4oh1 Happy Undaddy dayDear daddy look who raised me up to the stars but then tossed me into the water without knowing it look who has made tears fall cuts seep blood hugs grow empty love rot into hate you have walked all over me but it hasn't left footprints i can't wash off you have told me not to cry that i dont have a right to cry yet i still do you have told me that hugging was wrong almost painful but yet i still do where you really there that night? was it really you that made me fall so far so fast? was that really you daddy? (that wasnt the daddy i knew) or was it me? was it me that still got up still walked on still smiled still huged? was it me that found out that im a tuff girl a pritty girl a woman a fighter a witch a moon walker all in me? im this all now daddy now without you it doesnt matter right? your gone and im a better person i have found a new home a new home i can finaly say I am home.. even if its not with you so thank you daddy thanks for all the pain you made for me now i can wash that all away and say thanks (i guess) for hurting me im just glade i can walk on and be more me
On The Tail Of Four Oh One I am more me without you The moon is alone, she always is Is she ever lonely, at night, when everyone sleeps? Weary. the tree sleeps: singing. I am more me without you How did this happen? Eclipse. I am three in the morning, awake, more whole more less than sorry more less than i know than.... the wind shows the underside of the tree's leaves, i feel, I feel me. Who are you? Who are you, who are you, who are you anymore. I am tired. I am more me I can't sleep, I worry about the moon, I stare at my feet A blank face: mine. More emotion in the moon's curve that starts where it ends and ends where it became. That is me, too, and you. We will not be here one day. I can sit with that. me. The moon is a round mouth, screaming. No one hears: sleep. Not me. more less than sleep.
*4oh3*I can't sleep. I toss and turn I drink warm milk but I can't sleep. I write in my journal I listen to Tori Amos and Mozart I still can't sleep. I wish I could turn my brain off I'm tired of thinking so that I can't sleep.
NumberFourOhFour my journal tells me that i want to sink into you. it tells me that your picture is the picture i would paint on the insides of my eyelids if given the chance. you read my journal looked at me and i was assured. my heart stopped it's insane fluttering and i was glad that i had let you in to the place that knows me best. --RoyaBoya FourZeroFive the place that knows me best took away my breath and my heart and my head and my soul and that is why it knows me best because i am it and it is i and never the twain shall meet...
FourZeroSix It's that one person That knows me best It's that one person Who can hurt me most "Never knew... never knew... Never..." She whispers Tears like dew drops Drift down her cheeks Leaving trails of lies On her face I'm not going to feel guilty I'm not going to fall in Now you know But can you really say.. Anythings changed?
4uhoh7 I see you Can you see me? No I will not see your eyes But yet i can't help too Look and see You and i are hidding behind The sea of confuson No I'm not going to fall in Not this time Oh no You and i are flying Off the skyrise and up to the heavens Oh dear I don't want to fly Not right now Not like this (But maybe with you) Here take my hand and We can fly swim and look All around us There is something to see Something for everyone Freedom is everywhere Look over there Its freedom in the skys Come. Fly with me And we will find freedom
FourZeroEight Freedom is everywhere Blue and grey in the corner So many eyes blinking Such long eyelashes So tempting Freedom in the corner On the ceiling In the smoothie shop I go to write Everywhere except in front of my nose.
FourOhNine so tempting, to curl up on my bed even when the sun is up, even though there is wind outside so tempting to just hide beneath the blankets even though it's getting hot. it's better than getting up and walking around my house realizing that you have never seen me in my natural habitat realizing that you and i, we have no link. it's better to try to hang on to sleep than wake up, and play guitar to write in my journal to get online. better than being awake and thinking. you and i, we've always been the type to stay up all night and not recognize the morning. FourTen The Morning Dew Tastes So Sweet Against My Parched Tounge My Lifeless Face Could Almost Cry Buried In The Grass Pools Of Blood Forming Around Twin Wounds And a knife with a story to tell
(the number 411) I Could Almost Cry but i say that time and time again but i never do I Could Almost Cry from all the weard looks painful wispers rejectons and broken hearts I Could Almost Cry from all the kisses hugs energy and snuggles all tucked away in my heart I Could Almost Cry from the old you the new me the no tears on our facees I Could Almost Cry But I Never Do....
FourOhEleven I say that Time and time again But I never do it That strange idear Which causes snowflakes to saunter up and down my spine Stays there. And I say it Time and again. ~Wind~ four thirteenAnd I say it with such a deep meaning but you don't get it because it's just a poem. it's not direct enough to mean anything personal to anyone but me. but I write it for you and whether you know it or not I think about you everyday
NumberFourFourteen whether you know it or not the blue from the screen really does warm you. even if it's just a bit. some think we're pathetic. i think it's sad, sometimes. but when you laugh so hard it has to be healthy. just try to breathe and not let yourself explode. FourOhFourteen I think about you every day And sometimes twice Never at night Never at night I think about you, bright and sure Quick and lovely and laughing always Laughing Dancing on the hills and trippling down the brook My little green eyed Girl in the mirror. ~Wind~ FourFifteen (sixteen...?) Never at night I think of you but never at night I hate to say this but at night is when those monsters you always heard about come out and i'm scared and Oh you're not here and Oh The monsters were scared of you. They will take their revenge on me, they will... So I do think of you but Never at night, Oh never at night. The dark ceiling might explode in blinding sunbursts and I would have nothing to do in the rain but dance Oh never dance at night you look too much like a monster.
317I look forward to the times when someone will say they love me when someone will hold me close and I wont worry about a thing when I would feel needed and beautiful and I would have nothing to do in the rain but dance
NumberThreeEighteen beautiful. the way we can all talk so fast at the same time and still have a conversation. conversations that sweep you off your feet and you think this is what heaven is like - the inside of a storm cloud where the thunder is sweet. sweet like candy and as many layers as an everlasting gobstopper. we talk till our time zones meet and never think about sleeping. *419* I'm confused. Why? I'm not sure. there is this feeling constantly there but it never explains itself. All I know is that it's blurry like the the inside of a storm cloud churning and misty and in a hurry... help me I'm drowning in the stormy silence of my confusion
420 At the eye of the storm, We were ahead of the swarm, Straight ahead, no looking behind But the stories were so tempting, and I Made a quick turn, and slowed to a halt Maybe there's more than one way To turn into a bag of salt. So three Jesters were freed this morning They ran through the theatre, with little warning We stayed for a while to see the pretty stories Yet we soon tired when our feet were cut with nostalgia And we walked out somber, leaving tracks of blood. Damn Lot and damn his wife! Damn them for running my life Their fire flashes in my knife A reflection of their weak will.. Their words are drowned as the eye As the storm moves in for the kill.
NumberFourTwentyOne Grasses sway in the slight wind: A reflection of their weak will. You, standing among the whistling reeds Seem the only steady point. Your castle looks insurmountable One may ignore the nagging thought: Compared to grass, almost anything is solid. But consider, my dear, the wisdom Of building your home among the reeds.
*422*You never leave when people ask you to you go past the limits and scare everyone no matter what happens, you always return one may ignore the nagging thought that you'll always be there but not me I can't ignore you can't you just leave me?
Four Twenty Threethe nuns are taking over wiki and scaring everyone we don't know who started it but they're taking over like a raging wildfire that can't be contained (but would we want it to be?) 4TWENTYiv I've never really cried Never felt a pain That can't be contained I've never really loved Never felt so strongly for someone That I would never let them go I've never really lived Never taken ahold of a situation Or a way of being I've never really written Never spoken words that formed sentances Conveying a meaning -Zen 425 is always confusing its a way of life Or a way of being. it's the way i fall in love with you. it's the way you tuck your hair behind you ear. it's the way you wisper sweet nouthing's in my hear. its toatl bliss and good sounds it's the way into life and out too it's you and i for the first time at 3am under the stars on the first day of summer ... ... on the first day of us 426 At 3am i wonder for the first time what i'll do with my life and dicover i have no idea i could sail a ship around the world but why? i can hardly swim is that why i fall into love and drown? NumberFourTwentySeven i could sail a ship around the world we said we would when i was 18 and you were 21 and we would visit every shore. i think i've lived a thousand lives since then. i was so young we were so young i was never that young i am still so young. young enough to want to see every wave the ocean has to offer. young enough to know i will. old enough to realize that if i do at all you'll be in your own boat on the other side of the world. 428 When I was 18 and you were 21 It seemed like we grew a lot closer When I was 17 and you were 20 I felt like things were working themselves out When I was 16 and you were 19 That was the year you lost your virginity And I felt so young When I was 15 and you were 18 You would laugh at me For my acne And my cracking voice When I was 12 and you were 15 I would laugh at you For your acne And your cracking voice When I was 10 and you were 13 I annoyed you to no end Like when we were by the lake And I took your favorite pair of sneakers And threw them right in When I was 7 and you were 10 We didn't talk Because older kids didn't talk To those below their feet When I was 5 and you were 8 The gap seemed so much smaller Like age had never been An objective When I was 2 and you were 5 We met Under the swings On a playground In June When I was 18 and you were 21 It seems like things had just begun -Zen FourTwoNine We didn't talk enough and so we parted with so many things still unsaid still undecided still undiscovered. There is still so much more to talk about. Still so many little things about you that i don't know. That I want to know. Your favorite flavor of ice cream, your middle name, your favorite book. nothing big just the little things. because the little things are what make you you.
*FourThreeOh*still so many little things about you that i don't know I have to get to know you before I judge the situation before I can decide that I know you or know how you'll react I am afraid I am nervous I am weary I am tired of being afraid, nervous, and weary but until I know you those things wont pass so if I don't know you why do I miss you so much? *FourThreeOne*why do I miss you so much? your laugh your jokes your opinions your creativity and the way you look out for funny things I say I know I left a part of me there and I feel I've taken a part of you with me So I shouldn't be unhappy but still, I miss not long til I see you again.
I feel I've taken a part of you And swirled it into me Stuck it, welded it on, mixed it in, and now I have Her crossed arms His eyebrow Her expression of uncertainty His "Dude..." Her quiet observance (I try, anyway) There must be something original under this, at the bottom, but it's buried under so much so much of you and her and you and him I can't be sure FourThreeThree I took a part of you, and you took a part of me. Perhaps that's why it hurts when you leave. You take a part of me with you every time you go. And when you come back, you take a little more. But I don't mind, because I take just as much as you. And so I will never be empty, but I won't be complete by myself ever again.
Ever again. Funny how All I can think of is ever again Will I see you Ever again Will you look at me Ever again Will I speak to you ever againishly like I did just one time ever ago? Fools will never again be brave Stars will never shine. Women will never again ever dance While we are drinking good wine... Time is whirling again, ever Ever again shall time whirl. If nothing remembrest I when I wake I shall remember thine eyes. ~Wind~ FourHundredThirtyFive When I awaken, I will remember the many trips I've taken to see you, the way we danced for hours, the perfect hug you gave me, which I needed more than anything. I will remember dancing in the rain, playing piano with you. And I will try to remember, what really happened, and what was only a dream. For the dreams feel so real, and every night it becomes harder to tell them appart from reality.
FourThirty6To see you I would smile To see you I would be happy for a day To see you I would talk to a thousand strangers, Endure a hundred pickup lines, Walk into a dozen crowded bars confidently and sexily To see you Again I would do the scariest sacredest thing for me To see you. *FourThreeSeven*I would be happy for a day if you'd just listen to me I would be happy for a day if you'd start being there for me I would be happy for a day if you'd stop taking me for granted I would be happy for a day if you were here But you can do none of those things, are none of those things so I will just try to distract myself and be happy anyway
FourThreeEight If I could spend a day with you, I would be happy. If only for a day. When I'm with you, all sadness and lonelyness just vanishes. and I'm happy. every moment spent in your company is a moment well spent. even if it is moment that could have been used for sleeping, working, eating. I can think of nothing to do with my time that would make me happier, than to spend a day with you.
NumberFourThirtynine vanish and i'm happy after that little ache stops twinging disappear for long enough and even my heart stops pounding out your name. but then you breathe a whisper and tell me you exist. and nothing else matters except you are alive in this world and i am not with you now. nothing hurts as bad as two emotions at war turning your body into a battle ground one side glad to hear your voice the other wishing you could go back to being dead. FourFourty to being dead, Being with you is preferable but only just Don't you know death is freedom? From cares and strife and pain Or maybe it's annother grand adventure Who can say Love implodes. *FourFourtyOne*who can say why the grass is green? and there you go off to be "logical" about it why don't you stop thinking about it like that and just wonder?
FourFourTwo Why don't you stop running about in such a hurry. You're so anxious to get everything done, that you don't notice the important things. When you're driving in your car with the air conditioning on and the radio blasted, how do you expect to notice the smell of the ocean on the breeze, the sunset above you, the little flower growing through a crack in the sidewalk. Get out of the car, there's no rush. The errands can wait a couple hours, or days. The things that seem to you to be so important, mean nothing to me. And all the things I love seem silly and childish to you. I don't understand you, and you can't understand me. And yet you wonder why I grow farther and farther away from you.
*FourFourtyThree*farther and farther away I want to go from the insanity of my parents but the farthest I can get is probably not where I want to end up I just want to get away from all of it I just want to be with you FourFourFour I just want to get away from this house. Away from the people who I can no longer relate to, and who no longer understand me. I'm on the computer more and more. I talk to my family less and less. I forget when I stopped talking to them. Probably about the same time they stopped listening to me. looking back today, I noticed that it's been a long time since I trusted them. A few important things happened to me, and they never had any idea, because I didn't trust them enough to let them in. to let them inside my heart. They've broken my trust, and though I try to glue it back together, they have no idea that it's been broken. and so they only brake it more, instead of trying to repair it with me. I'd like to be able to trust them, but I can't. So I spend all my time at work, or on the phone, piano or computer. A wall is slowly building between us, and neither side knows how to break it down.
NumberFourFourFive i can't live without a garden for very much longer. without a piano without pasta dinners. i can't live without candles or stained glass or wine cups i can't handle the phone not ringing but i can't cope with the necessity of long distance calls either. some day we will have our castle we will mop it's floors and build the walls. we will swim in the moat building bridges we will have feasts inside great halls dreaming under canopied beds because i can't handle life being made of smoke it's time to let reality begin. FourFourSixit's like a never ending fairy tale we run thru the grass bare footed and live on a hillside where flowers grow for miles around we dream under canopied beds I wake up and I keep my eyes closed trying to hold on
*FourFourSeven* Where the flowers grow for miles around, like wild jewels. Where the pastures are green and hazy, all in clover, And when you look off into the way, way blue distance, All that surrounds you is the shattering green softness, The misty blue sky with powder clouds, rolling over the black hills, The green, mossy vales, The wild flowers growing like amethysts, like saffires Twined through your tangeling, wild hair, Your cheeks blossoming like roses as I stared at those wild eyes. We're in a fairytale, you and I. For miles around, we're the only ones. I am Snow White, and you are Cinderella. We've finally escaped them, the ones who wrote our tales, We've climed the canyon, and crossed the moor And found this windswept cottage, all our own, Gold-grass roof that we thatch ourselves in the heat Our arms turning gold as the grass, the sun rolling off our necks And dripping down our backs. I am Snow White, and you are Cinderella... In any other fairytale, but here we are only ourselves. Betrothed to the wild, glowing land, To the skies and the gnomes And the mushrooms dwelling in the forest. The fairies are our company at night, With their harps and voices like bells. We need no princes. ~Becky~ 448 I am Snow White, and you are Cinderella Just like when we were little. The castle behind us, the future before us Just as we had hoped when we were little. The skies are still blue and filled with stars, stars to wish upon, Just as when we were little. The Sun is bright and the moon is shining, Just like when we were little. All that has changed is we have gotten older, our dreams closer, the reality stronger. ~Snow~ *449*The sun still shines The air still smells of bus fumes The trees still stand in the same place Just like when we were little. The bakery is still open I can still here the same people chattering and I can still hear the cars tear around the corner Just like when we were little. I can see the spot where the three of us waited every morning for you to get to school The building still stands it holds memories like no other of how it used to be When we were still little.
FourFiveOh I think of how it used to be. We used to like doing the same things. We'd go shopping, or sit around and talk. Things have changed now. I don't like shopping, and we don't have anything in common to talk about. I still like you, but there's just nothing holding us together anymore, except for the way it used to be. I wonder now if I ever liked shopping, or if we ever had anything to talk about. Perhaps I just began noticing. Noticing that we've both grown, but in different directions.
NBTSWikiWiki | Recent Changes Edited 2 times, last edited on July 12, 2001 by ::ffff:216.28.208.14. © 2000 NBTSC Webmasters |
