Poems 200-250 Number TwoHundred all is well, my girl's smiling and I can see her hair out of the corner of my eye when I look up from the dishes to where she's making dinner Silly, I guess that something so little makes me so happy but I doubt being easily pleased is a curse.
NumberTwoHundredAndOne Silly, i guess the way i argue with myself saying, "do this, no, do that" giving reasons, even a logical arguement silly? you wonder why? because maybe "normal people" don't talk to themselves, don't swim on a sunday aren't home on a weekday morning well, maybe i'm not "normal" maybe, i don't wanna be normal what is normal anyway? does it mean school, church, parents that both work all day siblings you don't know superficial friends? 'cause if thats normal count me out i'd rather be me anyday. ~Jasmine S. TwoOhTwo There is a sweet a soft a melting something about you. Beneth the surface a liquid careing that frees me as I desolve in to it (to you) What's so wrong with a mutual protection complex anyway? Why is it worse than big kisses and taking hugs? (if those are normal, count me out) I like the melting losing my vertebre one after the other into soft and sweet. -Tessa TwoOhThrEE something about you.
makes me
wounder
glow
and
shine
i have been in love before
but God..
....not like this!
something about you
makes me shiver with joy
(i guess that is what true love is then.)
TwoOhFour But God.. Why Did you have to leave him all alone? Scared Hoping it was a mistake but not willing to consider, it might not be the moment you took her the earth roared the rain poured the sun disappeared from his days he is sad, alone and desperate, for his one true love he wants to hold her, kiss her touch her face, her beautiful face but no he can never kiss, touch, hold her again only in his memory, those sweet memories where everything is perfect no risk of losing her all over again her smile, her perfume, her delicate touch the sweet sound of her voice it's all a memory, a sweet memory ~Snow~ TwoOhFive It's all a memory. I can't seem to forget, the love that i once had is gone, it is no more, it does not exist only in my memory. The fire in my heart has been extinguished. it has been replaced by a yearning for a new love, a gentle kiss, a lingering stare, the words "I love you" that's all. ~Snow~ It's all a memory. just a smear in my past its all behind me now nouthing left but the foot prints my life made for me it will always be apart of me but i shall never let it run me again i have learnt the hard way i pray to God i wil never go back there back to the knife back to the sratvation back the the black past i have learned i will never ever go there again
TwoOhSeven Break up the tofu Chop the tempeh into manageable bits (Watch out for your thumb) The pale, bland-looking food Sits limply on the cutting board Unaware of what it's about to go through Now start the oil The tofu makes a splash when it hits the pan In its pain it spits angry bits of itself Out onto my hand Back to the knife Slice peppers Scallions Musrooms They look so beautiful sitting clustered together Green-white-red-yellow-green The tofu's browning Toss in the veggies Let 'em fry for a bit Then come the noodles When they're crispy My work is done And it tastes So Good Moments like this Keep me going However the day goes It can't be all bad Because I've had this moment.
Two Hundred and Eight Because I've had this moment I have proven I am alive I am yours no longer But I was And now Now Let me free For awhile I promise If you and I are to be I will return. ~Wind~ TwoHundredNine I throw another shovelful into my wheelbarrow grab another load of clean sawdust bring this mare in, let that stallion out I've been at this for hours, my back hurts and I'm hungry, but I can feel my muscles stretch as I pitch another load open another stubborn door calm another skittery mare and I smile, because
I am alive
here.
TwoTen I am alive here not doing anything and loving it there aren't any promises today none to be kept none to be broken no one cares today if I eat chocolate on my bed and get it on the corners of my books it doesn't matter if my poetry has rythem or rhyme it's just words anyway I am alive today and all my senses are tingling ~Franny~ two11 I am alive here as if you care you never really have I -am- alive here (i always shall thankyou) really turely I'm alive here but are you?
Are you? Are you really? The crowd stands together I stand alone Are you really admiring me? Do I really make you wonder? Or not. Or are you afraid, is that it, is that why you're like that. 213 Do I really make you wonder?
Am i really that mysterious?
Or are you just another one who pretends to care
Are you the kind that makes my heart flutter?
The kind that makes me delirious with joy?
the kind that take a look and smile at you,
and make you grow weak, then walk away and never look back.
Never care that what you did hurt and left a wound
that no one could heal.
Or are you like the ones who are true, and kind.
The kind that will love me,
Always,
Always.
~Snow~ TwoThirteen And she said, Do I really make you wonder? And he said Yes And he kissed her soft lips And she broke away and to bed to feel awefull And she wished it had never happened And she wondered if he still wondered About her. TwoFourteen and she broke away feeling awful turning her head not looking not feeling please don't let her feel the sharp hate even if it comes with the love. TwoFifteen even if it comes with the love I don't want it. nothing good for me can come from you Fare thee well And get out of my sight oh dear i'm not cruel really even if i come with hate i'm lovely. i am. ~Wind~ TwoSixteen i'm not cruel really i just want to spare you everying i know i'll do to hurt you if you get close enough don't let me don't let me love you you don't know you don't know me you don't don't make me laugh, make me light up inside, make me wish you were next to me, make me get away from me. TwoSeventeen Seventeen. That's me. Sweet. For two more days only. Each day that you are seventeen Is precious I have wasted So many But Back to this poem You see She licked the juice from the orange With her pink tongue She had to stay alive you see And she laughed as she thought Of the girls she was missin The boys she'd be kissin But she sang Don't let me love you I break everything I love And she sang light me up put me on fire make me alive alive But don't ever let me love you. TwoEighteen And she sang light me up let me burn let me light your face glow in the darkness spark, spark fly away on the smoke like a pillar burn, sacrifice, burn and squirm and wriggle and cry and laugh at the tears and the pain the hot hot hot loving pain and reach out your hands let them burn let them light light light light blinding light burning through skin and glowing and flying like a spark to his cheek and making a mark. a small one. he jerked back. twonineteen he jerked back gently though and then it was all back to normal and in that one instant she saw through his mask through his shell the hollow man inside she knew him like that and it was all over. TwoTwenty she knew him she saw the nothing before anyone else she knew him she laughed shortly she turned away he never knew her he turned away too fast TwoohTwentyone he turned away too fast To see the tears and she smiled wading through them for he didn't see. how nice. He didn't even know That she thought she maybe loved him cause she didn't even tell him that she cared. TwoTwentytwo He didn't even know he claimed to care, but never stuck around he left her in the dust like an old western movie while he rode off into the sun on his white horse looking like a prince She cried until he came for her she waited for him to notice her tears but he never did and she kept on crying 223 She kept on crying- waiting for him to notice. I have no tears, but anger. Why do you cry for a boy who doesn't care about you? Boys with cold hearts and warm bodies Boys who don't care. Maybe it is that you wish to not care, that with them you could be careless. (Oh dear.......... .........)
TwoTwentyFour careless is something I always aimed for, but never quite got the hang of, that wavering lack of worry you notice carelessness when there's something to worry about; I used to watch the violinists, the good ones, making the odd error but not sweating, not like me, I grimace at my mistakes and maybe it's better, anyway to fret and worry at things, perhaps they turn out better in the long run, but I always wonder what it might be like to float through life, and not notice your mistakes.
TwoTwentyFive Here, I should have somthing to write about. Instead of simply following to sink into her footsteps and soak her in some more. A mirror, a shadow, an echo, a bounce board. Not where I would choose to be normally. But I feel safe here. A womans arms and back and w;t to echo and mirror (and trade places with. Her echo, mine . .) And what's all this "life" stuff about anyways, without making the odd error. Though, I suppose, we've seen that mirrored eachother there too. -Tessa 226 I feel so safe.
(you dont get it do you?)
But I feel safe
just her and me in each others arms.
It's like nouthing else matters when that happens.
Funny how things like that work with you.
You don't get it no matter how hard we try.
I try and try to tell you time and time again
that we are safe together.
But it never works,
i guess its the confurt in her arms.
When her and me kiss i feel safe no matter what
when we hug
its the same story
like i can /stop/ running when we are together
she makes me wounder how live like life truely is
do you get it now?
a-lass no of course not
You never will get love
TwoTwentySeven today I really -was- going to do something constructive, something besides write poems for you. but that never works, because I loop, you know, I loop. I try practicing my viola but that's no good, there you are with your violin singing beside me, and I have to dash off to tell you that your violin sings. I'm getting ready for work, and I find your shirt, and there you are inhabiting it, and I scoot off to let you know you're beautiful. So it goes, I loop, my lass, not that I mind I'd rather remember your violin singing than remember that the floor needs sweeping.
twotwoeight the floor needs sweeping the cat needs loving the table needs setting and hearts need mending i don't know why it's so very hard to get up the verve i always was courageous but not today. i sit quite alone to try not to think about you feeling not looking like a girl in a movie i think about you and you don't know how i think i love you. ~Windie~ 229 i don't know why i am the way i am i wish i did it nibbles at me that i dont know me it breaks me down but i just shrug it off it never stops me from being me...... ......or does it? i shall sore from anything (if it doesnt drown me well i try) its ok if i don't know me no one else does
two-three-oh it breaks me down to see that they're happy and I'm not it breaks me down to know that she's reached her destination and I have not it breaks me down to hear lyrics to a song but not know what the author of them was thinking when he wrote them it breaks me down to see them hand in hand, knowing that they love eachother but I have no one to share those feelings with it breaks me down to live in this world -jekissa to live in this world you'll need rope, to tie stuff up (tie your sister to a tree, maybe) a hammer and nails, for nailing stuff and some stuff to nail together, I suppose (I have got a board downstairs, I nail stuff to it when I'm upset) so anyway, to live in this world you need like maybe some wood that needs nailing, (to build boats out of, and houses) plus tape, you always need tape for holding stuff together (like blocks to walls. I did that as a kid.) when you think about it, the world's mostly made of tape and rope and nails and woods, except the parts that are people, I guess. and the people are the ones doing the nailing. How come we do that, anyway? Do we really think that we can tie ourselves to the world nail ourselves to each other build castles to protect each other tape up the cracks in each other? How brave of us to try.
232 How brave of us to try, even after we fell. It -was- a brave move we did, we just crashed after. It was worth it in the long run i guess but who knows its after now. Let us box away our feelings they dont matter now
233
Let us box away our feelings
That way we don't have to care
we don't have to cry when we're hurt,
or yell when we're frustrated
That way we don't have to show how we really feel
When we box our feelings up
we feel as though we don't have the
responsibility to love, or to feel
guilty about something that we have done
that might have hurt someone else.
Let us box away our feelings
So we don't have to face reality
and don't have to love....
two three four when i was little you were god now you made yourself fall you couldn't keep your post didn't want to no one's above anyone, you say let us let us box (no no don't hurt anyone my little daughter, be gentle) (but i did anyway) let us box away our feelings yes yes this is the boxing we can do faceless bloodless we box ourselves up till there's nothing left and we hurt no one help no one see no one feel no one love no one. ~Wind~ 235 you may think that you love no one. tuch nouthing and have the kiss of fear on your lips just look at me im doing it right now! its called being in love letting it smouther you but still live in it and thrive off it
NumberTwoThirtySix touch nothing and don't get hurt don't get too close to anyone and don't get hurt never let yourself go always afraid and nothing will change so why, knowing this can't i say the words i want to say? why can't i act the way i feel? because i'm afraid of opening up being vulnerable afraid that if i'm me i'll be rejected afraid that if i'm me nobody will stay and so, i'm alone and lonely wondering why when i know the reason i'm still afraid of getting too close. Jasmine S. two-three-seven wondering why neither of us has spoken yet I stare at the wall waiting, waiting for something to pop into my head but nothing does we sit in silence neither of us has the courage to say whats on our minds I imagine me saying what I really mean, and him not judging me and him trusting me enough to know that -I- wont judge him either but we sit in silence and I realize it's not him who doesnt trust me it's that I don't trust him. -jekissa 238I really mean What I said When I said I love you. Didn't you see that I did so when you need more of me All there was For you to do Was ask of me Do I love you? I really mean What I said When I said I love you.
239
Do I love you?
Should I love you?
How can I love you?
look at you.
Your my worst fears
raped up in one.
Your the fighter
i have always hated.
Your the nail
that scratches me time and time again.
Your the mindbender
that my mind snaps on.
Your the frail body
I still miss.
Your still there
waiting for your angle to come back.
But your angle wont be comeing back,
she wont be comeing back....
oh no.
Number TwoForty it's eight-thirty, and I need a phone card so I tell mom and dad we're on a walk, and you and I are off to the store. You love this time of night, and so do I, the sun falls over the yards and it's cool but not cold the dogs have been by here, so there's much for you to busy yourself with. You get excited when we get to the corner; there are people you don't know, so you growl, to protect me from the danger I laugh, and tell you to wait like a good boy. I can't see you most of the time I'm inside, and I worry about you, but when I'm back, you're still there - such a Good Dog! We walk back, me with ice cream and my card good for three happy hours, you content to pant and smell the roses, and sometimes it seems to me nobody's better company than a good dog.
Number TwoFortyOne we're on a walk listening intently to the cicadas it's too dark to see me frown if you could it might not matter but if you could taste me your lips would twist and you would squint involuntarily you would scrub your tongue trying to get that jealous -tang- out of your mouth and you would think, "That girl is pure /bitterness/." 242Listening intently to the cicadas So long ago, we walked Outside, a little too late We hurried home, giggling, nervous Anticipating the warm house, The smell of dinner, Away from the cold wet Of a winter walk through town You laughed. I loved you. I still do. --Aredridel NumberTwoFortyThree summer's not quite here but the walk up the hill to your house still leaves me sweating and breathless. (Though that could be due to the two bags and viola I'm carrying) I sat on your front steps contemplating the shape of the key in my hand and looking with wonder at the same sunny street you see every day. anticipating the warm house I wince, opening your door but it's not so bad, I just leave the door open and haul my stuff into your room (to hide it) hours until you arrive home so I wander through your house do your dishes walk down and get lunch play music a bit this takes up time, but not enough and all that's left to make the day truly magic is forthcoming; you arrive.
TwoFortyFour But not enough It's all over now but I still remember Your eyes which I could not conquer Your heart which I did not dare to think I had But not enough what? Didn't I try hard enough? Didn't I lie hard enough? I suppose Nothing pure Can be bought with false motives But who can say Whether I loved you But it's all over now. ~Wind~ TwoFourtyFive You arrive in my head a hundred times a day. Different every time. Sometimes for the reminder the company the mischif in your eye, your hearty laugh. Often these days with fanfair off a bus toting an insterment case and a bag or two. Happy. Crying? A hug a rememberence exactly how hands fit together a leap off the last two steps ...not enough but getting there. Off a bus Your hands hold me Quite still. To hell with you And your hands. Your hands. I could talk about all the good things they do, but here's the truth: I'm just waiting in front of a stop sign, and I thought of your hands. I won't bring the postman across the street into this, or the rain or the state of my mind, just your good hands.
i will always be even if it kills me even when i die i will always leave me food untouched even if it kills me even when i die i will always scream at the waitress (waiting at me looking at me glaring at me to eat more) (just a little more) even if it kills me even when i die i shall always cry at people thinner then i even if it kills me even when i die To hell with you and Your hands. i will always be even if it kills me even when i die
in memory of the past 4 years now gone TwoFortyNine To hell with you and your hands take back your hands it's time to go and pretend to myself that life never happened take back your heart I don't want it anymore take back your words they are a lullibye in my nights they are a curse to hell with your hands and your friends my friends? who play with my hair and call me a doll and turn around and pretend I'm not there to hell with your smile smiles shouldn't make me cry cry good tears don't let anyone hear eat marshmellows that are like soft kisses on your cheek hug the people who won't understand and then walk away and forget about them hug the people who will care and write their names in your journal to hell with you I can hug myself. Franny NumberTwoFifty behind the door to the hall closet is a good place for secrets; there's a hollow space under the stairs there, enough room for a nine-year-old girl a book and an apple don't let anyone hear your giggles the muffled sounds of paper being folded, since if they hear, they won't be surprised when you emerge, holding aloft triumphantly your origami bird, folded in the secret quiet under the staircase.
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