701 The statue in the park frozen laughter, frozen gaze. The artist stopped seeing what the statue does see when he put the last chisel down. I finish a tangerine, out of the calm, into the flow. I breathe.
SevenOhTwo I Breathe I breathe as if I've forgotten for so long and it all comes out in this one breath. All the words the glances unnoticed all the times I stopped my hand from reaching out just in time. I breath with eyes that are staring hard at you daring you to look away I am perfect. And when I jump with energy with drama and land in the middle it's for me you aren't watching. Daring you to look away, I slowly raise the wand to my mouth And blow a long, lazy stream of bubbles Towards your nice clean (or dirty) windshield The bubbles never seem to pop there anyway, They just dance away in the wind because You're just going so fast, never smiling until You get to the corner And sometimes you wave, Or smile, Or laugh, Or blow me a kiss, And I think this is actually as good as it gets Standing on a sunnyhot street corner at 5 o'clock And blowing bubbles at you Seven 0 Four They just dance there in the wind because They like it And it's that sort of day It will always be sunny on this day in memory (Some memories change weather) They got wet And giggled And washed And danced Ate ice cream To excess And slept beneath the stars (The sun still shining brightly 'midst the night) Hell happens but She remembers you With the sun shining in your hair ~Wind SevenOhFive With the sun shining in your hair Your eyes squint open and you wince Shutting them tight again And curling into a ball under the covers Wakeup wakeup wakeup You'll ignore the headache You can You're used to it You'll stumble out of bed and Throw on some clothes, struggling with the laces As you shuffle into the next room, slump against the door, Yawn And Stretch 7 oh 6 it's as though nothing were perfect just 10 minutes ago before i closed the door and turned on the music. "you'll get over it, you're used to it, get over it" the words tumble like tumble weeds in my head slow, and these tumble weeds never seem to leave the set of the old western building fronts, like the old legos ones i used to play with back when i was happy
SevenOhSeven Just 10 minutes ago I was a different person Now I can't do that or that Or the other thing I must simply proceed from here Just 10 minutes ago, I could have gone crazy But I didn't so Here I am Just 10 minutes ago I could have Painted my stomach (A tribal mask, I think) So many possibilities "Every day is precious, doll, remember that" And I can't seem To fill it all 7 oh 8 I could have gone crazy but i didn't I could have written a thousand reasons why this bothers me so much but i didn't. I could have let on how much i hurt but i won't. you live in your fairy tale land and i don't want to paint over it with black which is what i do when I tell you what you're doing to me. though a little black never hurt anybody.
SevenOhNine I could write a thousand poems And it would never be enough To capture every moment and detail Point and make you pay attention To all the achingly beautifuls And the miserable storms I want to go on and on About clouds, steel, cement, and silk But all I'd succeed in doing Is fail at telling you this poem So for now I'll keep writing Smiling at you And desperately trying to see everything seven one oh smiling at you never does me any good if the smile is just a fake. politely I'll step aside and let you cling like the laundry does. my anger is based on nothing worthy and no reasons but my own fear of losing him.
NumberSevenEleven if my smile is just a fake i know you can tell, like you can tell this bright pink hair isn't my natural color. everything is brighter when i stare at the sun over your shoulder and correctly interpreting my wince you step to the side and smile down on my shrinking pupils. black water mixes with pink as it swirls down the shower blue spots on the driveway and streams running through your grass purple mingling with red and the sun shines down, brightly on our heads we can tell the difference between something fake and this. 712 I can see clearly now the rain is gone, everything is brighter it's all so much more a live. I peer out my window and remember the times we looked out our windows after a rain fall with the drops still on our pains. I wounder if your still falling like thoses rain drops. It's times like these when I remember what you looked like, how you smelt, the way you brushed your hair. You where shuch a happy child back then. Before you did those hard drugs that you told me that "kept ya thin." Back before daddy raped you at night and day and before you where not falling like a drop of rain. You where always my glass angle even after you shattered. I'm sorry I didn't catch your fall. Maybe next time I will my shattered angle.
713 no i won't break no i won't cry no i won't cut, no i won't give in to you no you won't scare me this time. no you won't see me weak shaking stunned no i don't want to forgive this time what other choice do i have? i live under your thumb. if i don't do what you want i can't do anything at all. it's times like these when I remember what i live for and honey it aint you. What I live for is beyond your whildest dreams. It's past your hands that can't bend beyond your eyes that will never cry tears ... it's ever farther then your painful actions. You'd never know it would you daddy if I told you who I was. Would you laugh at my hair? Yes. even if it was washed Would you ignore me? yes. even if my soul was clean Would you walk all over my starving body? yes again. you always used me as a mat So daddy tonight when your woundering up on your highest hill why I dont call you just think of what you know of me and you will find my face right there in the words.
715 you ask me why why do i not confide in you? (but do you honestly care? you seem to find this amusing) if I told you who i was would you take me seriously? (you laugh at me half the time anyway) when some one asks me what our friendship is like i always put in a good word for you. it's funny how i've started second guessing what i say to people about you now. it's funny how we always agree on everything and always tease eachother it's funny how i'm still sensitive around you... it's funny how we can carry on for 2 hours and not say a meaningful word. it's funny how i care, and how i doubt sometimes that you do. is it getting stale? (when in the end, you always laugh.)
716 Even sints I left my bed I doubt sometimes if my bed carvings are still standing. You keep saying that they are but I know you. You always hated what I made. My wood chips where like my tears that you wouldnt let me cry. I just kept on till you took my knifes. So now 2 years latter what makes you think I'll beleve you now? After all my knifes you took my heart you've tryed to break and all my songs that you told me not to sing. What makes you think I'll beleve you this time about my carvigs? I don't care! Fine! Take my wooden tears and carvings there almost dryed up anyhow.
SevenSeventeen So now, two years later everythings changed and I'm still the same Dry the tears little girl stand up staight it's different now. Be strong. So now that the guitar strings are broken the kleenex is all used up and the mailbox is empty it's now that I must fend for myself. So now that I am lost and no one's come looking for me missing wishing hoping crying loving. So now nothing makes sense still. Forgetting love remember screams learning pain. So pinch my cheeks and leave me lonely I'm /almost/ beyond caring I'm almost beyond thinking love can solve everything. 718 Hell happens But like the rain, we forget And like the ground, We wash ourselves clean again. Slipped in the dirt Landed on my foot But I ended up dancing Awkward as I was. Even then, even then I am a willow, by water I bend -- bend -- bend -- but I do not break.
SevenNineteen But I ended up dancing and my feet moved without directions and so did yours life needs maps sometimes dancing doesn't. SevenTwoOh When I turned to you For once I couldn't hide the tears My face forced a smile And so did yours You want me to know that it will be okay I want you to know that it will be okay But I don't know if it'll be okay And you don't know if it'll be okay SevenTwentyOne My face forced a smile I tried to make it real I tried but nothing happened I just remained frozen my eyes stuck on you. My heart stuck on you. my tears stuck to my own face. 722 my eyes stuck on your words your pains, you typed and my eyes stuck to the screen. i had already sided against you you came too late bitch to me, all you want i am not here and even though my eyes are my mind isn't bad as i feel, sometimes i just can't take you. sometimes i just wish i'd never met you i'd never laughed with you i'd never had a moment with you. because now i love you and yet... i hate you for making me feel like this SevenTwentyThree For making me feel like this You should die a thousand lives I wish you knew how despair tinges perceptions How doubt fades hope How life topples when the lifeless sit on it I wish We could begin again Wish that decisions weren't final, that life could be lived backwards Just once. For Making me feel like this You should endure a hundred courtesies. Wind. SevenTwentyThree Just once I want to hear I love you And know it's true Just once I want to stop thinking about it. FraNNY 724 i want to stop thinking about it if only i could stop dreaming about it it happened again, last night and there i was... it's funny how my dreams show what i'm thinking about, constantly but in the back of my mind i didn't even look at you... but i knew who it was, the way I noticed you looking at me. was i crazy to think i could forget you so easily? but now i notice that if i had actually wanted to forget and make peace, with you i may have looked you in the eyes instead of turning around and walking past you like i always do. my grip on you has tightened, even though my knuckles aren't white because my hands are invisible. (your stare scares me sometimes)
SevenTwentyFive My hands are invisible and I wave them wildly trying to get noticed and everyone does notice except you. So what's the point anymore? Why don't I just tell my hands to shut their big mouths and go on with my life? Because it's an addiction. I'm addicted to you I watch your mouth form words like I've never seen words before. I watch your hands reach out pretend they're reaching for me pretend I'm not dissapointed when the expected happens. I watch you cross the street and stay on this side holding myself tightly and sitting down to keep from running who cares if people stare at the crumpled heap on the sidewalk I am invisible to them I am invisible to myself. SevenTwentySix i watch your hands reach out hear you yell my name joyously and feel your arms round my shoulders i can't believe i'm home that its over no more campfires, group hugs, canoe rides, swings no more looking at you and laughing, laughing so hard i couldn't stop no more lying in someones arms feeling loved, singing along to a guitar no more staying up 'till 4 am hanging out talking in the rain no more long walks 'round the lake no more random "can i have a massage?" no more sitting 'round the fire giving massages it wasn't what i expected i never thought it would be this powerful, this meaningful i never thought i'd be this in love with life i never thought i'd feel this loved i can't believe it was only five days i can't believe summers almost over... i'm soo very thankful that i went i'm so sad that its over i'm happy though because life is good and i know i'll see them again i know i'll meet /you/, and /you/, and /you/... i'm in love with life. ~Jadzia 727 it wasn't what I expected when i read your words so many emotions came to mind, the first one, to cry. in some ways i find that loving you only brings dissapoinment. so many expectations only to be let down again and again and I let myself be victim to it only through my love for you. i thought i was important to you i thought i mattered i thought you cared i thought too much. and now i see your love for me is pushed aside at the first sight of her name.
728 As far as my knowlage reaches, I am the first one, to cry. Hot eyes in a movie thetre. proud evidence of soft shamefull feeling. Yes, I am here proud woman strong enough for tears.
SevenTwentyNine As far as my knowledge reaches I am the first one to cry And as far as my memory reaches You weren't far behind And as far as my soul reaches I'll nevre be able to forget And as far as my courage reaches It doesn't. 730 You weren't what I expected But then, you aren't my expectations And how could you know? I don't like to share Never did, never will I thought you were different Someone more like myself But I thought too much. And it's true, You don't deserve to be caught In the clutches of my possession Always watching, For the chains of jealousy To bring up your pain Instead, another girl's chains Can bring you home again.
731 I thought you were different I thought this, this could be different Not so clamped down How can I be free And belong to only you At the same time? SevenThirtyTwo pretend: the world /dualitys/ is always what it seems. The /are what make/ straight line can never looked bent. /our world/ We cannot lie. /a place of wonder:/ there are no pictures /the center of a record/ in a world with no illusions. /spins the other way;/ Because what is art /the whole, in pieces/ but a lie that makes us happy? /contradicts itself/ no art - no music. /lies: logic./ Is music really an illusion? /learning to know/ Are the feelings it give you /what is not real/ really artificial, or is it /teaches us, yes,/ simply guilt by association? /to see the real - / who knows. in this world, /more important/ we would not care. We are intent /that real/ on making everything true. /is unimportant/ would we discover /discovery/
the truth about lies? /requires a theory,/
Myth is another name for them. /requires faith/
Stories. Theory. Science. /requires belief/
lies - are what humans are built on. /in a lie./
We are worthless /all we have learnt/
without our stories. /is for the belief/
/in lies. In ourselves./
NumberSevenThirtyThree we discover the way the world wobbles on it's axis as our legs get longer, and we no longer connect with the earth the way we used to. instead our heads are in the clouds and we miss watching ants on the ground rather than wanting to be flying with the birds. i'm afraid of heights. afraid of getting taller, older, leaving behind the dirt and the mud and the way i could creep into the smallest spaces. now i'm constantly looking for somewhere that fits two. now i'm always wanting someone's hand to hold so i don't leave the earth completely. NumberSevenThirtyFour leaving behind the dirt of past dramas. i thought i was washing away the memories. i hadn't felt anything for so long. there's nothing worse than feeling like the one who no one wants to be with. it all jumps around my throat at once realizing all the times they probably wanted to be talking to anyone else but me. you, have her and she, has you and the letter i looks so much like a 1. and one is the loneliest number. and i am a lonely poem, tonight. 735 One is lonely and One is sad This angry night One is all One has One strain of music: harmony One ray of light: melancholy One is brave and daring One is true, One is sharing One is alone and One soon despairs Tools beckon an ending but One doesn't dare For twins have been submerged tonight And One sees no other One in sight In the stillness of the gloom One looks up and sees the moon Glimmering silently from sea to sea One finds a word; that word is "me" If One has not self that what does One have? A Will bent time and again, not broken in half As the night's glow is fading One sits on the rail, waiting Writes a word in the dirt: "me" Thinks it will be changed soon: "we" As the day's air slowly thickens One watches, waits and listens A shape down by the mill Trudging patiently up the hill One's burning eyes look up, from the earth One's feet move carefully, through the dirt And as One meets Other, they embrace The virgin sun smiles upon their grace For now there is not One but Two One only dreampt, but /we/ knew.
NumberSevenThirtySix As the day's air slowly thickens i'm laying out on grass that's only damp after i sat down leaning on shoulders that i never realized before how soft they were i'm curled up and cuddled up and wrapped up in the smell of smoke and air turning to velvet. i can see my dreams settling around the streetlamps and i am soothed. content, my head laying on his stomach and watching the world settle around me. NumberSevenThirtySeven after i sat down i couldn't stay still. i couldn't stop laughing. i couldn't stop giggling. the simplest things the sweetest. in a small group, i was centered it was the room going around not my head. it was your voice and your eyes and your jokes your poetry. inside jokes, making it so hard to write when everything wants to fall out on paper and i can't keep track of double meanings. it was your grin, your smile, your laugh. and now the realization that documenting bliss is beyond me. SevenThreeEight It's beyond me Why you love me Why you hate me Why I confuse you Is beyond me What we're doing Where we're going Who we're seeing Is beyond both of us Where we're staying Why we're leaving When we'll come back How we'll fare 'T least I've you Darling shadow SevenThreeNine Darling shadow do you worry like I do? You follow me. Can you take some trouble away from me can you catch me when I fall? do shadows fall off like loose teeth? Leaving me half a person? I see you shadow on the sunny sidewalk before I look up and sparkly eyes grab mine forcing smile why don't you smile shadow? do you realize that someday it won't be this easy for me to smile? I turn around and you're laughing at me. 740 You gave me a birthday kiss And scattered rose petals On my bed, And this time I didn't try, To pick them up, To throw them aside. I want to leave them there As a testiment to where I found an example of human love And human kindness. If this feeling was a material I would wrap it up in a bottle And pour myself teaspoons every day Medicine not just for the body But medicine for the soul I'd rather not forget Even though you left On a bus for Kentucky this morning And we may never see each other again Instead I will remember your kindness At least once a day, maybe more And it feels like going home. Yes, it feels like home.
741 if this feeling was material i would create a blanket, and curl up with it every night sitting on a hillside swaying bodies all around hands clapping to the rythm voices singing to the songs a feeling came over me, one i wanted to last forever. i felt connected i felt loved i wanted arms wrapped around me whispered secrets in my ear i thought of you, wished you were there yes i did. i wish i felt that happy, content, satisfied with life more often... ~Jadzia 742hands clapping to the rhythm feet stomp to the beat dancing all around us wood floor creaks and we laugh and smile and dance.
743Wood floor creaks as Steven hurries through the room and down the steep, poster-encrusted stairwell every step groans the door bashes and he's out in the Minnesota winter he just took down the sound system now he's doing chores I stand upstairs lights dimmed bottles, popcorn, cookie crumbs scattered across pine boards laid for boots that knew the chill of a wagon box on a winter's night on the way to the dance now the highway runs all but beneath me headlights trace the windows as cars pull away and pass not thirty feet beyond the stage heaters blasting twenty, fifty, eighty miles home I can still hear the guitar flowing through the floor, the walls, descending in octaves from the twelve-foot ceiling every board in the room is saturated with music voices laughter I step onto the cluttered stage
and stand awestruck
by a room that once filled itself
with neighbors from five miles away
but now must settle
for neighbors from the whole state
and I defy anyone
to tell me
there are no ghosts here.
~Chris B.
SevenFourtyFourI can still hear the guitar I could still see it in your hands I could still see your fingers plucking out the slow but deliberate melody that surrounded me I can still hear your voice I could still see your mouth I could still see your face as you sang your song unsure of yourself but sounding rich and wonderful I can still see that guitar I can still hear your voice and I can still feel the melody surrounding my body like your arms but I can't see you anymore
SevenFourtyFiveI sit on my bed, and stare at the empty page before me the tears trickle down my face my eyes blurr, I can't see you anymore Where did your smile go? where did your laughter go? The pencil quivers in my hand What shall I write today? What should I say? The clock has gone around twice now the tears have dried upon my cheeks I taste the saltiness of them and I think of the bitterness you must have had The paper sits there empty it just lays there... suddenly the pencil touches down to the paper the words start to flow and the tears are gone I still can't see you anymore but now I can feel you.. You're here, next me, guiding my hand.. Yes, I may not be able to see you, but you are here ~Heather S.~ (In Alaska) 747 what should i say? what should i do? how do i keep what i'm feeling from you? i'm beginning to ryme aww hell with it all i know what i want to say i know what i want to do and i also know how you'd react or how you say you would you say you don't feel the way i do and yet on a certain level i don't believe you, i can't believe you its that certain way you look at me when you think i don't see its in the little things you say i try and let go and be happy with what we have try to stop wishing for more its not easy its gonna be a long while until i can look at you and not wish... until than i try and be content with those smiles and those words... ~Jadzia NumberSevenFortyEight i try and be content with the thought of the four rolls of film waiting for me in longs drugstore to be picked up and shrieked over, tomorrow i try to be content with this life, which is racing along like a dog with it's owner flying behind the leash. i don't have time to look back as i try to keep up with the world flashing by. i know the photo's won't do justice, i might not even recognize the way time flowed from these slices of stories bits and pieces of colors cut off at the top. but at least it will allow me to stop. breathe. appreciate. and register the bliss on all of our faces. NumberSevenFortyNine breathe. just remember to breathe I see you walk past me, and I forget to breathe The simple sight of your face, or the innocent brush of our shoulders makes me want to go up to you and kiss you forever You don't know how i feel You don't want to know how i feel It is a stupid fantasy Oh but what a wonderful fantasy you are to me.. breathe. As you say my name as you ask me to wait for a sec, he wants to ask me something so i wait..(ooh, just breathe here he comes..) breathe. As he asks for her number my heart is crushed, I don't know if i shall live I don't want to live if i can't have you breathe. I wake up you walk past me I don't have to remember to breathe anymore We cast friendly glances at each other, but i am over you, though i never had you I can live, I will live, I want to live breathe.
for if I don't
I shall never love again
I shall never hear,
I shall never see,
I shall never live again..
~Heather2~ (Snow)
Number 750 "The simple sight of your face..." The thought shakes worlds. It shakes her to her toes. It makes her wonder what you've become, The thought that you've grown is too much, "Too soon, too much... no more" The thought shakes worlds. Shaking your hair out You grow As time passes As strands fall You can see yourself step out, Through the gap, the maw of truth. Mothers still see the hair Draped across their pillows. The storm flashes lightning across the windowpanes And their heart reaches out to protect, To hold and save, to make and change. The laughter of her little ones echo in the hall. She pauses; imposes, remembers and relents. They’re only echoes now. Dear, dear. Holding closer. When you grow... You’ll be just like me. Your honeydew eyes will glow Whisper... whisper... Your hair will be like sunrays over the hills Long… pure, sweet and soft As your mother, I love you. You’re mine. You’re mine. Mothers still see the hair Dancing in the air Naked toes Spinning on the ground, Sending dust everywhere Jumping through the mud And running through the stream. They laugh, grinning, sparkling eyes; Loving their child as they grow… But sometimes they forget that that their child Is not a reincarnation of themselves But a separate being, different, And new. One day, sitting in her chair A tear suspended in the air A flicker of light, a tinkle of a bell; Will distant crow call, And the grief will be over, Her child—adult, And herself—believing. Her smile greets the dawn. -Luke R. NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1 times, last edited on September 10, 2001 by royaboya@nbtsc.org. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
