Poetry Marathon Archive Eleven

^{50 1}

 look a little closer
 and maybe you'll see why i'm upset
 why do you say things that
 you know are going to hurt me?
 You sit there and feed me line after line
 saying you're sorry 
 that you won't do it again 
 that you're going to change
 i've heard these words so many times
 that they're next to meaningless
 if you want me to forgive you
 if you expect me to forget what you said
 if you expect me to keep taking this
 you've got another thing coming to you.
 

FiveOhTwo

 You keep saying you're sorry.
 It doesn't matter how many times you say it.
 What's done is done,
 whether you really meant to do it or not.
 How can you expect me to trust you again so quickly,
 after you bashed my trust so hard on the ground.
 I forgive you for what you said,
 we all have our moments of rage,
 when we say things we don't really mean.
 But worse than what you actually said,
 was the fact that you said it behind my back.
 I'm not mad at you at all.
 But trust can't mended with apologies.
 It takes time.
 I think it will take a very long time 
 to build what little trust I had in you back up.

5oh3

 
 i wish i were you.
 you're happy. 
 you're smiling, 
 laughing, 
 loved.
 I wish I could be 
 the person you are...
 strong. 
 talented.
 caring. 
 I need you in my life, 
 just as everyone does, 
 and of course you'll be there. 
 no one, not even me, can see that you're tired. 
 being needed is so hard...
 and you'd rather just forget about it right now.
 you love being wanted
 but not when the want smothers you like a blanket 
 falling over you, 
 trapping you, 
 suffocating you...
 all I want is to be you 
 and all you want is to fly

FiveOhFour

 I need you in my life.
 I thought it wouldn't make too big a difference
 how far away you were. 
 one thousand or several thousand miles,
 you're too far away to see either way.
 But I think about you even more now.
 The sun's up there.
 You're probably waking up,
 ready to start another day.
 While I'm not quite ready to end mine yet.
 I think about how many days are left 
 until I can see you, hug you, hold you again.
 Not that many, 
 but the number seems huge anyway.
 So until then,
 I walk outside at night
 and sing softly to the moon
 and to you.

5oh5

 and to you
 what you say has no effect
 don't tell me these things!
 I care, since what you say stays with me. 
 listen up, 
 I finally have something to say.
 you can't walk away, 
 not this time
 you need to hear this, since I'll only say it once
 
 leave
 me 
 be. 

FiveOhSix

 Can't you see 
 that what you say to her
 has no effect.
 She brushes it off,
 and ignores you.
 But you don't seem to see that.
 It seems I can see the whole picture,
 like neither of you can.
 I like understanding why things happen.
 Seeing the whole picture.
 I can see the situation
 from her side
 and yours.
 And though it's not exactly a pretty picture,
 I understand the whole thing.

5oh7

 
 it's not exactly a pretty picture
 it brings back memories, 
 makes me nostalgic for the "good old times"
 but I don't let it go
 it means something to me... 
 the way it looks back at me,
 like it was talking 
 I remember it all, just the way it happened
 it was like a suspense love story, 
 with a tragic ending
 if you knew that's how I described it, 
 would you have acted the same way twice? 
 what would have been different. 
 I expected a sad ending, 
 and I got one. 
 I didn't want it. 
 neither did you, I could tell
 by the way you touched my knee, 
 and waved
 by the way you said goodbye, and smiled
 but you can't fake
 what isn't there
 so I cried.

FiveOhEight

 I remember it all, just the way it happened.
 It had it's good parts,
 and it's bad.
 Just like anything else I guess.
 Mostly good, wonderful, incredible.
 I can't imagine a more perfect
 sunset, dance, night.
 If there's a heaven,
 I don't see how it could possibly top that night.
 Beauty, singing, dancing, laughter and love.

FiveOhhNine

 All these amazing people
 Beauty, singing, dancing, laughter and love
 taking over
 drowning them in this
 mass of energy 
 of happiness
 of contentment
 of... joy
 voices mingle 
 in a steady stream of conversation
 occasionally a laugh
 or a yell
 or a song
 breaks through the buzz
 of people reuniting with friends
 they haven't seen for a year
 or longer

Five Ten, you big fat hen..

  You.
  My Milagro,
  of happiness
  of contentment
  of...joy.
  Thank you for not existing,
  I have to make my own way through this.
  Yes.
  My joy.

 -511- (i went to heaven! bwahah)

 My Joy
 to sit and think 
 and wonder...
 I wonder about how long I'll have to wait 
 til everyone comes around
 sees me as me, the way I am, not by the year I was born
 It wouldn't be too much to ask for, would it?
 why are people the way they are
 scary thought, to think I'll be like that
 when i "grow up"

512

 I wonder about how long I'll have to wait 
 For you to know more than my name
 I'm supposed to enchant you
 That was the way it was supposed to work
 But I think you think I'm crazy instead
 Crazy isn't a bad thing
 I bet in every you,
 There's a crazy person trying to get out and
 kiss me

FiveThirteen

 I'm supposed to enchant you
 but my fairytales now are about the magic roses
 pricking fingers and drawing blood
 I'm supposed to dance
 but even though my mind is
 my feet won't
 my mind just dances around my problems
 I dance around you.
 I'm supposed to be beautiful so I
 wipe purple on my eyelids
 and wipe it off again
 I'm beautiful to me
 am I suppoed to be?

FrannyIsRad

514

 pricking fingers
 the way you talk 
 drawing blood
 the way you act
 I'm bleeding
 your words are like knives
 only poking my wrists here and there
 and drawing blood occasionally
 always hurting
 I never thought it would end
 but you left.
 you erased all traces of you
 and left for good. 
 everyone will remember you
 you will block us out 
 I forsee it, as I forsaw this.
 you left
 and I am still here
 gasping for air, feeling somewhat lost...
 but happy, for I am 
 getting aquainted with the fact
 that I don't have to deal with your knives anymore.

515

 but you left
 i was only nine
 and you left

 i loved you soo much
 more than anyone
 and you left

 you weren't there to
  kiss me goodnight
  say 'happy birthday' (you didn't even remember my birthday at all)
  answer my questions
 or give me advice
 you never met my friends
 laughed over my infatuatious crushes
 told me you loved me
 
 i loved you soo much
 i still do in fact
 i don't know why
 after all you've done
 and haven't done
 but i still love you

 ~Jadzia

 516
 your eyes hold so much
 of your past present and now
 your eyes look like they need something
 but can't deside what
 you want a hug
 but your arms are tired from the first move
 you want to talk
 but your lips are dry from asking
 you want to cry
 but your tears have dryed
 i pull you out of your weardness
 i filled the cracks of the needed hug
 i gave you water for your lips and got them to talk
 i hand you something to wipe your tears
 i sit down and lissoned
 my ears starving to hear
 you told me of the pains of love
 and the weardness of wanting something you can't have
 you told me you wanted to be a girl 
 not a guy
 then i told you that
 it's ok to cry
 i told you that no matter what body you are traped in
 i will still love you
 i don't really know what to say 
  but i still love you
 i will always love you
 it will always be
 the you i love

517

 I am quick to judge
 based on what you think of them 
 I saw a girl today 
 I couldn't see in her eyes 
 but I knew who she was-
 I glared at her, her love for one not you
 but I acted pleasant and happy. 
 hiding is a hard thing 
 but something I have to do 
 strangely enough, she asked for you
 my jealousy reared its ugly head 
 I know not what she wanted
 but I fear the worst. 
 I stayed calm and knew that it couldn't be 
 anything I thought of
 since I am usually wrong. 
 
 I trust you 
 but do you trust me? 
 never had enough time to ask  
 before you left...
 i don't really know what to say 
 so I guess it's better this way. 
 I know I miss you more when you're here
 because I feel distant 
 as when you're gone I feel I'm close to you
 but when you get back I feel the pain of reality.
 
 I'll just keep these feelings out of your way. 

 518
 I'll just keep these feelings out of your way. 
 You don't seem to really care anyhow
 You don't seem to really care on how this affects me
 You just keep on
 Like it doesnt burn me
 As bad as it does
 You just keep on with 
 Your letters not sent
 Words never said
 Hugs ungiven
 And kisses not here
 You don't care at all
 So tell me
 why should i?

519

 I may have messed up
 but so did you
 I may have been mean
 but so were you
 I may have played games
 but so did you
 I may have forgiven 
 but you wouldn't
 so why should I?

FiveTwenty

 I may have fogiven
 But at night it's still there.
 Or suddenly when I walk, it springs on me
 And I hate myself again
 For letting you use me.
 But just acknowledging that I had control
 Makes it worse.
 Then I have another person to blame 
 And it's me.
 And it's me more than ever,
 Because I was always smarter than you
 In the first place.
 I don't want to see you again.
 I feel sick for the time when I'll have to face 
 Your pompous hair and your fumbling hands again.
 I weep for the time when I'll have to remember
 How trusting I was.
 ~Becky~

NumberFiveTwoOne

 it springs on me like a large cat
 that has your eyes.
 out of the green and yellow grass it leaps
 and it's claws fasten
 roughly around my throat.
 i should know better now,
 i have been subject to these attacks before.
 i should know never to walk
 these dangerous grounds
 without
 a body guard
 (preferably 2 or 3)
 and our laughter will entrance
 the glittering-brown-eyed-being
 and it will follow us home, tame and domesticated
 where it will curl up on the window sill
 and watch for the mail to arrive.
 on long nights it will sit on the kitchen floor
 and eat all the icecream
 leaving a mess for me to clean up in the morning.
 sometimes when i am sleeping
 it will jump onto my bed
 and catch me with it's claws
 and my dreams will be full of
 the sharp pains that come when i think of you.
 the only thing it's afraid of
 is the sound of the telephone ringing
 it skids across the floor and out the door
 where it lies in the grass
 staring at the sky
 biding it's time to reenter and lay it's head
 on my lap, where i will pet it absentmindedly
 and it purrs so loudly
 it's all i can hear.

 i think i'll name it
 Loneliness.

RoyaBoya

FiveTwoTwo

 I should know better now.
 Better than to dive headfirst
 into the sparkling pond of dreams,
 without checking the water first,
 to see how deep it is.
 I looked at it for a long time
 before deciding to get in.
 But once I thought it looked safe,
 I dived right in
 and hit my head hard
 on the shallow bottom.
 So I crawled out
 and cried for a bit.
 But after awhile,
 I forget that the pond
 is cold and shallow,
 not warm and deep,
 and I start looking at it again,
 wondering if I should dive in again.
 You'd think I'd know better by now.
 Because each dive I make
 is harder to recover from
 than the one before.

 523
 
 You'd think I'd know better by now. 
 but I still sit in the same boat. 
 everytime I try to jump over board
 to escape- 
 someone jumps in after me, pulling me back in 
 like a magnetic force
 I fall in their arms 
 and I feel safe for a while
 until one night, they turn into a monster
 something out of my nightmares
 That is when I try to run again. 
 I trip
 I stumbled back into the trap. 
 it put on a disguise, hidden in the depths of itself
 I never learned how to wiggle my way out 
 but I will. I will learn.

 FiveTwentyFour

 But I will. I will learn.
 I will learn to survive here somehow.
 They may bind me with words, strangle me with looks,
 But I am only a slave to myself.
 Oh they're punks all right. 
 So cool.
 So untouchable.
 I hesitate
 Then say it:
 Perfect.
 NO! No one is perfect!
 But how do you KNOW?
 You're not everyone.
 Right?
 So now I'm back.
 Right?
 But what did I learn?
 Is there a lesson in everything
 Or just a downfall?
 Oh for the faith you pretend to have in yourself...
 Oh for the attitude of power you exude...
 I'd give you a daisy 
 And let you pluck its petals 
 One
 By
 One.
 Til it was dead
 And gone to a better place than this.
 ~Becky~

FiveTwentyFive

 When angles turn there backs
 Is when I stoped trying everything
 When angles turn there backs
 Is when I walked away
 Crying and screaming
 "Your angles dead
 You killed me!
 You turned your back on me
 And my soft wings"
 i'd give you a daisy 
 but what good would that do
 I'd give you a daisy 
 To help soffen things up
 i'd give you a daisy
 but thats like giving a gold star to evel
 so i will give you my words
 my words are

 your angle is gone
 see what happens when you killed me
 i got fed up
 and < me > the angle of life 
 walked away
 and turns my back

526 E X * F R I E N D

 I'll walk away and turn my back
 My eyes will burn you but your eyes lack
 A real fire, a reason for me to stay 
 Instead I'll turn away, while you dissolve
 Into ice, into oblivion..
 A fate which you do not deserve
 But I cannot see another way for you.
 Your kindess was fascinating yet
 Your cruel pettiness is infuriating
 Something I do not hold true to.
 Things I would like to say
 Before we harshly part our ways
 I thought you were unique and I thought you were good
 The way you look suggested you could be..
 But appearences are masks
 There is nothing behind yours 
 Nothing that suggests you will ever
 change and -start being real.-

FiveTwentySeven

 You sputter
 and stutter
 you try to give 
 a reason for me to stay
 but all that I'm hearing
 are promises you know
 you can't, and won't, keep
 and offers you know
 I can't, and won't, take
 I look at you
 sitting helpless on the couch
 your eyes seem 
 desperate and pleading
 and you beg me not to go
 hasn't this scene been
 played out many times before?
 Haven't you sat on that couch
 and given me reasons to stay?
 Haven't I turned the knob 
 and walked out of the door already?
 Haven't I come back to you
 a thousand times before?
 I look around
 and before I even leave
 I know I'll be back 
 with the next soon-to-be-broken 
 promise that you make me.
 Deja Vu.

FiveTwentyEight

 Haven't I turned the knob
 and walked out of the door already?
 haven't I said "goodbye" and meant it?
 doubt is tickling my throat
 and unconciously I put my hand on my neck
 and think of you
 think of the way you were when you weren't 
 stuffed to the bursting point
 with cliches and broken promises
 sometimes I knew
 you'd open the window inside you
 and let me
 let the world
 see who you were when you weren't scared
 sometimes I'd get out of the shower and 
 look in the mirror all steamed over
 and everything would make sense
 because I couldn't see my figure
 couldn't critisize
 and sometimes you would stroke my hair
 and count the freckles on my face
 and I would float
 don't puncture me.

FrannyIsRad

FiveTwentyNine The pine's in a bind

  Today, I just
  let the world come in
  I didn't respond for the act of responding
  but parts of me understood
  and let it be known.

  The sky is for your mind.
  The earth is for your heart.

  sky-mind/earth-heart

  hands. 
  feet.

  Someone told me hands are the wings of the body. No.
  That is too fragile, they get to dirty, 
  look at what they can do. 

  Not built for flight.
 
  Irrelevent.

  The saddest thing I saw today were books of someone's beautiful
  poetry, in ugly covers.

  The poems slept, dead until the next one reads them.
  It has been too long for them to still be speaking themselves to
themselves.

  I take in the suns heat, and I can feel it radiate out.
  Warmth.

 530 (for you)

 your words
 i take them in  
 I breathe mine out
 inspiration
 I can feel it radiate out
 as my fingers prance across the keys
 not my words, but still my words
 not truly me
 and not truly you.
 my words up on a screen
 for the world to see-
 scared, anticipation...
 it's been pretty lousy
 my outlet is here
 my outlet is you
 thank you, 
  yours truly

531 (for the people that actuly read my poetry)

 my words are up on the computer screen now
 for the world to see-
 my words, feelings and hopes
 all there now.
 i wounder who actuly reads them
 or if they just roal there eyes 
 and move on to the next porn site saying
 just another wanna-be who wants to be a wanna-be
 i must say thankyou 
 to all the people who actuly read my poetry
 thankyou for not seeing me as 
 a wanna-be who wants to be a wanna-be
 for actuly seeing my art, work 
 time and feelings
 anyone who look's and read's can see
 theres no wanna being here
 it's all real

fivethirtytwo

 well, here we are
 for the world to see
 for everyone to analyze
 and file
 and cross-reference
 and label
 and here we are
 to be observed
 and criticized
 and put under a microscope
 of judgement
 and here we are
 out in the open
 and finally able to take that
 one
 little
 breath
 of fresh air

FiveThirtyThree

 "Well, here we are,"
 They'll say, glancing at each other
 And grinning broadly,
 Sparkling flashes of white
 Blinding each other to the fact that
 Two elements such as they
 Cannot combine without reacting
 It will be beautiful
 While it lasts
 And long after they explode,
 They will continue to dazzle us
 And leave sunspots in our eyes

Emma

 534

 They will continue to dazzle us
 the beauty they generate when together, 
 the compassion, 
 their poetry and words, their love
 
 words dripping out of their fingers
 out of their eyes like salty tears
 rolling down their cheeks into their waiting hands

 love like rain, in the gutter
 washing away dirt, 
 washing away pain...

 washing the pain over to me, 
 giving it to me
 I am the ocean, I receive the dirt
 hate, pain, tears
 I receive their words 
 
 all beauty to some-
 
 but they make me sick.

FiveThirtyFive

 Love like rain in the gutter
 Falls around me
 Washing away the dust
 Left behind by the day
 From a steep roof.
 One attic bedroom window
 Frames the silhouette of a girl
 Curled up by the screen and glass
 Smelling the rain
 Listening to its lullaby
 She writes, "I love you"
 And settles into the dreamy world
 Halfway between consciousness and un

Emma

 536
 
 I step ahead into the road
 the cars are still coming torwards me  
 but nothing can stop me now, 
 I want to burn this bridge.
 
 Washing away the dirt
 from the dusty road and singes
 i have burned that bridge to the ground
 and I can finally look ahead.

 loving you may have been a mistake
 but i try to learn from those things.
 
 and you burned with the bridge.

537

  from these things
  we learn
  

(a sapphic, from Carrie)

 we live
 we learn
 so its worth it
 we love
 we lost
 from this all we are greater beings
 we cry 
 we morn
 from this we are braver ...
 we are people
 people of the eirth
 and from this we are stardancers?
 lovers of the eirth?
 people of freedom?
 mothers of our planet?
 we live love laugh cry morn and star gaze
 do you understand why we do this?
 we do this because it feels good
 because we get a thrill out of it
 because we want to

because we can

 we are people
 people of the here 
 and the now

FiveThirtyNine

 and the now
 of today, is 
 that I've got clay on my hands
 dirt in my hair
 scratches, deep, in my arm

 my clothes smell of yesterday's sweat
 I haven't eaten dinner yet
 and it's eight already -
 where does the day go?

 oh, but I know where the days go
 there's a three foot hole
 that wasn't here before
 to prove I lived today

 today reality is
 the sweat under my arms
 the ache of my back
 the grit in my mouth

 food tastes better
 beds are softer
 days are longer

 and though there's 
 not enough time for a shower today
 there's somehow the time
 to notice spiderwebs. And skip.

 there's somehow the time
 to notice spiderwebs (on the bridge we cross).
 But a moment lasts but a second
 The sun obscures the view.
 
 I move, surely, in a world (Surely as one can)
 where everyone is clumsy. (Or is it the world?)
 For a moment. (Just a moment)

 Then I'm normal again, (Me? Normal?)
 Save my hair (ponytail too high)
 And my walking stick (cane, memory, magic wand) 
 And my smile.

FiveFortyOne

 everyone is clumsy. and lost.
 we wander around laughing at ourselves
 how we trip over shadows
 and don't see any of the lucky pennies lying in the crack of the sidewalk
 or the gum
 but we feel it all. the gum stuck to our shoe,
 pulling us close to the dirty cement,
 and the lucky pennies we trip over--
 we feel those too.

 5 4 2
 how we trip over shadows
 I'll never understand
 how we can stand up so tall
 yet fall over something so simple as a shadow
 I'll never understand how you and me work 
 never ever
 its too hard
 i just sorta smile and nod
 and pertend i know 
 what mind game your in
 where your at
 when to move next
 who where playing with
 but you know what?
 i wouldnt have it any other way
 i like being lost
 as long as i can be found sometimes too

FiveFortyThree

  I understand how you and me work.
  Always.
  But sometimes, I let myself be lost..
  In the joy of being in my body
  In bugs crossing the road
  In the calm of history
  In your eyes

FiveFortyFour

 in the calm of history
 when you didn't know what the future would bring
 and you thought you were lucky
 becasue bad things happened to other people
 and never you
 in the calm of history
 when wishes fell from stars
 and the night was quiet
 and the bulb in your lamp burned out
 and it made you happy
 to breath the dark.

FrannyIsRad

NumberFiveFortyFive

 you thought you were lucky, you thought
 you were perfect
 at 17
 because the world was yellow
 and you knew
 there would always be someone wanting
 a smile from you.

 i wonder now
 how you had it that easy
 and why that wasn't
 a healthy thing for you.

 it's 1:11, i'm making my wish
 i haven't yet gotten it
 unlike you
 you seem to lap up wishes
 like you scoop up the girls
 i never realized just how strong you were
 until you decided
 to throw me aside.

 in the long run
 i think i'll be happier.
 and yes, the long run matters
 because you won't be
 17 and perfect
 forever.
 i'm living in the future now
 and i think you are
 sad. i'm sorry for you,
 the boy who had everything easy.
 you don't know what it's like
 to appreciate
 your wish coming true.

RoyaBoya

 546
 
 sad. 
 my dad always says that only the truth is funny.
 I must be living in a world of lies, because
 nothing seems funny anymore.
 forever. 
 I feel like it could last forever 
 this nostalgia 
 I yearn for yesterday.
 tomorrow.
 I want tomorrow to come
 so that it may be all over sooner
 but how can I want tomorrow and yesterday?
 today. 
 I like today because I am alive.
 and even though it was foggy, the cold weather made me appriciate 
 the jacket I was wearing. 
 living in the now. 
 I don't live in the now as much as I should. 
 I am waiting for tomorrow 
 so that it may be over sooner 
 and so that what I am waiting for 
 will be here 
 today.

Five Forty Seven

 yesterday we dressed in lace, for the sun
 we ate popsicles for breakfast and then went out
 and touched our feet to the dew on the ground.
 but presently, we have swallowed more
 than people should, in a lifetime,
 considering that we are still so young..
 and once restless, now listless
 we fall on the floor, blind and dumb
 we busy ourselves, brooding and bleeding
 when you can't focus for anything
 what else is there to concentrate on?

FiveFourEight

Because the moon is green

Because the sky is white

And yesterday we sang

We sang away the night

Because this girl is foolish

Because this girl is free

(Bleeding)

(Bleeding)

we have swallowed more.

(The whole world is bleeding)

(What else is there)

(what else is there to die for)

Because we hate and learn from it

We bind ourselves with lace

Trapped in time and thought, emotion

Dammit

Look me in the face.

Because I love you.

wind.

NumberFiveFourNine

 what else is there
 besides
 poetry?

 maybe the occasional
 short story.

 she said 
 'wouldn't it be neat
 to write your life?'
 and i sat
 and thought
 and said
 'that's all i know how to do.'

RoyaBoya

 5 5 o h 
 what else is there
 besides weard looks
 and pritty writing
 in this life i hold?
 what else can i sing for?
 i can sing for rain 
 and for my little wish 
 that got my lover back 
 i can wish apon the stars once more
 but does it work?
 it worked last time i guess
 your back
 and im here with you again
 the stars heard my calling
 and ancered with my wish granted
 thankyou dear stars
 i needed my boy
 back in my arms