i am always afraid that i will lose my friends. always. maybe it's because i have lost a LOT of friends. i haven't known anyone longer than 3 years, except amie, but we haven't been friends the entire time. i had friends in preschool, then i stopped being friends with them when i went to kindergarten. i changed schools at 2nd grade, and lost those friends. i started homeschooling in 4th, and lost THOSE. i've been in girlscout troops, swim teams, soccer teams, basketball teams, music groups, theater groups, etc etc - and none have lasted longer than 3 years. i've dropped out of homeschooling groups, etc. it scares me so badly. i'm just not good at keeping friends, and i don't know why. part of the reason is that i'm a flake, i am SO bad at keeping in touch with people.. replying to their emails or phone calls. if you don't keep calling me, i'll just ignore it. and i hate this part of myself. there's a friend right now... i haven't talked to her for a while. she was the friend i would call literally 4 or 5 times a day, just to tell her something random i thought of. we wrote so many stories about each other, we had a whole dream world, dream life, complete with tape mixes to accompany it. we were closer than close. we went through the hard times, and the glittery times, we were 'gal-pal sister-stars.' and then something happened, and we just... drifted.
there was never a marked "END" to our friendship. and i don't think it's ended, really. but it's not the constant thing it was, and that hurts. i'm afraid to call her now, because it will hurt to not know every little detail of her life. there are all of those days and weeks and months that i didnt share. and that will leave a huge big, aching hole. i miss her so much. but i don't know how to get back into the groove we had. i'm sure she had a hole where i was, but she's learned to fill it by now. (oh no, by amazing coincidence, the radio is playing one of 'our songs.') i don't know which will hurt worse, trying to pry a place in her life again, or leaving the hole like it is. Dammit! My friends, whom i held onto for so so long, i sorta let go of, sorta like the, "well honey just let 'em be for a bit, you'll see they'll bounce back. They didn't. I feel so stupediously irrevocably ignorant right now, which is generally my reaction to anything, feel stupid, that it isn't even funny. Why don't they care about me? Do i try harder? That's always my answer to anything, try harder, and i know it drives people insane. Did i do that? Why is it that I have a picture of myself as this incredibly unlovely, despised, girl? It's buried, beneath a lot, but it's true and I should never have told you that, you'll love me or hate me for it, but the very worst...you'll ignore me. Because that's how it goes. But tomorrow's a new day. Maybe someone will love you tomorrow. Obladee oblada Life goes on, babe. ~Kmb~ I've been losing two people who used to be my closest friends. I've known one of them for fourteen years, the other longer than I can remember. One is in high school, and I don't get him anymore. It seems like we haven't even spoken the same language in years. I relate to every other member of his family better than I do to him. That feels twisted. My other friend lives in Sacramento. She belongs to one of the coolest unschooling families I've ever met, and she's still one of my favorite people. But. She seems like she lives almost entirely in her own world. I don't think she pays very much attention to the world around her. I understand that. I've been in her position before. But it's difficult to connect with her now because I don't feel like she's in touch with life most of the time. Maybe I wouldn't think this way if I were around her more often. Unfortunately I enjoy being around every member of her family except her. Again. Argh.-Mitchell I've felt recently like I'm losing a lot of friends. I don't know if it's because I'm growing up and out of those relationships, because I'm pushing away, or because they're pushing away. It'd be nice to think that friendships last forever, but more often than not they don't. So I thought it'd be nice to have a place to discuss that. Do you ever feel like you're losing a friend? Do you feel like you're pushing people away or that they're pushing you away? How do you deal with it? Discuss. -Zen Well, Kelli and I have been really really good friends since we were in second grade (when I was still in school). Last night when she was sleeping over, we kind of both broke down. She feels like she's not a big part of my life anymore, and she talked about how she feels left behind because I keep talking about camp people and I've gotten in to new stuff, and it's like we have nothing in common anymore. I feel the same way- every time I talk to her, she's always going on and on about this person or that person or what people were doing at this dance, and how much fun the dance was, and stuff like that, and it's like we don't even know each other anymore. It makes me cry to think that I'm losing her, but I can't do anything about it! I mean- she has school, cheerleading, dances; stuff like that, and I have camp, skating, guitar (which she doesn't get at ALL), and all that stuff. We don't like the same music, sports, anything. She keeps trying to talk me into coming to De La Salle (her highschool), and I've started feeling almost guilty, because I feel like if I did that, we'd be closer, but the other part of me is saying 'yeah, right. it wouldn't help'. The hard part is, she wouldn't fit in with camp people, and I won't fit in with her friends- they're all popular and... not me. The other thing is, she's become really popular and has a new boyfriend every fucking minute, and I'm getting sick of hearing about this guy and that guy and who she's dating now. But I still love her, and we've been through a lot of shit together, and I don't want to lose her, but I am, and I can't stop it. -JessicaSkater Ooh, good page, Mr. Z. Thank you. <tips hat> I've been feeling that way a lot lately, having moved back to New York a fairly changed person and having to reestablish a dynamic with a lot of people. Some people I just don't click with anymore; some aren't healthy for me; etc. Of course it's hard, but it's also worth it. To grow into myself, to have friends around me who support the person that I want to be, even if I can't always fill her shoes. And plus the number of friends I've lost through change is diddley zip compared to all the amazing people I met on my trip, in and out of camp. And being me gives me the courage to talk to people I respect, and maybe befriend them. It does go in cycles, too; I agree, Mr. Z. And for anyone who goes to this page because they feel lonely and don't know what to do about it... Loneliness does pass. And it won't kill you in the interim. Promise.
for me it goes in cycles... I thought I had lost a lot of friends in the last couple years... mostly just through loosing touch. But recently, I've gotten back in touch, and they're still there, the friendships where just in cold storage for a while... some colder than others, if you know what I mean, but even some of those are thawing a bit. I've realised I can't really lose love for people, I can be unable to deal with them, do to some aspects of their personality, but if I loved them to begin with, then there's a part of them I loved... and usually parts of people don't go away, it's just that the balance shifts, and people express different parts of themselves at different times. Sometimes relationships get to intence, or too hurtfull, or just stagnant, or what-have-you... but I've realised that with people I consider close friends, I usually make a deep enough bond that it lasts, and if we lose touch for one reason or another, I can be friends with them in one way or another, one time or another. I guess I'm just learing to let my life be a lot more fluid. Losing friends, Yah that's been happining to be a lot, like a whole lot, like I used to have like mabye 10 or more good friends, and It' narrowed down to like 4... I donno why, I don't hang around with some of my friends couse they're imature, but I donno, I've just been losing friends at a fast pase, mabye I'm just a bastard or somthing *shrugs*-NickV i lost a friend when i was at camp. she was what i wanted to be before all of you. she lived inside me for she was me. she was also mean she said i8 wa fat and told me not to eat. she made me sad. but she was the only friend i had so i kept her. i'm glad shes gone because she is the kinda person i don't like now. the cool miss popular kind. i miss her but now i have room to grow and love another more REALish me. i miss the old me but all live with the new me and grow to love her to... does this make sense? arms wide open
Zen...I think I know what situation you are thinking about and just so you know, I'd be happy to listen some more whenever you want. I know the feeling very well. Love, Jasmine I have three friends who I feel like i'm losing right now...I was very hurt by it...but once I went to camp I found all these amazing people who I know won't dump me in the mud. so, i don't care about losing those three people any more. I also lost one friend because of her religion. it ended up i couldn't be friends with her because i didn't belong to the same religion, and she could not accept that in me. I'm not sad for myself, because i'm fine without her. i'm sad for her, because I think of all the friends she will never have, because they belong to a different religion than her... I have a couple friends that I feel like I'm losing. Like, I sort of had them to myself until they went to camp, and then they found all these other, more interesting people to talk to and I feel like they're distancing themselves from me. What can I say to bring them back? Nothing. I can't compare to any of those other people that bewitch them so; I just have to hope they'll come back to me... I won't turn them away. I hate waiting. I lost three friends due to a complicated tangle with all of them. Two of them I'm not sure I lost and it is a strange balance. I'm trying not to think about it. My cousin died last week. She was fourteen and she used to be my best friend when we were younger. Death is.... very... final. None other loss of friends I've had has been that final. -wanderlust I have this one friend I was best friends with for... well, from when I was 8 til when I was 12. Then she went to a middle school and started having serious probems with her parents and her life... and I just couldn't connect with her anymore. We both kind of stopped trying to keep in touch. Then after she finished middle school she homeschooled for a little while, and I talked with her a couple times... and then she went to high school cause she couldn't think of anything else to do. I think that is the saddest thing in the world. She just quit high school and we've talked a few times, and I hope to rekindle our relationship... She is one of my favorite people to talk to, NBTSCers included. I'm also kind of loosing touch with a friend I've known literally all my life. But I'm not really worried about that, because it's happened before. During preschool, a couple years ago... and we always stay friends and get back together. I think because our friendship isn't really based on shared interests, but everything we've done together. Loosing a friend is the worst thing in the world. Finding them again is the best. Moral: don't stop trying. -marina the thing about losing friends is that it's a psychological thing. it's not like, oh oops i misplaced somebody. it's that your *minds* and your *hearts* are in different places. there's as many ways of losing friends as making friends. losing someone to alcohol is the most painful i've been through. losing someone to a lifestyle that doesn't include things i take for granted like email and a phone number. losing someone because you don't keep in touch is a dull ache. losing someone because one of you has grown and changed, which is almost a purifying experience, it's sad like some good movies are sad. losing someone because of anger is powerful, it makes you learn about yourself. Jenny [1] A case of too much IRC! *grin* Well, I don't post on here much but I felt like I had something to say... so here goes.... I've been there too. But I think, it's apart of life. Just like growing out of your little kid clothes. It's a change. And we all change & NEED to grow. And I don't think you ever lose a friend or even a family member. Sure, you can lose them physically, but they are ALWAYS gonna be there in your heart & soul. Always! But it is very hard cuz it's not gonna be the same. It's the fact that it's a change. And not all changes are gonna be easy. That's were we grow & learn. That's why we hurt...when we feel that we have lost contact with someone, or someone doesn't really want to talk to us. It's painful, but that's cuz we make it hard & painful on our selves. I've lost contact with friends & have lost family members to death. But it's all change. And it's very easy to forget that they are right here in your heart & soul. I've been through that as well. It's not as I if I haven't missed them or anything like that. It's just that I have to also remind myself that they are still here with me. In my heart & soul. But that's what I've realized & I just thought I would share that with ya! : ) Y'all are my friends! *hugs* ~Selena Okay I am going to be brave now. For about a year now I have been slipping slowly away from a close friend. Actually we have considered each other "best friends" for longer then I can remember. And I haven't wanted to admit it. When you know that much about someone how can it happen that one day you just don't care that much anymore. It hasn't happened yet but I'm scared. Even all the people at camp that I love couldn't make up for it because all I have of them is late nights in bed missing them so much it hurts, and a few letters. (People I have been writing to: don't take this personally, I just feel really lonely tonight.) It's looking at her and remembering so many happy nights. It's remembering how once we stood in the rain and screamed at each other. I was so scared that our friendship was over but the next day we loved each other again. It's lieing in bed and feeling like I should cry. I cry because no one from camp has called me and I'm to shy to call anyone else. And it's crying about her. God I wish things were the same as when we were 8 again.Oh god I am rambling a lot. maybe I'm not talking about losing friends anymore, you say? Oh yes I am. Because my whole life is connected to her. I could not live without her. Precious one, if after you go to camp this year with me, you ever happen to read this, I love you with all of my heart, I love you more than poetry, I will love you forever. *sob* Franny Who is crying at the computer now and misses you all with all of her heart and needs to talk to someone who can listen. NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 26 times, last edited on April 2, 2001 by 64.12.106.24. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
