so much" "he's gone," whispers the front screen door as i hung up the phone. "he's gone but i know he's gunna be okay"
dear friends dear friends let me tell you how i feel you have given me such plesure i love you so dear friends dear friends let me tell you what i think you have made me fall in love with your heart and souls dear friends dear friends let me show you the way to me first you laugh then you cry it's all right dear friends dear friends let me tell you what i'm doing i am writing you a song to show my love to show my love
1083 I believed in the flesh and blood life had tossed onto my hands when i was only ten. i believe that Fuck Vagina and Bitch hold power anger and beautie. I believe my own mastakes where worth it because in the end i am teaching others from. i believe that from my starving poetry there is one less annerixic and one more fighter who is willing to fight. i believe that if everyone frowned less and smiled more Socer the Grouch from Sessme street wouldnt be so grumpy. i believe that i am a healer who is still healing i believe that your a druggy who doesn't want drugs but most days hunny i believe that i am to old to be fifteen
just to spite myself
i am going to yell and bitch and scream
and say
fuck you more
and i miss you less
to those thousands of eyes
who liked my ass.
just to spite myself
i'm going to dress up
and make myself feel like a goddess again
yet i know all to well
no layers of makup
can cover up my fighter scares.
just to spite myself
i'll eat my dinner and not feel fat.
mind you i've been saying that
sints i was a little starving
eight year old girl
just to spite myself
i'll send that DeadDaddy letter,
clime every mountan, kiss girls and go skinny dipping
i'll get sunburnt, say i love you
and maybe some day
just to spite myself
i'll show you
whos worthy of love
The asshole poemjust shut up and admit your an asshole. because you left me far behind eating your fear. it scares me that you used my body like a violin by making it part of your own then breaking the strings off one by one. it bothers me that you tried to be all touchy feely when really you where just hiding from me. it hurt me so bad why won't you just shut up and edmit your an asshole your friends would forgive you or maybe i'm just speeking for me.
i roar then i smile with my rosehip lips pinched together breathing out: this is who i am from my bair rib cage to my ten inch nale boots. i seeme to frighten you with my dyed hair but i saw you lightly smile just now breathing out "hush little child it's only a phaze"
one one one seven (you know who this poem is for.) i don't know what to do, but i know after this the rainn will come and wash away the dryed blood. all i ask of you is to remember old eurgers will continue, perhaphs forever. eurges don't matter. actions do. continue on the surch for yourself. everything will work out fine i know from my and others pasts every goddess falls somtime along their path to themself.
kids push and shove
there way through those too small walls
trying to starve paint and bully
their way into themself.
welcome to high school
this is just
the way they are.
you'll either be
punched pushed or starved
into whoever
Sally Jill or Ted
dream you to be.
it's going to be a sad sad world
and when they hear that i'm gay.
they will try to make me be
a lonly baled girl
crying in the corrner.
good thing that it won't work
because hunny;
i'm writing
my own poetry now.
hero when i was four years old they told me that my super hero wasn't real. when i was eight years i sat down one day and skiped my meals because my hero wasn't real because my hero was gone when i was ten years old i woke up one morning thys covered in blood screaming out my hero was gone when i was threeteen years old i didn't go to bed because i had fallen asleep into my four year old day dreams when i was too old to be fifteen my mummy told me my hero was never real. i flashed my bigest smile and knew that the only real hero left was me.
i'm so tired of poetry. my feelings look all dryed up like unsent roses from old lovers, all crunchy and withered away. i'm sick of him roaling his eyes at my words then squinting away when it gets too hard for him to read. who do you think you are? another abused superman? i'm sick and tired of there voices going "gee. you sound angry." naw really ya think? every goddess has a right to sing there name to whatever bloodsoaked words they wrote down.
Some Day some day im gunna scrap off that pritty face and show you who i really am. on that same some day i'll wash away my regret of being imperfect. i'll wash away my worries of being unloved i'll wash away my tears of being lonely and maybe on that same "some day" i'll let fear face it's own fear and know my past will faid away into my old lovers eyes unsent letters and midnight snuggles with the people that i love
Pritty Lost Girl pritty lost girl wounder were your footsteps lead to more hidden tunnles for hiding in or maybe your just running from me. pritty lost girl covering up your past with red scars we can no longer see. pritty lost girl you mean so much to me. pritty lost girl looking out those big blue eyes starving to see past your fathers lies. pritty lost girl peeping out through cracks of lies pritty lost girl please don't die
i'm not doing this to hurt you in fact is has nouthing to do WITH YOU i'm doing this because every hero in distress has a right to be heard. i hear you. lets rases our voices and make them fuckers care. lets call out and roal up our bleeding wrists and let our empty tummys call out and show the world who we really are we may be "fuckin dykes" and "just another wanna be who wants to be a wanna be" or "bleeding hearts" or just another "untuchable faces" but we are still fighters who are willing to fight and no one. will ever take that away from me
OneOneFourSix? she will cry.
and not let me to dry her tears
but it doesnt matter.
i'm far away
and i can't save her
or dry her tears
anymore
i will walk away.
and keep her in my soul
then frame her untuchable face
and hand it on the walls on the heart
he will laugh. and roal his eyes then remember were his dead friends use to play then shrink away into himself i will wave my hands scream loud and make dem fuckers care about the storys of our slit wrists empty tummies and our dirty needles. someday i'll paint the world a picture of the unseen and shine there eyes on the shadows of were there eyes are to afraid to go
OneOneFiftyFive? i can't help but remember
how much you loved me
because i made you feel
so much better then you where.
as i see her kissing you
i see her glow and melt
then i watch you lap her energy up
like a kitten enjoying milk.
i know it wont last
because i see past your fancy moves
and fench kisses.
as i see you watch me tie my hiking boots up you actuly reolise i'm no longer yours.
OneOnetyAteToo? some kind of color some kind of light thats all i need to get by. all i need is just some light colours to make me smie again. thats all i've ever needed hunnypie so please lend me a light of somekind
OneOneATEFive its all my fault so just point your boney fingers and laugh send little peces of paper i won't ask. kick up your heals and call out at Me, the pritty lost girl with no where to flee.
i'll regret thinking this,
because i know what you think of my thinkings.
i think you think
i need help
but i disagree
because;
because i'm ready to be free.
i'll regret saying this,
because i know what you say about my sayings
you say that i'm saying
that i'm just another wanna-be
who wants to be a wanna-be
but when i looked you in the eyes
and made your pritty face melt
you knew the was no lies traped
traped;
in my poetry
i'll regret feeling this, because i know how you feel about my feelings. i saw you last night night hiding behind your whine glass mummbling to your Mr. superman what a fuck up that gal is because she knows; she knows the ancwer to her everything.
1198 as stright as this road i may seem to your sleepy eyes but there is a curve up ahead that i disapeered at curving spining loopy and came out queer. i use to walk the straigh girl walk
were purple was just purple
pink was just pink
and rainbows were just
speical things after rainstorms.
now somthing changed when i was 15
maybe it's from
when i was small and was droped a few to maney times
or i kept licking electrict outlets
when i was old enough to know better
or i fugered out that
girls actualy kiss better in my eyes
i useto be straight old white now i'm as gay as a rainbow and happy as a poet
1200 to a place far, far away from myself... were dyke isn't slang make up is war paint and black is happy. to a place far, far away when you can flash your grated up wrists lift up your eyes and not run away and say i hurt myself today
1211 I won't sing you any love songs anymore because i know it angers your soul to hear my soft voice call out i love; love you true. but in return all i ask of you is to lift up your eyes and not run away to say to the world i hurt myself today
happyness it slips away so fast you better hold on tight because happyness comes and goes so fast sometimes you forget you even took that moment to smile. it runs around and toils with your emotions. changes hello smiles into goodbye tears. it spinns you a mask so you can lift up the ends of your smile and say i'll be okay somday. somedays i wounder if you can see past the good bye smiles or if you really just think that everytime you say good bye you die a little
i ask questions i don't know the ancwer to. i dance like on ones watching my hips sway i sing even if they think i'm off the beat and then i carve smooth words like its heaven on earth even though his blood cloged wrists clearly state he's living up his own hell but its fine time for him to bandage up his scared wrists (god knows i had to do the same) because if love is what he's dying for dont slit your slists for me because i am finally free to dance my own dance sing my own songs and pain my own poetry to whatever beat my heart thumps out
2227 The sun has risen it's early morn' because i can feel the dew drops making a frost bite necklace underneath my collar bone. i stand hiding underneath my skin just trying to survive i sand there not looking just standing i watch the faces i look up to pass me by i get an icy cold glare to feed my soul. the glare catches my soul on fire making me outraged. the buss much like me life rolls in 3 minuets late making me miss my connection and the friends i forgot to make in school. it is packed full and crowded i slip my cold fingers into my pocket and something hard clangs agents my fake nails. the ends of my lips raise up to make a small evil smile. i pat my pocket that holds my fathers 22 gun i know that today i will finally make those bitches notice methe little lost girl with no were to flee
OneTwoThreeFour? can't stop staring at the dark, dark sky. but then again i can't stop stairing towards the new you the old us and the way she sang her song. can't stop craving those thick, thick paints. the way it splatters my page scairs me awake because the desing is shaped like my lovers bleeding heart, her sliced up body and my friends shattered wings. i can't stop loving your beautiful beautiful soul i'm sorry i know i no longer sleep in your heart because you've mooved on to an icey road patch on your hot path to hell roasting and cooking you last words spitting out your mouth "i'll regret you and your soft both hands"
1244 to fall in love again would mean i'd have to lift up my eyes and not run away to say to the world i'm ready to love again.
1264 what would i do? to hold you and never let you go. what would i give? to spend the day all warm in your hands. what would i give? to kiss you till i'm real and hole once again.
Everything way up here feel a little more true are real compaired to down there. Everything up here is so small and fragile like grandmas china before i droped it. From my 30,000 foot purch up here were the birds dont fly up here where no one has tuched because there is nothing to feel. i sit and stare out my little window thinking about where this path will lead me as i look beside me into his bussniss eyes i can tell that it's just another flight down other one way street from him. but for i its another exersixe to flex my wings so i'll be brave enough fly
1277 I'm not gonna stick around forever... schools taught me one thing and that's how to paint your own freedom, without da brushes. Watch our world, I'm armed with a ticket and a free mind. I'm armwed with love compassion and my fathers boots. I forgot were I came from and were I am going so I'm lost inbetween. Watch Out World. I'm armed with a Word.
quotes i like watch carefuly.... i'm Faking This all ive ever wanted is to be confterble in my own skin Ahem. dear people!hi, i am gunna read 3 poems at 1st session talent show and now would your chance to tell me what 3 you wanna hear...
-franny
NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 81 times, last edited on April 5, 2002 by 142.59.83.107. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
