SixOhOne Rain The sky has forgotten something The rain sings for everything. Remember?
SixOhTwo The sky has forgotten something the sky has forgetten me everyone has forgetten me but I still remmeber even though I'm swimming in the blue of the sky my fingernails are dancing and my hair is blowing in circles circles are my life. SixHundredThree even though I'm swimming, in the blue it's floating. Sky and ground become one entity; rightside up and upside up. they are the same here. blue parts my fingers and becomes them tinted aqua, I merge with the sea. blue here is full joy seeps in with the color and I fling myself through my twisting dance in the underblue will always and never be enough and it will never end (when I leave to breathe, the seaweed takes it up)
SixOhFour Tinted aqua, I merge with the sea and lose my hair in the seaweed it blends right in tinted green I am a part of the grass and the small children picking dandilions pull my hair grey washes over me and I am a stormy sky my tears feel like rain to the people below more colors and images than I can manege I am changing to fast I am lost. SixZeroFive Sky above, sand below, soft beneath my feet. Walking towards the water, mesmerized by the sparkle of waves, the magnificent colors as the sun sets. I don't notice the coldness, or that I'm getting my pants wet, as I walk deeper into the water. I merge with the sea, and become one with the ocean. And who cares, about such silly things as cold or wet clothes when you're a part of something as incredable as the ocean.
SixOhSix I pull on a shirt that I haven't worn in years And pants that show the splattery signs Of having assisted in tasks similar to the one I'm taking on tonight. Brush, pail and scraper accompany me on my journey to the side yard. The tarp, ladder, and step-stool have been patiently waiting there Through rain and shine Just for me. Rain With a little help from Time Has expressed itself by carving jagged holes in the paint. The wood underneath looks raw, vulnerable, unaccustomed to exposure. My brush swishes over it, gifting it with a cozy blanket of fresh paint. Cracks and craters dissapear suddenly as my brush swishes over them. Only from very close up can I see the damage that was done. I keep whitewashing the past few years' worth of weather As the sun sets. My fingertips are pure white before I'm finished And my arms are limp But I'm satisfied. Right now nothing seems quite as rewarding As a white, white window frame.
SixOhSeven Rain (with a little help from time) Drain me of these human desires Send me on my way, across the sea Send me flying down in flames As I descend, rush to meet me As I will rush to meet you.
607 will we ever meet again? or are we just playing darts with our hearts all i have is the memories of us some days we have our douts but i know we will meet again I'm sure you'll be woundering when the time comes how you could ever think other wise. i know deep deep down inside of me where my smiles are painted and my rists still bleed i'll be doing the same thing As I will rush to meet you.
NumberSixOhEight my smiles are still in the other room, curled under the sleeping bag, tossing. turning. yes, another bizarre dream. i let my smile sleep as long as i can i take a shower get dressed stepping over the blankets on the floor. sometimes i think she doesn't want to have to step over me every morning i think she doesn't want to share the comics, breakfast, the normal routine with this interloper this intruder. i try my best, i fold up the blankets when i'm done i try not to interrupt her when she's on the computer, reading, eating i think we've been thinking about other people more than about each other. i don't remember this happening before. i wonder if she wants me cluttering up her room any more than i want to be merely clutter. SixOhNine I wonder if the water is still cold. Will I stick a toe in, and pull it out again? Or just take a running leap in. Perhaps if I run and make the jump, if I do it well enough, maybe I can get you to do it too. Something of a shock at first, I know, but once you adjust, you'll see why I like it.
SixHundredAndTen Waiting For a change In the weather In the people In the anything Just waiting For a change If you do it well enough You will be rewarded If you sit still She is told Waiting She waits. SixEleven She waits for something to change. Waits for the sun to rise again, waits for the tide to come in, waits for the fog to clear at night, waits for the moon to come out. She waits for life to begin, waits for the boredom to end, for the sparkling late nights, and the adventure filled days to begin. She doesn't realize, that waiting will accomplish nothing. And I wonder when she will stop waiting, and get up, go out, and begin to live again.
SixTwelve She doesn't realise and she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise That life only happens once and it's halfway over That stars only shine once and they're almost burnt out That tomorrow could end in neverlasting nothingness and despair And she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise That all can be lost or won with a stroke of the thumb She doesn't know doesn't want to see the pain feel the pain live the pain Again She wants to sleep. 613 I watch as the ink seeps into my skin fresh out of the pen, I wrote you plus me in a heart how many times will I do it before I realize I'm living in my dream world again? I don't know don't want to see the pain feel the pain live the pain a quick awakening of reality the ink fades... suddenly I sense the water behind my eyes i try to hold back a waterfall why waste my time? my tears come out blue, like the ink I wrote your name in do I cry for you?
SixOneFour The ink seeps into my skin, and the words flow through me. I watch as the things written in anger fade slowly into nothingness, while the words springing from the pure joy I have found, bubble and multiply, breaking through and spilling out onto the paper.
615 my words as I type them fade slowly into nothingness the pages turn without me, I run to catch up skimming details swirling colors, blinding lights I am lost in you and your book where does it begin where does it end and why do I worry about whats in between i am scared for you with or without reason i see things about you that I shouldn't I worry about the unwritten pages where will you lead me will i be safe under your wings?
SixOneSix I want to scoop you up hold you safe under my wings protect you from all the bad things out there. Keep you near me, where I can always be there for you. But I know, that to hold you close would hold you back, keep you from flying, loving, laughing, hurting, crying. So I stand back and watch as you soar higher and higher into the sky. And flying free, you don't look down and see the sad tears that hide in the corners of my eyes as I smile and wave you off.
SixHundredSeventeen you've put yourself so high above everyone and you act like you're the only one that matters and all that matters is that you're having fun and you know I only bend so far before I break but you're on your high horse - your pedestal and you don't look down and see what you've done how you've manipulated your way through it all how you've forced everyone to choose between you and their own happiness and you know in the end you're going to loose there's really no way around it.
618 I don't need your help. I've been screaming for so long There's really no way around it. I've forgotten how to be helped so I really don't need it. 6 years have gone by and im still small, week, walked over and unseen. I've changed so maney times tryed on so maney masks walked in so many footprints I don't know how to any more. It hurts more and more each time I change. I may be the queen of fucked up but it means I don't have to change again. Oh baby don't change me don't change me no more.
is it ok? will it be allright? i hope it will, im praying every night that this will work out im thinking every day about you im wondering all the time if i did the right thing or if a chose wrong im hoping with all my hart that this will work out i think it might it might not i think i will becoude i love you! im hoping that i do not hurt you eagain i have wonce and if i did eagain i dont think that i would live verry far past that day i think i would die im might kill my self i might just die i might just starve i might just die if that day should come i will say good bye and that i still love you but then i will be gone i will be vone for good so i cant hurt people enny more, so i cant break harts, so i cant hurt people at all i will reamember only a few things one:i love you two: what i have sed before "duck tape can fix enny thing but broken harts" reamember i will alway love you ~thomas~ SixNineteen today, I'm tired of blue jeans and brown hair and walking down the street like a woman so today, watch me close because if you don't, you won't know me later. Today I think that I need tie-dyed overalls, and no shirt (but I will go with a bra) I'll be a rainbow today; I'll dress in my own light. And you know - my hair should be shorter, too, and also blue (reflects light better, don't you know) And I'm sick of walking down the damn streets with everyone else. I refuse. I'm dancing downtown, like a light particle, a beam of color and movement (and sound. I'll laugh the whole way.) and it is okay with me, if you wanna come too. I think I even have a sarong you can borrow.
NumberSixTwenty i'm dancing downtown, like a light particle. the kind that makes you gasp the kind like rainbows on the wall prisms and reflections and sequins and today i am a hippie child in homesewn skirts and flowers you won't know me from you. you'll be a hippie child too we'll dance barefoot and sing along and our hippie mothers and our hippie fathers will tell us about the first time they ever heard this music. and we will watch them turn into beams of light like candles and lightning and lamps and we would get to see it shine in your eyes and on your faces and we'd take your hands and dance till dawn. 621 Today I am talking to myself. I think she's doing good. I use to not look at her, just walk past her and never take the time to look lisson and feel. But now I do. She's a really neat person ... worthy of everything she gets, good and bad. Sometimes I get mad at her and slap her accross the face cut her flesh and starve her body. But she gets me back for them all. She gives me a good talking too and tells me to wake the fuck up. What's funny is now I know this Heather the person people love so much. I talk to her all the time so people think I'm crazy. They walk past me on my bike pointing there boany fingers saying: Who's she talking to? She's talking to herself! She's crazy! Don't smile back kids she'll make you crazy too. Don't look into her crying eyes they will suck you in. Don't tuch her shaking body hers will colaps under your waight. I can still hear the burning words in my ears all I can say is fuck y'all! I've got all I need right here in my name
622 I watched the crowd as they gathered, all holding hands with one other it was as if I didn't exsist, the people passing around me without noticing I was there passing through me quietly sang, I walked away no one knew I was there, so how could they run after me? I am irrational, I hope too much I know I am second to them all dont think about me today I am not the person they love daydream about one another ignore everyone else, they don't matter why do these tears come? they never help anyone i fought hard to get here, inside the gates where they gather but I've yet to be visible to anyone 623 "Creep" No one could help but be a little in love with her A little captivated, and drawn in a little further Glad for you, yes I am glad for you But, oh... how nice it would be To have a shining spirit, too. Jealousy follows too close for comfort A truly good person would have none They love her because she's an angel Does that mean I am nothing? Yes, I fear I am a nothing Empty, with no presence forever.
SixTwentyFour Pretending I didn't want any, I slunk past the counter at the store. Those shiny wrappers with bliss inside Do not interest me at all. No. But I can't help myself after a minute and I have to go back for some sugar. A body can do without chocolate, peanuts and caramel and crispy bits for only so long, you know. If I wanted to stay slim and thin like the snakes in women's clothing those imaginary women you see (in the glossy paper prisons for our minds) A truly good person would have none But honestly, tell me what the fun in life is if one cannot enjoy a stick of chocolate-peanut happiness Every once in a while.
NumberSixTwentyFive tell me what the fun in life is if one cannot go up to strangers and kiss them on the cheek. if one cannot make cranes and watch them fly if one cannot close one's eyes and turn the world into glitter if one cannot turn one into you or me or her if i can't take an impersonal poem and make it mine. that's all i know how to do, really take someone else's words and attach my meaning like a leech a mooch and other words like that. i cheat, my poems don't even have the right words i just give you the general idea sometimes not even that i just write in short sentences and someone somewhere calls it poetry. but tell me what fun there is in life if i'm not even allowed to do that. 6 teo 6 I've had it with these poems! You know why? You really wanna know why? Because I cheat. I cheat, my poems don't even have my own lines in them. There other people's thoughts and just my fingers typing them into a wordless screen. People stare at the screen and think the work's amazing but it's not mine! It's a re-make of the last persons. But then when I do one that my own blood has written they just breez bye it. Never taking another look at my bleeding bloodstained words.
627 I thought I felt you even though it was just you typing into a wordless screen I thought I could hear you crying I was crying too you werent really crying though, were you I thought I could see you bounce I thought I could be happy too, once you were I think a lot of things, I can't feel them I heard your voice it made me happy, even though it didn't last long as soon as I heard the click I cried I Know that once you were happy I wasn't. I should have been. Happy for whom? you? I am, I could be, but I can't figure out what it is that makes me cry, anymore and WHY is does it have to be like this it's all in my head ent it?
628 "Where I Run" Where I run not even the kings know Though the beaten-down shells may glimpse A passing glance, where the water roars. Where I run, solitary yet worldly Boldly I am this terrain, I am the struggle beneath the rain. Where I run is where I come from Thoughts meant to be scattered in wind Form an alliance with the sand. Where I run is a secret song, Hidden from all eyes, ears, and tongues Yet even the smallest tree knows where I belong.
SixTwentyEight Hidden from all eyes we sit and pretend inching closer and closer to our screens Words making us laugh and cry and we only notice it when the screen bulges with a hug sent across the country trying to reach through our rapid fingertips but skating the surface of our glowing lights like the flatest roundest stone ever skipped Just that little bit of light makes us safe safer than my blanket quilted for me at birth I remember lying in my old bunkbed, making sure it covered me from head to foot; knowing that shadow monsters would never reach me through that sheild of love Your laughter is less immediate when it is only letters, curves and straight lines, dots of light It doesn't hit me as hard and your hugs are easier to mearly nod at and go on I have gotten good lately at not letting things effect me the way they could and not thinking about what could happen when they do.
NumberSixTwentyNine we sit and pretend that we are on a grand adventure. that it doesn't matter if we miss this bus because who knows who will smile at us on the next. i fold a paper crane and cup it gently in my hand gazing around for a cute-boy-who-would-appreciate-it there aren't enough soulful eyes in this movie we are making, sitting on a bus stop bench unsure of where this adventure will take us. i shriek when we cross the wide street i've come to the conclusion that i am paranoid i am untrusting and obsessive but in love with people. i am at odds with the explorer and recluse inside of my body i screech and laugh and scream and cry and giggle i wonder what would happen if we never wrote another line. i look around for someone with soulful eyes to appreciate the way my words take shape. there aren't enough in this movie this life that we are making. as we sit on a dusty bench and wait for our next adventure to unfold (and i fold another paper crane.) there aren't enough soulful eyes in this movie we are watching; we turn it off and make our own - but we get distracted and discuss them instead. Funny how my movies always seems dramas when I make them and comedys afterward. and I'm about to get annoyed by this but you look at me That Way and suddenly whether life is comic or epic doesn't really seem to matter.
SixThreeOne I grow tired of the harsh glare of the screen, of the sound of the keyboard. Bothersome clicks that I've grown much too accustomed to. But the words on the screen, they almost have voices. I can almost hear your voice despite the fact that you're so far away. But only almost. So some nights when the computer's just too much I turn it off and step outside, under the starry night sky. The moon is full tonight. ~Qetyria~ 632 The Moon is full tonight, or it would be. I can't see through the fog, and the streetlamps light up the sky too much for the stars to shine through. even in the dead of night (or the aliveness of it, considering the city never seems to die) it's light out and I can see the poetry I'm writing without a flashlight on this kind of night I'd be able to see your face... but I'm not sure if I want to or not (everyone tells me I shouldn't know you, I can't know you, there is no you) and I want to push them away and pull you in but I can't, not tonight, all the lights are off and I can't even see myself
635 The Aliveness of Night I am a dark shadow on darkness: Watercolors melting into each other. I am the paper that makes this possible. Walking. The road white-blue. When I think of roads, I think of love. The creek: her words matter. You remember what the willow said to the oak, as the storm was slowing, the one last week, seven years ago. You remember? The pennyroyal thinks about something else. In the woods, it gets darker, more private Leafy giants, and their children, deeply aware. Children: stars. Sky, through leaves. I am only here because I am silent. Welling up with respect, overflowing.
SixThreeSix I am only here because I am silent and so I try not to let out the words bursting in my throat and I calm my hands when I notice they're ripping at the dead grass beneath me. I stare at the ground, and at the trees and at you, and the sky and clouds and I do not run away. I do not run, looking up never down and not caring if I trip and fall on the ohsogreen grass and just lie there not caring if I ever, ever get up looking up and letting the prickling underneath me dissapear looking up and knowing nothing but the sky because you are looking the other way-- looking up and it doesn't matter now how many screams I have in me because I am away, away and you cannot hear anything over the howling of the wind.
SixThreeSeven and you cannot hear anything (or so it seems) how long will it take before you realize that we can't be "just friends" any longer? your scared of what'll happen scared of committment of relationships going wrong well guess what? so am i. but that doesn't mean i'm going to go through life never taking chances because of what might happen i'm gonna take a plunge i'll tell you how cute you are and kiss you... wonder what'll happen than? ~Jadzia Why do I bother writing on here? No one sees my bleeding words and I do not run away. I probably should, if I was smart I would pack up my silk paper and gold pens cover up my bleeding words and be on my way. well guess what? Maybe in the next town people will see the tears that dont fall. Maybe just maybe they will tell me that my bleeding words are beautiful. If you want me to stop my blood and tears tell me my words beautiful even when there Red. Untill that day I'm going to be bleeding here in, around and with my words
639 The Tears That Don't Fall two weeks in new apartment came home thinking of you wondering if you knew how much I bleed for you when i met the local drug dealer "looking for an escape little girl?" I've been in this situation before but his druged jerked eyes make it feel different "no thanx, that shit'll kill you" his stained reply still haunts me: "who says we don't want to die?" Maraya* SixForty two weeks in a new apartment and it already feels like home and not like some other planet where there's no faces twisted in shame anger and misery around every corner telling me to leave and holding me back when I try I try too hard and fall down the tsairs the door at the bottom is locked so I walk back up. I try too hard to make people happy I always end up making things worse not better I seem to always say the wrong thing and be in the way I try to be happy and always have a smile on my face But it doesnt work and people say that i am spoiled and whine I do, but not all the time I have to go now, try to smile.. -Snow Like Letters Never Sent (642) Letters have always been hard for me, I never know how to start them or finshed them off and I always tend not to send them too. But this one is speical, because its for you. Well lets get started. Hello, how are you? Whats the weather like these days? Thats wounderful i'm glade your life seems perfect, now on with the real stuff and off with the fake. Hello, how are you? When was the last time, you burnt your flesh or cut to the bone? Oh. That's too bad, I'm sorry your doing it right now. Hello, how are you? How long has it been sints you heard "i love you"'s wispered about you? Oh, I doute its been never ... it will happen soon. Hello how are you? Did you know that your love is better then sunshine on my face? Did you know that your hugs are better then chocolet ice cream? Did you know that somone right here loves you someone right here cares. No? You didnt? Well its true. I have to go now, try to smile..
SixFortyThree How long has it been since you heard the words "I Love You"? you can't rememeber and it's that that makes me hold the lilys to my face and peek through the petals hiding ym face hide-and-go-seek is good tuck your feet under the curtains don't come out until they call and you know you really are wanted oh to be wanted to be the one everyone comes running to for advice, help, laughs, love how does it feel to be they ones that have the attention thrown at them do they long to be like me and blend into the walls? blend into the walls that's my tactic for avoiding things like this don't let myself be known, they don't need to know me anyway. whether it's sitting silently or jumping up and down just because others are doing it no one will question my motives or theirs we all do it because it's "cool" and no one really understands why we're hopping and I'm about to lose my lunch. I wanted to walk down the broad street to your broad street no one else walked that path but I went anyway and everyone asked me what I was doing where did I think I was going? I'm going to where I don't have to blend in and I don't have to lose my lunch just because others like to get sick for fun. does it entertain you to see cookie cutters too? (I took the path less known and I ended up here)
SixFourFive and I ended up here wherever the hell that is yeah, I'm not talking so sweet tonight sometimes a girl's just gotta be profane. but you won't remember me like that, will you darling you'll remember a pretty face and a still voice reminding you that maybe, somewhere, there's a somewhere where shit doesn't happen, where time stands still, where a moment can be an eternity, where you stand beside the inground expansive expensive swimming pool not thinking about words for once thinking about jumping in but of course you don't. SixFourSix You may not believe it, but I used to be the invisible one in the corner. You won't remember me like that, no one does. Who bothers to remember the invisible ones? I don't know what changed, or when it changed. But gradually I started to inch my way out of the corner, away from the safety of hiding, and out into the world. Now the invisible person I once was is merely a shadow, fading away to nothing. Soon she will be completely gone, and only I will remember that she ever existed in the first place. ~Qetyria~ Six Four Seven ("The Number Game") Being afraid of monsters. I remember going down the stairs (the paint red and flaking darker than a dollhouse) Silently, and the slow screech of a door.. Creeping forward a little more, I watched my back as I put my load in, As I turned the light off I counted again, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, The ghosts are there but they are frozen Six, Five, Four, Three, Fear those you cannot see, Two, One Time's up Up the stairs, Towards the world, Counting up again A growing girl. (weeks before I turn eighteen I start the counting again.) Turn out the light, Turn it on again, Counting, counting Stalling, doubting Moving, shouting, Courage mounting. I'm doing the number game And it's not the same, No, it's not the same.
SixFourEight i remember going down the stairs in your house asking your mom for a glass of water and running back up those stairs rushing because i didn't want to miss anything we played for hours you and i those are good memories memories i'm gonna hang onto i remember your birthdays and mine and the fun we used to have i remember the wicker swing on your front porch and you pushing me on it i remember the easter egg hunts that we all went to every year i remember having the biggest crush on you i wrote you a love letter and actually sent it your mom told mine... i remember how cute, sweet and shy you were i haven't seen you in a long time i'll never get to see you again. why?dear god why? what was soo horrible that you thought that the only way out was death? you had a little sister she's only 8 years old what are they gonna tell her? why? god dammit i want to know why what the hell were you thinking? i wish i could've helped you i wish someone had told you that suicide is never the answer i wish i could turn back time. i just finished baking for 5 hours going through the motions but not really paying any attention tears running down my face thoughts of you in my mind wishing this weren't real. i wish you would have told me i wish i could've helped somehow i wish i could see your smiling face one more time and tell you that this is never the answer. ~Jadzia NumberSixFortyNine going through the motions i would be jealous of me if i weren't the one on the inside. fulfilling. enriching. productive. i'm acting like i'm tired of leading a life surrounded with those three words but i still giggle when the bus turns too fast and i can see all of my life stretched out in front of the large plexiglass windows. i shriek with laughter when i have to grab onto the metal bars and nearly fall into a strangers lap. i would be jealous of me if i wasn't the one writing poetry and pretending. SixFiveZero when the bus turns too fast and i am thrown against the window, or sometimes into someone else if i'm not quick enough at grabbing on and twisting my hips avoiding at all cost that muttered "Sorry" never looking up don't meet their eyes stare straight out the window and watch my life go by turning too fast.
Rain The sky has forgotten something The rain sings for everything. Remember?
SixOhTwo The sky has forgotten something the sky has forgetten me everyone has forgetten me but I still remmeber even though I'm swimming in the blue of the sky my fingernails are dancing and my hair is blowing in circles circles are my life. SixHundredThree even though I'm swimming, in the blue it's floating. Sky and ground become one entity; rightside up and upside up. they are the same here. blue parts my fingers and becomes them tinted aqua, I merge with the sea. blue here is full joy seeps in with the color and I fling myself through my twisting dance in the underblue will always and never be enough and it will never end (when I leave to breathe, the seaweed takes it up)
SixOhFour Tinted aqua, I merge with the sea and lose my hair in the seaweed it blends right in tinted green I am a part of the grass and the small children picking dandilions pull my hair grey washes over me and I am a stormy sky my tears feel like rain to the people below more colors and images than I can manege I am changing to fast I am lost. SixZeroFive Sky above, sand below, soft beneath my feet. Walking towards the water, mesmerized by the sparkle of waves, the magnificent colors as the sun sets. I don't notice the coldness, or that I'm getting my pants wet, as I walk deeper into the water. I merge with the sea, and become one with the ocean. And who cares, about such silly things as cold or wet clothes when you're a part of something as incredable as the ocean.
SixOhSix I pull on a shirt that I haven't worn in years And pants that show the splattery signs Of having assisted in tasks similar to the one I'm taking on tonight. Brush, pail and scraper accompany me on my journey to the side yard. The tarp, ladder, and step-stool have been patiently waiting there Through rain and shine Just for me. Rain With a little help from Time Has expressed itself by carving jagged holes in the paint. The wood underneath looks raw, vulnerable, unaccustomed to exposure. My brush swishes over it, gifting it with a cozy blanket of fresh paint. Cracks and craters dissapear suddenly as my brush swishes over them. Only from very close up can I see the damage that was done. I keep whitewashing the past few years' worth of weather As the sun sets. My fingertips are pure white before I'm finished And my arms are limp But I'm satisfied. Right now nothing seems quite as rewarding As a white, white window frame.
SixOhSeven Rain (with a little help from time) Drain me of these human desires Send me on my way, across the sea Send me flying down in flames As I descend, rush to meet me As I will rush to meet you.
607 will we ever meet again? or are we just playing darts with our hearts all i have is the memories of us some days we have our douts but i know we will meet again I'm sure you'll be woundering when the time comes how you could ever think other wise. i know deep deep down inside of me where my smiles are painted and my rists still bleed i'll be doing the same thing As I will rush to meet you.
NumberSixOhEight my smiles are still in the other room, curled under the sleeping bag, tossing. turning. yes, another bizarre dream. i let my smile sleep as long as i can i take a shower get dressed stepping over the blankets on the floor. sometimes i think she doesn't want to have to step over me every morning i think she doesn't want to share the comics, breakfast, the normal routine with this interloper this intruder. i try my best, i fold up the blankets when i'm done i try not to interrupt her when she's on the computer, reading, eating i think we've been thinking about other people more than about each other. i don't remember this happening before. i wonder if she wants me cluttering up her room any more than i want to be merely clutter. SixOhNine I wonder if the water is still cold. Will I stick a toe in, and pull it out again? Or just take a running leap in. Perhaps if I run and make the jump, if I do it well enough, maybe I can get you to do it too. Something of a shock at first, I know, but once you adjust, you'll see why I like it.
SixHundredAndTen Waiting For a change In the weather In the people In the anything Just waiting For a change If you do it well enough You will be rewarded If you sit still She is told Waiting She waits. SixEleven She waits for something to change. Waits for the sun to rise again, waits for the tide to come in, waits for the fog to clear at night, waits for the moon to come out. She waits for life to begin, waits for the boredom to end, for the sparkling late nights, and the adventure filled days to begin. She doesn't realize, that waiting will accomplish nothing. And I wonder when she will stop waiting, and get up, go out, and begin to live again.
SixTwelve She doesn't realise and she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise That life only happens once and it's halfway over That stars only shine once and they're almost burnt out That tomorrow could end in neverlasting nothingness and despair And she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise and she doesn't realise That all can be lost or won with a stroke of the thumb She doesn't know doesn't want to see the pain feel the pain live the pain Again She wants to sleep. 613 I watch as the ink seeps into my skin fresh out of the pen, I wrote you plus me in a heart how many times will I do it before I realize I'm living in my dream world again? I don't know don't want to see the pain feel the pain live the pain a quick awakening of reality the ink fades... suddenly I sense the water behind my eyes i try to hold back a waterfall why waste my time? my tears come out blue, like the ink I wrote your name in do I cry for you?
SixOneFour The ink seeps into my skin, and the words flow through me. I watch as the things written in anger fade slowly into nothingness, while the words springing from the pure joy I have found, bubble and multiply, breaking through and spilling out onto the paper.
615 my words as I type them fade slowly into nothingness the pages turn without me, I run to catch up skimming details swirling colors, blinding lights I am lost in you and your book where does it begin where does it end and why do I worry about whats in between i am scared for you with or without reason i see things about you that I shouldn't I worry about the unwritten pages where will you lead me will i be safe under your wings?
SixOneSix I want to scoop you up hold you safe under my wings protect you from all the bad things out there. Keep you near me, where I can always be there for you. But I know, that to hold you close would hold you back, keep you from flying, loving, laughing, hurting, crying. So I stand back and watch as you soar higher and higher into the sky. And flying free, you don't look down and see the sad tears that hide in the corners of my eyes as I smile and wave you off.
SixHundredSeventeen you've put yourself so high above everyone and you act like you're the only one that matters and all that matters is that you're having fun and you know I only bend so far before I break but you're on your high horse - your pedestal and you don't look down and see what you've done how you've manipulated your way through it all how you've forced everyone to choose between you and their own happiness and you know in the end you're going to loose there's really no way around it.
618 I don't need your help. I've been screaming for so long There's really no way around it. I've forgotten how to be helped so I really don't need it. 6 years have gone by and im still small, week, walked over and unseen. I've changed so maney times tryed on so maney masks walked in so many footprints I don't know how to any more. It hurts more and more each time I change. I may be the queen of fucked up but it means I don't have to change again. Oh baby don't change me don't change me no more.
is it ok? will it be allright? i hope it will, im praying every night that this will work out im thinking every day about you im wondering all the time if i did the right thing or if a chose wrong im hoping with all my hart that this will work out i think it might it might not i think i will becoude i love you! im hoping that i do not hurt you eagain i have wonce and if i did eagain i dont think that i would live verry far past that day i think i would die im might kill my self i might just die i might just starve i might just die if that day should come i will say good bye and that i still love you but then i will be gone i will be vone for good so i cant hurt people enny more, so i cant break harts, so i cant hurt people at all i will reamember only a few things one:i love you two: what i have sed before "duck tape can fix enny thing but broken harts" reamember i will alway love you ~thomas~ SixNineteen today, I'm tired of blue jeans and brown hair and walking down the street like a woman so today, watch me close because if you don't, you won't know me later. Today I think that I need tie-dyed overalls, and no shirt (but I will go with a bra) I'll be a rainbow today; I'll dress in my own light. And you know - my hair should be shorter, too, and also blue (reflects light better, don't you know) And I'm sick of walking down the damn streets with everyone else. I refuse. I'm dancing downtown, like a light particle, a beam of color and movement (and sound. I'll laugh the whole way.) and it is okay with me, if you wanna come too. I think I even have a sarong you can borrow.
NumberSixTwenty i'm dancing downtown, like a light particle. the kind that makes you gasp the kind like rainbows on the wall prisms and reflections and sequins and today i am a hippie child in homesewn skirts and flowers you won't know me from you. you'll be a hippie child too we'll dance barefoot and sing along and our hippie mothers and our hippie fathers will tell us about the first time they ever heard this music. and we will watch them turn into beams of light like candles and lightning and lamps and we would get to see it shine in your eyes and on your faces and we'd take your hands and dance till dawn. 621 Today I am talking to myself. I think she's doing good. I use to not look at her, just walk past her and never take the time to look lisson and feel. But now I do. She's a really neat person ... worthy of everything she gets, good and bad. Sometimes I get mad at her and slap her accross the face cut her flesh and starve her body. But she gets me back for them all. She gives me a good talking too and tells me to wake the fuck up. What's funny is now I know this Heather the person people love so much. I talk to her all the time so people think I'm crazy. They walk past me on my bike pointing there boany fingers saying: Who's she talking to? She's talking to herself! She's crazy! Don't smile back kids she'll make you crazy too. Don't look into her crying eyes they will suck you in. Don't tuch her shaking body hers will colaps under your waight. I can still hear the burning words in my ears all I can say is fuck y'all! I've got all I need right here in my name
622 I watched the crowd as they gathered, all holding hands with one other it was as if I didn't exsist, the people passing around me without noticing I was there passing through me quietly sang, I walked away no one knew I was there, so how could they run after me? I am irrational, I hope too much I know I am second to them all dont think about me today I am not the person they love daydream about one another ignore everyone else, they don't matter why do these tears come? they never help anyone i fought hard to get here, inside the gates where they gather but I've yet to be visible to anyone 623 "Creep" No one could help but be a little in love with her A little captivated, and drawn in a little further Glad for you, yes I am glad for you But, oh... how nice it would be To have a shining spirit, too. Jealousy follows too close for comfort A truly good person would have none They love her because she's an angel Does that mean I am nothing? Yes, I fear I am a nothing Empty, with no presence forever.
SixTwentyFour Pretending I didn't want any, I slunk past the counter at the store. Those shiny wrappers with bliss inside Do not interest me at all. No. But I can't help myself after a minute and I have to go back for some sugar. A body can do without chocolate, peanuts and caramel and crispy bits for only so long, you know. If I wanted to stay slim and thin like the snakes in women's clothing those imaginary women you see (in the glossy paper prisons for our minds) A truly good person would have none But honestly, tell me what the fun in life is if one cannot enjoy a stick of chocolate-peanut happiness Every once in a while.
NumberSixTwentyFive tell me what the fun in life is if one cannot go up to strangers and kiss them on the cheek. if one cannot make cranes and watch them fly if one cannot close one's eyes and turn the world into glitter if one cannot turn one into you or me or her if i can't take an impersonal poem and make it mine. that's all i know how to do, really take someone else's words and attach my meaning like a leech a mooch and other words like that. i cheat, my poems don't even have the right words i just give you the general idea sometimes not even that i just write in short sentences and someone somewhere calls it poetry. but tell me what fun there is in life if i'm not even allowed to do that. 6 teo 6 I've had it with these poems! You know why? You really wanna know why? Because I cheat. I cheat, my poems don't even have my own lines in them. There other people's thoughts and just my fingers typing them into a wordless screen. People stare at the screen and think the work's amazing but it's not mine! It's a re-make of the last persons. But then when I do one that my own blood has written they just breez bye it. Never taking another look at my bleeding bloodstained words.
627 I thought I felt you even though it was just you typing into a wordless screen I thought I could hear you crying I was crying too you werent really crying though, were you I thought I could see you bounce I thought I could be happy too, once you were I think a lot of things, I can't feel them I heard your voice it made me happy, even though it didn't last long as soon as I heard the click I cried I Know that once you were happy I wasn't. I should have been. Happy for whom? you? I am, I could be, but I can't figure out what it is that makes me cry, anymore and WHY is does it have to be like this it's all in my head ent it?
628 "Where I Run" Where I run not even the kings know Though the beaten-down shells may glimpse A passing glance, where the water roars. Where I run, solitary yet worldly Boldly I am this terrain, I am the struggle beneath the rain. Where I run is where I come from Thoughts meant to be scattered in wind Form an alliance with the sand. Where I run is a secret song, Hidden from all eyes, ears, and tongues Yet even the smallest tree knows where I belong.
SixTwentyEight Hidden from all eyes we sit and pretend inching closer and closer to our screens Words making us laugh and cry and we only notice it when the screen bulges with a hug sent across the country trying to reach through our rapid fingertips but skating the surface of our glowing lights like the flatest roundest stone ever skipped Just that little bit of light makes us safe safer than my blanket quilted for me at birth I remember lying in my old bunkbed, making sure it covered me from head to foot; knowing that shadow monsters would never reach me through that sheild of love Your laughter is less immediate when it is only letters, curves and straight lines, dots of light It doesn't hit me as hard and your hugs are easier to mearly nod at and go on I have gotten good lately at not letting things effect me the way they could and not thinking about what could happen when they do.
NumberSixTwentyNine we sit and pretend that we are on a grand adventure. that it doesn't matter if we miss this bus because who knows who will smile at us on the next. i fold a paper crane and cup it gently in my hand gazing around for a cute-boy-who-would-appreciate-it there aren't enough soulful eyes in this movie we are making, sitting on a bus stop bench unsure of where this adventure will take us. i shriek when we cross the wide street i've come to the conclusion that i am paranoid i am untrusting and obsessive but in love with people. i am at odds with the explorer and recluse inside of my body i screech and laugh and scream and cry and giggle i wonder what would happen if we never wrote another line. i look around for someone with soulful eyes to appreciate the way my words take shape. there aren't enough in this movie this life that we are making. as we sit on a dusty bench and wait for our next adventure to unfold (and i fold another paper crane.) there aren't enough soulful eyes in this movie we are watching; we turn it off and make our own - but we get distracted and discuss them instead. Funny how my movies always seems dramas when I make them and comedys afterward. and I'm about to get annoyed by this but you look at me That Way and suddenly whether life is comic or epic doesn't really seem to matter.
SixThreeOne I grow tired of the harsh glare of the screen, of the sound of the keyboard. Bothersome clicks that I've grown much too accustomed to. But the words on the screen, they almost have voices. I can almost hear your voice despite the fact that you're so far away. But only almost. So some nights when the computer's just too much I turn it off and step outside, under the starry night sky. The moon is full tonight. ~Qetyria~ 632 The Moon is full tonight, or it would be. I can't see through the fog, and the streetlamps light up the sky too much for the stars to shine through. even in the dead of night (or the aliveness of it, considering the city never seems to die) it's light out and I can see the poetry I'm writing without a flashlight on this kind of night I'd be able to see your face... but I'm not sure if I want to or not (everyone tells me I shouldn't know you, I can't know you, there is no you) and I want to push them away and pull you in but I can't, not tonight, all the lights are off and I can't even see myself
635 The Aliveness of Night I am a dark shadow on darkness: Watercolors melting into each other. I am the paper that makes this possible. Walking. The road white-blue. When I think of roads, I think of love. The creek: her words matter. You remember what the willow said to the oak, as the storm was slowing, the one last week, seven years ago. You remember? The pennyroyal thinks about something else. In the woods, it gets darker, more private Leafy giants, and their children, deeply aware. Children: stars. Sky, through leaves. I am only here because I am silent. Welling up with respect, overflowing.
SixThreeSix I am only here because I am silent and so I try not to let out the words bursting in my throat and I calm my hands when I notice they're ripping at the dead grass beneath me. I stare at the ground, and at the trees and at you, and the sky and clouds and I do not run away. I do not run, looking up never down and not caring if I trip and fall on the ohsogreen grass and just lie there not caring if I ever, ever get up looking up and letting the prickling underneath me dissapear looking up and knowing nothing but the sky because you are looking the other way-- looking up and it doesn't matter now how many screams I have in me because I am away, away and you cannot hear anything over the howling of the wind.
SixThreeSeven and you cannot hear anything (or so it seems) how long will it take before you realize that we can't be "just friends" any longer? your scared of what'll happen scared of committment of relationships going wrong well guess what? so am i. but that doesn't mean i'm going to go through life never taking chances because of what might happen i'm gonna take a plunge i'll tell you how cute you are and kiss you... wonder what'll happen than? ~Jadzia Why do I bother writing on here? No one sees my bleeding words and I do not run away. I probably should, if I was smart I would pack up my silk paper and gold pens cover up my bleeding words and be on my way. well guess what? Maybe in the next town people will see the tears that dont fall. Maybe just maybe they will tell me that my bleeding words are beautiful. If you want me to stop my blood and tears tell me my words beautiful even when there Red. Untill that day I'm going to be bleeding here in, around and with my words
639 The Tears That Don't Fall two weeks in new apartment came home thinking of you wondering if you knew how much I bleed for you when i met the local drug dealer "looking for an escape little girl?" I've been in this situation before but his druged jerked eyes make it feel different "no thanx, that shit'll kill you" his stained reply still haunts me: "who says we don't want to die?" Maraya* SixForty two weeks in a new apartment and it already feels like home and not like some other planet where there's no faces twisted in shame anger and misery around every corner telling me to leave and holding me back when I try I try too hard and fall down the tsairs the door at the bottom is locked so I walk back up. I try too hard to make people happy I always end up making things worse not better I seem to always say the wrong thing and be in the way I try to be happy and always have a smile on my face But it doesnt work and people say that i am spoiled and whine I do, but not all the time I have to go now, try to smile.. -Snow Like Letters Never Sent (642) Letters have always been hard for me, I never know how to start them or finshed them off and I always tend not to send them too. But this one is speical, because its for you. Well lets get started. Hello, how are you? Whats the weather like these days? Thats wounderful i'm glade your life seems perfect, now on with the real stuff and off with the fake. Hello, how are you? When was the last time, you burnt your flesh or cut to the bone? Oh. That's too bad, I'm sorry your doing it right now. Hello, how are you? How long has it been sints you heard "i love you"'s wispered about you? Oh, I doute its been never ... it will happen soon. Hello how are you? Did you know that your love is better then sunshine on my face? Did you know that your hugs are better then chocolet ice cream? Did you know that somone right here loves you someone right here cares. No? You didnt? Well its true. I have to go now, try to smile..
SixFortyThree How long has it been since you heard the words "I Love You"? you can't rememeber and it's that that makes me hold the lilys to my face and peek through the petals hiding ym face hide-and-go-seek is good tuck your feet under the curtains don't come out until they call and you know you really are wanted oh to be wanted to be the one everyone comes running to for advice, help, laughs, love how does it feel to be they ones that have the attention thrown at them do they long to be like me and blend into the walls? blend into the walls that's my tactic for avoiding things like this don't let myself be known, they don't need to know me anyway. whether it's sitting silently or jumping up and down just because others are doing it no one will question my motives or theirs we all do it because it's "cool" and no one really understands why we're hopping and I'm about to lose my lunch. I wanted to walk down the broad street to your broad street no one else walked that path but I went anyway and everyone asked me what I was doing where did I think I was going? I'm going to where I don't have to blend in and I don't have to lose my lunch just because others like to get sick for fun. does it entertain you to see cookie cutters too? (I took the path less known and I ended up here)
SixFourFive and I ended up here wherever the hell that is yeah, I'm not talking so sweet tonight sometimes a girl's just gotta be profane. but you won't remember me like that, will you darling you'll remember a pretty face and a still voice reminding you that maybe, somewhere, there's a somewhere where shit doesn't happen, where time stands still, where a moment can be an eternity, where you stand beside the inground expansive expensive swimming pool not thinking about words for once thinking about jumping in but of course you don't. SixFourSix You may not believe it, but I used to be the invisible one in the corner. You won't remember me like that, no one does. Who bothers to remember the invisible ones? I don't know what changed, or when it changed. But gradually I started to inch my way out of the corner, away from the safety of hiding, and out into the world. Now the invisible person I once was is merely a shadow, fading away to nothing. Soon she will be completely gone, and only I will remember that she ever existed in the first place. ~Qetyria~ Six Four Seven ("The Number Game") Being afraid of monsters. I remember going down the stairs (the paint red and flaking darker than a dollhouse) Silently, and the slow screech of a door.. Creeping forward a little more, I watched my back as I put my load in, As I turned the light off I counted again, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, The ghosts are there but they are frozen Six, Five, Four, Three, Fear those you cannot see, Two, One Time's up Up the stairs, Towards the world, Counting up again A growing girl. (weeks before I turn eighteen I start the counting again.) Turn out the light, Turn it on again, Counting, counting Stalling, doubting Moving, shouting, Courage mounting. I'm doing the number game And it's not the same, No, it's not the same.
SixFourEight i remember going down the stairs in your house asking your mom for a glass of water and running back up those stairs rushing because i didn't want to miss anything we played for hours you and i those are good memories memories i'm gonna hang onto i remember your birthdays and mine and the fun we used to have i remember the wicker swing on your front porch and you pushing me on it i remember the easter egg hunts that we all went to every year i remember having the biggest crush on you i wrote you a love letter and actually sent it your mom told mine... i remember how cute, sweet and shy you were i haven't seen you in a long time i'll never get to see you again. why?dear god why? what was soo horrible that you thought that the only way out was death? you had a little sister she's only 8 years old what are they gonna tell her? why? god dammit i want to know why what the hell were you thinking? i wish i could've helped you i wish someone had told you that suicide is never the answer i wish i could turn back time. i just finished baking for 5 hours going through the motions but not really paying any attention tears running down my face thoughts of you in my mind wishing this weren't real. i wish you would have told me i wish i could've helped somehow i wish i could see your smiling face one more time and tell you that this is never the answer. ~Jadzia NumberSixFortyNine going through the motions i would be jealous of me if i weren't the one on the inside. fulfilling. enriching. productive. i'm acting like i'm tired of leading a life surrounded with those three words but i still giggle when the bus turns too fast and i can see all of my life stretched out in front of the large plexiglass windows. i shriek with laughter when i have to grab onto the metal bars and nearly fall into a strangers lap. i would be jealous of me if i wasn't the one writing poetry and pretending. SixFiveZero when the bus turns too fast and i am thrown against the window, or sometimes into someone else if i'm not quick enough at grabbing on and twisting my hips avoiding at all cost that muttered "Sorry" never looking up don't meet their eyes stare straight out the window and watch my life go by turning too fast.
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