| Constructive Criticism |
the other side of We're AllSoRad
ya think? Seriously...
me first...
sure, whatever...
Ry, I thought you wanted stuff emailed to you like Summer?  
- I find it hard to critise people, but it's not because I'm shy about it if I want to say something about someone, and they're receptive about it, I'll say it straight out without any apologies or anything but because unlike compliments, I don't feel like criticism is honest. I'm not sure that the faults I see are actually faults I'm seeing in myself, and that I'm deflecting them onto others. Like Jasmine was saying that she finds many people unapproachable, but suspects that it may simply be that she finds it hard to approach people. I feel the same way. There are also stereotypes that I have of certain people, mainly because I haven't seen them/talked to them in so long that I haven't seen how much they've changed. And if I criticize based on these assumptions (remember, kids, to assume makes an ass out of u and me), what is that going to do? How can it be constructive at all? That's also why I don't mind it when people criticize me on something that I'm doing, such as an action I'm taking, but why I feel uncomfortable/offended when they point out a basic fault in my personality. Loosely translated: I want to be told if I'm doing something wrong, but I don't want to be told if I am wrong. Rant rant. :)
Note: I found this interesting. I keep going to this page and looking over the names, seeing if there is anything I could putAnd there is one thing that I think of for most of the peopleThey are hard to approach. Now, after thinking that over and over and overwell now I'm thinking oh waitits probably not them, it's me. So is that it, you think? That I just see everybody as unapproachable? Or a good amount of the people above really unapproachable or at least seem that way? help! Self doubting! ~Jasmine~
- i think it's interesting that no one has said anything 'bad' about anyone yet... twould make an InterestingDiscussion... -marina
- Yeah. man, we suck. Er... perhaps we need a slightly different forum? I wonder what would make people feel comfortable enough to do it?
I'm having kinda a hard time with the concept of this page, myeslf, because I find the AllSoRad page at times harmful. Easy t box people in with comments about themselves. Seems to me as though compliments are meant to be on the fly and not kept forever...so if compliments are harmful if kept too long, then the idea of leaving criticism up seems to me a terrible idea....maybe that's because when I need a pick-up I can recall compliments, but when I feel bad, I can supply all the fuel all by myself. I guess it seems like giving fuel to a fire that, at least for me, doesn't need to exist... -Robyn
- I agree, but I'd add that if things fly by for a short time, it may be helpful... I think I'll edit my Critical page when I feel like I've resolved the things on it. I like the input, because it fascinates me to see how people view other people, myself included. Also, I like noticing things that I may want to change. I think that I take to being told well, and I make some effort to change some things, and I'm getting better at changing the harder to alter things.
you know... i think constructive criticism of someone's self is kind of an oxymoron. i appreciate criticism of my writing or projects that i'm working on because it helps me make them better. but we know our own faults inside and out. everyone hears them and thinks about them all the time, and they're still mostly impossible to change. i don't think reminding people what's "wrong" with them is constructive at all. if you have a personal problem, talk to them on a personal level, but i don't like the idea of "we all suck" as a public thing we're all so rad has a point (make people feel good, appreciated, appreciate people, look at yourself and the world in a new positive way blah blah blah) but i'm not sure that the flipside does. just an opinion. (~summer)
i totally agree, summer- way good point! constructive critisism is not always constructive even if it's meant to be, and should take place privately, not on the web page, in my opinion. it totally works against AllSoRad, which is such a great thing. well, that's my feelings about it.
But I am a work in progress.... :) and I (reanna) don't feel I know my flaws as well as all that. So I would like to hear people's opinions, if anyone feels up to giving them...perhaps I'll start on myself.
I agree here; I, too, am constantly changing. I need the feedback, totally honsetly, from the people I interact with.
Summer, you have a very good point. A "We all suck" page would be a pretty shitty idea. But i don't think that's what this page was supposed to be. Unlike "All so rad" people are only up on this page if they put themselves on it, showing that they actually want to hear people's criticisim of them. Basically, if I come off as, nasty, mean, selfish, self-centered, rude, or even if I smell bad, I'd like to know about it, so I can work on making myself a nicer person. And if a comment is to personal, it doesn't have to go up on the page, that's what email's for. Besides, I think people here are too nice to say anything genuinely hurtful. I'd be up on the list myself if someone would show me how to make a new page. (Anybody?)Thanx. Yeah. So there's my two cence. -Susannah
- Susy; to make a new page, you have to click on the "Edit" link on the top or bottom of an already existing page. Then, after you get into "Edit" mode you have to string together some capitalized words, like CriticalOfSusannah or SomethingLikeThis. Hit save and when the computer takes you back to the new, edited version of the page, click on the little blue question mark that should be next to the string of words, and Wiki will create a new Edit space for you to type in and create the new page. If this doesn't make any sense, check out HowToUseWiki or AddingPages. *grins* Amy
- I find it interesting that the few people who have participated in the "Constructive Criticism" have done so, for the most part, without admitting their indentity. (Compare to "AllSoRad" where everyone signs it.) For myself, I think that criticism should be reserved for specific things, and dealt with in a more private method. Criticism is momentary, passing, not to be left for all to see. -Christy
- Wiki can be passing as well. Nothing has to last.
- hmmm... on a more personal note, i wouldn't really mind if people have personal constructive criticism of me to hear it. but i still don't understand the arguement of putting it in this particular forum... with we're all so rad it's always been because the act of appreciating people can be shared, it gives a feeling of warmth to hear altogether what everyone loves about you and what everyone loves about everyone else. but criticisms are, to me, something that should be dealt with a lot more carefully. there's not really much that's negative about complimenting someone, but criticizing someone can be hurtful, embarrasing, scarring, mean, and sad. i think it's appropriate in some cases, but i'd much rather hear it one on one. i don't think i'd be able to deal with everyone sharing what was wrong with me with everyone else to mull over and be gathered together. it's like "hello insecurity" the last thing i want is my friends commiserating on why i suck.
Whomever wrote the above, and Summer, I'm beginning to agree with you about the insuitability of this forum. However, I (Reanna) want to explain, with a rather-more-than-little-sized statement, why I felt the inclination to start this page. And it has to do with camp, more than the online version of we're all so rad:
The last three days of Session 2 this year were a bit of a positivity overdose for me. I did 1/3 of We're All So Rad at night[1]. Some people whipped out their directories a day early. In advisee group we passed around those pieces of paper (which I like better than signing directories, but it's the cumulative effect I'm talking about here). The next day more people got their directories and booklets out. In staff meeting we did appreciations. Ugh. My brain was in a good-things-to-say-to-people rut. It was interesting because I don't usually think that way... I realized I do appreciate many more people than I am generally aware of. But I don't think we're getting at that kind of appreciation of each other the best way possible, at least not for me. Because I also felt like a lot of times I was being really shallow despite my best intentions, and a little false a few times, telling someone something small I liked about them, while not mentioning that I mostly don't like them that much.
[1] I dropped out of we're all so rad early because of acute cheek pain, from too much smiling. I guess I found it really uncomfortable. That's what happens to me at parties sometimes, too. It ain't for me. I guess I don't take anything said in that kind of format very seriously, as far as what people say to me, and I don't like that there are a few people there who I would have to stand dumb in front of, spluttering for anything to say and feeling like an idiot because I don't know jack shit about them and there's nothing physically standing out to comment on. [2]
I remember in '98 during the gender blender, some guys complained about not being complimented enough and after that a bunch of girlsmyself included made a point of complimenting at least a few guys that day. It felt really good. Genuine, spontaneous. I know it means way more to me to go up to Brent after the talent show and tell him I was so incredibly impressed with his singing voice, than to write that same thing in his directory... because if I were him I'd have no way of knowing how much I meant that and how much I was just reaching for something, anything, to write in his directory. And I feel the same way about getting compliments.
I think if I think someone is really great, I want to initiate some kind of contact with them on a personal level, tell them or show them I think they're great, and see where it goes from there.
That's what I have to say about that. And now this page is a rather unruly shape for it's current use... X's and O's, Reanna
[2] Thank you! I also dropped out of AllSoRad for that exact reason. You stand in front of a person you don't know and they are supposed to say something nice about you and you about them and you don't know shit about this person.If they go first and say really cool things about you and act like they know you really well you feel bad because you can't think of a fucking thing and if you go first and say something stupid you have to stand there while they say something better than you. So I think AllSoRad is a great concept but should only be done in a group of friends. Thats whats so cool about AllSoRad on Wiki,people vollunteer the nice things about you, feels less forced and more real. The things that are said about you have more impact.
- I agree... I think that's one reason why I liked the old circle format better. You got to just sit and absorb all the comments, and then when someone was in the circle, it's not like anyone would remember who said exactly what to whom. But I don't find it that hard to say nice things about people anyway. It's something you can train yourself to do. But yeah, I agree, it isn't very fun when you can't think of anything nice to say about someone.
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