Jadzia's poetry & writing pageComment~!~ Critisize~! Voice your opinions on my writing~!
4/3/02 ATTENTION!!! I'm going to a poetry slam on friday, and want to read something... but I'm not sure what to read. Help would be greatly appreciated. ANything I've written and you've seen is fair game to suggest!! Thanks a million beautiful people.
OneTwoNineThree i'll pretend though that i never laughed when you said i was beautiful that i never thought you were sincere i'll pretend that it doesn't hurt when you wave instead of hug because i'll i have left are pretenses of who you used to be and what i tryed to believe but it never worked and now i'm sitting here left in the dust watching the cars drive by missing you and who i used to be but that was then and this is now "move on" you say sure. yeah. right. i can't just forget my mind doesn't listen to me no matter how much i tell it your still there just like you used to be when you held me as i cried and listened as i poured my soul into your outstretched hands trusting trusting trusting you. what happened? why don't you realize friendships are important and maybe you need me as much as i needed you. 1273 finds freedom through "expression" laughs when it really isn't funny who said listening to you would be simple who wrote the rules to the game we all play? planned out steps on a monopoly style gameboard you take the boardwalk because the hotels are mine sit down with steaming chocolate whipped cream making a dainty curl on your upper lip laughing at the expression of that silly waiter coming by every three minutes giggle girl, laugh your heart out drive round in circles 'cause we can are you revealing things baby girl? or is it just the light making your face glisten as though wet... who wrote the rules anyway? sitting on the sidelines and suddenly being thrown in the game cry darlin' you know you need too just let it all out and maybe, just maybe you'll find it isn't as hard to reach for the moon as it seems, cause remember even if you don't reach the moon your still in the stars.
1276 So, I'll repeat: if your not careful! i may not stick around forever do you miss me? or is this feeling awfully one sided it takes more than one to maintain a friendship and suddenly its hit me i don't know you anymore did you even think to tell me you were leaving or am i merely a convienence around so others won't ask and just assume we're an "item" so go ahead, walk around hurting me rip my heart out but just rememember: if your not careful! i may not be here when you need me i might not care. i'm a dresser drawer whose been pushed and pulled just a little too much so go ahead forget about the swings forget who i am but just remember, i'm not gonna stick around forever...
Sabrina Rose is the baby's name. 3/12/02 leaving no record of regret behind and oh, but i tried so hard to simply shut down, and quit trying one minute one day one hour one moment that will last forever but i can't leave it behind like a stormy night, or forgotten dream it's there, in the back of my mind waiting. waiting.. waiting... moving on too fast remember the swings? "things'll never change" you said it, but i never truly believed 3/9/02 (written by me on PoetryMarathon today) and the way she sang her song as i slowly closed my eyes to sleep sweet melodies in my ear those dried up roses on the shelf waiting for someone to toss them out the way her eyes sparkled with impish delight as we threw snowballs wildly in the night sounds that act as words and laughter without bounds her voice his eyes my smile images from fairytales with silent language and than, you awake. 2/26/02 suddenly i sit-up realizing its no longer yesterday that tomorrows come and gone days pass as swiftly as dewdrops melting in the hot sun can't tell any longer whether i'm happy or sad seems that everything blends together after awhile and days come and days go suddenly sitting up realizing that tomorrows come and gone and today was really yesterday don't know what i'm feeling any longer don't know who i am don't know what i want oh wait, i know what i want stretching for the sky laughing at the stars and suddenly your sitting in front of me and i have to wonder when will reality set back in?
2/22/02 My Mum had a baby! Go to http://photos.yahoo.com/twoalaskangurls/ and click on "baby pics" to see how cute she is! ~Jaz
2/18/02 They always ask "Ever wished on a shooting star?" Funny how they never ask if your wish came true. 2/10/02 ever wonder what would happen, if everything that seemed wrong in your life, suddenly turned right? 2/9/02 life gets boring when your very existance feels like a straight line one day blending into the next you see, in order to live fully you have to bend the rules swirl that line turn it into a winding path with sharp corners obstacles and accomplishments becoming the same thing 'cause when life feels like a straight line you know its time to make a change twist and curve jump, just to see what would happen ever think of doing something because /you/ wanted to? regardless of what others say or do pretend you only have one year to live, what would you do? why not make some changes and live a curvy line? 'cause straight lines are boring and everyone needs a sharp corners & a bend... --- howling wind coming through my window whispered words to hidden beings from that howling wind softly roughly words traveling from those windy scales unknown dialect common intellect from that howling wind. 2/3/02 pondering, pondering, laughing silently inside my mind cold toes and pretty necklaces, thoughts of people & places & stars shining brightly... and you have to smile because your listening to a mix tape made just for you and wearing the prettiest necklace, smelling like roses. 1/9/02 Happy 18th Birthday Jasmine ditto. Happy Birthday Honey!!!12/31/01firecrackers continue walking because at this point what else is there to do? lieing awake at midnight canÃÕ sleep weird thoughts rushing through your brain wishing on shooting stars that you canÃÕ even see and for what reason? but life has meaning even if you canÃÕ decipher what that meaning is just yet give it time your only seventeen years gone past never coming back smelling glitter dust in the air firecrackers in the night little things meant as more but seem like less and run onwards still as the night moves towards us we wonÃÕ stop and listen to those singing voices coming from above. Questions to a star are we alone or living in a sugar coated world? whose in charge you or i them or us? as if being in charge is everything itÃÔ rumored to be not freedom more like chains holding us back pulling tighter as we struggle to get away sweet release now what? say the word and your back in that mindless zombie state doing as your told why? smile like a fool can they even tell the difference between sincerity and lies? say again what now? rose petels amplified ceiling sparkles away from the chains into a new type of reality where the dish really did run away with the spoon. Like a paintbrush rose petels amplified as the night grows dim and the laughter becomes louder throw away the manual live life like the swish of a brush against the white dropped background canvas pictures spinning through the strokes running wildly this way and that strokes turning into curves and dissapearing lines small satisfaction knowing you have no control over what happens next throw away the manual push your toes into the muddy ground and dance like the willows live life away from rules and deadlines moving into a state of semi-consciousness where rose petels are amplified and you can read poetry off the moon. OneThousandTwentyTwo (12/23/01) if i needed to scream for help would you even hear me? life swirling on around me nobody sensing that i need a loving touch a helping hand a kind word goddamn my smiling face can't you tell its a facade? can't you see i'm hurting? i'm too stubborn to admit defeat weakness faults walking calmly by the rage locked inside and the only thing you can see is my smiling face i'm sorry i'm not good enough i'm sorry i have problems too you thought i was perfect and now i've got to burst that crystal bubble i need to feel salty tears trickling down my face to expell these feelings i keep locked inside. i ask you again, if i needed to scream for help would you be there to hold me? 12/16/01 yay Ari!!! I have a signature! 12/1/01 because you don't really understand and neither do i it's strange and yet exciting because your you and i'm me... NineEightyThree you don't really understand that subtle shake of my head that hint of a smile laughingly you touch my shoulder the pressure just enough to make me catch my breath secret smiles and hidden glances when i wonder to myself "what the hell is going on?" because you don't really understand and neither do i it's like that love at first sight but not love and more than friendship i don't wanna say "crush" 'cause that implies other things i've talked to you laughed with you smiled at you thought about you at midnight and yet... i've only met you once. it's those secret smiles and hidden glances as you laughingly touch my arm the pressure making my skin tingle with electricity and i wonder to myself "how can this be?" i've laughed with you talked with you smiled at you thought about you at 1am and yet... we only just met... i wonder where this is gonna go? ~jadzia 11/25/01 (both robyn & i were editing at the same time, but YAY for me, I saved my poem before i saved it on the computer...so it wasn't lost!) back to the beginning where once upon a time meant neverending stories and fairy tales but that was before life got complicated and words were more than letters strung together because a smile meant you were happy without any question of /why/ and nobody questioned your sighs and when they asked "how are you" you said "fine" and really meant it but now we're at the middle and nothings simple anymore because looks are more than looks and sighs aren't just sighs and when someone says "how are you" you don't want to say fine but do anyway card games aren't just luck of the draw where do you get the skill though? because songs need to be sung and poems need to be written and pretty girls need to be told they're beautiful more than once a year back at the beginning where "once upon a time" meant happy endings and a kiss from prince charming because a laugh is just a laugh and a sigh is just a sigh and when someone asks "how are you?" what would happen if you said "things are terrible" and began to cry? maybe they're would be a hug and your listening ear because we're back to the beginning and who knows how its gonna end... ~jadzia NineSixSix it's only reality right? she laughs i smile you sigh and we continue walking "i'm a hopeless romantic...." she sings i smile you laugh and we continue walking and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle standing at a crossroads thinking, what shall i do? faery dust glitters on the sidewalk but who looks down to notice other than i? look up and realize you've been walking past the same coffee shop for hours and start to wonder whats going on? because today is now tomorrow and yesterday disappeared she laughs you smile i sigh and we continue walking pick up a book and the scent of summer seeps through the pages misty memories of happy days and long neverending nights things gone past never coming back christmas carols on the radio whats going on? its still fall... but now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she smiles i laugh you wonder and we continue walking your sitting at your computer hands flying across the keyboard until you look up and finally notice me standing there the bells begin ringing as the cat pounces on the curtain and the snow comes down in soft flakes and suddenly we're back at yesterday tomorrow seems to have disappeared and today got lost in the shuffle you laugh i smile she runs and we continue walking the pictures look inviting pressing your eyes closer you wish to jump in the scene and live that life until the moon shines in and the stars come out and we start dancing to the beat she plays on her guitar and now it's yesterday because today ran off with tomorrow she laughs you smile i sing and we continue walking... ~jadzia --- 11/24/01 new page, new page!! Because i love kim so very much... and stemming from a rachel & naomi idea... introducing SoulSisters 11/24/01 (i wrote these two poems a few days ago... and YES i am okay) --- i talk and you pretend to listen but do you really hear the tremble in my voice see my shaking hands the tears collecting in my eyes why won't you really listen? you nod i smile you laugh and pretend to understand but you don't know what its like to feel like nothing matters and that your life is like an empty void.
that fine line is slowly being crossed a little more each day "stop!" she screams more of this and she'll go insane fucking insane she's never felt like this before never imagined that she could feel like this things don't seem to matter and not one person looks up to notice (except you) nobody looks at her and asks "how are you?" she's crying you fools how do you think she is? she's falling apart going to pieces and hell if she'll go down without a fight. 11/18/01 i woke up this morning with one thought in my mind "i have such wonderful friends" it may sound corny, but its the truth. 11/6/01 I'd like some constructive comments/critizism/suggestions on this essay I wrote for my english class PLease? I started with the prompt, "One of the most ____ experiences I've ever had was ________." It was supposed to be written with dialog, sights, sounds, etc.. Making the reader feel he/she was there.... tell me whatcha think!?! One of the most horrible experiences IÃxe ever had, happened this past August. It was 2:30 in the morning, and still light outside when I got up to leave for work (I worked as a baker at Vagabond Blues). I heard Mom calling me from her room "Jaz come here a minute", I had a sense of trepidation, I knew something was wrong. It had to do with the phone call from the night before, just as I was drifting off to sleep the phone had rang, and IÃÅ known it was bad news, something about my Aunt Kathy, but it was late and I was half asleep, so I decided to wait for morning. With a jolt I realized IÃÅ walked into MomÃÔ room, and saw tears going down her face. I asked her "WhatÃÔ going on?" She looked at me with the type of expression that is half haunting, a sadness IÃÅ never seen on her face before. "ItÃÔ Chris, your cousin Chris." I was confused, Chris? "Mom, what are you talking about?" She than started to really cry, "he, he killed himself last night. At Uncle Alan found him, Aunt Kathy called us." I looked at her in shock, my hands felt cold & clammy, my mouth was completely dry, Chris? My Chris. Dead. I hadnÃÕ seen him in years, but remembered him with all the clarity in the world at that moment. Chris, the cousin whom IÃÅ had a crush on forever, the sweet little boy whoÃÅ push me on his porch swing. Dead? It hadnÃÕ, couldnÃÕ sink in. Mom patted my arm, and pulled me out of my thoughts. She gave me a hug, and reminded me that I had to leave for work, which was absolutely the furthest thing from my mind at that moment. "Sure youÃÍl be okay?" She asked. I nodded mutely, unable to say anything at all. I arrived at Vagabond Blues less than 10 minutes later. As I turned my key into the lock and flipped the lights on, I was glad for once that I worked alone. I went about my morning, routinely doing everything that I always did, gathering my ingredients, mixing bowls etc. I was feeling so out of it, that the next thing I knew, there was a dozen muffins sitting on the counter in front of me, and I didnÃÕ even remember mixing the batter. My stereo was playing Alanis Morrissettes song "I was Hoping", and her words got to me because it was about someone contemplating suicide. IÃÅ heard that song hundreds of times, but her words never seemed so pronounced as they did right than. I started crying, not small tears trickling down my face, but big heavy heaving sobs. Thoughts running through my mind, all the things heÃÍl have missed, how IÃÍl never see him again. Dear God, how could he do this? What was so terrible in his life that he thought death was the only way out? I thought of his sister whose only seven, what are they going to tell her? I was fluxing between emotions, one moment disbelief that it really even happened, and the next it was real, blatantly horribly real. The kind of real you never, ever want to face. I heard the jingle of keys in the lock, and knew that one of the barristas was there to open up for that morning. I quickly grabbed some tissues from the bathroom, wiped my tears away and began cleaning the kitchen, like any other morning, routine. Jen came in smiling like always, but today her smile seemed to burn my insides, and made me look away. "Hi Jasmine, howÃÔ it going?" I almost made myself smile back, and answer "fine", but I couldnÃÕ. Instead I looked away as I answered, not wanting to see the look of of sympathy that would be in her eyes when she heard. "Actually, IÃxe had a horrible morning. My cousin committed suicide yesterday." It sounded so cold when I said it, so unreal that I wondered if IÃÅ even spoken at all. "IÃÎ so sorry" the sympathy apparent in her words. "My brother committed suicide a few years ago, so I know what you must be going through." I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without breaking into sobs. She walked out into the front, and began setting up for opening. I continued cleaning the counter, until I looked down and realized IÃÅ been wiping the same spot, over and over again. About an hour later I was done baking, and as I gathered my things to go, I again felt as if all this were surreal. After I got home, I watched my siblings go about their activities as though nothing were wrong or out of the ordinary, as though they didnÃÕ care. I knew in the back of my mind that they did care, just not in the same way as I, they didnÃÕ (and couldnÃÕ) remember him with the clarity that I did. Those eyes, they haunted me. Days passed and I began going about my life, somewhat normally. Until I heard a word, or phrase... and IÃÅ snap, the tears would come, and IÃÅ run to my room lock the door and cry holding onto the memories. During the following weeks I wrote a lot of poems, letters, stories and questions. Trying to figure out why, something that I would probably never fully understand. The funeral happened a little over a week later, it was the second funeral IÃÅ gone to in my life, with the first being earlier that summer. But this was different, this wasnÃÕ supposed to happen, not yet not now. I was standing in the hallway inside the church, and I felt like I could stay together, not break down crying because I felt cried out. My Great Aunt came in, and started talking to my Mom, and this feeling of dread came upon me, a realization that Chris was really gone. For a moment, the voices around me began to blend, my knees felt weak (feeling as if I literally couldnÃÕ stand), and my eyes became blurred with tears. I ran to the bathroom crying, and locked the door. My legs collapsed, and I sat against the wall sobbing for what seemed like forever, but was really only 10 minutes or so. Standing up, I looked into the mirror tried to compose myself, and walked out into the hallway. The rest of the funeral was a haze, up until the end of the service, when people were invited to stand up and share a memory or favorite story of Chris. It took all my willpower to keep from sobbing aloud as people began to stand up and speak. I can still remember every word spoken and every detail from that day. The look on his best friends face as he talked about Chris, the hug from Cheryl (ChrisÃÔ Mom) after the funeral, and the feeling of eternal sadness that came from the loss of someone I loved & cared about. 11/5/01 words screaming to come out standing next to you my heart beating a million miles an hour making casual conversation i want to shake you tell you how i feel i'm worried, scared, what the hell you'll think? we talked before why bring it up again? standing next to you thinking god your awesome you freakin' rock my world and you just don't get it i've fallen for you but what would you say if i told you? 10/25/01 Kim called me the other day, and since than I've been in a very good mood. *hugs Kim*. Today I woke up late, but instead of it ruining my entire day, it made it splendid:-) I felt like wearing something i really liked, so i did. I wore my pretty spanish looking skirt, and cute gray overshirt w/ a blue tank....I put my hair up in braids atop my head, than put a white carnation (that Lia gave me yesterday morning) into them.. i even put earrings & a choker on *grins*. It was awesome, I had a lovely day. ABout 5 ppl complimented me on my hair, and 3 complimented me on my outfit, twas very nice indeedy. I just felt so nice. I actually introduced myself to the girls who have lockers near mine, Nicky & Haylei, who are very, very nice. Haylei is from England, and she & I walked around before classes & than during morning break, it was awesome,'cause she's really nice:) Yesterday Paige called me & set-up an interview for the pool, yay! I've been waiting for that for ages! So tomorrow i have an interview... speaking of which i need to brush up on my CPR & lifeguarding stuff...~Jadzia~ 10/17/01 leaning over the table she glances at my paper /bitch/ she taunts laughing she looks away passing notes i'm the in-between "thats so gay" i hear someone say in that singsong taunting voice trading insults without any regard for someones feelings maybe others don't see it quite as funny as they and i thank my stars that i'm not nor will i ever be one of them. --- 10/16/01 i'm sitting in a class and it hits me life is going on around me day to day lives it's a crazy calm in the midst of it all i'm sitting here having a moment of realization and nobody looks up to notice
it's a crazy calm this feeling i have an intuition almost but not quite this pounding in my head this feeling i have it's a crazy kind of calm sitting beside someone thinking thoughts that have no business in my head knowing what i want is something i can't have knowing if i asked i'd get hurt knowing you in ways i wish would change.
10/13/01 inspiration hits at odd moments and crazy hours poetry be it good or bad well written or not it's poetry just the same it doesn't matter if people like to read it or if it's good enough to be published because poetry is written from inspiration not doubt
a girl she looks out her window sparkling stars in the sky and she wonders who is out there in the deep recess of the sky she looks at those stars and dreams of better days when she isn't lonely, scared, or tired and she remembers a voice telling her "it's gonna be okay" and she wonders where it came from will it ever be okay? maybe someday she won't have to look at the stars to get away from it all and will be able to simply get lost within their beauty. --- Dark velvety purple eyes, skin that's smooth as cream, a voice that sparkles with laughter, always something up her sleeve. --- Poetry Marathon, Franny & JadziaNumberOne getting lost in the stars while lieing on your back is similar to falling out of love no one thinks of it that way except me i should know. Franny while lieing on your back making angels in the clouds and i wonder, if it's an angel to me whats it to you? i glance through the window and see a glimpse of your beautiful face but only for a second for after that its gone your a glimmer in my minds eye so fleeting is that smile that i have to wonder are you real? and i smile lieing on my back making faeries in the clouds. ~Jadzia NumberThree are you real? or are you sugar coated? like me before midnight. and barbie dolls. are you plastisized or made of the earth? goddess girl don't let you walls down yet people are watching they want to see you but you aren't ready are you? NumberFour goddess girl where are you going? you smile and slowly shake your head with the smallest touch of a laugh i look around my room those touches of light that you brought still glimmer magically upon the walls where are you goddess girl? my life was like a black and white photo before you brought your magic into it i know it's not fair, to keep you here forever but i can't help to wish you'd stay anyway. ~Jadzia NumberFive touches of light when my mother would enter the room and i'd pretend to be asleep to see if she'd still kiss my cheek like when i was 4 but she just stood and looked down at my closed eyelids and i found it hard to stifle sobs until she'd left and then i pulled the covers over my head and tried, once again, to pretend there's still monsters in the closet. it didn't work. NumberSix and i'd pretend to be asleep so dad would carry me to bed "want to come to town?" if i fall asleep, will you carry me to bed? promise? "i promise" daddy what happened, why don't you care anymore? i want you back in my life i hear my friends grumble "my dad is so protective" says one "he won't let me do anything" says another and i can't help but wish that my dad cared enough to worry. ~Jadzia
NumberSeven i promise that whatever happens whatever dreams fall to the floor and get swept into dust pan and discarded by people who don't know any better whatever scraps of paper are torn angrily into thirds and tossed like confetti to the wind whoever has a broken heart a twisted heart a scraped heart whoever needs shoulders to cry on ears to listen i'm standing here with cocoa and a blanket waiting for you. NumberEight waiting for you or maybe it's the other way around? lately life seems like a blizzard and i never know what tomorrow will bring sometimes i feel so down that all i want to do is stand on the outskirts as a spectater than i'll get a jolt and it'll be midnight and i'm bouncing off the walls sweet e-mails, and happy endings do that to me and i wonder why it doesn't happen more often? ~Jadzia NumberNine happy endings where everyone rides off into the sunset and prince charming comes thats what i'm living and hoping for breathing for walking for come find a happy ending with me? 10 and prince charming comes and they kiss with passion except, what happens when the princess realizes she doesn't want to stay at home directing servants planning balls and bearing heirs to the throne? will the prince be happy with a succesful modern day career girl someone with dreams and ambitions other than those he was raised to admire? go princess go! live your dreams and live happily ever after as well.
Eleven live your dreams. fly into them with the passion of an eagle with wings it was born with yet still needs to learn how to use be your dreams past the suagr spun melting fantasies and into the unwashed dishes when you grab the soap and turn up the radio then dance to the soapsuds. i want you to be my dream. -franny NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 69 times, last edited on April 3, 2002 by 12.21.209.105. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
