Lady Jasmine of Alaska..... a place where i ramble, write, talk, and anything else.... Comments welcome & heartedly encouraged! Here's a list of my pages on wiki (hehehe, in case anyone was interested, and if your not, well then don't read them!) OneDayIWillBeMe TeaCupsAndFlowers TheWritingsOfJasmineS PenPalPage JaZzin'inAlasKa (my all so rad...) MixTapesChainLetter my livejournal... http://www.livejournal.com/users/moonsparkles AddOnStories MoonSparklesPoems TheHiddenTruthOfYourName SqueezeJadzia PoemForJadzia SingForJadzia OnceUponAJadzia TheWritingsOfJadzia (most of my new writings are at the bottom) 10/13/01 MoonSparklesPoems I'm in the mood for a fresh page, and I wanna write some poetry... SO go check it out! 6/23/01 I have the coolest book, it's called "The hidden truth of your name". Anyway, it's the raddest book ever... and I'm gonna start a page where I'll.... well, just go see.... TheHiddenTruthOfYourName 6/17/01 I'm bored, and lonely, and nobody is on IRC!!! 5/28/01
5/22/01 Order, Order!! The first ever meeting to discuss Jasmines plans for this fall is now in session. thoughts.... 1) community college classes (but i'll only have $ for 2 each semester) 2)try public school *hears the gasp of all meeting attendees* (a word in my defense) I've never gone to public school before, and am an unschooler through & through. But.... i think school could be an interesting experience... than again, it could be absolutely horrific....hence the reason i'm soo hesitent on doing this. Comments on this subject are extremely welcome (e-mail me dieda_marie at hotmail.com) or post here!!!!! 3) continue unschooling this fall, and go to college full time in 2002 (something i'm planning anyway) 4) take a road trip!!!!!!! 5) go to europe! 6) buy a boat, and sail around the world 7)say hell with the present world, and go to antarctica! unfortunately, with attendence numbers dropping, votes are not able to be obtained at this meeting. Sorry folks! Smiles Across the Miles Jasmine S. :) --- Some Poetrygod knows even angels fall so why am i so upset, angry, distraught at every fall back, everytime something doesn't work out i feel like a failure but... even angels fall so... maybe i'm not an angel i'm human, and if angels can fall so can i i can get up start again try anew because... even angels fall. --- dark blinds trying, trying oh so hard to keep the sunlight out reaching for the pain an old photo of two happy girls sits on a dusty shelf years... since eyes have looked upon it a memory, oh so faint of something, something good is it possible? something sweet... a soft smile, a kiss, a perfect moment when did i forget, forget the good? the good thats been with me, all along just need to look, look a little closer and i see... see an extended hand, a smile, a kind word so i grab it not gonna waste this precious chance i open the blinds, dust the photo and remember, remember the good... dancing in the rain, laughter, flying to fairyland it's all coming back i remember, remember the good... soft kisses, a baby's laugh think happy thoughts chase away the sorrow far, far away embrace the light and remember, remember the good. --- sparkling blue waters, waves crashing down, the smell of rain life is grand dancing, dancing in the rain with you laughing, our faces shining with joy the happiness apparent, words aren't needed do you remember... when we were small, and a good thing... was having a phone call, some mail, a friend who liked to giggle and dance in the rain. here i am, 17 and guess what? i still think it's a good thing... when i have a phone call from a friend, some 'real' mail, and a friend who likes to giggle and dance dance in the rain. I LOVE this last poem!! Thank you so much for putting your (amazing) writing up here. Keep writing!!! ~Franny~ the sounds, sounds of muffled crying drift through the walls sitting in the kitchen /they/ pretend not to hear /they/ keep talking, /their/ voices raised an octave higher and the girl, she knows knows /they/ don't listen knows /they/ don't care this only makes her cry harder feeling as if she's all alone alone in a crowded room she wipes her tearstained face and vows, vows to become strong stronger than /them/ for one day, when she's strong enough she'll break away, and finally be free but she'll always remember remember crying behind closed doors feeling all alone, alone in a crowded room so she vows, vows to never forget for to forget the pain she'll lose a part of herself if she lost that, that part of herself it would mean becoming that much closer closer to being like /them/ -Never- she screams i'll never become like /them/ until one day her memories start to dim and it's her her, sitting in the kitchen pretending not to hear. --- warm sunshine hitting my back the sounds of rustling trees and children playing little reminders that summer is near the world wide awake at midnight the sun still shining as though it were mid-afternoon green grass covering the yard little reminders summer is near talks of summer plans a camping trip to the mountains a concert in july skinny dipping in a secluded lake little reminders that summer is near blue sky dotted with clouds the sounds of birds singing only wearing shoes when you go to town, and then only sandels little reminders that summer is near sleeping outside & waking to sunshine climbing trees barefoot writing poetry on the grass little reminders that summer is -here- Who am I?me Jasmine, Jadzia, Jaz, friend, sister, daughter, lover, person, human, faery, sunshine, a writer, a poet, an elf... Someone who has a hard time saying no to people. Even when I don't want to do something, most of the time I'll say yes, offer to help anyway. I'm sensitive in a way a lot of people don't realize. I'm seen as someone with a supposedly 'perfect, good' life. Well folks, there isn't such a thing. Nobody's life is perfect, much less my own. I read books, and when I'm reading, I feel as though I'm in the story, can see the characters. Sometimes, after I've read an awesome book, I can't remember if it was a movie or book, that's how vivid my reading is. When I'm alone, I go into the woods, and walk on the fields, and have incredible duals, parties, dances... with faeries, kings, queens, priestess of avalon. I'll talk in shakespearean language, if thou art so kind as to listen to thy humble tongue. Sometimes I'm seen as quiet and shy, until I start talking... I know a lot of people, but don't have many close friends, which pains me, because I want/need/miss having people to talk to about anything, being close to, hugs, kisses etc... So back to my initial question, who am I? The answer's quite simple really, I'm me. Who am I? Me, Jasmine, Jadzia, Jaz Daughter, sister, lover, friend I am a writer, a poet, a faery, a cook I am sunshiney days, and rainy nights I am the stars when they first come out I am a child, a girl, a woman I am happiness and sorrow I am a knight in shining armor A priestess of avalon I am an egyptian princess, daughter of the nile I am imaginations, stories, and make believe I am keeper of the keys Holder of the map I am war and peace Friend and enemy Bravery and fear I am all that you are afraid of And all that you long for I am -ME- I found this in my room today, it says author unknown, so I don't have any idea who wrote it, someone sent it to me awhile back... Some of us are there, some are working on it, and some just need to be reminded. Awakening. A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out Enough! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizen. You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is prince charming or cinderella, and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any gurantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born into acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always mean what they say, or say what they mean, and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself....and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassesing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with....and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we recieve. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manuevering through life as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the morter that holds together the foundationd upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting bounderies and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Than you learn about love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at realationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want, and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balenced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that feeling tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live a life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. You learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state -the ego-. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to take comfort in the simple things we take for granted, things millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betrey yourself and to never, ever settel for less than your hearts desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. Author Unknown Some More Poetry
Who the hell cares about my secrets, thoughts, and ambitions? people pretend to listen but i can tell that they'd rather be the one talking rather than listening i'm always someone else's shoulder to cry on ears to confide in why doesn't anybody do that for me? someone who thinks i'm important, lovely, and hug worthy over anyone else i get so sad always having to say my thoughts, secrets, ambitions aloud to myself i realize how lonely i am how i wish for just one person to confide in to call and laugh with over silly things i find myself trying to look/act/feel happy all the time when it's clear, that i'm not i never feel free to cry, yell, rant & rave especially since i don't have anyone who will really listen and understand i'm afraid of getting to close even to my own family afraid of rejection and always worried what people will think if i'm -me- without reservations and so... i shouldn't wonder why i'm lonely i don't let many people get to know the real -me- -note: this first line is from Kim, it was in an e-mail, and I really liked it, so I wrote a poem...- --- i can do this, this thing called life learning, loving, being i'll stop being afraid of what people will think if i'm -me- i'll say what i mean and mean what i say i'll stand up for what i believe in even if that means going against those i care about i'll treat others the way i want to be treated but not afraid to say whats on my mind i'll be truthful to myself and those around me i'll tell you that i love you your beautiful, and that you are the sun and moon to me and every once in awhile i'll act on impulse, desire, and whim i can do this, this thing called life learning, loving, being when someone meets me they're friendly & seem to like me but they never want to cultivate a '/real/' friendship i'm sick of always being the one who plans things calls people writes letters i'm sick of always remembering someone else's birthday and never having them remember mine i hate that no one
knows who i really am
or even wants to
i wish that i didn't care so much
about what people think
i want to be able to say what i mean
and mean what i say
without worrying about other peoples
/reactions/
i want to stop dwelling on the past i want to stop living in the future and start enjoying life -now- i want to know what /i/ want to do for my future and present i want to stop wanting things and just enjoy what i have i want to know why it seems like nobody cares... I知 going to climb Everest Be the first astronaut to land on Mars I知 going to invent a cure for Cancer I値l write a book that changes the world I知 going to end world hunger, poverty, and war I知 going to backpack across Europe Sail around the world Road trip the USA Learning, loving, living I値l raise children in a society that promotes happiness, harmony and peace instead of hate, conflict, and war I値l smile at strangers and always give hugs, a listening ear, and helping hands to those in need of them When I do something it値l be for -ME- not because society says I should And in the end,, before I take my last breath someone will ask me, 電id you have a good life?・ and I値l reply, 土es, my life was everything it was meant to be, happy, fulfilled, and spent with the people I care about・ 06/04/01 I sewed fairy wings today green, see through beautious they be Does this mean I can fly? Why wasn稚 I born a fairy a fairy with shiny purple wings With lips of red and hair of golden brown a pretty fairy I would be Sometimes I can hear them flying softly by sounds of rustling trees little fairy wings I wish that I could see them those little fairy folk see there palaces and queen For if I could I know I would never return to being -ME- I壇 be a fairy than with shiny purple wings lips of red hair of golden brown such a pretty fairy would I be Favorite words: Splenderific Beautious Alaskana Princess Queen Faery Elven Gorgeous Grecian Snooze Giggle Mountainous Silvery Shiny Twinkling Bells Rose Laugh Mummy Lovely Dahling Shimmer Queer Delightful Dishevelled Bakeage Ecstatically --- 7-15-01 鄭ieeee, quit that!・Excaimed Morgan as Raina began talking in prose again. 展here hath thy been my dear?・Continued Raina. ENOUGH ALREADY!!・Morgan was really getting quite frustrated at Raina, even if she was a princess. Raina threw a pillow at Morgan, and before long feathers were flying, and both girls were laughing hysterically. Raina was exactly the type of girl you壇 picture a princess to be. She had shiny brown hair that almost fell to her waist, and emerald green eyes, that glittered with impish delight. When you first set eyes on her, there was an aura of regalness about her, complete confidence of who she was, and what she wanted. Morgan, on the other hand was a striking blond, with twinkling blue eyes, and the sort of smile that just made you feel as if you were the only one in the room when she looked at you. They had only met three months prior, although it felt as if they壇 known each other forever. They had met by post actually. Raina痴 father, King Sore of the Kingdom of Twill, had happened to meet Morgans father, Duke of Lorcroft, during his last trip to the southern realm.... to be continued when i get inspired 8/9/01I'm still really upset over Chris, and I'm sure I will continue to be for a long while yet. One minute I'll be fine, and than a song will come on, and one line will just get to me, or I'll be talking to someone and they'll say something, and I'll start thinking of him, and what was going through his mind, and finding him...and it's just too much, so I start to cry. I got soo many heartfelt e-mails, comments, and conversations (i know, i kept going on IRC for a few minutes, than leaving..) yesterday, Thank you soo much. Because I know what you guys say really is heartfelt, and that you do care. I'll e-mail you all back soon, right now.. I'm still.. just having a tough time. I'm doing a lot of writing though, and a lot of contemplating. I went camping a few weeks ago, and did a poetry marathon in the car by myself...so I'm going to post some of those poems. 7/28/01 driving down the highway towards the future and change driving towards life and experience one moment we're next to the river and the next we're hundres of feet above life is like that one moment you think you understand everything and the next understanding is just below your grasp so you reach your hand out trying to grab those rocks but your fingertips graze the tips just slightly below you and so... you continue onwards trying to touch a mountain deciding to look up rather than down. --- deciding to look up rather than down saying "to hell with the past" i'm looking towards the future deciding to live life -now- rather than later because it seems that when you live in the past you miss whats right in front of you and has been there all along like the mountain mist slowly lifting up it's becoming clearer everyday my heart beats faster at the sound of your voice the thought of seeing you your becoming my best friend i want to tell you everything i want to know you inside and out i want to feel your fingers trailing through my hair i want to know where this poem is going... --- like the mountain mist slowly lifting up green trees reaching towards the sky flowers beggining to bloom glacier ice sparkling white its realization people grow and people change things can never stay the same maybe its the fact that we're more than friends or it could be that we've grown apart sometimes its a simple thing your taller i'm wiser sometimes its something we cannot see old grudges gone away i've fallen in love you've changed religion it's realization that life doesn't always have fairy tale endings that happiness comes from within and above all that your destiny is up to -you- and no-one else --- i look across the table silent words spoken with our eyes i've always wanted that communication without words someone to share the little things you laugh at my jokes though we both know there not very funny when we're with your friends you make sure to explain who they're talking about and always include me in the conversation i love the fact that i can call you up to just hang out or invite you to a movie 'cause during that movie even if its bad your comments make it worthwhile you don't mind if i talk during it or laugh at the people around us 'cause you do it too it's raining i'm camping and all i can think of is you... --- people grow and people change things can never stay the same these past few years we've drifted apart each intent on our own pursuits your a potter i'm a poet (among other things) i could be jealous of what you have but i'm not when something great happens your not the one i call no, not anymore over the years we've grown apart instead of closer your my only link to the past i wish we could laugh like we used too i wish we were all still friends close friends but it seems that our ties weren't strong enough the lines became blurred we lost the meaning we've run out of words to say awkward silence is always getting in the way the little things as well as big you only call me when you have a question or need something i barely call you back anymore there's a rift between us a chasm to wide to cross i feel like i grew up and left you behind standing lost on the road but i couldn't help it it just happened i look around me and remember all the good times we've had i weep as i think of all my childhood friends who i no longer see or even speak too it's sad to think that we shared so much and didn't even try to keep it "thats life" you say people grow and people change and things will never be the same... --- bits of blue surounded by white flat topped mountains with streams running through shafts of sunlight giving the world a rosy glow it's trees standing proudly tall the smell of a burning candle music drifting softly through the rooms a strangers smile and a lovers glance these are the things that i live for it's random moments of inspiration writing poetry at 2 am that lingering touch the day that shouldn't end (but does anyway) these are what i live for... --- 8/9/01 why oh why did you do such a thing why oh why? i want to know what made you think death solved anything? how could you do this with your family close by? how could you just -end- your life? dear god, why'd you let him go? why oh why? i want to see your face again just one more time to tell you how much i cared how much we all cared i want answers why oh why? answers i'll never get because your gone never coming back why god, why? it's only been a day since i've heard what you did and moments go by where i'm okay and than i hear a line from a song a comment made by somone a mention of you a random memory and it all comes back pain, sadness, tears thoughts of what you'll miss your never going to get married have kids be a father an uncle a grandpa never going to experience all that you've missed never going to see your sister grow up never going to get to know me again never going to go to family reunions and reminiss about the past why did you do it? why oh why? didn't you know how many people cared? how many people will miss you? how many lives you've touched? how much you mattered to us all? why oh why? i want answers dammit answers i'm never going to get. 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