La Rae

LaRae is Robin Young's MiddleName.

Robin... Robin... why would you go and change the RobynRobyn page...? What sense does that make...? Was it simply because you could? Or did you find meaning somehow in pretending that compliments meant for others were meant for you? I don't understand, and yet perhaps I do. Who knows... but I wonder... why?

Because it was her lesbian lover and not her having a fanfic war with the scorned ex... moi

I feel sick. I feel sick. Sick like when you find out something horrible and it makes your stomach turn. Sick like when you are scared. Sick like when someone you love very much tells you something that you never wanted to believe is true. I feel like puking. The anger only comes in small bursts. I get angry and then it just hurts all over again. I want to yell and scream and throw stuff, and then I just cry and ask myself "why?", "how?". I can't help but feel like part of it is my fault, but then at the same time I know it's not. I can't or don't control another persons life. Ironic that it was Robin who told me what a great plan it is that the universe lets us make our own choices. Too bad sometimes those choices hurt the ones we love the most. The part I don't understand is how she could be with me a week ago- how she could hold me, touch me, kiss me and tell me the things she told me. My mind spins circles- did she mean it, does she mean it, has she told me those things just before or after she went to be with some other girl. Someone she doesn't love. I don't want to be number 13. I was willing to give everything I could to her. I was willing to let her be the mother of my children. I was willing to put aside the past and start over. But that meant to me that she was done screwing around. I can't believe this. I'm still sick. Last night after I got off the phone with her, I cried until I fell asleep- on the couch with no blanket or pillow. I fell into a completely exhausted sleep. She said she would call Saturday. 12:30am Sunday morning she lied.