NineHundred Pain and gain I saw your face Gazing upward toward the heavens I never meant to hurt you I'm sorry. NineOhOne I saw your face, looking at me Staring at me Gazing, as if you knew As if you felt, what i felt I saw you Just you The one who is not what he seems At first glance you are what they think you are A jock, a flirt, a stereotypical high school guy But I know the real you, I know the you that is /real/ You read, listen to my music Talk with me about everything You listen, not just /listen/, but /really/ listen You hear what I say, and pay attention to my feelings You understand that I am who I am, and You are who you are We don't pretend to be anyone else when we are together Just us. I feel so strong when I hear you, and feel so free when I see you I don't know when, I don't know how this happened But I think I am falling for you I wonder whether you feel it too? Or are we just friends? My heart flutters, and jumps whenever I think of you And I don't know where to go or who to tell But I am falling for you, yes falling hard I just hope I don't hit the ground and break...~Snow~ NineOhTwo Staring at me and i thought "oh, so that's what the other side looks like" that's how i am rainbow perfect creamy paper broken pencil points and raised eyebrows perfectly arched liftime achievment gold star stick it on your locker i'll go home and stick it under my bed then look in the mirror and practice raising one eyebrow watch me just you wait until i can and then i can make you stare and forget to change your calender from february even when march 18th has come and gone and pocket folders are four for a dollar you'll remember the way this looks here now today when sunlight is bouncing and even that can't tear eyes off shredding gazes ripping sight and scrunching my nose up. NineOhThree when march eighteen has come and gone you forget i'll remember like the still amidst the storm that day's in me forever loves come and then they go life revolves about us were the ides of march our parting day, or the birthday of columbus? you recall the date, milove i saw your face only. eyes like the sea after storm regret waltzes anon our lives are so separate now surely we're not lonely. fred 904 How many things are there that I've done, But wish I hadn't? Too many to count. Why do I only think clearly, After I've done something I'll regret? I wish I hadn't kissed him. We could have been great friends. I can't beleive i put that cigarette to my lips, And inhaled. I can get high on life! I don't need pot! What was I thinking? I just don't know anymore. I know it doesn't matter to you, You can't feel my regret. Soon, you'll forget. But not me, I'll remember. Always. NineOhFive I'll remember always and when my face is all serious because i've grown up and lost some of my smile supply and when my hair is cut short because i thought people would like it that way when i'm fingering the bangs that are for everyone except me i'll thing of the way your smile looked that sun warmed honey dripped day and i'll smile again and with luck my face won't crack but remember me please. 906 $192.40 That's how much I made this week. $50 of that will go towards rent, And I'll probably spend $100 on food and clothing items. That leaves me with $42.40 to do what I want with. Until the bills come. I wish I could run home, It's so lonely by myself. I wish I could fling myself into your arms and cry. But because I've grown up, I can no longer do this. So I'll stay here, In my room. Here, In my house, And cry to myself. ~erynne
what do i do? i could just sit here crying to my self but i don't i'm stronger than that or am i? i wish i could just runaway from my problems but i can't or can i? maybe i can but i would have to come back to them i want to run away and forget about every thing that's going on here maybe i can if i can find someone to go visit for awhile if i could cry i would i would cry a river to many things going on in my life to many people not liking me to many hating other people to many drugs to many dieing to many things going on in my life i wish oh oh i wish i could go see the land i saw when i was growing up that would mean the world to me Kay NineOhEight that would mean the world to me laughing setting you free delighting someone, somehow, for only an instant you get inside me all of you and i can't ever forget any of you like an eternal curse, following forever every path i make, you're there sometimes i don't even love you but seeing you again that would mean the world to me ~jafe~ NineOhNine Sometimes I don't even love you. Your face puckered with regret or an unholy smile. Your fingers twitch on the dashboard while the country zooms by the window. If this were a video, I would press pause, then fast forward to the happy ending. If this were a photograph, I would burn it over the stove and watch the edges curl and blacken, then finally vanish in a little pile of ashes. But this is life, and all I can do is sit and endure. The Ramones blast from the stereo, their guitars sound like chainsaws but you love them anyway. You barely turn your head to me, eyes hidden behind dark glasses. I freeze and bury my head in my book. I am a deer caught in the headlights, I am the victim before the inquisitor. But your eyes are on me, and I look up. Your gaze burns softly into mine through the dark plastic lenses then you look away, smiling a victory. Sometimes I don't love you at all. ~Becky~ sometimes i don't love you at all the leaves fall and you are gone the only evidence of your existence some money sent in a card money can't buy anything i want except maybe love and you don't live here anymore. NineEleven Some Money sent in a card signed with Love, and you think that it will make it all better that the hurt won't be there, and that I will love you still. Some Money sent in a card, saying that you miss me, and you think that I will smile bright and you won't have to face the truth The truth of all the pain you have caused. Some Money sent in a card, telling me that you still care And you believe that I will forgive you Hold you tight, and still call you daddy Look up to you, and share my dreams. Some Money sent in a card signed 'Dad' You want to hold onto the thought, that I still think of you as my dad but I don't, or do I? Some Money sent in a card,
and I hold it tight, remembering,
and smelling your after-shave,
the terrible aftershave she gave you
You used to have such a good "daddy-like" aftershave
But not anymore, no you aren't my daddy like you used to be..
I miss you daddy, don't send me money in a card anymore..please
~Snow~
NineTwelve How could you do this to me? I don't understand how anyone can be that cruel. You can't just leave me here, Alone, And cold. But you can, And you do, And I am left alone, To brave the world by myself. And I'll make it, Alone. Without your help. I can shut you out. Just watch me. And you beleive that I will forgive you And take you back into my arms. But I won't, Not after this. Stupid you, You think I can't do this by myelf, That I'll be back soon enough, But I won't be back, Not ever. I can do this, And I will. Alone. ~erynne you can't just leave me here wondering what the hell is going on tiptoeing around shhhhh don't say a word i love you dammit and its not going to change these feelings are real god those eyes i love those eyes shhhh don't say a word and we'll pretend its all going to be okay when maybe it won't be or maybe it will things change bacause people change and life goes on... ~Jadzia NineFourteen Why do you always look at me like that? Like i'm some bug, Crawling along the ground, That you would like to squish, But don't want to get your shoes dirty. I love you dammit But you don't seem to realise that. You treat me like shit, And I remain yours completly. I stare at you longingly, And you stare out the window. Isn't this a healthy relationship. Well, such is life. ~erynne NineFifteen Today, is not like any other day. It's different, And special. The rain has been pouring down, Since early this morning. I can't see the mountains, Because of the fog. It's beautiful out. I can almost taste the air. This day has magic in it. Why do you always look at me like that? When I speak of things such as these. Is it because you think I'm crazy, To see beauty on a dreary day? Or is it because you can't see it. Can't see the way the rain drips to the ground, Making everything live. Or the way the wind makes the leaves dance. You can't see it can you? Can't see the air vibrating with energy, But even if you can't see it, I can. I can see the magic in the day. And the beauty. And I know, That something will happen, Today. ~erynne NIneSixteen is it because you think i'm crazy staring at me with those eyes have you ever taken the time to look at the stars and wonder... wonder whats out there? or are you the type to say stars are for dreamers i guess i'm a dreamer than i'll have my starry nights and dancing in the rain i'll have my faerys and you can laugh and i'll keep dreaming... ~Jadzia NineSeventeen I'll have my stary nights, breath light and thick as fog as we stare at the shining white swell of the moon behind the black arms of the trees. We'll giggle, letting all those memories heavy as boots, slip away through the dew soaked grass leaving us light as the starlight on our cheeks. ~Becky~ Starlight on our cheeks and moonbeams in our pockets we'll run to somewhere anywhere not here maybe londen? We'll stretch our hands out as tight as they'll go without breaking and dance like that hands above our heads feet turned at identical angles and smiles will dance alongside us but not on our lips downturned eyes are things i have experiance with and salt water tears and breath breathe an ocean and i'll find a conoe. NineNineteen Come with me my friend, And i'll take you away. Far, far away. Who know where, Londen? Perhaps. It doesn't matter where, All that matters is that you come away with me. Just us two, Off on our own adventure. So come with me. Please? ~erynne NumberNineTwenty us two, off on our own. i want you to be there with your soft hands on my hot forehead tonight the world is coughing. and i am needing something soothing my throat is needing lullabyes. turn off the lights let me see the way you glow in the dark. i bet i can see light emanating from where you kissed me on the cheek. protecting me. us two, off on our own, i'll learn to drive good, i promise i'll be careful when we go cruisin', i'll keep both hands on the wheel. and maybe you'll glow. some protection will shine around your head. and we'll drive away, into the softly shimmering night. softly shimmering in the night your shimmering in the sky tonight and your just called and said your not coming home anytime soon. your gone you left me you grew your wings and left and now i won't watch buffy with you anymore and i won't go to the mall with you becuz your gone you've left me siting here by my seft all alone and worried about every thing not knowing if your all right or sad or depressed or happy i justt want to watch tv with you one last time but thats not going to happen anytime soon i guess your happier there but i didn't even get to say a real good bye to you i didn't even get to say i love befor you left i just wanted to tell you i love you and always well no matter what even if you get in alot of trouble i'll always bethere for you i just wanted to tell you that.
NineTwentyTwo This is a small insignifigant note. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, And always will no matter what. I know you're angry, And I don't blame you, But I still love you, And nothing will ever change that. You mean the world to me, And now that I've lost you, I don't know what to do. Time will pass, And you'll find someone else. But remember, I'll always love you. ~erynne NineTooThree You with your shimmering eyes your Sardonic smile; was the guy who writes poetry in my Coffeeshop; you like tea, too. Was the girl who made me climb a cliff When I had bad shoes on Made me feel like a giant Humbled me; when years passed Was the child I wanted to hold Was the lover I had to let go A person is not a sculpture A person is a succession of miracles That is why I love you; not Because you fascinated Harvard or Created a picture, drew a crowd Or painted a disturbance Because your hands were so warm And the secrets that lay behind them I can't write your story Your story is too big for words I need a suitable tool I need to tell you Maybe a pen is too flimsy maybe I need a magnifying glass Or a telescope.
NineTwoFour (for Franny... even though it's on PoetryMarathon. I'm terrible.) Because your hands were so warm Because your smile was so friendly Because your eyes were so sparkly Because your hug was so tight And your poetry is so breathtaking and your e-mails are so rambly and whenever I talk to you, I smile your grin lights up a room even if you think it doesn't and if you think for a minute that you're invisible to anybody let me be the first to say that you're not and if the thought ever gets in your head that you're not good enough for someone I'll be the first to tell you that you're good enough for anyone but I think you'd feel more at home with the sun, the moon, the stars... because you're so beautiful that I can't even compare you to them without it being a terrible understatement so I'll sit here and try to think of ways to try and tell you just how incredible you are and how much I want to hug you
NineTwentyFive You find yourself on air I can't find you anywhere You've run away again, come back and You still end up in my dreams You know nothing's like it seems I'm loving you like a sister But sometimes I hardly know you at all You find yourself carried with the wind You are the wind, and I looked up At the sky, wanted to follow you You've run away again, come back And now you stand and watch the sunrise And you're shouting at the sky But I'm never around when you cry My rising star, I'm getting restless Finding a little bit o' wind myself I didn't want to leave you I want to show up in your dreams I want to remind you You know nothing's like it seems And wherever I go there's a hole in my heart Because wherever I go you're still far apart My, you move in strange ways You liked to run away Now you've come back but there's a thin teather Something missing where we used to be together I still ache when I'm around you But I'm going away soon I want to catch me a bit o' wind I want you to understand Showing up in my dreams Nothing's like it seems Anymore You've come back down and you just don't know I'd say we're in the same boat I'd say it's time to grow You find yourself on air But I can't find you anywhere.
i can't find you, your no where around here i can't see or hear you i can't stay here much longer i can't leave though i can't leave my love but do i even really have a love here? i need you but your gone. and i can't live my normal life with out you i need you to be there for me. no one is here for me anymore. what am i supposed to do? i just need you.
NineTwentySeven Where are you? I can't find you. I think this game of hide and seek, Has gone on for a little too long. Why am I always the one, Who has to seek you out? Why don't you seek me for a change? I'm tired of always being the one to show affection, Can't you, just once, Show me that you love me. ~erynne NineTwentyEight show me that you love me because i'm doubting it at this moment why the hell am i feeling as though nothing matters and that things'll come and things'll go and i'll continue to sit here always number 2 why doesn't anyone dream of me? or wake up with me on their mind? i'm feeling fucked up because i know people care and yet i can't make myself believe what they say is true i want to hear it again "i love you" your 4,000+ miles away when i need you and its not fair. ~jadzia 928 show me that you love me i want you to show me how much you care i want you to paint a landscape with your pen and pencil tucked behind your fuzzy hair i want you to paint it with your soul safely away under the kitchen sink tell me love isn't true its just something that we do tell me everything will work out fine even if i do not move tell me that you didn't mean to fuck me as hard as you did your toung just slipped a few too many times the wrong way tell me that you love me so i can scream i don't
NineTwentyNine Please, Tell me that you love me. I need to hear you say it. I'm sick of trying to guess what you mean. Do you love me? I love you, But do you love me? Do those gental kisses show love? Or just friendship. Please, If you love me, Tell me. ~erynne NineThirty i'm sick of trying to guess what you mean your words never meaning the same thing you expect me to know guess what? i'm no mindreader and i don't know what your looking for my meanings are clear no hidden motives but you your always hinting never saying exactly how you feel or what you mean and i want to know why? ~jadzia NineThreeOne I think it would be nice to know, What you want. You're always hinting, That you might like to be more than friends, But sometimes, You're so distant, Like I mean nothing to you. Tell me what you want, I might not give it to you, But I need to know. I'm tired of this, Let me know the truth, And I'll tell you my truth. I'm scared. I'm scared to love, And to be loved. I guess i'm afraid of a time when you don't love me anymore, And I think it's easier for you not to love me at all. I'm afraid of the end, So I don't think about the begining, Or the time inbetween. Are you like me? Are you afraid to be loved, And to love? Afraid of the end, Like me? ~erynne NineThreeTwo i'm scared happy now that i've said it? scared of getting to close too vulnerable too open scared of what might happen should i voice my doubts its like a storm waiting outside my door banging on the shutters trying to get inside but i won't let you in because the moment i do and my defenses go down i'll be like a scar waiting to be ripped open and i'm scared that i feel to much love to deep or that even worse i'll stop caring at all. ~jadzia NineThreeThree i feel to much and love to deep i hear the voice at the other end of the phone my heart leaps in pure joy because i love you so very much and i can't help but think "wow, she loves me too" lately my lifes been a series of ups & downs one day flying one day falling whatever happened to the simple days of yesterday when the people i loved lived nearby and the people i missed were relatives far away whom in childhood days were folks thought of once in a blue moon and now.. now my very best friends are those i've never met and who live thousands of miles away do i feel to much love to deep? i think not because you love me too. ~jadzia NineThreeFour do i feel too much when the lullabye from last night is the only thing that makes me want to wake up in the morning? i think i'm lucky to even have one person laying down their words strong and solid like train tracks. and maybe they'll take me somewhere where innocence is considered sacred. NineThreeFive To even have one person, Appreciate the things I do, Makes me see sunshine, On cloudy days, And my reflection, In the mud. Just one person, To hold me when I'm crying, And kiss me when I need it. You mean the world to me, And I love you. ~erynne NineThreeSix my reflection is smiling and i'm resisting the urge to smack it. my heart is bouncing and i shove it down. the end comes and i start over. Franny 9Three7 Feels like Someone went over today with a sharpie Every line has been defined And I understand everything around me Feels like Someone went over today with a sharpie Now nothing can be seen And the blackness seems so consuming Have you ever felt like that? Don't leave me alone, I'm scared Have you ever felt like that? Leave me alone, I'm not prepared Feels like Someone filled in today with crayolas Every color is so much fuller And it's making me so goddamn happy Feels like Someone filled in today with crayolas Now your light is way too bright I squint just to see you without hurting My knees are shaking Am I nervous or am I ready to jump? My heart is bouncing Am I in love or am I going to die? Have you ever felt like that? NineThreeEight Sometimes it seems like life couldn't get any worse, Until suddenly, It does. Have you ever felt like that? Like you'd rather just end it now, Instead of waiting for it to end itself. Or felt that you would like to run away. Far away. And never come back. If I was strong enough, I would leave. One way or another, I would go. But I'm not strong. And maybe it's good that I'm not. But good or bad, I don't think I'll be leaving any time soon. ~erynne NineThreeNine The snow falls gentally to the ground, Twirling and wirling, The delicate crystals fall ever downwards. Everything is beginning to be tinged with white. Before long, The world will become a fairyland. Beautiful. I can feel the chill in the air, That only comes with snow. It will continue to get colder and colder, And the beauty will intensify. But good or bad, Winter is coming. ~erynne 940 Beautiful. but... i don't feel that way. inside i'm all rotted away a black hole abyss inside me eating away i can hear the monsters in my closet laughing (no wonder I don't like you anymore) ninefortyone i don't cry like I used to rejection isn't as disappointing "I love you" just doesn't mean the same thing i hate religion even more I can hear the monsters in my closet laughing on days like this it doesn't matter to what you think of me so I bare all. no, i'm not feeling so emotional cut me some slack, I'm out of practice
NineFourTwo I can hear the monsters in my closet laughing and I wish I could let go of my blanket and join them and laugh too, what are they laughing about there in the dark cuddled together, not knowing who's fur is whos, just who's tentacle is touching who's cheek? Under my bed they are mostly silent just sending out small chuckles snorts; squeaks. Just enough to keep me from falling asleep. I lay on my side. My eyes are open. No matter how wide I open them I can't see the ceiling. "Monsters," I whisper "Monsters..." If they heard me they know what I meant. I go to sleep.
NineFourThree If they heard me they'd know what I meant But they ain't around here my friend This is nowhere land and I'm a nowhere girl And once again today I thought of leaving this world Would that I could sleep forever Or atleast until things changed enough That life wouldn't have to suck so much If only I could fly away If only I were tough Tough enough to forget One life or the other It's so hard living in between Warring factions, opposing causes The things I'm taught, the things I've seen Resignation and a dark smirk That will never go away On a face with eyes That don't remember how to smile Or how it felt to behold the skies That is the safe way But what, I ask, is being kept safe What is worth preserving Which is feasible, which is unreasonable When either is unnerving Imagine if I climbed onto the roof And shot fireworks into the air And sang and howled and was silent and cried Imagine I burned this place to the ground And the voices finally died Nothing could hold me here then No more closet with skeletons to keep me awake No place to rest, no choice but do or die I'd take off in the darkness and take the darkness off I wouldn't be able to stay and wonder why If only I were tough and unparalyzed And I didn't care what the neighbours thought Or anyone else. If only I knew what to do If only, if only, will send you to hell Maybe that's where I'm headed to Jauss NineDoubleFour One life or the other and they won't let me choose They gave me life They give me life They give me a life and my choice is to make it my own Bind myself to it, bind it to me tight enough to leave marks, hold and conform and it becomes comfortable-- and in a little while I can't tell where I am where life is I am life I think that's what they wanted I want I want myself and I have to give up life to find have to tear my skin off, have to let blood back in to places which have been numb for so long I, I've sacrificed myself for myself to myself and I have myself and I want more Yes, I want it all. Don't tell me I can't have it. Don't tell me I can't /take/ it because f r a n k l y that does not matter to me anymore life does not matter to me anymore death does not matter to me anymore than nonexistance so don't don't tell me what I can't do I have less to loose-- I am loose-- nothing tying me down-- I cut off the leg in the bear trap I sacrificed myself for myself (I'm getting better) and I can walk on my hands.
NineFortyFive don't
tell me what I can't do -
after all now I'm
her from the waist down
and her from the outside in
and sometimes I forget what's entirely mine
(besides my t-shirt, and even that
she borrows)
she wears me,
she borrows me,
but I don't think I borrow her
I think I'm becoming
her
from the waist down
and the outside in.
NineFourSix which is inspired by 935 Reflections in the mud How can two people be so different While the whole world is coming down to Shit and blood We watch like an audience And wonder like children Standing back to back side to side lips to cold lips Waiting for just the right moment do you remember the day the world caved and the castles in the sky fell and all the people died Now my world is turning And I haven't stepped into yours in a while. ~fred NineFortySix For the first time in my life, I think I'm becoming, Someone else. Someone I've never even heard about, Or dreamed about. Just someone I found, When I was searching, In the locked drawers. Of my soul, Then suddenly, There she was! Beautiful in her confidence, Shimmering in a cloud of knowledge. Finally, I've found her. I'm becoming me. ~erynne NineFortySeven I'm going home. I've been gone for too long already. My life has fallen into little bits and pieces, And now I'm ready to pull it back together. I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing, Or where I was going. But now I do. Finally, I'm going home. ~erynne NineFortyEight my life has fallen into little bits and pieces i've fallen into a crevice and don't know how to get out i'm still fluxing never feeling the same my motivation is gone i don't care anymore than someone will say something sweet and i'll be back happy and upbeat you don't notice the changes though do you? six pages in my journal today ramblings....dark poetry i can't stand the sight of blank paper anymore have to fill that void with words stories poems pictures i wish you were here i wish i was there just tell me "everythings gonna be alright" one more time say "i love you" ~jadzia NineFortyNine wish you were here wish i was there wish tomorrow rhymed ith yesterday but we can climb trees so why do we need forgivness anyway? we need to know we're not pretending need to know these words are real so loud so long so long since time bent beneath your fingers since pen stuck to paper wish you were here wish i was gone wish i could sigh wish i could sing wonder if when someones sitting here in the chair next to me distance carefully maintained of course wonder if i'll be happy then? i wish i knew wish you knew wish star wishes came true NumberNineFifty sitting here you know i'm open to new lyrics. but the air smells old, i smell rain on every flower and i remember smelling you on my clothes for weeks after. i'm more than the smell of citrus, more than the way i get goosebumps on my upper arms more than this fairytale that's been in my mind for weeks when will i live among the orange groves in the amusement parks and do all the californian things i'm supposed to be doing? i am supposed to be a wild kind of princess with pink hair and boots running through the avacado trees thowing pomegranate seeds and living the american dream. so tomorrow i'll go to a concert. the next day i'll find a drivers school. and then i'll find the map that tells me how to drive off into the sunset and like every good teenager; i'm never coming back. NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1 times, last edited on November 23, 2001 by ::ffff:205.162.250.73. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
