Noxious Toner Fumes

this page consists of a series of strange, stupid, illogical, and (occassionally) intelligent and thought provoking statements, questions, and quotes. Many of these were thought up by me (bad grammar, I know) in the wee hours of the morning or while making way too many copies at work. Please feel free to write here if you agree or disagree with any of the following or if you simply want to say you think I've been inhaling too many Noxious Toner Fumes. Also, feel free to add your own. ~ Da Management

• sharpies my friend, it's all about the sharpies...

[7]

1) Love is a strange and malevolent invention designed by the Chimpanzees so that we'll be too caught up in our *feelings* to notice when they finally take over the world.

2a) If one of the scientific properties of life is that it ends, and if all dead things were once alive, then is an immortal being (think Dick Clark) actually dead because in order to be alive it has to die?

b) Also, if you were to kill an immortal being, (I know many of you are thinking this would disqualify it's immortal status, but let's just say for the sake of the arguement that this is one those lesser immortals, such as one of the People of the Air, who would normally live forever so long as he/she isn't murdered), would it then at the moment of death become mortal and therefore alive?

c)this would seem to prove that all immortal people are just normal people, only backwards. so logicaly, all immortals should walk backwards

conclusion:if you walk backwards you will live forever

The Jell-o Files

• 3) Q: Why does jell-o exist?

a)because the government had to find some way to distribute mind controlling chemicals to the masses.

b)because humans simply must have jiggly, colorful, non-nutricious snack food.

c)there is no good reason. it just does.

• 4) Q: What is jell-o?

a)fermented Gatorade with stuff in it.

b)what really happened to The Blob at the end of the movie. (mmm. powdered remains of man-eating alien)

c) a low cost gelatin dessert. (this is most unlikely)

• 5) Q: Have you ever consumed Jell-o Cheese? Jell-o Cheese is jell-o that contains powdered parmasean cheese. My friend Jason made some (for reasons I will not go into) and it's not that bad.

PS. Did you know that the 413,997,403 packets of jell-o products made each year would stretch 3/5^ths of the way around the world if layed out in a straight line? I bet you didn't.

6)If you ever get lost in Doubt then proceed immediately to the nearest gas station for directions to Confidence. Whatever you do, don't drive around aimlessly in circles, for you will only get futher in Doubt.

Words of Wisdom and Advice

7a) "Never piss off a dragon, for you are crunchy and go well with ketchup." - ?

b) "Insanity takes it's toll, please have exact change." (or something like that, from The Empty Crown and possibly someone else)

c) "All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." Ambrose Bilerce

d) "No one can make you inferior without your consent" Unknown

e) "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together" Carl Zwanzig

f) The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the AK-47 has 'em beat.

g) Love can move mountains...and then drop them on your head.

h) Never have more fun than you can justify to the police (unless your sure you won't be caught.)

i) "If one drinks much from a bottle marked 'POISON', it is almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later." Alice in Wonderland

8) The following words are spelled the correct way:

a) telefone

b) sycologi

c) filasofi

d) ellefant

e) ucaliptus

f) o'dervs

g) skool

h) ukalale

i) port wyneemee [1]

j) nif

9.

If you are ever deadly bored, snort/laugh while eating guacamole. You will them have hours of fun ahead of you dry-swallowing and trying to ease your sore throat while trying to get it out of your nose. And if you try to blow it out it looks really weird on a tissue too.

[1] port hueneme, a town in Southern CA where my grandparents live

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I had a genius moment earlier that I'd like to share. Ok my life is a spiral notebook. It's got all those nice blue lines, 3 holes, and a cover and a backing. It has a certain amount of pages (I usually buy the kind with 90) So this is my life. 90 pages. no more, sometimes less. I WANT my life to be a three ring binder. So i'm going along a line, come to the end of a page, and realize, i'm not ready to turn that page yet! i want more! and sooo i calmly pop open the little rings, and Whallah! (yes it should be spelled that way)insert another page. oh the brilliance astounds me, and i'm used to it. now if only i could manage to turn my life into a three ring binder, i would be the brilliant of the brilliant. Do you ever stop to think about how funny the word brilliant is? i thought not. RoyaBoya (protector of the weak, the small child, and the banana slug)

• ooh i just realized i might not be supposed to write on here. don't yell at me if i wasn't. just quietly remove me and deposit me elsewhere and no one will be the wiser. shhh...