Worrying About Camp

Ah, the joys of irrational thoughts and worries, who can get enough of them? Pull up a chair and throw in your two cents of what you worry about coming up to Camp, and about Camp.

June 25^th 2001

Ok, I'm dating this just so that after camp sometime in the hazy blue future, I will be able to look back on this and either laugh hysterically at the things I worried about, or else nod my head sagely and go "Mmm HMM, I thought so." Then I'll know what to worry about in the future, and will save myself undue worrying (HA, like that's ever going to happen! Worrying is my forte!)

So, this is what I'm worried about I think:

• I'm worried that camp won't be as good as I'm expecting it to be. I'm not really worried that it won't be as good as last year, since last year was great, just could have been alot better. So I'm expecting this year to be better than last year, since supposedly all these people know me and I know all these people now. But what if I get to camp and it's not how I want it to be at all, and nothing I do makes it any better? (ok, I think this is a fairly stupid concern, but still, I can't shake it).

• I'm worried that I'll be overlooked. Or not liked. My friends will notice me and like me, but what if I won't be a strong presence overall? (Ok, that's fairly irrational as well... if I want to be noticed, I usually can achieve it very nicely).

• I'm also worried that I may have certain people follow me around irritatingly. There were a few people who did that last year, one in particular. I gave tried to be subtle at first, but he didn't get the hint. So then I basically flat-out ignored him, which made me feel like a bitch, especially since I had talked to him quite alot before I found out that I really found him annoying. Hmm.

• I'm a bit worried about my work-trade. I'm worried that it will take up all of my time and that I won't have time to just hang out meet people, and also spend time with people that I already know. From everything that I've heard though, being a work-trader really doesn't take up much time...certainly not the 6-hours-a-day type of thing that was implied in the application.

• I'm afraid that I won't talk to enough new people, and will just stick to my friends that I already know.

• I'm worried about getting severe crushes on people, and worried that the crushes may actually go somewhere and then I'd have to decide what I'm going to do about it.

• I'm worried that no one will have crushes on me, because whatever I say, I really, really want people to have crushes on me.

Ok, I think that's all my worries for now. Too many. Probably all stupid.

~Becky biting her fingernails~

• Hey! Well I'll put aside my meek-mouse personality and drag you away from your group. we'll go swimming, and talk, and write, so you'll meet at least one new person! Sometimes it doesn't even require as much as that. I mean, I offered Kim a massage out of the blue, even though I was too shy to really talk at first, and it was the start of a great friendship. I really want to meet you

• Yes! Let's make a plan to drag each other away! I really want to meet you too. ~Becky~

im really worried that i wont be loved. no one will notice me and all just be there with no one

• Me too.

I'm worryed that I might die in the next few days and I'll never see the people i want to see again!! Arg! it's so close! -NickV

• Weird... I've been doing the same thing.. but worse- I've been worrying that I'm going to break my leg or something, so I'll know that camp is going on, and everybody's meeting everybody else, and I'm not there... it's terrible! -JessicaSkater

I'm so scared of camp. Of being judged. Of having everyone turned against me. Of people not being what they seem. Of Radical Honesty, because although honesty is very important to me, just because something is honest doesn't mean it's right and I'm very scared that certain people's honest, and wrong, opinion of me will hurt me. A lot. I'm afraid to say fuck it and not go, because I know there are many cool and worthwhile people going and how can I let my fears have power over me? How can I let anyone else have power over me? At the same time I'm only human, and I don't know why I should pay hundreds of dollars and travel 150 0 miles to suffer through another experience like what I've been through recently. Jenny

• So... don't. I mean, don't go to radical honesty. I doubt I'll go this year.

• Most of my camp worries have to do with things I have to do before camp. I have sort of gotten over or made peace with my worries about camp itself. Although I still have a few. Like being sucked into social and popularity crap and losing a lot of possible enjoyment because of it. I have been having dreams about camp for the past few nights. They all have to do with the excitement and hecticness of the first day, and seeing everyone, and how it will make me insane! In a good way, but also in a very scattered way. -courtney

• i'm not going to camp either this year, just theory, and well, i'm worried that i'm going to be depressed the entire time i'm not at camp. that i'm going to be totally left out of all the fun in-jokes, that i'm not going to meet the amazing new people that everyone will be ranting and raving about... i'm worried that grace will be totally annoyed when she finds out about theory [1]. i'm worried that theory isn't going to happen, or for some reason everyone will back out at the last minute, or that everyone will go home telling their parents and their friends that i make a sucky organizer. heh. so yeah.

• I worry that I'll not be as good a peer advisor as I want to be, or help out in as many ways as I want to.
• I worry that my workshops will run too long, too short, too boring, or too heated.
• I worry that something will happen to the digital camera I'm bringing.
• I worry that I won't reconnect with all my old friends, that I won't talk to all the people I'm curious about, and that I won't get to know new people.
• I worry that I won't do enoguh preperation for workshops and talent shows, and I'll be left doing something half-assed.
• I worry that I'll regret going to radical honesty, or that I'll regret not going, depending on what I do.

~Summer

• I worry I'll only hang out with a few people, like I did last year. While I had a spiffy, awesome, wonderful time, I feel like I didn't get to know enough people! :)

 - Emma

• I worry that people will automatically assume i'm just like i was last year.
• I worry that i'll feel out-of-place once again, because i don't fit into any of the cliques.
• I worry that people will judge me.
• I worry about the power shuffle and how i will be judged this year.

-<i>~Angel~</i>

• I worry that I'm going to feel completely excluded, awkward, and wierd. (not likely, but it's in the back of my head!)
• I worry that I'm going to have a rotten time (once again, not frickin' likely, but still there)
• I worry that I'll miss my train/bus...
• I worry that no one will like me once they meet me in person. [2]

-JessicaSkater

• I worry about either being dissapointed and comparing my experieince this year, to what happened to me last year at camp.
• My little sister is comeing. enough said.
• I'm now in a camp couple. what the hell is up with that? yikes. Dawn

I'm not going to camp this year, unfortunately. This raises it's own set of fears...

• That I won't be a part of the camp crowd anymore (heh, not likely, but still)
• That I'm not going to meet some really cool people
• That I'm missing my only chance to meet in meatspace the people I've met online

• I worry that I'll have a fling with someone. I don't want to want to spend all my time at camp with one person. I worry I'll get an unmanagable crush.
• I worry that I won't get to know any new people cause I'll be too busy spending time with friends I already have.
• I worry that I'll be lazy and not proactive and not volunteer for chores.

And I am so worried about how I will feel when camp is over. I miss camp terribly much now, 10 months after camp.

But I'm not worried about camp not being wonderful. *grin* -marina

• I worry that I'll only hang with a few people I already know and not get to meet any of the cool new people
• I worry that I'll ignore the people I already know and love in exchange for meeting new people I don't even know (yet)
• I worry that people will judge me
• I worry that I'll have a 'camp fling' - as much as I'd enjoy it at the time I'd hate it afterwards.. maybe.

- Zen

• What if I'm just as terrified as I was last year(God forbid)?
• What if I don't do anything to stretch myself, and so end up having an ordinary time instead of an adventure?
• What if I only hang out with the people I already know, and miss out on meeting new people?

I can almost guarantee that this list will be added to. It's funny. . . . I worry about 1001 things, and yet when I try to write them down, I can only come up with three. *grins ruefully* Pitiful. Amy

Frankly, my dear, I've never been in a group of unschoolers before (Sad.) For a while there i thought i was the last of the species.

Do you guys sing in the shower and the car and the store and wear pajamas to work and wonder if your friends are all brainwashed and give people lots of hugs and recite shakespeare?

I'm worried that this will end up like most of the other groups I've tried, where there's a few friendlies, but mostly people only hang with you if you go to their school and stuff. ~Berly

• hallo dear! yes, i for one, do all the things mentioned above ( except pajamas to work...i must try that sometime ) and last year i was a new-camper-person, and yes, nbtsc can be very clique-ish, but due to the influx of new campers, new groups form all the time, and you always find someone very awesome to hang out with and have an great time. see you there!!

loves, ~Angel~

Im worried that people will worry about camp, when the truth is that there is nothing worth worrying about! -Jesse Borges

[1] Why would she?? I bet she'd think it's great!! [2] Jessica you are such a fun person! I bet your even funner (yeah I know but it should be!) in person. :) Emily

I'm worried about a lot of things re: going to camp again... i went to a session each in 1998 & 1999, but didn't go this year, so i feel so out of touch, NOT knowing all the in-jokes, not meeting (or reseeing or getting to know) any super awesome people from this years sessions, not really having anyone know me/remember me when i get to camp, etc. tiffany

This'll be my first year and I'm worried that about how much I'll stick out. I'm from the south east coast and I look and act and dress so differently from everybody else(read: much more conservative). I'm also worried that I'll make a lot of people mad at me because of my beliefs. That's already happened a bit on the list. -Ren

• I've never been to NBTSC, but I want want want to so very much. So, my main worry is I won't be able to raise enough money to get there and pay for the fees and such...

 Me, too. Where do you live? -Ren 
 San Jose, California...Not too terribly far from Oregon, but my parents
aren't too big on funding any of my unschooling projects, camp included. -
Jessica S.

• Hmmm, I guess I also worry if people will like me...I worry if it will be like every other camp I've gone to (which it won't be, because all the other camps were school-related), and everyone will immediately break into cliques and such.

Haha, those are my irrational (?) worries... -Jessica St. Julien

As I told Jessica today, my big fears are (being a first time NBTSCer this year) not fitting in, or not being able to overcome my shyness., or a pack of wild baby gerbils dropping on my head in the middle of the night. Oh god. I don't think I'll go.

Biggest fears? Biggest fear? Mine is that I won't be alowed to go. And there not only putting the foot down on that, but they say I'm going back to school. Big yahoo~ Well,

i'm scared that i won't get to go. i haven't even sent in my $75. fuck.

                             -moth

Me either. But we're both going. To the same session. I've got plenty of worries too. But we're both going to get there. ~J.

it's funny. i'm not worried about being liked, or liking camp... i know i'll love it, and i can make it like me (see i'm starting in on radical honesty already ;)) but i'm worried about the aftermath. i already have problems with withdrawal and missing people. how will i deal with the onslaught i know will come? RoyaBoya

June 26^th

Actually, I don't have as many worries about camp as I used to, but I still have quite a few.

• I worry that I will be a weak presense at camp, unimportant and forgotten. I worry that I won't shine.
• I worry that I will try to be someone that I'm not.
• I worry that I will need help and be too proud to ask for it.
• I worry that I'll spend my time obsessing over a few people and ignoring the rest.
• I worry about being depressed at camp :-\