ThreeFiftyOne I'm never sure how or when it's gonna happen it just kinda of sneaks up on me sometimes like the sun after hours spent on IRC and while you know it's coming you don't quite expect it -then- it's the shocking yet common knowledge that you are indeed getting older like the soggy cereal in the green bowl next to me (the green bowls I've known forever) like the tea that's now luke warm which I don't have time for cuz I'm doing something else and I don't know quite what to make of it this nagging need to make use of time knowing full well that doing one thing means not doing another and frankly I demand the time to do everything...and nothing at all I'm aging. so are you, sitting there reading this I will choose, as will you, what to do with this life even if the choice is not choosing at all life happens (is happening right now) I can't describe it exactly but it's occuring is what you're doing now worth this precious time? i think right now, in this moment, it is - Jausserande ThreeFiftyTwo this precious time of laughing so hard at an inanimate object that somehow holds inside it all the love and humor you could hope to find anywhere this precious time is what you call time- wasting?
who really should not be on the computer right now.... ThreeFiftyThree on the subject of time - what you might call time wasting explain to me how eating oreos in bed and discussing in detail the colors of laughter wastes time - it's true I wasn't up until after ten and the sun was high in the sky but this morning I noticed the sun in the sky and I heard the murmur of the grass to me as I walked through aimless; and I think there must be enough time in a day to listen.
NumberThreeFiftyFour there must be enough time in a day to listen to the night. funny how things always smell a little stronger when the air is black around them funny how you were always just a little more attentive when you didn't need to hide behind sunglasses. and i thought that maybe i could use your shade when the sun was at it's highest too. there must be enough time in a day to listen to the night. --RoyaBoya i just wanted to tell people how THRILLED i am that this poetrymarathon page took off as wonderfully as it did. yay! #355 funny how things always work out this way with you in tears and me on the verge of them i guess it's because we're both hot-tempered and quick to judge we're both stubborn and unforgiving traits that aren't usually as horrible for us to have but this is one of those times when you have to accept that it's not working and agree to disagree but we can't do that... we keep trying, and trying puts us right here where we don't want to be where we're struggling for the freedom that neither of us really wants but that both of us know that we need
*three five six*with you in tears I wonder Can I cry too? I wish I could say I understand But I don't I wish I could say I it'll all be ok but will it? I wish I could say I love you But all I want to do is cry -jekissa ThreeFiveSeven I wonder about the world because I exist I dream because life has countless possibilities I'm happy because I know you do the same But in a different way So I can say "look at that" And you can say "look at this" And we'll know twice as much Then you will cry and I'll ask "Can I cry too?" We'll cry together and it'll be good Cuz we can feel each others sorrows and joys And that's what it's all about - Jausserande ThreeFiftyEight and that's what it's all about. it's nice to finally know after thinking for all these years that the hokey-pokey is what it's all about. i remember when my living room was living (when the cold tile floor was warm with the laughter incarnate that had been sleeping on it all night) and music was in the air but we were louder and the hokey-pokey actually was what it was all about and still is, in a way for though the room itself is silent now i can still see the colorful ghosts beckoning me in to the dance
ThreeFiftyNine I can still see the colorful ghosts Of your eyes and smile and hair Bright and neon green Dyed and unkept Just the way you like it I can still feel the gentle phantoms Of your hands and lips and eyelashes Whispers of touches Felt by both Just the way you want it I can still hear the subtle impressions Of your laugh and words and sighs Strong but yielding Comforting and calming Just the way I need it -Zen 36ohmy mommy always told me to go for it in life to dive in deep i would always come out Just the way I need it but then one day i did and i found i couldn't swim i was waveing my hands screaming with all my might till you came you tryed to pull me out but i wouldn't let you i stuck to your work mommynow look at you your sobbing at my death bed of sweet sailty water you forgot to tell me to know my limets is really importaned i hope you know now now that im dead
ThreeSeventy dive in deep and deeper into that metaphorical glittering bluegreen ocean let your thoughts fly like you have no idea where they're going surrender your arms to the passing currents and fish and let your eyes close as your head is rocked by the waves you make as you go deeper into this (dark, now) metaphorical ocean by now you don't even know what you are referring too, but that's ok because your eyes are closing and your hands openeing and closing peacefully like a babys you will not even have an end because there is no end here, no shrinking, just life and growing and you are starting to glow even though you don't notice it with your eyes closed and all you are starting to move with a purpose, everything following your head and your head your head knows where it's going now and you can open your eyes, it doesn't matter any more because it is so dark and your eyes glow so much that you are the only thing around that can't see.
NumberThreeSeventyOne your eyes glow so much that you know when a star is going to drop before it does. like some kind of weird sixth sense. you want a star to drop in your lap. you would grab on and it would streak away. take you and deposit you in someone else's warm arms. you wouldn't have to remember anything. because you would be there and someone else would be writing a song about that night. (the way the stars looked like songs and how your eyes sang.) NumberThreeSeventyTwo someone else might not be harvesting the blood of small insects into a poem clapped between your hands but you have more blood than that in the insides of your cheeks and sometimes the only way you can think of a poem is to bite your skin and let it out. NumberThreeSeventyThree between your hands you are holding (so many possibilities breathed between two lines of a poem) me. simply. me. (does exhaling leave you slightly dissatisfied?) --RoyaBoya *374*When I die I do not want to be burried I do not want to be burned I do not want to be eaten by maggots I want to float up and be part of the sky so when you look at the stars at night or the duck-shaped clouds in the day you'll remember me. me. simply. me.
ThreeSevenFive When you look at the stars at night, what do you think about? do you remember the day we watched the sky as the sun slowly set. just laying down looking upwards, quietly talking, about anything and everything. It was a bit cold out, but we hardly noticed. we just lay there, happy and mostly warm, and watched as the stars came out.
*three seven six*It was a bit cold out I pulled on my jacket so I could go on a walk and try to get away from here from reality I realized it wasn't reality I wanted away from it was you
ThreeSevenSeven It was you. You gave it back it's magic. It was nothing new to me. I'd seen it many many times before. countless summers spent on the sand, splashing in the water. it had always been there, and it always would be. nothing new, nothing special. But to you, to you it was incredible, amazing, beautiful and new. Like nothing you'd ever seen before. We walked along the shore, picking up seashells and pretty stones as we went. The wonder and delight in your eyes was catching. Now I see it through new eyes. I look out to the horizon, water far as the eye can see, and farther. and I marvel at the size and beauty of it. I walk along the sand and let the waves wash around my bare feet, while I search the sand for seashells and pretty rocks. You gave the ocean back it's magic. Thank you.
ThreeHundredSeventyEight I walk along the sand and remember everything about you the way your face looked as you watched the night sky for a shooting star the way you always ran from your car to my door the accents you would do that always made me laugh and as I look out across the vast ocean of waves I think to myself "maybe it's better this way" and maybe it is but I guess I'll never know.
ThreeHundredSeventyNine I think to myself
Thats what i do
I contemplate with myself
I figure things out with myself
I am my own best friend
I want people to talk to
I love hearing real voices speaking to me
and really caring about what i say
I need sanity too
I need to realize that everything isn't always gonna be ok
I need to stop trying to change people
I need to think to myself
and figure out what i am doing
where am i going
what i want to do
I just need to think...
~Snow~
ThreeEightOh Gazing into the radioactive light And all I see are shadows Planted under eyes Like the same shadows that formed As the day grew longer And turned into night Covered by a mesh of text and pixels Colors and words Distorting any true meaning In any of the lines Or wrinkles Or scars Is this my face Or just some digital Appoximation This isn't it What I want to do This isn't me No matter how many times I step outside I can't seem to get One Single Lousy Stale Breath of fresh air I Will Stare Into My Own Eyes For Hours Until I realize That the green beautiful glint I see Is just the computer screen And suddenly it doesn't seem so beautiful anymore...
ThreeEightOne When will I realize Truly realize That I already have within me The means to do and go and become Everything and everywhere and everyone I want to be (Or at least the means to find out how) Memo to self: Get off it already Your ass AND your damn stupid hang ups It's silly And if you're going to do something silly It should involve throwing corn, whipped cream Or flaming cows So there And all you people out there (Yeah, you) Keep inspiring me okay? Until I realize - Jausserande *three 8 two*My life shouldn't be miserable I don't want to be depressed It should involve throwing corn, whipped cream Or flaming cows maybe even Tofu! My life does not need stress my life does not need broken pencils or dirty tissues my life needs joy! my life needs flaming cows! (forgive me, I'm feeling a tad strange.)
I don't want to be depressed not today not now not ever i don't want to feal the blads on my skin not now not ever just leave my skin alone i don't want you to hold my hand i nead to fall a few times just not too hard i dont want to live this way i just want out i just want freadom oh sweet soft freadom how i want you so
I went to write you a song But when I sat down with the paper I couldn't think of the words In my head I knew how it should go The melody, the feeling, all composed But words can't express And I'm hard pressed to give my song a finale Because in my head The song never ends None of it would ever amount... Not today, not now Not ever It's a simple enough sentiment So I'll leave it at this I love you And when you're gone you are missed
ThreeEightFive i forgot to tell you how much i love you when i told you i love you i forgot to tell you how much i miss you now that you're gone & i thought maybe, maybe you would still be here with me but i didn't realize the extent to which you would leave once i told the truth (i thought it was a good thing to be honest i guess i was wrong) in my head i knew how it should go but in your head it went differently & that difference was what ultimately tore us apart kat 386 Our love was what ultimately tore us apart our trying too hard made us fall crumble and crack but we just treaded on without stoping with fake love raped up in our hearts should we of stoped? should we of been true? shouold we of tryed just a bit harder? its too late for should of's now your gone and we hafto move on maybe that is what is ultimately teraing us apart right now the should of's are after you
*387*you see the situation one way but it is another i know you could never understand you dont have my life i know what i'm thinking you can only guess we can argue about it forever, if you'd like but I know me better than you, or anyone so please don't tell me I'm one way when I'm actually another without stopping to think about what you're saying you hurt me can't you just listen?
ThreeEightEight Can't you just listen? You ask me how I'm doing. What's going on in my life. But do you really want to know? I tried answering truthfully once. I talked about what was going on in my little world. What fun I had with my friends when we stayed up all night. And then I looked over at you. You weren't paying any attention to a word I was saying. So maybe I did ramble on a bit long. but you asked what was going on. I told you. and you stopped listening. So now you ask. And I just say fine. Half the time it's not true. but I say it anyway. I don't trust you to listen anymore. I did, once. and you ignored me. ignored me too many times. and it /hurt/. So I don't talk to you about anything that matters anymore. It's not worth getting hurt again. I'll just let you sit there and wonder. Wonder why I spend so much time staring of into space, Wonder why I make 2 hour long-distance phone calls. Wonder why I spend hundreds of dollars, just for a couple of days with friends. Wonder why I spend my night at the computer instead of asleep in bed. You don't understand why. I don't know if you can. Why can't you just listen?
389 You ask me how I'm doing. but do you really want to know? or are you doing it to be nice do you really want to know how im doing? what im feeling why my heart yearns? where my fingers whiped away the tears last night do you really want to know what i doing? no. didnt think so
ThreeNineZero do you really want this even when you know love comes with pain of distance, of frustration when you just can't say the right thing do you really want the phone bills, the train tickets, continually having not enough of anything continually cursing the mundane for standing so solidly in your path to euphoria do you really want the dead tired mornings the colds and flus and do you really want the nights of aching lonelyness you know will happen? yes, i want the love i want the love that lifts me during the day and puts a smile on my lips when i walk down the street and i want the pain that comes with it reminding me of a hole that will be filled i want the late night phone conversations the screaming and hugging at train stations the traveling and new faces i want the sunrises and the stars the silences the being i want the aching lonelyness when it comes with the love.
(oy. cheesy. *grin*) ThreeNineOne who knows what lies in your path to euphoria; I'm sure there are rocks and roots to trip on small growling things rivers to cross and god knows what else a path to bliss is probably unending and very likely your feet will blister but let's dawdle on the way, you and I, I'm sure we'll find flowers in the cracks snails to marvel at a smooth stone to sit on lovely little things that make the ending, part of the path and as long as we both go who cares if we get there?
*392* And God knows what else... you'll say, friend across the abyss, person I once knew. I see where I am. I am here. Salty seas wash over my feet, a house over my head, love in my hands. But where are you? Days ago, years ago, I talked to you The more I talked and talked And cultivated what I knew The more I felt that if I left, you'd evaporate and cease to be. Cease to be anything. Not a person More a thing, A part of my mind I keep preened, Zen garden way. The particles of your being floated away And as they return, their hue has changed Their shapes have taken a strange twisted turn Glossy and myriad like sad dreams awaken. Herein lies my plight, friend, I am happy... for you. -Luke talk moved to PoetryTalk I am happy for you. Things finally seem to be going your way. You're happy with where your life is going. The sun has come out, and you're ready to fly. You're free now. Your life is all ahead of you, and your thrilled. I wouldn't spoil your happiness. Not for the world. So I smile as I wave you off. And don't let you see the tears in my eyes as I turn around to go back inside. Because when you left, you took a piece of me with you.
*394*an angry person I know talks down to me but he wouldn't call it that not for the world because then it'd be his fault. I sit quietly, looking away but still hearing his harsh words I get up and leave he calls me back I turn slightly, letting him know I am still listening and that was my first mistake.
ThreeNineFive I get up and leave. Out the door and into the world. I would have liked to sit awhile longer. But I'm late already, so I must go now, and hurry. It's safe and quiet indoors. I rather like it. But outside, outside there's a whole world to explore. So off I go. Into the world.
ThreeNineSix I rather like it.
The smell of rain,
The the sight of a mountain
The Sound of a song sung by me
The rhythm of music
The taste of water
The feeling of love
The family I have
The talents I have
The way I am me, and only me
I can never be anyone else,
Just Me..
Snow
*3 nine 7*I can never be anyone else as much as I've tried I always end up with me. But then again, it's me who loves you not that girl I saw across the street who I said I wanted to be like so why should I bother to change? because I know you would never love me back
ThreeNineEight The sun has come out again. It's warm, and it smells like summer. Everyone is out in their tank tops and shorts and sandals. working on their tans, and spending their days at the pool. But I miss the clouds and the rain. the thunder and lightning. I love riding my bike through the rain, getting so cold I can't feel my fingers anymore. smelling the air after it rains. it always smells fresh, and clean. But then again, we need sun just as much as rain. and we need rain just as much as sun. so let the sun shine. let's go to the beach and enjoy it. the beach is just as nice in the sun as it is in the rain.
ThreeHundredNinetyNine *fork in the road*Last October, I came to a fork in the road I wasn't sure which path to take- I heard voices from all around, reasons for me to take on one instead of the other. should I sacrifice being able to see my "friends" every day? should I sacrifice the "education" I'm getting? I had nothing to lose but some lousy teachers and a 15 pound backpack that so often rested on my weary shoulders. so I chose a path and was on my way. It was hard adjusting to change at first, and now I'm thankful, for look at where I am- I wouldn't have made so many new friends, met so many new people, had I stayed at that cramped desk. I wasted enough time waiting for my teachers to get the rest of the kids to shut up Now, not having to wait for someone else, I will now learn the things I want to know. Both of my paths were cloudy and dark, filled with uncertainity, but on the path I chose, the Sun has come out again.
FourHundred Both of my paths were cloudy and dark I didn't know where to go. I was lost and afraid, Not sure where to turn. I had taken a worng turn somewhere along the way
and now I couldn't find my way back.
It was a winding path that led me in circles,
unsure of where I was, or if i were anywhere.
The skies were cloudy and grey,
The sun couldn't find its way through the trees.
It was lost too, It couldn't remember the way back home.
Then I saw you,
Standind in the middle of my path
Shining brightly as a star,
You were there guiding me, loving me, showing me I wasn't alone.
You helped me find my way back to the right path,
The path of discovery, creativity, Love,
and the beginning of Self acceptance.
You are the one who made the difference in my life,
You are the reason I believe in true love,
I found my way home because of you,
and now I am home, safe and sound.
Lying next to you, your arms around me,
I am home..
~Snow~
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