Realisatio N

Describe RealisatioN here.

Why bother to have Issues? I mean, what do you get out of it? It's like smoking for me... I started it as a social habit (all the Cool People were messed up...) and it's addicting. And worse for me than smoking. I shall stop.

I control what you see of me in the hopes i can control how you love me. -Dawn

Then I just realised that all the things I've been BUSY with aren't important at all. BUSY was just something to keep me occupied...do you believe in daemons? Reading Screwtape Letters...and what if there are spirits that mess with you, just to play with your life a bit?... How could I have so easily and completely forgotten? How could I? This is what's important to me, and I let it slip, slip, slip, now I must find it all again. I realised something today, and the realisation leapt upon me like it should. And I'm sorry. For I've not kept sight of what I care about, and what I really need to be doing is taking care of it now, only I'm gathering strength.

Realizing that real life isn't a fairy tale. That things don't always work out the way I want them too. That if I want to be happy, and enjoy life, it's up to me and not anyone else. If I'm lonely, it's partly my own fault, actually a large part. If I want friends, I need to be a friend, and talk to new people, go up to someone and introduce myself. That in order to let go, and have people know the real me, I need to stop worrying about images, perceptions etc... That other people may have. Because in the long run, it doesn't matter what they thought, and I'll be a happier person by saying what I feel, think, and believe. That my attitude in general does in fact of a lot of impact on my mood. And even if I have a supposedly bad day, as long as I can still smile, and laugh about it, everything's gonna be fine. That I do have the power to let other people's guilt trips and anger complex's roll over me, and one persons comment does not have to ruin my entire day. That my attitude about life has changed somewhat in the past few months, I've grown as a person, and even if my family doesn't see that, I do and thats what matters. That I do not have to listen to society as to what to do for my future. I can be or do anything I set my heart, goals, dreams too. That no I'm not being egotistical when I think of myself first, because I am a big priority in my own life, and I need to realize that. That doesn't mean I don't care about other's, it just means how can I help anyone else, if I don't first help myself? ~Jadzia~

well god i don't know but what if maybe i have control? i really didn't have to back out of that situation that fast, but i wanted to see if it would work and i wanted to have control...control. control. i am so afraid of something happening, without my consent. and i did do what i wanted, at the time. but he didn't like it. and he never will, and the sweetnesswas lessened, and fuck. how do you get in control? and then you find out you've been in control all along. relax the hell up.

i don't want to sign this.