Whatcha Wanta Hear

Describe WhatchaWantaHear here.

more than anything, that you missed me last night. that you couldn't get to sleep for thinkin about me, because that's exactly what i was gonna say.

• i did.

i want to hear you smile over the phone again. when you start giggling (only it seems wrong to say you giggle, you do it so deep) and the sound of your laughter nearly makes my own face split in two. and a smile starts in the deepest cavern of my stomach, where butterflies hang upside down, and i can feel their orange winged electricity all the way up through my throat to my eyes, changing to the color green somewhere along the way. i want to hear your crackly voice singing nonsense songs to me again, when i thought that i might fall apart because you were the only thing that could hold me together, and you ... you are 10 cents a minute away.

I want you to tell me I'm good enough, and I want you to tell me there's no hope. Have a little decency and tell me one or the other, because I needed to know YESTERDAY, goddammit. My heart is yours to break; just grow a fucking spine and stop doing it slowly.

i want to hear that i'm the most important person in your life, and that you love me more than you ever thought it possible to love someone. i want to hear you say "i love you" a thousand times a day. i want to hear your laughter on the telephone. that you dreampt about me last night, and the only thing on your mind when you woke up was me. i want to hear that i'm important, and that my problems DO matter, and that it's not silly to cry over spilt milk. i want to hear you tell me "it's all gonna be okay". i want to hear you crying while you let me comfort you. i want to hear you call me nicknames that you made up, just for me.

• i want to hear that too

i want to hear you cracking your knuckles the way i taught you to and touching your face (since i can't). i want to hear you breathing through your nose and running your hands through your hair. i want to hear your footsteps in the hall, rounding the corner to come into your bedroom where i'm sitting on the floor, taking off my shoes, folding your socks, once upon a time. i want to hear phish playing on your stereo and the hum of your aquarium, your breath in my ear, you confessing things, in the dark. things you confessed the night before, in my dreams. things i thought were a figment of my heart's romantic inclinations, things that suddenly became substantial and in-my-face when i was least expecting it. i want to hear you on the other side of a telephone, saying that the mountains remind you of me and that you carry bits and peices of me around in your pocket. i want to hear you say goodbye. more than anything, any song or noise of nature, any crack or cry of newborn life, more than hearing 4 a.m. traffic outside my bedroom window i want to hear you knocking on my door again, just one more time.

i want to hear you say you love me, that you can see through it all. see to the real me that i can't love. tell me whatever i feel you feel too. tell me when i cut you want to too. i want to hear you can see through it all, more than anything.