Know Thyself

CourageToBeNormal

Shippy accused me today of being overpopular and intimidating. I feel horrified. She was only half joking at the time, and feeling pissy about a lot of other stuff, but still.

It makes me feel pouty. I refuse to be one of those intimdateingly glamourouse bright sparkly god-your-cool-i-wish-i-could-get-to-know-you people. i wont do it!

Dammit, im not doing anything cool im just chickening out of staying home, an idea that scares me and bugs me. -Dawn, who posted this thought here because she couldnt see where elseto stick it.

--- marina wonders why this page hasn't existed yet... ok, i'll start... i'm a very introspective person. I actually analyze myself and my own motives more than I analyze other peoples. And I analyze other people a lot. :) I am very good at listening, and getting better at giving advice. I have a good sense of humor, very ironic, with a good sense of timing. I have a good stage presense, but I'm not a very good actress. I'm very concientious. I procrastinate way too much, and sometimes do a half-assed job on something. I make way too many lists. I am a good piano player, and I'm just starting to feel ok calling myself a musician. I take good care of myself most of the time. I have too much stuff in my room! Living out of a suitcase for two weeks really makes you think... :) What makes me happiest is when people I admire notice and are friendly too me. A letter can send me into euphoria-land for a week. When my mom gets angry at me I always cry. But I almost never cry. I need to learn to cry. I love sleeping with people. I write poems, and about 20% of them are fairly good, which is a pretty good percentage. I have voices in my head.

Gee, this is fun!

Tell me your reactions to this. Do you agree or disagree with something I said? Did you not know something about me that you see here? And then write about yourself! :) -marina

This is reminiscent of the eye contact exercise!

I am a perfectionist, which in my case means I am also an incredible procrastinator. Approval is very important to me and, much to my disgust, I don't take criticism or rejection well. I am idealistic. I sometimes complain too much, though I think I've gotten better about that this year. I hate admitting I need help with anything, and it's an extremely rare occasion when I do. I need time to myself to write in my journal and just be quiet. I hate loss or lack of control.

Different kinds of presence (I guess you could call it charisma as well...I prefer presence) absolutely fascinate me. I love watching people.

I seem to cry at odd things, but this is really because things that make me sad or just irritate me build up until it's just too much, and then the strangest events will set me off. I dislike really "sitting down" to meals and I always eat very quickly. "Writing" scares me in a way, and I often find it hard to start. Failure scares me. It scares me how well this short, short piece sums me up is this essential me, all there is to me?. Death scares me the most.

I am picky about who I will begin friendships with. Sometimes I find it hard to empathize with people I'll just be too lazy or distracted to try and put myself in their shoes or whatever, which frustrates me. Depending on who it is and why I feel I am supposed to empathize with them, I may quickly say, "Oh well," and give up.

I always thought I would know more at this point in my life than I feel like I do. It's an uncomfortable feeling to think I might be clueless all my life. - Emma

i talk too much and too loud because i'm constantly trying to express everything i feel to everyone around me. i want to understand what they feel too. i'm the most emphatic person i know, i literally feel sick when other people do, and shake violently when my loved ones are in emotional duress.

i am usually an emotional roller coaster, but over the last few months my emotions have been strange and chilly. i can't cry when i want to, when it's appropriate, but i find myself sobbing over the tiniest most idiotic things.

i like being the center of attention, but i think my motivation is different from what's percieved. i imagine myself in the middle of things so that i can see everyone else, not particularly so that they can see me. i like to make people laugh and smile because i think people are beautiful. i am endlessly fascinated with what people have to say, what makes them tick, what they're like.

i love to dance. i love to move. i hate being still, unless i'm warm in bed. but i'm lazy, especially lately. i have lots of ideas and not as much follow through. i like to wander around, not head for a direction.

i don't get embarrased easily, but when i do i turn red and laugh a lot. i don't find the same things embarrasing as most people. the most embarrasing thing for me is when someone doesn't take me seriously my biggest pet peeve in the world is when people roll their eyes at me.

i can't stand for people not to like me.

i love everybody a heck of a lot.

    (~summer)

Hmmm...well, as you all probably know, I am obsessed with music. "Classical music". I could just sit, transfixed, listening to Vivaldi or Saint-Saens or Shostakovich or somesuch, for hours on end. I play the violin, and I love it. I also play some other instruments (piano, recorder, guitar and cello really badly, and hopefully flute soon), but I'm not so 'serious' about them. I am a rather tidy person. It's not so much being clean, but having space and not being cluttered. I like to run around and have fun. I smile a lot, and like to laugh. I like to look at people/things and just adore them. The thing I hate most is defensiveness. I feel sick when I find myself being defensive from other peoples defensiveness. Yech. I love being able. Able to do things... I love learning things, preferably with someone(or more) else. I like someone teaching me a lot more than textbooks or whatnot. I enjoy traveling quite a bit, but also like being home. I pretty much just like being. I like money, and working for it. I am quite ambitous. When I want something, I really want it. And I usually get it. I could be a spoiled brat, and I guess I am in some respects...teehee. I am "spoiled rotten and occustomed to a perfect life". Which is fine, I guess, because I have a perfect life... ~Erin

I... don't know myself, really. Like Jasmine said in her first thingy she read at the talent show (second session 2000), there are so many parts of me that are constantly disappearing, reappearing, changing into different forms... it goes on... Right now I feel quiet. I don't want to be loud, or laugh a lot, or say witty things and be cute. I want to find a place with other people, but I don't want to fit myself into a hole that's the wrong shape for me. I just want to be quietly a part of things, no big deal about it. I want to go with my instincts, what I feel is right for me. I think it took me a long time to figure this out. Camp was a big push in that way. I want to try on different faces and styles, but only for me and not for anyone else. I am quiet and keep to myself a lot deal. I am worth getting to know but I won't throw myself in your face, so you'll have to talk to me yourself. I respond easily, I'm good with people. I don't consider myself shy anymore. I write constantly, it's my favorite addiction. I cry over photographs. I make lists for everything. I have a great smile. I am changing.

-wanderlust

I spend a lot of time alone, and I spend a lot of that time thinking about myself. I'm very, very self-centered; I get stuck inside myself sometimes, and can't figure out how to climb out of my own thoughts and smile at the person sitting next to me.

People fascinate me, and they also terrify me to the point of pain. If I think that someone isn't interested in me, or doesn't like me, I draw back and away, and do my best to ignore them. If someone says that they do like me, and are interested in me, I immediately feel drawn to them, and am much freer in my conversation and actions. I watch people on buses and on streets and in restaraunts, noticing who they offer drinks to and what they look at. I can be totally oblivious. I make up stories in my mind about being unwanted or unloved, and then hurt because of something that isn't real. I place an enormous amount of importance on conversations and being listened to. I feel constantly unnoticeable, but I notice a lot.

I try to be sensitive, but am not, really. I'm a mediocre house-guest.[1] I feel ashamed of being selfish, and wish that someone would show me how to stop. No one has. I have this deep wish to be the confidante of everyone around me; to hear their greatest fears and darkest secrets, to love them and to understand what they think and why they think it. To find weaknesses, and share my own. I detest mathematics, and don't really understand them. I feel lost. The idea of being able to manipulate someone appeals to me isn't that disgusting? >:(

I'm happiest when I have something to concentrate my energy on; a friend, a project, a new story. Sometimes I feel trapped by what I think other people expect of me. It's really hard for me to tell when I'm being "deep" and when I'm not; I guess most of it is in other people's perception anyway. I feel like I should be different than I am.

I doubt that I will ever truly know who I am. I keep on trying anyway.

Amy

[1] aargh! Amy I didn't mean you! ~R [2]

[2] *laughs in astonishment* Oh, I know you didn't! But I'm really not a perfect house-guest. . . . I often don't offer to help out when I should, or feel too awkward to say thank you properly, and I know it. Amy