NumberNineFiftyOne and like every good teenager i smile sugar smiles unsweetened chocolate smiles and no one can tell the difference let me tell you theres NOTHING in this smile nothing that seeing you warmed by the sun looking at the ground nothing that sight couldn't cure where was my camera dammit? and like every good teenager i'm drowning and forgetting how to swim at the last second as panic tugs at my soaked feet my body soaks up water the way my mind soaks up love: with neverending thirst. NineFiftyTwo theres nothing in this smile that you could ever understand i pull blinds across my soul never letting anyone in but you got through how the hell i don't know and now you know things i wouldn't even voice to myself my journals getting filled again not having been touched in months thoughts pouring across the pages whispered words into your ears and i wanna know what happens next? ~jadzia NineFiftyThree what happens next? do we grab a parachute and see who lands first? touch the ground as if we've never seen it before? sprinkle dirt in our hair and leave it in until the rain. we wish we were flying but can feel that we're not and there's no explanation as to why it isn't possible we learned early on that lots of things are lacking explanations we learned that love is real but so is pain fear can be felt as well as a hug and what happens next? it can't be condensed to a shopping list stuck on the refrigerator and accepted Nine5Four What happens next? us, with our wings broken from trying to fly flying with lead feet is a near impossible task and we found out the hard way a wise man once said that all there is to flying is to fall and miss the ground but the only time that we've managed to taste the air is as we're on our way down and the ground always comes I think that it was my fault I always thought you could fly but you wouldn't take off and leave me on the ground What happens next? you know, I'm not sure why don't you fall and see if this time you take off
NineFiftyFive see if this time i'm crying sugar coatings crack. tears are forgien objects to my cheeks i told them "never" and they left now they taste hot feel salty but my chin sticks out sill just the perfect angle not submissive or snobbish just deffiant daring you to point out my streak marks where past pain is trying to escape leaking is perfect i couldn't help but lose some of it or explode did i pick right? Look at my eyes,
I'm crying.
look at my soul,
I'm breaking.
look around,
I'm suffering.
Look into my soul and say
that you hate my oppions one more time and
so help me goddess,
I will kick your teeth in
one by one.
I'm sick of having you tell me how GAY I should be.
I'm tired of fashion girls telling me that I should
"Eat less and Smile more" even when I'm -pissed-.
But most of all
I'm annoyed at Wal-mart K-mart Clairs and Zeller
trying to sell people shit one size to small.
I say I'm not angry because
I'm just jaded.
957 i'm just jaded but it's ok because i've always been this way. every situation seems the same yes, it's always this lame i find the similarities in everything then complain about how my life never changes. how you always roll your eyes when I'm mad. how I always roll my eyes at you when you're stupid. how can i live when i hear too many voices in my head? i wish i knew how to cope with this dissapointment you were never that sentimental for me
NineFiftyEight i wish i knew that i was fake and you were real and get the fuck over it was the last words i'd hear i would have responded differently i wouldn't have smiled i would have half-smiled it takes less effort i wish i knew i wouldn't remember i wish i knew i'd care. NineFiftyNine I would have responded differently If only you had told me I would have told you if you had said what you felt We would still be together If only we hadn't been scared Together...yes together But we lost what precious time we had Because we didn't know, Didn't understand. I would have responded with loving words instead, we argued and ended it I would have said "I love you" instead of "goodbye" I still do love you, do you still love me? I miss you I want to tell you, I would have loved you still, if only you had spoken those words to me let me know.. that you still loved me. ~Snow~ Nine Fifty Nine "Imagination" Imagination casting unfulfilled wishes You are my salvation, beautiful abyss These fantasies, these stories My head is my home My home is full of longings My life is a dome A glass cage where I belong. Crying when I wake up Sometimes the shock is Too much to handle Sometimes you can't hold a candle To what I long for More and more I sink into my dreams Sighing when I wake up Staring into the empty space Sometimes it's not enough Beautiful thoughts can't hold me together These thoughts can't keep me forever Bitter when I wake up Slamming into my face Too fleeting to fulfill me Again and again I wait While these walls grow cold Again and again I hate A prison painted with gold Still leaves a bitter taste.
960 you forgot about me i repeat this over & over in my head how can i be so blind how could i be so numb my prison was painted black with stars on the top & a little candle to blow out a wish i wanted a prison painted with gold moons & gentle stars putting an end to this madness stupid child put your life at risk laugh away the madness that knocks on your door more often now you let it in once you think you can let it go so easily???? NineSixtyOne missed gestures the wave of your hand the curve of your lips if I had seen them things might be different I want to write about you feel your gentle presence once again somehow through my words i let you out the window let you go so easily freed you when you wanted to be kept but I want to remember you on cool summer days when there's lemonade and children on a lawn in a rich block in a rich neighborhood I'll recall how your eyes pierced through me the first time you saw me and your lips hungered after mine I wanted you but not enough to chase you when you were gone but I will write about you and speak your name to the stars. when I am rich and you are happy. ~jafe~ NineSixtyTwo the truth got out somebody let it out of it's cage we go running after it like children chasing a tire "-don't let it get away-" yeah, right. we wanted it, but not enough. NineSixtyThree the truth got out and the lies ran off to Cuba together the truth got out of her gilded cage and we all admitted we didn't know what gilded meant the president admitted his spending was too high the truthtellers admitted they'd told a couple lies the shining sea admitted she really was the sky the bouncing child admitted he really was a boy and my love admitted his love was not for I. ~jafe~ he really was a boy in the sense of male; and conversationally speaking we'll pretend it doesn't matter. liberally speaking we all know that men can be trained, and from a radical's view, we can ignore that. boys will be boys, we say laughing, pretending this boy knows what we mean but wouldn't mind the mockery. liberally speaking we know that men are not to be trusted, and from a female's view, we can say that the sexes are like ice caps: polar. still we liberals make exceptions boys who will not be boys we allow. mutttering to each other while the boys who won't play wonder where they stand.
NineSixFive Ignore that. It doesn't matter much anyway. Can affect us now, can it? We don't have to take it into account when we figure things out we can work our plans around it. No problem. After all, it's only reality. But you know what? I think what you can make work perhaps I can't. Not so quickly anyway. I can't give it the energy it needs to work. I need to get so much done so soon... It takes almost everything to make things work here. perhaps they aren't working smoothly, but they do work. So now what do we do? ~Qetyria~ NineSixSix it's only reality right? she laughs i smile you sigh and we continue walking "i'm a hopeless romantic...." she sings i smile you laugh and we continue walking and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle standing at a crossroads thinking, what shall i do? faery dust glitters on the sidewalk but who looks down to notice other than i? look up and realize you've been walking past the same coffee shop for hours and start to wonder whats going on? because today is now tomorrow and yesterday disappeared she laughs you smile i sigh and we continue walking pick up a book and the scent of summer seeps through the pages misty memories of happy days and long neverending nights things gone past never coming back christmas carols on the radio whats going on? its still fall... but now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she smiles i laugh you wonder and we continue walking your sitting at your computer hands flying across the keyboard until you look up and finally notice me standing there the bells begin ringing as the cat pounces on the curtain and the snow comes down in soft flakes and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle you laugh i smile she runs and we continue walking the pictures look inviting pressing your eyes closer you wish to jump in the scene and live that life until the moon shines in and the stars come out and we start dancing to the beat she plays on her guitar and now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she laughs you smile i sing and we continue walking... ~jadzia NineSixtySeven she runs and stops for nothing untied sholaces don't stop her wondergirl can fly. she is turning in circles round and round circles make up her life back to the biginning over and over try again don't look back this time i watch her and i am not running i couln't explain that i don't like when we reach the end/beginning and start over again she reaches out to take my hand and i smile but run away. wondergirl can fly but the rest of us walk while we can, our thoughts spiked with resentment at wearing out our shoes. wondergirl flies ahead skipping in the air, soaring over the traffic, garbage heaps eyes skyward, we all trip and fall but scuttle, trying to keep up. sometimes wondergirl wants to lay her feet home feel the good grass with her hands it's cold up in the wind but she looks below at the tripping, stumbling followers and sighs. Grass must be overrated if the people below are so convinced that to fly is the answer.
NumberNineSixtyNine wondergirl with her stickers collecting hugs in adhesive form. she packages up smiles and sends them 4 days early because she's thinking more than any of us. i wish i was like her; pure sunshine, she's like the rapunzel fairytale her hair could be spun gold she wraps up silver and i wear it on my wrist. and i wish i could be her prince charming her perfect smile her fairytale or at least mail her a slice of a perfect sunset. (for carolyn) i wear it like a fashion girl wears lipstick. i crave it like a druggy craves drugs. i do it like i don't care cuz i simply don't. i wear it on my wrist to show where i've been where i'm going and how low i've actually gone. i don't cover it up because, i am at peace with the fact that i sometimes hate myself. i show my cuts simply because i refuse to pretend that i'm someone i'm not. i am not proud of my scares and i do not brag. cutting is an addition and more people should see it as that. i'm not doing this to hurt you, in fact it has nothing to do with you. im doing this because every heroes have the right to bleed.
NumberNineSeventy slow silences cut in my brain like the fire you burnt out so long ago i turned myself inside out so that i could see what i saw in you i'm not doing this to hurt you i'm doing it to hurt me.
NumberNineSeventyOne i'm doing it to hurt me because i know of no other way to mark myself so you can see what is me. maybe i should wear a neon sign above my head but red scratches on my arm works the same, right where i would write your name in marker so you could rest assured that you owned me and all would be alright. this is my brand of pain hurting from your love more than any other kind of hate. NineSeventyTwo Let me go. Please, I want to get out of here. I need to leave. Show me the way. I'm lost, I'll light a candle, Sow you can see, Where I am. I'm not ready to die. Help me find my way. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyThree i'm not ready to die so why do i cut my life into pieces? oh god i told you i missed you let that piece of me out of the grip of my cold hand and into the big bad world and you sent me another mp3. i forgot, for a minute that she dumped you tonight i forgot things were different thought you were just multitasking. now i feel lousy that bone chilling lousy because i miss you and you're searching for the perfect song to sing the way you're missing her and if i could i'd hold my breath forever i'd hide underneath the covers and when i miss you i'd just put on your song and never tell you how cut up it makes me feel. NineSeventyFour if I could, I'd hold my breath forever I'd sink underneath the water and I wouldn't care what you think but the truth be told I care I care what you think more than I should but I can't help myself you try to hide that look on your face that look that says you're pissed again but you're see through and I can tell what you're thinking and I can sense how you feel my face is buried in my arms for the millionth time this week and I hate the salty taste of tears that are on my lips that are on my lips too often these days why can't you just smile? would it be so hard to smile and maybe give me a hug and say it's okay?
NineSeventFive maybe give me a hug? arms is all i'm asking for nothing more i don't need heart in those arms just something to support me because stumbling is so easy getting up takes too long and i don't think about that part when i look up instead of at my feet. arms are soft sometimes i am soft too you can't be soft if you don't look down. FraNNy Nine Seventy Six I extended my arms today You ignored them I guess I forgot to warn you That it really wasn't my arms that wanted to hold you It was my heart that wanted to know you Stone wall as you are.
NineSeventySeven i guess i forgot to warn you that once i open up it's like a river of flowing waters and constant sayings of "i need to talk" i guess i forgot to tell you that close friends are like a part of the soul and i can't live without them i guess i forgot to ask you what you thought of my poetry (at least the poems about you) because my poems are what i'm feeling, needing,thinking i guess i forgot to warn you that once i love you i'll never stop and should you be in pain i'll always be your crying shoulder offer loving words because regardless of whatever i forgot to tell you i'll never forget to say "i love you" ~jadzia NineSeventyEight I promise you one thing, I'll never forget to say "I love you." No matter what else may happen, I'll love you. No matter how dark it gets, I'll love you. No matter if the sun don't shine, I'll love you. No matter how many times we fight, I'll love you, And i'll tell you. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyNine how many times we think we've moved on only to discover we've been stuck in park the whole time. how can they say that rolling stops are bad when if i halt completely i will never keep moving. my life stretches like too many new-driver metaphors and the clouds above me capture my eyes, my hands clench, and my heart stands still. i think i left it back at that light, i think i want to stop the car, i want to get out. no i want to speed down the flashing lights i want to hear the wind around my ears go so fast no one will catch me feeling too old feeling too mature, like i have moved past too much of my life sit me down with mister rogers let him drive the trolley for me so i can suck my thumb and be a passenger. maybe even get a carseat. give me back safety. no, give me freedom warring values and too many thoughts; congested traffic and accidents. NineEightZero and accidents are not ghastly enough to prevent our repeating them again and kisses are never stong enough not to be raened away and thunderclouds always come at the most inopportune times and lovers are always so numerous when you are alone we are sitting on the front step of the world looking for gods and heros and livers, lovers time disintegrates our bodies, then our minds we are made of dust do you know? why must we wander the earth in search of our happiness could we not learn to love those at home? because autumn never smelled so sweet as when i shared it with myself and because your arms were sweaty when you held me so life is short and you may as well accept anyone a someone who thinks like you we're not getting any younger, and most marriages end unhappily for why bother to find the best of the bunch when they all seem to be made of stone? NineEightyOne You're expecting too much from me. Plain and simple. I'm 13, female, and I feel like shit. And you expect me to make snse. Well I'm sorry, But I'm probably the most senseless person you'll ever meet. If you don't like it, Fine. Get out of my life and don't try to change me. Go find someone better suited to your tastes. Don't try to bend me into what you want, Cause beleive me, I don't bend easily. Go find someone else. A someone who thinks like you. A someone who makes sense 24/7. That sure isn't me, And god I'm glad. ~erynne NumberNineEightyTwo what you want is to sleep at night without fear of phone calls interupting sweet dreams. no, i doubt you dream you are too solid and centered to the earth for that. you don't really understand the way rivers of blood can turn into the reddest sunsets. but you try, i know you do finding the song you think will get me through another night, so i won't need you. they make me cry, sometimes and other nights i can't fall asleep without them. maybe you know more about nightmares than i gave you credit for. NineEightyThree you don't really understand that subtle shake of my head that hint of a smile laughingly you touch my shoulder the pressure just enough to make me catch my breath secret smiles and hidden glances when i wonder to myself "what the hell is going on?" because you don't really understand and neither do i it's like that love at first sight but not love and more than friendship i don't wanna say "crush" 'cause that implies other things i've talked to you laughed with you smiled at you thought about you at midnight and yet... i've only met you once. it's those secret smiles and hidden glances as you laughingly touch my arm the pressure making my skin tingle with electricity and i wonder to myself "how can this be?" i've laughed with you talked with you smiled at you thought about you at 1am and yet... we only just met... i wonder where this is gonna go? ~jadzia 984 Your face is so untuchable I can't even see it. You wince away at every pair of eyes that can see past your makup. You know just like the rist of us that underneath your sleves theres a person that makeup isn't making. But Even When I wonder to myself I still know that if I kept faith in tomorow I'd be scaired to see you when you snap like a twig.
985 mist-colored haze covers my eyes i can't see through & see out i feel you dragging me down but i have no where to hold & we've been gone for too long already brown paper bag flies in the street like some humiliated bird floating in place we've been fighting for too long already truth-colored letters laugh to themselves when you snap like a twig under the blue blue sky we've been out of perpective for too long already.
NineEightySix we've been out of perspective for too long too much has happened too many words spoken too many times have i looked longingly in your direction and you looked away. it's been too long maybe it's a good thing we've grown up and apart can you deal with what i believe? can you handle all i am? i don't think so because your mind is set in a narrow pencil line content to stay on a single path no detours for you we're out of order but thats okay because life is like a speeding train ready to hurl challenges at you every moment, but can you take it? ~jadzia NineEightySeven because your mind is set this is your little window your little ink streaked, rain-run window, misted up with your hot breath smudged by your fists as you beat against it the edges red with your blood when you break it shreds of your personality left behind as you climb away from yourself we'll forget you were ever here at all and pretend you never existed you keep trying to erase yourself but it's not working anymore glancing back over your shoulder at your friends closing their eyes to suicide and jumping off their cliffs of memories they can't see it anymore they can't feel it anymore but it's still there.... when push comes to shove (#988) Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong, you wouldn't understand anyways. What do you know about bloody tears falling off your cheeks? What do you know about a lover's eyes you've only seen though pictures? What do you know about 'I love you' scars carved on your arm? Don't ask me why I'm crying, you wouldn't want to hear it this way. I miss him. There I said it. Hate it if you must but I miss him still. He was never afraid of me or anyone else, in other words he wasn't afraid of himself. In times like these I wonder why we broke what we had. Don't ask me why I'm crying, my tears don't seem real enough for your eyes to handle. Don't tell me that you love me, because I know it aint true. Don't tell me that I shouldn't be crying, I know what I should or shouldn't do. Don't tell me that he was only a crush, you weren't there. Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong you wouldn't want to hear it when push comes to shove but it's still there....
NumberNineEightyNine ask me why i'll tell you i'll sit, clunk my knees together, cutely put my hair behind my ear grin oh i'll grin, i'll wrinkle my nose smile when you look at me i'll try to be as adorable as i can. why i ask you why do you wink at me when we leave why do you sing my name and make my throat feel sweet? like my ears are turning to cotton candy and everything i see is spun sugar. why do you light my shoes on fire and make the world glow? ask me why and i'll write you a poem. you are always asking me why and i always ending up shrugging and glaring little holes into the sky and almost crying but not. you are always asking me why as if you expect me, the supposed stunning writer to be capable of putting this uncertainty into clear cut words. but i can't. you crazy, foolish boy i'm staring at you with such little girl eyes that i'm surprised you haven't come to despise me quite yet. instead, i sit in your car and watch the snow accumulate on the windshield and i hope that the roads aren't too slippery so on the way home you can hold my hand... 991 As I cling to the familiar voice so lost in my ears now "it's best this way" I tell my sobbing eyes. I would of gotten stung any ways. We where falling and this was the final smack onto the cement and it scars me awake. Never ever, would I love again until you heal my swollen head. I said from the start the miles won't kill me but I only realized that it wasn't true as the knifes sunk into my flesh. This is just the easy street on my way home but I can't help but stop and wonder under your sleeping bed who do you dream with now?
992 under your sleeping bed dreams hide; dreams sleep they wish to cry but cannot weep in the darkness they see hungry angels watching me me watching you watching you breathe longing to believe but no! down, down your wall I go fleeing the light towards the sea I run in fright; towards my home in the rocks I am too scared too scared to account my loss --joey/ratio 993 Under your sleeping, dreams blink. & having eyes like mirrors: shatter into dreams.
994 Walls shatter Into Dreams My fist touches air Where I once wanted to touch you I guess the walls aren't the only thing that are dreams. I realize now You're crippled in your heart Even more than I am I can't love you But I can mourn for you Because I know you cannot.
995 Salt the wound It makes a strangled sound Where once there were dreams But at least I can still hear it.
number996 i want to remember you calling my name But at least I can still hear it. i want to find out that it's all not true it's just something that you do. i want to forget your poetry's not true and scream untill it's funny, but i know it's all oh so true. what a hero i am i can't save you or anyone else. i can't save me you can't save yourself. where just starving wounderlusted heros who can't save themself
NumberDouble9Seven codependent heros who can't save themselves cry from their personal hells for each other. save me I can't. save me i can't do it myself one rises up and descends answering. strong as she is she can only rise out to pull someone else up. and though both struggle in the end she slides into his hell. save me i can't do it myself savemehelphelphelpican'thelpmyself the mantra helphelphelpgetmeoutofhere help someone else save me this is too much work
998 his hell. kinda like my heaven we clash, together. i didn't ask for your coat, remember, you offered the tables have turned. suddenly, I find myself in an strange sort of hell and he's in heaven. we still clash. no two people can be happy at the same time. it's you or me, baby so choose wisely. you lost last time, don't make the same mistake twice
NumberNineNineNine his hell makes me smile and think well..... but every once in a while i stop and wonder if i really should tun my back should i watch the walls cumble watch forgivness lose watch love evaporate? i can't decide to answer the phone should i be icey? his hell reminds me of summer i waited on the porch rain or sun and waited and waited and thought ect...ect...ect... until i heard bike wheels on gravel and ice cubes melted. Franny ----NumberNineFiftyOne and like every good teenager i smile sugar smiles unsweetened chocolate smiles and no one can tell the difference let me tell you theres NOTHING in this smile nothing that seeing you warmed by the sun looking at the ground nothing that sight couldn't cure where was my camera dammit? and like every good teenager i'm drowning and forgetting how to swim at the last second as panic tugs at my soaked feet my body soaks up water the way my mind soaks up love: with neverending thirst. NineFiftyTwo theres nothing in this smile that you could ever understand i pull blinds across my soul never letting anyone in but you got through how the hell i don't know and now you know things i wouldn't even voice to myself my journals getting filled again not having been touched in months thoughts pouring across the pages whispered words into your ears and i wanna know what happens next? ~jadzia NineFiftyThree what happens next? do we grab a parachute and see who lands first? touch the ground as if we've never seen it before? sprinkle dirt in our hair and leave it in until the rain. we wish we were flying but can feel that we're not and there's no explanation as to why it isn't possible we learned early on that lots of things are lacking explanations we learned that love is real but so is pain fear can be felt as well as a hug and what happens next? it can't be condensed to a shopping list stuck on the refrigerator and accepted Nine5Four What happens next? us, with our wings broken from trying to fly flying with lead feet is a near impossible task and we found out the hard way a wise man once said that all there is to flying is to fall and miss the ground but the only time that we've managed to taste the air is as we're on our way down and the ground always comes I think that it was my fault I always thought you could fly but you wouldn't take off and leave me on the ground What happens next? you know, I'm not sure why don't you fall and see if this time you take off
NineFiftyFive see if this time i'm crying sugar coatings crack. tears are forgien objects to my cheeks i told them "never" and they left now they taste hot feel salty but my chin sticks out sill just the perfect angle not submissive or snobbish just deffiant daring you to point out my streak marks where past pain is trying to escape leaking is perfect i couldn't help but lose some of it or explode did i pick right? Look at my eyes,
I'm crying.
look at my soul,
I'm breaking.
look around,
I'm suffering.
Look into my soul and say
that you hate my oppions one more time and
so help me goddess,
I will kick your teeth in
one by one.
I'm sick of having you tell me how GAY I should be.
I'm tired of fashion girls telling me that I should
"Eat less and Smile more" even when I'm -pissed-.
But most of all
I'm annoyed at Wal-mart K-mart Clairs and Zeller
trying to sell people shit one size to small.
I say I'm not angry because
I'm just jaded.
957 i'm just jaded but it's ok because i've always been this way. every situation seems the same yes, it's always this lame i find the similarities in everything then complain about how my life never changes. how you always roll your eyes when I'm mad. how I always roll my eyes at you when you're stupid. how can i live when i hear too many voices in my head? i wish i knew how to cope with this dissapointment you were never that sentimental for me
NineFiftyEight i wish i knew that i was fake and you were real and get the fuck over it was the last words i'd hear i would have responded differently i wouldn't have smiled i would have half-smiled it takes less effort i wish i knew i wouldn't remember i wish i knew i'd care. NineFiftyNine I would have responded differently If only you had told me I would have told you if you had said what you felt We would still be together If only we hadn't been scared Together...yes together But we lost what precious time we had Because we didn't know, Didn't understand. I would have responded with loving words instead, we argued and ended it I would have said "I love you" instead of "goodbye" I still do love you, do you still love me? I miss you I want to tell you, I would have loved you still, if only you had spoken those words to me let me know.. that you still loved me. ~Snow~ Nine Fifty Nine "Imagination" Imagination casting unfulfilled wishes You are my salvation, beautiful abyss These fantasies, these stories My head is my home My home is full of longings My life is a dome A glass cage where I belong. Crying when I wake up Sometimes the shock is Too much to handle Sometimes you can't hold a candle To what I long for More and more I sink into my dreams Sighing when I wake up Staring into the empty space Sometimes it's not enough Beautiful thoughts can't hold me together These thoughts can't keep me forever Bitter when I wake up Slamming into my face Too fleeting to fulfill me Again and again I wait While these walls grow cold Again and again I hate A prison painted with gold Still leaves a bitter taste.
960 you forgot about me i repeat this over & over in my head how can i be so blind how could i be so numb my prison was painted black with stars on the top & a little candle to blow out a wish i wanted a prison painted with gold moons & gentle stars putting an end to this madness stupid child put your life at risk laugh away the madness that knocks on your door more often now you let it in once you think you can let it go so easily???? NineSixtyOne missed gestures the wave of your hand the curve of your lips if I had seen them things might be different I want to write about you feel your gentle presence once again somehow through my words i let you out the window let you go so easily freed you when you wanted to be kept but I want to remember you on cool summer days when there's lemonade and children on a lawn in a rich block in a rich neighborhood I'll recall how your eyes pierced through me the first time you saw me and your lips hungered after mine I wanted you but not enough to chase you when you were gone but I will write about you and speak your name to the stars. when I am rich and you are happy. ~jafe~ NineSixtyTwo the truth got out somebody let it out of it's cage we go running after it like children chasing a tire "-don't let it get away-" yeah, right. we wanted it, but not enough. NineSixtyThree the truth got out and the lies ran off to Cuba together the truth got out of her gilded cage and we all admitted we didn't know what gilded meant the president admitted his spending was too high the truthtellers admitted they'd told a couple lies the shining sea admitted she really was the sky the bouncing child admitted he really was a boy and my love admitted his love was not for I. ~jafe~ he really was a boy in the sense of male; and conversationally speaking we'll pretend it doesn't matter. liberally speaking we all know that men can be trained, and from a radical's view, we can ignore that. boys will be boys, we say laughing, pretending this boy knows what we mean but wouldn't mind the mockery. liberally speaking we know that men are not to be trusted, and from a female's view, we can say that the sexes are like ice caps: polar. still we liberals make exceptions boys who will not be boys we allow. mutttering to each other while the boys who won't play wonder where they stand.
NineSixFive Ignore that. It doesn't matter much anyway. Can affect us now, can it? We don't have to take it into account when we figure things out we can work our plans around it. No problem. After all, it's only reality. But you know what? I think what you can make work perhaps I can't. Not so quickly anyway. I can't give it the energy it needs to work. I need to get so much done so soon... It takes almost everything to make things work here. perhaps they aren't working smoothly, but they do work. So now what do we do? ~Qetyria~ NineSixSix it's only reality right? she laughs i smile you sigh and we continue walking "i'm a hopeless romantic...." she sings i smile you laugh and we continue walking and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle standing at a crossroads thinking, what shall i do? faery dust glitters on the sidewalk but who looks down to notice other than i? look up and realize you've been walking past the same coffee shop for hours and start to wonder whats going on? because today is now tomorrow and yesterday disappeared she laughs you smile i sigh and we continue walking pick up a book and the scent of summer seeps through the pages misty memories of happy days and long neverending nights things gone past never coming back christmas carols on the radio whats going on? its still fall... but now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she smiles i laugh you wonder and we continue walking your sitting at your computer hands flying across the keyboard until you look up and finally notice me standing there the bells begin ringing as the cat pounces on the curtain and the snow comes down in soft flakes and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle you laugh i smile she runs and we continue walking the pictures look inviting pressing your eyes closer you wish to jump in the scene and live that life until the moon shines in and the stars come out and we start dancing to the beat she plays on her guitar and now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she laughs you smile i sing and we continue walking... ~jadzia NineSixtySeven she runs and stops for nothing untied sholaces don't stop her wondergirl can fly. she is turning in circles round and round circles make up her life back to the biginning over and over try again don't look back this time i watch her and i am not running i couln't explain that i don't like when we reach the end/beginning and start over again she reaches out to take my hand and i smile but run away. wondergirl can fly but the rest of us walk while we can, our thoughts spiked with resentment at wearing out our shoes. wondergirl flies ahead skipping in the air, soaring over the traffic, garbage heaps eyes skyward, we all trip and fall but scuttle, trying to keep up. sometimes wondergirl wants to lay her feet home feel the good grass with her hands it's cold up in the wind but she looks below at the tripping, stumbling followers and sighs. Grass must be overrated if the people below are so convinced that to fly is the answer.
NumberNineSixtyNine wondergirl with her stickers collecting hugs in adhesive form. she packages up smiles and sends them 4 days early because she's thinking more than any of us. i wish i was like her; pure sunshine, she's like the rapunzel fairytale her hair could be spun gold she wraps up silver and i wear it on my wrist. and i wish i could be her prince charming her perfect smile her fairytale or at least mail her a slice of a perfect sunset. (for carolyn) i wear it like a fashion girl wears lipstick. i crave it like a druggy craves drugs. i do it like i don't care cuz i simply don't. i wear it on my wrist to show where i've been where i'm going and how low i've actually gone. i don't cover it up because, i am at peace with the fact that i sometimes hate myself. i show my cuts simply because i refuse to pretend that i'm someone i'm not. i am not proud of my scares and i do not brag. cutting is an addition and more people should see it as that. i'm not doing this to hurt you, in fact it has nothing to do with you. im doing this because every heroes have the right to bleed.
NumberNineSeventy slow silences cut in my brain like the fire you burnt out so long ago i turned myself inside out so that i could see what i saw in you i'm not doing this to hurt you i'm doing it to hurt me.
NumberNineSeventyOne i'm doing it to hurt me because i know of no other way to mark myself so you can see what is me. maybe i should wear a neon sign above my head but red scratches on my arm works the same, right where i would write your name in marker so you could rest assured that you owned me and all would be alright. this is my brand of pain hurting from your love more than any other kind of hate. NineSeventyTwo Let me go. Please, I want to get out of here. I need to leave. Show me the way. I'm lost, I'll light a candle, Sow you can see, Where I am. I'm not ready to die. Help me find my way. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyThree i'm not ready to die so why do i cut my life into pieces? oh god i told you i missed you let that piece of me out of the grip of my cold hand and into the big bad world and you sent me another mp3. i forgot, for a minute that she dumped you tonight i forgot things were different thought you were just multitasking. now i feel lousy that bone chilling lousy because i miss you and you're searching for the perfect song to sing the way you're missing her and if i could i'd hold my breath forever i'd hide underneath the covers and when i miss you i'd just put on your song and never tell you how cut up it makes me feel. NineSeventyFour if I could, I'd hold my breath forever I'd sink underneath the water and I wouldn't care what you think but the truth be told I care I care what you think more than I should but I can't help myself you try to hide that look on your face that look that says you're pissed again but you're see through and I can tell what you're thinking and I can sense how you feel my face is buried in my arms for the millionth time this week and I hate the salty taste of tears that are on my lips that are on my lips too often these days why can't you just smile? would it be so hard to smile and maybe give me a hug and say it's okay?
NineSeventFive maybe give me a hug? arms is all i'm asking for nothing more i don't need heart in those arms just something to support me because stumbling is so easy getting up takes too long and i don't think about that part when i look up instead of at my feet. arms are soft sometimes i am soft too you can't be soft if you don't look down. FraNNy Nine Seventy Six I extended my arms today You ignored them I guess I forgot to warn you That it really wasn't my arms that wanted to hold you It was my heart that wanted to know you Stone wall as you are.
NineSeventySeven i guess i forgot to warn you that once i open up it's like a river of flowing waters and constant sayings of "i need to talk" i guess i forgot to tell you that close friends are like a part of the soul and i can't live without them i guess i forgot to ask you what you thought of my poetry (at least the poems about you) because my poems are what i'm feeling, needing,thinking i guess i forgot to warn you that once i love you i'll never stop and should you be in pain i'll always be your crying shoulder offer loving words because regardless of whatever i forgot to tell you i'll never forget to say "i love you" ~jadzia NineSeventyEight I promise you one thing, I'll never forget to say "I love you." No matter what else may happen, I'll love you. No matter how dark it gets, I'll love you. No matter if the sun don't shine, I'll love you. No matter how many times we fight, I'll love you, And i'll tell you. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyNine how many times we think we've moved on only to discover we've been stuck in park the whole time. how can they say that rolling stops are bad when if i halt completely i will never keep moving. my life stretches like too many new-driver metaphors and the clouds above me capture my eyes, my hands clench, and my heart stands still. i think i left it back at that light, i think i want to stop the car, i want to get out. no i want to speed down the flashing lights i want to hear the wind around my ears go so fast no one will catch me feeling too old feeling too mature, like i have moved past too much of my life sit me down with mister rogers let him drive the trolley for me so i can suck my thumb and be a passenger. maybe even get a carseat. give me back safety. no, give me freedom warring values and too many thoughts; congested traffic and accidents. NineEightZero and accidents are not ghastly enough to prevent our repeating them again and kisses are never stong enough not to be raened away and thunderclouds always come at the most inopportune times and lovers are always so numerous when you are alone we are sitting on the front step of the world looking for gods and heros and livers, lovers time disintegrates our bodies, then our minds we are made of dust do you know? why must we wander the earth in search of our happiness could we not learn to love those at home? because autumn never smelled so sweet as when i shared it with myself and because your arms were sweaty when you held me so life is short and you may as well accept anyone a someone who thinks like you we're not getting any younger, and most marriages end unhappily for why bother to find the best of the bunch when they all seem to be made of stone? NineEightyOne You're expecting too much from me. Plain and simple. I'm 13, female, and I feel like shit. And you expect me to make snse. Well I'm sorry, But I'm probably the most senseless person you'll ever meet. If you don't like it, Fine. Get out of my life and don't try to change me. Go find someone better suited to your tastes. Don't try to bend me into what you want, Cause beleive me, I don't bend easily. Go find someone else. A someone who thinks like you. A someone who makes sense 24/7. That sure isn't me, And god I'm glad. ~erynne NumberNineEightyTwo what you want is to sleep at night without fear of phone calls interupting sweet dreams. no, i doubt you dream you are too solid and centered to the earth for that. you don't really understand the way rivers of blood can turn into the reddest sunsets. but you try, i know you do finding the song you think will get me through another night, so i won't need you. they make me cry, sometimes and other nights i can't fall asleep without them. maybe you know more about nightmares than i gave you credit for. NineEightyThree you don't really understand that subtle shake of my head that hint of a smile laughingly you touch my shoulder the pressure just enough to make me catch my breath secret smiles and hidden glances when i wonder to myself "what the hell is going on?" because you don't really understand and neither do i it's like that love at first sight but not love and more than friendship i don't wanna say "crush" 'cause that implies other things i've talked to you laughed with you smiled at you thought about you at midnight and yet... i've only met you once. it's those secret smiles and hidden glances as you laughingly touch my arm the pressure making my skin tingle with electricity and i wonder to myself "how can this be?" i've laughed with you talked with you smiled at you thought about you at 1am and yet... we only just met... i wonder where this is gonna go? ~jadzia 984 Your face is so untuchable I can't even see it. You wince away at every pair of eyes that can see past your makup. You know just like the rist of us that underneath your sleves theres a person that makeup isn't making. But Even When I wonder to myself I still know that if I kept faith in tomorow I'd be scaired to see you when you snap like a twig.
985 mist-colored haze covers my eyes i can't see through & see out i feel you dragging me down but i have no where to hold & we've been gone for too long already brown paper bag flies in the street like some humiliated bird floating in place we've been fighting for too long already truth-colored letters laugh to themselves when you snap like a twig under the blue blue sky we've been out of perpective for too long already.
NineEightySix we've been out of perspective for too long too much has happened too many words spoken too many times have i looked longingly in your direction and you looked away. it's been too long maybe it's a good thing we've grown up and apart can you deal with what i believe? can you handle all i am? i don't think so because your mind is set in a narrow pencil line content to stay on a single path no detours for you we're out of order but thats okay because life is like a speeding train ready to hurl challenges at you every moment, but can you take it? ~jadzia NineEightySeven because your mind is set this is your little window your little ink streaked, rain-run window, misted up with your hot breath smudged by your fists as you beat against it the edges red with your blood when you break it shreds of your personality left behind as you climb away from yourself we'll forget you were ever here at all and pretend you never existed you keep trying to erase yourself but it's not working anymore glancing back over your shoulder at your friends closing their eyes to suicide and jumping off their cliffs of memories they can't see it anymore they can't feel it anymore but it's still there.... when push comes to shove (#988) Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong, you wouldn't understand anyways. What do you know about bloody tears falling off your cheeks? What do you know about a lover's eyes you've only seen though pictures? What do you know about 'I love you' scars carved on your arm? Don't ask me why I'm crying, you wouldn't want to hear it this way. I miss him. There I said it. Hate it if you must but I miss him still. He was never afraid of me or anyone else, in other words he wasn't afraid of himself. In times like these I wonder why we broke what we had. Don't ask me why I'm crying, my tears don't seem real enough for your eyes to handle. Don't tell me that you love me, because I know it aint true. Don't tell me that I shouldn't be crying, I know what I should or shouldn't do. Don't tell me that he was only a crush, you weren't there. Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong you wouldn't want to hear it when push comes to shove but it's still there....
NumberNineEightyNine ask me why i'll tell you i'll sit, clunk my knees together, cutely put my hair behind my ear grin oh i'll grin, i'll wrinkle my nose smile when you look at me i'll try to be as adorable as i can. why i ask you why do you wink at me when we leave why do you sing my name and make my throat feel sweet? like my ears are turning to cotton candy and everything i see is spun sugar. why do you light my shoes on fire and make the world glow? ask me why and i'll write you a poem. you are always asking me why and i always ending up shrugging and glaring little holes into the sky and almost crying but not. you are always asking me why as if you expect me, the supposed stunning writer to be capable of putting this uncertainty into clear cut words. but i can't. you crazy, foolish boy i'm staring at you with such little girl eyes that i'm surprised you haven't come to despise me quite yet. instead, i sit in your car and watch the snow accumulate on the windshield and i hope that the roads aren't too slippery so on the way home you can hold my hand... 991 As I cling to the familiar voice so lost in my ears now "it's best this way" I tell my sobbing eyes. I would of gotten stung any ways. We where falling and this was the final smack onto the cement and it scars me awake. Never ever, would I love again until you heal my swollen head. I said from the start the miles won't kill me but I only realized that it wasn't true as the knifes sunk into my flesh. This is just the easy street on my way home but I can't help but stop and wonder under your sleeping bed who do you dream with now?
992 under your sleeping bed dreams hide; dreams sleep they wish to cry but cannot weep in the darkness they see hungry angels watching me me watching you watching you breathe longing to believe but no! down, down your wall I go fleeing the light towards the sea I run in fright; towards my home in the rocks I am too scared too scared to account my loss --joey/ratio 993 Under your sleeping, dreams blink. & having eyes like mirrors: shatter into dreams.
994 Walls shatter Into Dreams My fist touches air Where I once wanted to touch you I guess the walls aren't the only thing that are dreams. I realize now You're crippled in your heart Even more than I am I can't love you But I can mourn for you Because I know you cannot.
995 Salt the wound It makes a strangled sound Where once there were dreams But at least I can still hear it.
number996 i want to remember you calling my name But at least I can still hear it. i want to find out that it's all not true it's just something that you do. i want to forget your poetry's not true and scream untill it's funny, but i know it's all oh so true. what a hero i am i can't save you or anyone else. i can't save me you can't save yourself. where just starving wounderlusted heros who can't save themself
NumberDouble9Seven codependent heros who can't save themselves cry from their personal hells for each other. save me I can't. save me i can't do it myself one rises up and descends answering. strong as she is she can only rise out to pull someone else up. and though both struggle in the end she slides into his hell. save me i can't do it myself savemehelphelphelpican'thelpmyself the mantra helphelphelpgetmeoutofhere help someone else save me this is too much work
998 his hell. kinda like my heaven we clash, together. i didn't ask for your coat, remember, you offered the tables have turned. suddenly, I find myself in an strange sort of hell and he's in heaven. we still clash. no two people can be happy at the same time. it's you or me, baby so choose wisely. you lost last time, don't make the same mistake twice
NumberNineNineNine his hell makes me smile and think well..... but every once in a while i stop and wonder if i really should tun my back should i watch the walls cumble watch forgivness lose watch love evaporate? i can't decide to answer the phone should i be icey? his hell reminds me of summer i waited on the porch rain or sun and waited and waited and thought ect...ect...ect... until i heard bike wheels on gravel and ice cubes melted. Franny ----NumberNineFiftyOne and like every good teenager i smile sugar smiles unsweetened chocolate smiles and no one can tell the difference let me tell you theres NOTHING in this smile nothing that seeing you warmed by the sun looking at the ground nothing that sight couldn't cure where was my camera dammit? and like every good teenager i'm drowning and forgetting how to swim at the last second as panic tugs at my soaked feet my body soaks up water the way my mind soaks up love: with neverending thirst. NineFiftyTwo theres nothing in this smile that you could ever understand i pull blinds across my soul never letting anyone in but you got through how the hell i don't know and now you know things i wouldn't even voice to myself my journals getting filled again not having been touched in months thoughts pouring across the pages whispered words into your ears and i wanna know what happens next? ~jadzia NineFiftyThree what happens next? do we grab a parachute and see who lands first? touch the ground as if we've never seen it before? sprinkle dirt in our hair and leave it in until the rain. we wish we were flying but can feel that we're not and there's no explanation as to why it isn't possible we learned early on that lots of things are lacking explanations we learned that love is real but so is pain fear can be felt as well as a hug and what happens next? it can't be condensed to a shopping list stuck on the refrigerator and accepted Nine5Four What happens next? us, with our wings broken from trying to fly flying with lead feet is a near impossible task and we found out the hard way a wise man once said that all there is to flying is to fall and miss the ground but the only time that we've managed to taste the air is as we're on our way down and the ground always comes I think that it was my fault I always thought you could fly but you wouldn't take off and leave me on the ground What happens next? you know, I'm not sure why don't you fall and see if this time you take off
NineFiftyFive see if this time i'm crying sugar coatings crack. tears are forgien objects to my cheeks i told them "never" and they left now they taste hot feel salty but my chin sticks out sill just the perfect angle not submissive or snobbish just deffiant daring you to point out my streak marks where past pain is trying to escape leaking is perfect i couldn't help but lose some of it or explode did i pick right? Look at my eyes,
I'm crying.
look at my soul,
I'm breaking.
look around,
I'm suffering.
Look into my soul and say
that you hate my oppions one more time and
so help me goddess,
I will kick your teeth in
one by one.
I'm sick of having you tell me how GAY I should be.
I'm tired of fashion girls telling me that I should
"Eat less and Smile more" even when I'm -pissed-.
But most of all
I'm annoyed at Wal-mart K-mart Clairs and Zeller
trying to sell people shit one size to small.
I say I'm not angry because
I'm just jaded.
957 i'm just jaded but it's ok because i've always been this way. every situation seems the same yes, it's always this lame i find the similarities in everything then complain about how my life never changes. how you always roll your eyes when I'm mad. how I always roll my eyes at you when you're stupid. how can i live when i hear too many voices in my head? i wish i knew how to cope with this dissapointment you were never that sentimental for me
NineFiftyEight i wish i knew that i was fake and you were real and get the fuck over it was the last words i'd hear i would have responded differently i wouldn't have smiled i would have half-smiled it takes less effort i wish i knew i wouldn't remember i wish i knew i'd care. NineFiftyNine I would have responded differently If only you had told me I would have told you if you had said what you felt We would still be together If only we hadn't been scared Together...yes together But we lost what precious time we had Because we didn't know, Didn't understand. I would have responded with loving words instead, we argued and ended it I would have said "I love you" instead of "goodbye" I still do love you, do you still love me? I miss you I want to tell you, I would have loved you still, if only you had spoken those words to me let me know.. that you still loved me. ~Snow~ Nine Fifty Nine "Imagination" Imagination casting unfulfilled wishes You are my salvation, beautiful abyss These fantasies, these stories My head is my home My home is full of longings My life is a dome A glass cage where I belong. Crying when I wake up Sometimes the shock is Too much to handle Sometimes you can't hold a candle To what I long for More and more I sink into my dreams Sighing when I wake up Staring into the empty space Sometimes it's not enough Beautiful thoughts can't hold me together These thoughts can't keep me forever Bitter when I wake up Slamming into my face Too fleeting to fulfill me Again and again I wait While these walls grow cold Again and again I hate A prison painted with gold Still leaves a bitter taste.
960 you forgot about me i repeat this over & over in my head how can i be so blind how could i be so numb my prison was painted black with stars on the top & a little candle to blow out a wish i wanted a prison painted with gold moons & gentle stars putting an end to this madness stupid child put your life at risk laugh away the madness that knocks on your door more often now you let it in once you think you can let it go so easily???? NineSixtyOne missed gestures the wave of your hand the curve of your lips if I had seen them things might be different I want to write about you feel your gentle presence once again somehow through my words i let you out the window let you go so easily freed you when you wanted to be kept but I want to remember you on cool summer days when there's lemonade and children on a lawn in a rich block in a rich neighborhood I'll recall how your eyes pierced through me the first time you saw me and your lips hungered after mine I wanted you but not enough to chase you when you were gone but I will write about you and speak your name to the stars. when I am rich and you are happy. ~jafe~ NineSixtyTwo the truth got out somebody let it out of it's cage we go running after it like children chasing a tire "-don't let it get away-" yeah, right. we wanted it, but not enough. NineSixtyThree the truth got out and the lies ran off to Cuba together the truth got out of her gilded cage and we all admitted we didn't know what gilded meant the president admitted his spending was too high the truthtellers admitted they'd told a couple lies the shining sea admitted she really was the sky the bouncing child admitted he really was a boy and my love admitted his love was not for I. ~jafe~ he really was a boy in the sense of male; and conversationally speaking we'll pretend it doesn't matter. liberally speaking we all know that men can be trained, and from a radical's view, we can ignore that. boys will be boys, we say laughing, pretending this boy knows what we mean but wouldn't mind the mockery. liberally speaking we know that men are not to be trusted, and from a female's view, we can say that the sexes are like ice caps: polar. still we liberals make exceptions boys who will not be boys we allow. mutttering to each other while the boys who won't play wonder where they stand.
NineSixFive Ignore that. It doesn't matter much anyway. Can affect us now, can it? We don't have to take it into account when we figure things out we can work our plans around it. No problem. After all, it's only reality. But you know what? I think what you can make work perhaps I can't. Not so quickly anyway. I can't give it the energy it needs to work. I need to get so much done so soon... It takes almost everything to make things work here. perhaps they aren't working smoothly, but they do work. So now what do we do? ~Qetyria~ NineSixSix it's only reality right? she laughs i smile you sigh and we continue walking "i'm a hopeless romantic...." she sings i smile you laugh and we continue walking and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle standing at a crossroads thinking, what shall i do? faery dust glitters on the sidewalk but who looks down to notice other than i? look up and realize you've been walking past the same coffee shop for hours and start to wonder whats going on? because today is now tomorrow and yesterday disappeared she laughs you smile i sigh and we continue walking pick up a book and the scent of summer seeps through the pages misty memories of happy days and long neverending nights things gone past never coming back christmas carols on the radio whats going on? its still fall... but now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she smiles i laugh you wonder and we continue walking your sitting at your computer hands flying across the keyboard until you look up and finally notice me standing there the bells begin ringing as the cat pounces on the curtain and the snow comes down in soft flakes and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle you laugh i smile she runs and we continue walking the pictures look inviting pressing your eyes closer you wish to jump in the scene and live that life until the moon shines in and the stars come out and we start dancing to the beat she plays on her guitar and now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she laughs you smile i sing and we continue walking... ~jadzia NineSixtySeven she runs and stops for nothing untied sholaces don't stop her wondergirl can fly. she is turning in circles round and round circles make up her life back to the biginning over and over try again don't look back this time i watch her and i am not running i couln't explain that i don't like when we reach the end/beginning and start over again she reaches out to take my hand and i smile but run away. wondergirl can fly but the rest of us walk while we can, our thoughts spiked with resentment at wearing out our shoes. wondergirl flies ahead skipping in the air, soaring over the traffic, garbage heaps eyes skyward, we all trip and fall but scuttle, trying to keep up. sometimes wondergirl wants to lay her feet home feel the good grass with her hands it's cold up in the wind but she looks below at the tripping, stumbling followers and sighs. Grass must be overrated if the people below are so convinced that to fly is the answer.
NumberNineSixtyNine wondergirl with her stickers collecting hugs in adhesive form. she packages up smiles and sends them 4 days early because she's thinking more than any of us. i wish i was like her; pure sunshine, she's like the rapunzel fairytale her hair could be spun gold she wraps up silver and i wear it on my wrist. and i wish i could be her prince charming her perfect smile her fairytale or at least mail her a slice of a perfect sunset. (for carolyn) i wear it like a fashion girl wears lipstick. i crave it like a druggy craves drugs. i do it like i don't care cuz i simply don't. i wear it on my wrist to show where i've been where i'm going and how low i've actually gone. i don't cover it up because, i am at peace with the fact that i sometimes hate myself. i show my cuts simply because i refuse to pretend that i'm someone i'm not. i am not proud of my scares and i do not brag. cutting is an addition and more people should see it as that. i'm not doing this to hurt you, in fact it has nothing to do with you. im doing this because every heroes have the right to bleed.
NumberNineSeventy slow silences cut in my brain like the fire you burnt out so long ago i turned myself inside out so that i could see what i saw in you i'm not doing this to hurt you i'm doing it to hurt me.
NumberNineSeventyOne i'm doing it to hurt me because i know of no other way to mark myself so you can see what is me. maybe i should wear a neon sign above my head but red scratches on my arm works the same, right where i would write your name in marker so you could rest assured that you owned me and all would be alright. this is my brand of pain hurting from your love more than any other kind of hate. NineSeventyTwo Let me go. Please, I want to get out of here. I need to leave. Show me the way. I'm lost, I'll light a candle, Sow you can see, Where I am. I'm not ready to die. Help me find my way. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyThree i'm not ready to die so why do i cut my life into pieces? oh god i told you i missed you let that piece of me out of the grip of my cold hand and into the big bad world and you sent me another mp3. i forgot, for a minute that she dumped you tonight i forgot things were different thought you were just multitasking. now i feel lousy that bone chilling lousy because i miss you and you're searching for the perfect song to sing the way you're missing her and if i could i'd hold my breath forever i'd hide underneath the covers and when i miss you i'd just put on your song and never tell you how cut up it makes me feel. NineSeventyFour if I could, I'd hold my breath forever I'd sink underneath the water and I wouldn't care what you think but the truth be told I care I care what you think more than I should but I can't help myself you try to hide that look on your face that look that says you're pissed again but you're see through and I can tell what you're thinking and I can sense how you feel my face is buried in my arms for the millionth time this week and I hate the salty taste of tears that are on my lips that are on my lips too often these days why can't you just smile? would it be so hard to smile and maybe give me a hug and say it's okay?
NineSeventFive maybe give me a hug? arms is all i'm asking for nothing more i don't need heart in those arms just something to support me because stumbling is so easy getting up takes too long and i don't think about that part when i look up instead of at my feet. arms are soft sometimes i am soft too you can't be soft if you don't look down. FraNNy Nine Seventy Six I extended my arms today You ignored them I guess I forgot to warn you That it really wasn't my arms that wanted to hold you It was my heart that wanted to know you Stone wall as you are.
NineSeventySeven i guess i forgot to warn you that once i open up it's like a river of flowing waters and constant sayings of "i need to talk" i guess i forgot to tell you that close friends are like a part of the soul and i can't live without them i guess i forgot to ask you what you thought of my poetry (at least the poems about you) because my poems are what i'm feeling, needing,thinking i guess i forgot to warn you that once i love you i'll never stop and should you be in pain i'll always be your crying shoulder offer loving words because regardless of whatever i forgot to tell you i'll never forget to say "i love you" ~jadzia NineSeventyEight I promise you one thing, I'll never forget to say "I love you." No matter what else may happen, I'll love you. No matter how dark it gets, I'll love you. No matter if the sun don't shine, I'll love you. No matter how many times we fight, I'll love you, And i'll tell you. ~erynne NumberNineSeventyNine how many times we think we've moved on only to discover we've been stuck in park the whole time. how can they say that rolling stops are bad when if i halt completely i will never keep moving. my life stretches like too many new-driver metaphors and the clouds above me capture my eyes, my hands clench, and my heart stands still. i think i left it back at that light, i think i want to stop the car, i want to get out. no i want to speed down the flashing lights i want to hear the wind around my ears go so fast no one will catch me feeling too old feeling too mature, like i have moved past too much of my life sit me down with mister rogers let him drive the trolley for me so i can suck my thumb and be a passenger. maybe even get a carseat. give me back safety. no, give me freedom warring values and too many thoughts; congested traffic and accidents. NineEightZero and accidents are not ghastly enough to prevent our repeating them again and kisses are never stong enough not to be raened away and thunderclouds always come at the most inopportune times and lovers are always so numerous when you are alone we are sitting on the front step of the world looking for gods and heros and livers, lovers time disintegrates our bodies, then our minds we are made of dust do you know? why must we wander the earth in search of our happiness could we not learn to love those at home? because autumn never smelled so sweet as when i shared it with myself and because your arms were sweaty when you held me so life is short and you may as well accept anyone a someone who thinks like you we're not getting any younger, and most marriages end unhappily for why bother to find the best of the bunch when they all seem to be made of stone? NineEightyOne You're expecting too much from me. Plain and simple. I'm 13, female, and I feel like shit. And you expect me to make snse. Well I'm sorry, But I'm probably the most senseless person you'll ever meet. If you don't like it, Fine. Get out of my life and don't try to change me. Go find someone better suited to your tastes. Don't try to bend me into what you want, Cause beleive me, I don't bend easily. Go find someone else. A someone who thinks like you. A someone who makes sense 24/7. That sure isn't me, And god I'm glad. ~erynne NumberNineEightyTwo what you want is to sleep at night without fear of phone calls interupting sweet dreams. no, i doubt you dream you are too solid and centered to the earth for that. you don't really understand the way rivers of blood can turn into the reddest sunsets. but you try, i know you do finding the song you think will get me through another night, so i won't need you. they make me cry, sometimes and other nights i can't fall asleep without them. maybe you know more about nightmares than i gave you credit for. NineEightyThree you don't really understand that subtle shake of my head that hint of a smile laughingly you touch my shoulder the pressure just enough to make me catch my breath secret smiles and hidden glances when i wonder to myself "what the hell is going on?" because you don't really understand and neither do i it's like that love at first sight but not love and more than friendship i don't wanna say "crush" 'cause that implies other things i've talked to you laughed with you smiled at you thought about you at midnight and yet... i've only met you once. it's those secret smiles and hidden glances as you laughingly touch my arm the pressure making my skin tingle with electricity and i wonder to myself "how can this be?" i've laughed with you talked with you smiled at you thought about you at 1am and yet... we only just met... i wonder where this is gonna go? ~jadzia 984 Your face is so untuchable I can't even see it. You wince away at every pair of eyes that can see past your makup. You know just like the rist of us that underneath your sleves theres a person that makeup isn't making. But Even When I wonder to myself I still know that if I kept faith in tomorow I'd be scaired to see you when you snap like a twig.
985 mist-colored haze covers my eyes i can't see through & see out i feel you dragging me down but i have no where to hold & we've been gone for too long already brown paper bag flies in the street like some humiliated bird floating in place we've been fighting for too long already truth-colored letters laugh to themselves when you snap like a twig under the blue blue sky we've been out of perpective for too long already.
NineEightySix we've been out of perspective for too long too much has happened too many words spoken too many times have i looked longingly in your direction and you looked away. it's been too long maybe it's a good thing we've grown up and apart can you deal with what i believe? can you handle all i am? i don't think so because your mind is set in a narrow pencil line content to stay on a single path no detours for you we're out of order but thats okay because life is like a speeding train ready to hurl challenges at you every moment, but can you take it? ~jadzia NineEightySeven because your mind is set this is your little window your little ink streaked, rain-run window, misted up with your hot breath smudged by your fists as you beat against it the edges red with your blood when you break it shreds of your personality left behind as you climb away from yourself we'll forget you were ever here at all and pretend you never existed you keep trying to erase yourself but it's not working anymore glancing back over your shoulder at your friends closing their eyes to suicide and jumping off their cliffs of memories they can't see it anymore they can't feel it anymore but it's still there.... when push comes to shove (#988) Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong, you wouldn't understand anyways. What do you know about bloody tears falling off your cheeks? What do you know about a lover's eyes you've only seen though pictures? What do you know about 'I love you' scars carved on your arm? Don't ask me why I'm crying, you wouldn't want to hear it this way. I miss him. There I said it. Hate it if you must but I miss him still. He was never afraid of me or anyone else, in other words he wasn't afraid of himself. In times like these I wonder why we broke what we had. Don't ask me why I'm crying, my tears don't seem real enough for your eyes to handle. Don't tell me that you love me, because I know it aint true. Don't tell me that I shouldn't be crying, I know what I should or shouldn't do. Don't tell me that he was only a crush, you weren't there. Don't ask me why I'm crying, I'm not gunna tell you what's wrong you wouldn't want to hear it when push comes to shove but it's still there....
NumberNineEightyNine ask me why i'll tell you i'll sit, clunk my knees together, cutely put my hair behind my ear grin oh i'll grin, i'll wrinkle my nose smile when you look at me i'll try to be as adorable as i can. why i ask you why do you wink at me when we leave why do you sing my name and make my throat feel sweet? like my ears are turning to cotton candy and everything i see is spun sugar. why do you light my shoes on fire and make the world glow? ask me why and i'll write you a poem. you are always asking me why and i always ending up shrugging and glaring little holes into the sky and almost crying but not. you are always asking me why as if you expect me, the supposed stunning writer to be capable of putting this uncertainty into clear cut words. but i can't. you crazy, foolish boy i'm staring at you with such little girl eyes that i'm surprised you haven't come to despise me quite yet. instead, i sit in your car and watch the snow accumulate on the windshield and i hope that the roads aren't too slippery so on the way home you can hold my hand... 991 As I cling to the familiar voice so lost in my ears now "it's best this way" I tell my sobbing eyes. I would of gotten stung any ways. We where falling and this was the final smack onto the cement and it scars me awake. Never ever, would I love again until you heal my swollen head. I said from the start the miles won't kill me but I only realized that it wasn't true as the knifes sunk into my flesh. This is just the easy street on my way home but I can't help but stop and wonder under your sleeping bed who do you dream with now?
992 under your sleeping bed dreams hide; dreams sleep they wish to cry but cannot weep in the darkness they see hungry angels watching me me watching you watching you breathe longing to believe but no! down, down your wall I go fleeing the light towards the sea I run in fright; towards my home in the rocks I am too scared too scared to account my loss --joey/ratio 993 Under your sleeping, dreams blink. & having eyes like mirrors: shatter into dreams.
994 Walls shatter Into Dreams My fist touches air Where I once wanted to touch you I guess the walls aren't the only thing that are dreams. I realize now You're crippled in your heart Even more than I am I can't love you But I can mourn for you Because I know you cannot.
995 Salt the wound It makes a strangled sound Where once there were dreams But at least I can still hear it.
number996 i want to remember you calling my name But at least I can still hear it. i want to find out that it's all not true it's just something that you do. i want to forget your poetry's not true and scream untill it's funny, but i know it's all oh so true. what a hero i am i can't save you or anyone else. i can't save me you can't save yourself. where just starving wounderlusted heros who can't save themself
NumberDouble9Seven codependent heros who can't save themselves cry from their personal hells for each other. save me I can't. save me i can't do it myself one rises up and descends answering. strong as she is she can only rise out to pull someone else up. and though both struggle in the end she slides into his hell. save me i can't do it myself savemehelphelphelpican'thelpmyself the mantra helphelphelpgetmeoutofhere help someone else save me this is too much work
998 his hell. kinda like my heaven we clash, together. i didn't ask for your coat, remember, you offered the tables have turned. suddenly, I find myself in an strange sort of hell and he's in heaven. we still clash. no two people can be happy at the same time. it's you or me, baby so choose wisely. you lost last time, don't make the same mistake twice
NumberNineNineNine his hell makes me smile and think well..... but every once in a while i stop and wonder if i really should tun my back should i watch the walls cumble watch forgivness lose watch love evaporate? i can't decide to answer the phone should i be icey? his hell reminds me of summer i waited on the porch rain or sun and waited and waited and thought ect...ect...ect... until i heard bike wheels on gravel and ice cubes melted. Franny NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1 times, last edited on December 9, 2001 by royaboya@nbtsc.org. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
