651 "war story" im turning to fast it shouldent be this way the controls are loked my altimiter is spinning quickly my gyro compass is spinning as well im cot ina inverted flat spin if i eject i will just fling my self that mutch faster to the ground i dont know what to do this wasent in my traning maby i was shot this is war time!? i see it know there it is the submorine it was the one that shot jeff down i cant let this happen i call in his position with my maday i try now with all my hart body and sole to try to reacover i cant let these guys dake my like they did my BEST friend jeff i apply full right rutter i pull back and to the right on my flight stick nouthing happens at first but slowly i flip over eagain i cant controll eagain i look down the sub is still there they start eming ther guns eagain thats it im not gunna let them do this i call in my attack "this is bravo leeder i've reacoverd proceeding to attack" i say a prer then i realese my torpydose #1 then #2 i watch then skimm across the water to the submorines death! ~thomas~ sixFiveTwo i'm turning too fast, it shouldn't be this way -no- it shouldn't have ended this way not yet, not now, not so young 'cause thats what they'll say you know "he was soo young" to hell with it all i want -you- back i want a chance to talk to you one more time /please/ just once more one more smile one more day one more chance i pinch my arm to see if it hurts please god don't make it hurt 'cause if it doesn't hurt this is all a dream, none of its real i'm going to wake up and i'll call you and i'll tell you my nightmare and you'll tell me "everythings gonna be okay" because -how- could this be real? how could you do it? /why/ would you do it? i pinch my arm and the tears start coming because the pain is real and i know that this isn't a dream that i'm awake and i curse the world scream at the sky why god, why? i sit here typing looking for answers answers that i may never find the tears pouring silently down my face ~Jadzia i'm awake the smell of sausages from the kitchen a bright salad in the fridge a happy dose of talking-to-strangers good music and solid ground beneath my feet. sometimes it's all i can do to hold onto the handrail sometimes it's all i can do to let go. today it's tough to sit quitly in a seat when buildings flash by you, and you're a little bit homesick just for the familiar things but you realized all of a sudden that bus schedules and planes make things easier to look back on fondly. good lyrics make me feel in love and i'm grasping for something that smells old and musty something so fragile it falls apart at my touch. i'm trying to remember colors and laughter poignant like the kitchen smells they're like an old trunk full of wisdom hidden in an ancient attic and my feet fall asleep beneath me as i sit on my heels and i wonder what if i exposed this to light? what if i got a breath of fresh air? each time a stranger smiles i let a little bit go each time i smile back i hold on a little bit tighter and the bus goes a little bit faster. i look back on song lyrics and strangers smiles that seem familiar and i think that i'm grasping for something as fulfilling as a rainbow but at least i'm awake. It's three am and I'm awake. My eyes tell me that I should be tired but my brains ticking like an undying clock. I can't get you outta my mind. I love it yet I hate it so. It's just you you you you in my head. It's three am I work in 5 hours to go and pertending that I'm something that I'm not. there it's the same deal, just you you you you you in my heart. I come home and I get hit on by a girl. again it's just you you you you you in my soul. (Let me tell you that didn't make that girl too happy) I come home and wash my hair. Guess what I'm feeling in my feet ... you you you you you. I get out and am all clean and warm. I crall into my bed and wait for you to crall into my dreams once again. It's three am once more and I'm still awake
SixFiftyFive good lyrics make me feel in love with the world and maybe even with you when i heard what happened at 2 am i thought of you i wanted your arms around me because with you i feel like everything'll be okay so i got home and decided to go to your house and ask for a hug but you weren't there and i didn't get my hug i'm thankful for good thoughts projected upon the screen from loving people i consider friends but right now i want something solid to hang onto something /here/ now i'm sick of typing conversations out having to form my looks into words i'm sick of not seeing people's faces as i talk to them i want to see your eyes i want to share a moment where words aren't needed i miss that. and yet i can't stop signing on that addicting ring of the modem dialing the feel of keys under my fingertips moving my mouse up to the corner reading...reading...reading what people have written since i've last looked (a mere 10 minutes at the most) the feeling i get when i have a heartfelt e-mail the glimpse into other's lives as i read their journals the feeling of connection as i talk to someone and so i continue to type this addiction has a grip i cannot break (and maybe i don't want to break it) but at the end of the day i still want my hug. ~Jadzia SixFiftySix and so i continue to type words pouring from my heart onto the screen sometime it seems easier to write on the computer rather than paper i wonder why? i'm sad i'm angry i'm crying before this summer i never had any contact with death nobody close to me had ever died on 7/6 jim died he was in his sixties on 8/7 chris died he was only 19 chris's death has hit me harder because it didn't have to happen i'm still in shock and as i type those words chris dead my face begins to crumple my head starts pounding the tears pour down my cheeks its not fairit shouldn't have happened not yet, not now and not like this and i still want to know why why would he do it? but thats one question i won't ever get the answer too not in this life i want to wake up and find that the past two days have been a horrible nightmare something to shudder about and say "god what a terrible dream" but its not a dream its real, too real and all i want is to hug him and tell him how loved he was ~Jadzia 657 "Sad Eyes" He tells me I have Sad eyes Tries to lift me up Telling me I have Pretty hair Silly boy. But I still have Sad eyes When the sun shines And I have Sad eyes When the rain pours And I have Sad eyes When I Don't cry. Don't know why I have Sad eyes. He wants to know why Why I have Sad eyes. If I knew when it began Maybe I would tell him. It's a secret Only few see it But I have Sad eyes All the time Maybe I've had Sad eyes Since before time Maybe they'll always be Sad eyes But they are my eyes.
SixFiveEight Actually no it's none of your business Actually not, now out ~damme spot Maybe I'll tell you, surely I won't Go write your own you can never have mine Go write your own, You are cold, my Girl, Write your own one of those. And when the rain pours I'll know where to find you. SixFiveNine The summer heat dries out my soul. Like a flower, I need rain. I long for a good thunder shower I miss waking up to the sound of rain falling on my roof. I want to go dancing in the rain. Join me. We'll dance in the mud and rain until we can dance no more. So when the rain pours, you'll know where to find me. ~Qetyria~ 660 You'll know where to find me You always do. But then again it's not too hard. I'm always hidding behind the "in style" clouths and the new makeup. I'm behind the seventeem magezens and trying to chill with the innies. I remember when you found me first. You came in and smeered my makeup, you riped my clouths and burnt my magazeens. Now I need newer stuff all thanks too you. You told me that I still don't need my cloths, books my make up and hair styles but really I do. It's become part of me. So fuck you if you don't think I'm real. I still have skin I still have flesh even if I paint it up. Fuck you I'm as real as I'll ever be
661 You always do. It is morning. I do not need to tell you how hate changes me into nothing. Into worse, because I am real. You'll find breakfast, yes? Or not. I'll not be able to say what I know. I wish you could feel the weight of me listening. Knowing. Now is too much now is too much now: You are always you and have only you. Siempre. Not dreams. They never live. Eyes. Of darkness. Of night. Vision. Tears. Sleep always works. Sleep. It is morning. No..It is day. Yes is the fastest way to finish. Why do I listen to what I do not want to hear?
SixSixtyTwo It is morning. stretching, my neck cracks - one of you stirs at my movement. groaning, the three of us sit up. Contemplate the feeling in our backs, legs, hearts. Maybe couches aren't for sleeping. But I don't think any of us could bear even one moment of seperation at the time. I leave today, you know. The only comforting thought I can find today is knowing my new house will have a couch and I'll make sure it's big enough for all of us together.
NumberSixSixtyThree the only comforting thought i can find is that this too shall pass. frightening walking hand in hand with comforting change used to be the scariest thing in the whole world worse than monsters under the bed or the thought of never seeing you again. change made me crazy, like i just had time to grab on before it slipped away never leaving time for a story to unfold, for inside jokes, for plot developments or happy endings. change yanked life and people away from me, and i hated it. that was before i knew that i could drown in two inches of misery. and now i take comfort in the fact that things are constantly evaporating only to condense and precipitate again. NumberSixSixtyFour i could drown in two inches of misery struggling in something thick like paper pulp, and the fibers of my hair get caught and i choke. suddenly it all wells up inside and you, in your happy little mood are suddenly the enemy. suddenly the ignorant, the weak, i am the resentful. something so pent up my shoulders shake and i have to hold myself so still, to make sure you don't see that your happy little music is going to make me snap. this scares me, this little well of hatred that pools up for no apparent reason. i tripped and found my nose underneath just two heavy inches but that's enough for me to drown. 665 I am struggling in something trying to figure you out I don't think I've ever looked at you this way before and seen all these things I have never been confused to this point, about you your face shows nothing, the way you stand says nothing and your words don't help much either I don't know if I've ever been this crazy about you, felt so possesive over something that wasn't mine hurt like this, like I hurt you I know you've moved on and I'm still at where we started or last left off I thought maybe I could pick up where it ended but I can't, it's too heavy to lift and you've nailed it down anyhow i want to be your friend again...
Six Six Six I am Still wondering I am Still striving I am not dead yet and when I am I shall skive in peace I am Astounded We stand on a hill Behind us: path. Before us: clouds. Who can say what lies ahead? Who can say I love you? I am Waiting. ~wind~ 667 you have been waiting and now I am waiting but you aren't behind me anymore who can say what lies ahead? who can say what has changed... I was crazy to think you'd be around forever forever is too long to wait for me while I make up my mind I think it has ended thought they reassure me it hasn't you only increase the doubt in my mind is this goodbye forever now? please wait for me
668 i'm standing out here beside your door wounderin with all im worth is this goodbye again? Is it really worth it to walk away? i tell myself over and over, i stop kissing so i can kiss again, i end hugs so i can do it all over, i say good bye so i can come back. Is this good bye once more? i dont know if i can make it this time. Last time i left i started doing those nice soft drugs that keep ya thin. Now the knife has got me by the handle and wont let go. Is this goodbye forever now? my bus is about to go so i must be on my way. i shall leave you my tears behind for you they are the only thing thats left of me im just one puddle now that has to go. So then this is it "good bye."
six six nine I'm silent, I'm standing out here beside your door the one with the "Do Not Disturb" sign dare I knock, and disturb your sleep? I'm scared, and no longer tired You Said it was all ok, and it was alright to wake you but I can hear you breathing heavily, deep sleeping who do you dream with now? a stirring body, in it's subconcious dreaming of the impossible things I feel like I'm in a dream I can feel the breeze coming through the back door I can hear it ruffling the sheets or is that you? so I'll just open the door and hope you aren't mad I hope you'll welcome me with open arms, and comforting sleepy eyes
SixSevenZero I hope you'll welcome me more than you've ever welcomed me before. Can't you see now that I'm a different girl from the one you opened your arms to last year? I'm not sure which is stronger, the girl with the breakable heart or the girl with the heart that's already been broken. I feel hidden Lost Driftless A lone ship sailing away from harbor without captain or crew. This year I am a glass figurine and I know I can shatter, and that knoledge keeps me up at night when I should be unconcious and trysting with my dreams. Welcome me More than sunshine More than petty insecurities can make people shy and cruel. I want to overcome myself this year, and heal. ~Becky~ im sorry that this one dosent work of the one obove it is this life that im liveing? or is this pain that im running is this life that i live? or is it greaf stricken sorrow i dont feal alive i feel dead when i cut i dont feel enny thing when i talk to en old friend and they turn there back on me it dosent hurt why dont i feal love? why cant i feal pain? why cant i shere my love with some one else why why why? why cant i live a normal life why cant i dew what i want to dew but now who is that she beutiful i would love to get to know her. but she dosent notice me. wate why is she coming over to me why is she talking to me why wa? why is she in love with me and why em i in love with her and now why are we kissing? why why why? thomas SixSeventyTwo is this life I am living? doesn't seem possible when you people slam into my head, disconnecting the strings that tie my thoughts together. at home I know how the patterns go. but here, your threads tangle with mine, and behold! a new pattern, richer and more beautiful than I have even known erupts from our combinded knowings. and we lay in each other's glory, basking in the tapestry we've created shining like the stars everyone but ourselves believes we are. the great thing about tapestries is seeing colors together you'd never have guessed were pretty. the great thing about tapestries is you can take thin, abstract threads and pull them together into majesty.
SixSeventyThree More beautiful than I have ever known is me when I looked in the mirror today and when I looked past the emotional scars the tired eyes and the amazment I was different. I didn't see me the way you do the way anyone does I just saw me and I looked past the tears of joy at the beauty I had found and I looked past the makeup on the counter. I shoved it off the edge of the prestine tile and into the wastebasket I didn't wipe up the smears it left I was beautiful. I ignored my fingers clenched on the edge of the sink knuckles turning white and gazed into dark brown eyes unmoving searching and looking back at me peircing me are those my own? How can they be? Am I that deep? Six Seven Four I felt the tear roll down my cheek I didn't wipe up the smears it left I felt my heart break I couldn't ignore the pain it left And I don't know how long I sat there I don't know when I got up Or where I went Or what I did But I know you weren't there You weren't next to me You weren't holding my hand I know people looked at me funny When a tear made its way down my face As I sat in the resteraunt That we always ate lunch at And I think I saw you there Eating the same thing But I think the view was a little.... Different
SixHundredSeventyFive I don't know when I got up Where I went she stared at me, unbelieving I don't remember, do you hear? I cannot say don't want to remember The night Explanations required The night, cold, unforgiving, ill-smelling Forgetting the pain, the scars, the brokeness, the choking un-breath I want to forget she tried to make sense of me You want to believe? (She didn't) ~wind~ Six Seventy Six Am I laughing? Really laughing? I could cry but.. Are these my eyes? These sad eyes But I detect brightness I detect light. Am I laughing? I should be bleeding I should be crying But I looked past And the palor seemed to disappear all of the sudden Despite hardship War, and pain Something's funny And I'm laughing again.
SixSeventSeven I should be bleeding I should be crying you are. I should be moving I should be waiting my feet won't move won't stop. I should be crying I should be loving but tears won't come and my heart aches. I should kiss I should hug but I cover my lips and hold my arms down. I should be bleeding and in a way I am. FrannyIsRad (written with little thought and lots of feelings) I hold my arms down and bite at the tips of my fingers looking up at you from my slumped position in the threshold of the doorway sorry for being so honest sorry for explaining to you that i was depressed that i was lonely that i was unhappy that i wasn't eating sorry for explaining sorry for interrupting (you always told me i don't apologize enough) and my arms began to shake and my eyes began to burn and i began to want to run but i held my arms down and i opened my eyes wider and i watched you from beneath my eyelashes i watched you continue typing as i dug my nails into the soft flesh of my palms i peered up at you with little sparks of anger i wanted to rip into the sky and scream that when it happened it would be your fault i wanted to rip into the sky and scream that when it happened it would be your fault. i keep dreaming that i can fly. but i always wake up. ~Jasmine SixSeventyNine i watched you continue typing and before i knew it i was a goner. i supose you didnt know how much that hurt when you kicked me away i didnt meen to really truly we all get annoyed all you had to do was say "please dont swear" and i would of stoped dead in my tracks but no you had to break me by pushing me away someone you didnt know was already crying. now that i can see clearly enought to type past my tears im ready to try again.
NumberSixEighty i suppose you didn't know that i am the kind of person who loves the first person who says they love me. i suppose you couldn't tell that i'd forgotten that a kiss is just a kiss. i guess i didn't know that you thought a sigh was just a sigh. i'm questioning the same questions i've been pondering forever now what was it, who were we, and could it ever be something else i don't like this poem i don't like the fact that still, after all this time i'm just writing about the gap you left. i guess some things just have to compost and settle ferment, before you can harvest anything like a poem. but i'm ready for a new set of words. a poem is just a poem and i'm ready to let this one go. 681 your words still sting they've settled, and i don't think I'm ready to let this one go. let's drop it, and move on no use in talking about it... you're too harsh on yourself but I'm not ready to let this one go I'm happy, in a melancholy way and I'm happy for you for all it's worth how seriously should I take you this time? I think you've let it go... I think too much.
SixEightyTwo And I'm happy for you but in a selfish way I think I come first because my hairbrush and sunglasses are never in your car anymore. There are different people I want to remember me but do they I always have this sinking feeling no And one day she tells me the story for the third time and I'm ready to scream and I realize I love her but no one knows not even me and I'm scared to tell scared to label myself it hurts I justify it with poetry that no one reads. 683 "Learn a lesson" He tells us, as a benevolent lion Ruling over his tribe And I'm ready to scream I'm ready to smash them. I'm ready to move on. Can't you see I've already learned the lessons? Can't you see that there's no point anymore? You're locked up in the projection booth You're denying us and denying the truth One day, the show has to end When the stories are all the same The credits are rolling And I'm walking out the door. I learned and I let go Can you?
SixEightyFour Can you? Can you look at my hand and see a hand ignore her hand just two hands can you see it as that? Can you see lips as lips glances as glances and nothing more? can you see me as I was two years ago? I'm still the same but you don't notice everythings different now. now the words have been spoken by my trembling lips. You walked away ignoring the way my body shook 685 You walked away ignoring The way my eyes jaded Skimmed your presence and made a mockery of it I was strong, oh yes Too strong, as it turned You cannot be strong by being strong For you must be strong through Love None other will last And so he took her jade eyes And broke them. ~wind SixEightSix And so he took her jade eyes and gave her grey ones and he took her small hand and warmed it, and made it tingle so she could hardly move and he took her heart and gave her his own in replacement and so they were tied by strings of pulseing blood from chest to chest stretching farther than either would have thought and he took it upon himself to decide when it was stretched too thin and turn away and snap it and though her heart beat as strong as ever she could not feel it because he hadn't taken hadn't even touched the only thing that really belonged to him Six87 the only thing that really belonged to him she destroyed, so could never be used again and she cried the night her love went off forever and she died the night her love went off forever but her body lives on, and dances and smiles and hugs and gardens, the long silver hair keeping away bugs once uponatime she kissed beneath the stars but realised alltoosoon she'd never make a good love so the only thing that really belonged to him wastes. wind. SixEightNine she realised alltoosoon she'd never make a good love for him so she told him she'd prefer to be good friends and left it at that so neither of them hurt as much as they could have and she knew this but she of course didn't know what he knew because she never did never had and now never would but she gave that up easily for his smiles and for the warmth when he was happy smiling at Her instead of frozen
SixNinety so neither of them hurt as much as the other neither of them hurt at all falling asleep in arms in the stars is not perhaps the best occupation for time but it's fun but it's better than some and it didn't hurt, no, not at all and it was not remembered in the morning are they not a great anesthetiser, the stars? wind. SixNinetyOne the stars swim but only when i take my glasses off or when i am dizzy from too much spinning i have gotten used to them clear sharp pointybright and i don't want to give them up simply to feel as if i am floating above the darkest and the brightest souls i have everseen
692 the stars swim like your face around my head in circles it's a lovely head he thought so, it must be i wish it was his it's awfully heavy sometimes at night i wish i could just give it to you and let you deal with it it hurts when it's not supposed to it sings when it should be still it falls in love at the merest whimsy at the closest flimsy little wish. but it still fits perfectly in your lap. wind. SixNineThree it's awfully heavy sometimes and sometimes i don't understand how exactly my feet keep lifting up and down (actually, most of the time) and sometimes i run in pure desperation, but without letting go on the contrary i clutch so tightly and sometimes it lifts behind me and sometimes it catches the wind and sometimes i drag my feet, not wanting to get carried away
694 sometimes i don't understand how, exactly i love you soooooo much it's a new thing you and suddenly, everything is a new thing new days new skies new air new ways you make me new if only i knew you ~wind~ SixninetyfivE if only i knew then i would send you all the flowers on my street i would dedicate all the rosebushes to you write your name on the leaves in silver ink and everyone would know how far away you are but the sky would be blue and it would rain and i would think of you with your wind but only if i knew you were thinking of me if your wind made one strand of your hair touch your cheek for one second and i knew you thought of me and my flower petals and stained sidewalks
NumberSixNinetySix how far away you are the second you sit down at the glaring screen. maybe i haven't told you yet but i miss the life that drains from your eyes. i miss the voice that laughs at things that have a shape other than the square of the computer screen. maybe when i told you i was lonely you didn't understand that i was lonely for you that night, when i cried? yes i had a reason, but more i wanted to see if you would leave your fascinating conversations and *hugs* to give me a real one and it took you a long time while i cried a lot of tears. bitter? sorrowful? yes. and lonely, too. 697 "i would wait for you" my fairy fairy god mother my shooting star she's got stars in her eyes, which i haven't seen yet with silver wings, with glitter in her eyes i can see my reflection in her (eyes) she told me something today it could've been a whisper or a shout they were her words "don't wait for love" i wish I could have looked into her eyes and seen the ocean behind them (i know it's there) but I felt it in her voice instead Maybe I haven't told you yet i love you but haven't i? many times before now I must have or maybe i was just thinking it but there's no way you can't tell it in my voice but i owe it to (him) to wait this time don't i? "don't wait for love..." maybe i'm not waiting for love, or him maybe i'm waiting for myself. (maybe i'm waiting for myself to change)
SixNinetyEight maybe i'm not waiting for love, maybe i'm just waiting for inspiration. the age old trouble of having a pen and no muse to fill your paper with song. my muse just went to bed and i think i shouldn't let the sun go down on our anger even though it'd make a good poem. 699 I am my muse you are my muse what is my muse? people. the beautiful people I see everyday I'm surprised they don't all have wings to fly away from the dirty streets and mean faces I see everyday. some float above it all they must have anchors on their shoes to keep their heads level with the rest of us simple simons, and sarah plain and tall's. strange how bitersweet is this ending how much i wanted to hold on to your wings but i am afraid of breaking them and hurting you.
Seven Hundred But I am afraid With nothing to fear You showed me how to See risk Our world revolves We are all a bit Crisper, ill-at-ease Some are older, some are grayer Some are wiser We stand still as statues in the park Painted gray and staring A voice calls from the distance, come follow and do not fear I listen. ~WindNBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 1 times, last edited on August 15, 2001 by aredridel@nbtsc.org. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
