Sexu Alit Y

choices, pressures, orientation, experiences, fears, joys, whatever.

Also see LavenderParlor. ~Rosemary

And another sort of related page: SafeSex Lorin

See also GenderAndSexualityFromAnotherAngle

"Entering my body is the act of sainthood, you must never fail fall falter lie breakdown because my body is a baptisum and to sin is to deny the perfection of you as my lover."

Agree? disagree? this is written by a "woman" ie, owning a home made vagina. Do other woman agree/understand? Do we judge ourselves according to our choice in lovers?

      -Dawn

• BITCH*

Why the fuck does everyone want an opinion about my sex life? Everyone seems to have a point of view about who gets to put their hands in my pants, to do what, how often. I'm sick of it. All i want is some cold hard practical sex advice on useful things like how to not get AIDS. I dont want to know their views on strait sex, gay sex, sex out of marridge. I dont want to have to justify my sexual terms, choices, or actions.

I just want information.

I dont want to be looked at down their nose for goofing off outside of marridge, nor do i want the sneers for being gay. Is everyone else just in a pissy mood because they arent getting any?

-Dawn. A virgin. planning on staying one. but still bitchy.

Page 20 of May/June UNTE READER

Honey have you seen the remote?

A North Carolina Surgeon has developed an implant that will trigger orgasms in woman, according to New Scientest (Feb 10 2001). The divice, a signal generator smaller than a pack of cigarettes implanted under the skin of the buttock and connected to electrodes in the spinal cord could be triggered by remote control, says Dr Stuart Meloy. clinical trials will begin later this year.

(kinda makes you think about garage door openers in a totally different way eh? -Dawn)

This is a nice topic. Yey for sexuality! :) heheh. I will not say anything further at the moment seeing as I am dead tired and Alyson wants the computer, but I will add more later. ~Erin

okay, here goes.

I always assumed I was straight when I was little, so when I realized I wasn't it suprised me a lot. I never considered the reaction of other people as a pro or a con, I just figured out I must be bi and told folks, but I couldn't really face it inside me. so I told people and got it out in the open, and then totally ignored it. I dropped all of my sexuality, sunk deeper into body issues and refused to admit I could have any kind of sexual feeling for Anyone. but now I'm starting to crack my shell, and I've discovered that I'm really More attracted to girls on the whole. I'm still definently bisexual, but I'm starting to get a grip on What attraction is for me, and I really identify better as a Dyke. now Maybe I'm not wanting to like boys because all of my straight relationships have been numbing and destructive, or maybe they've been that way because I'm not really as open to them. I have no idea. but there it is, my sexuality overview. hi! love you all :) -Miranda

I think this'll probably just be a ramble... I don't know what I want to say.

I've surprised myself in the past with how comfortable I am being sexual. A couple times I've held myself back thinking "I wouldn't do this if I was more awake/smarter/someone else" but when I don't try to control myself like that I never regret it... I've had good luck just going with whatever I feel in the moment. I've had good luck in being able to be sexual with people I trust. With guys I trust. And I've had no problem saying no when I need to... which is probably partially also because of being with guys I trust.

I honestly have no clue how straight I really am. I don't want to deal with the social aspects of being sexual with girls, I know that... with the wondering "does she like me? how straight is she?" as well as what Other People might think. I just don't want to deal with that, I have enough trouble trying to figure out the heterosexual world... ;) I don't know what I'd do if a cute girl told me she had a crush on me. I'd definitely be very flattered. I think I have crushes on some girls I know... but... Eh. I've kindof avoided thinking about it, really.

My body is my own. I am absolutely certain of that. It is no one elses and only I can decide what is done with it, ever. It is a privilage if I let someone touch me. And it is a privilage if someone else lets me touch them.

Can't think of anything else to say at the moment. This has been a ramble by

i've always had a lot of fears about sexuality...i mean, the first time i found myself really attracted to someone (at camp this year) i found out that they were also attracted to me and i got so scared, that i said i didn't want to have any type of relationship. in truth, i don't know if i did or not...but i'm just so afraid that if i have a relationship, things will go farther than i want them to just yet. i mean, i'm fourteen and i've never slow danced with a guy. not that i really want to or anything, i just wish i weren't so afraid of sexuality. -2000camper

I've always been proud of my reputation as "The girl who likes to talk about sex," but before I started having sex, I assumed that it was partly because, well, I couldn't have sex. Now I know that I just like talking about sex. And reading about sex. And sex generally.

The most important thing one can do for one's sex life (including one's future sex life, or one's sex life with oneself), I think, is talk about sex. With one's partner, particularly, and in great detail. But also with friends, and people on-line, and sometimes maybe even parents. There's really not that much accessible information on sex, especially for teens. What there is is conflicting and confusing. I had it pretty good, but I still discover things that in retrospect, I should have known many years ago. I've still made mistakes, albeit small ones, that I didn't really need to make.

On a tangential note, do any of you girls practice FertilityAwareness or chart your menstrual cycles? (Not just during ThatTimeOfMonth)

And, does anyone read http://www.scarleteen.com ?

  - Julie(lipse
 the girl who likes to talk about sex

I seem to be on a wiki roll here.

Okay, so I went to a nightclub, and I met this guy (who was a creep, but I didn't realize that until later), this total stranger, and I ended up making out with him... not very much, but still.. And it felt good, I don't regret it. It was fun and made my night a little cooler. The thing is that he was the only person I got to know that night; the rest of the time I was too reserved to come up to anyone, whereas my sister was snatching up friends like that *snaps fingers* I don't like the idea that I can be this sexual simply because I don't know how to relate to strangers (guys, anyway) any other way. That I can be sexual as a way of getting around my reservations in social settings. It's the only way I can hold someone's attention I can talk to people, but they'll find someone more interesting... in about ten minutes. I don't feel like I have much to offer right away, and I doubt they're going to spend hours or days or months picking my brain. But sexuality... who can beat that? Instant closeness. And I need closeness. I don't know; I have mixed feelings about this.

~Eire

• I think it was Sarah C. who wrote somewhere on Wiki about turning loneliness (a soul thing) into sex (a physical thing). My experience is, it's a quick fix like a sugar high. You feel incredible for however long the experience lasts and maybe a little after, but it wears off quickly and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Then again, I'm all cynical and jaded. And if it works for you (that's a general "you", by the way)... awesome! And Eire's right sexuality is an attention grabber. Just... and I know I'm being a wet blanket and I'm sorry but... are "you" sure you want that kind of attention? Well, duh! Of course "you" do. Very few people don't like people to pay attention to them as a sexually attractive being. But it doesn't necessarily get respect. And if people start seeing "you" as only a sexual being, you can get into a lot of shit. Like "you" feel that the only way to keep this new-found and hard-won attention is to do things "you" perhaps aren't really comfortable with. But "you" pretend everything's alright, and do it anyway. -Samantha

thanks you samantha, and an amen for all of that written above. i have found, deffinatly, for me, that have sex to make yourself feel...beautiful, sexy, comfortable, attractive and attracted, and really, most of any reason you could think of besides love and caring, isn't what it can seem. the high fades. you're lying in bed(or on the floor, or a couch, or a backseat, a park) realizing that you don't love this person and that in fact, really, you probably won't care if you don't ever really see them again after a couple of weeks. even if it's not to that extreme, it's still feels kind of empty, to me, after awhile. cause yeah. sex is FUN. it's feels awesome. but it is at a level of something much more fabulous and amazing when you care about the person too. beyond the "yeah i care. let's get it on, bye" 'care'. and it leaves oyu feeling like you are value-ing yourslef alot more. also, never underestimate the power of everything-but-actual-sexual-intercourse. hands and mouths and all that jazz can be just as amazing. alot of times even more so.(and they don't get you pregnant) peace~sarah~

(Note: I don't know if you were talking to me, but just to clear something up, I didn't actually have sex with that guy in the nightclub. I was in the middle of a crowd!) It's interesting hearing your thoughts on this (think I might have started a discussion? hmmm) I don't know if I have a good response yet, I'm just mulling it over. ~Eire

I think the most important thing about sex is to trust your partner. Of course, I'm only speaking for myself, I'm not judging anyone else. first of all, I'll be honest about it, I havn't actaully HAD sex, but have done some 'intense making out'. In my experience though, doing sexial activity (I'll call it making out for now, but I'm also talking about sex, I just want to keep it with my current experinces) with someone you trust is exponentiall better than with some stranger, or person you're only talking to for sexual purposes. As this guy who's name I forgot said: "how can you get physically naked without getting emotionally naked?" The reason I still havn't had sex at the tender young age of 19 is simply because I havn't gotten into a relationship wiht someone I trust that much. actually, I have the same veiws for a relationship. It only works if you really deeply trust each other. So that's my rant of the day:)

i think i might be a little scared of my sexuality. i'm not really sure if 'scared' is the right term.. i trust myself, but i'm not sure. how far is too far? what do i want? morals, boundaries. there's always a next step. then there's wishing i'd gone farther, wishing he wanted what i wanted but then when i have it, was it... right? ugh. my mom thinks i'm going to lose my virginity before i get married. i don't want to lose my virginity before i get married. my friends all think i've gone farther than i actually have, just because of the way i act, they say i come across as a 'sexual being'... what does that mean? is that how i want to come across? i turn a lot of guys down. no, i'm not bragging. but i do have self-control. sometimes i go further than i 'want' to, but then i find that what i'm doing is what i really want, just not what i think i should do...i wouldn't do anything i didn't want to do. obviously. i do like it that my friends see me as 'sexual'. i guess i think of it as a compliment, as a good thing. when it comes to slut accusations i just roll my eyes and turn the other cheek. the only ones who say that are the ones who don't know me. but then tbere are those who do think i'm experienced, and when they find out i'm not... it's sort of awkward. especially with guys. i don't really care if guys think i'm going to go far with them, based soley on the way i act, or if they take me to be 'experienced'.. if they do think that, then they get dissapointed, and it really doesn't have anything to do with me. their problem. i'm just starting to wonder if i really can handle myself. if i really can keep my head on my shoulders, mind over body, self-control, all that stuff. i don't know. maybe i'm not as strong as i think.

Last night somone on IRC (If you read this you can add your name if you want.)asked me about the relationship between Empowerment, and Sexuality. Now I DO NOT claim to be an expert on the subject, but after a few minutes of hmming and umming, I managed to tell him what I felt on the subject. I wish I'd saved the conversation so I could just paste in my answer here, but I'll try to recreate the idea behind it. I've had some more thoughts on it since then any way. First I have to say that I define empowerment as being aware of whatever you want to be empowered in, usually some aspect of your non-physical self, and being comfortable with that aspect. In other words, being sexually empowered means being comfortable with your sexuality. This is somthing that I think evryone has to work towards- culture trys to keep us from becoming truly sexual empowermed from the moment of birth, and by the time we reach adolecence, we have to work through a lot of stuff before we are empowered. I think that it is very hard to have a healthy sexuality,or attitude about sexuallity in general, if you are scared of it or uncomfortable with it, and I think that the vast majority of American society, is not sexually empowered and has very unhealthy attitudes about sex. (This makes the search for a compatible mate for those of us who are, or are at least working toward being, empowered somwhat harder, I think.) To define what I think of as a healthy sexuality- being aware that you have such a thing, being comfortable with that fact, knowing what youlimits are, knowing what you want (sexually) and how your willing to go about getiing that, caring about what your partner wants, and being willing to experiment to find ways to satisfy both of you without crossing your boundrys when the two aren't the same, being able to tell when you are really ready to expand your limits and go another step, and when you will regret that later. Yes, some of that is very hard, and the only way to learn is by trial and error. Some of it has to be relerned with every new partner. I guess I would add that for most of you, being teenagers still, a healthy sexuallity is being aware that those are the things your working towards. For many of them, that will hold true for a long time- especially in the early stages of each new relationship. I'm not there yet either, so I'd like to see your comments and opinions here too.- lorin

• I have to say, I'm quite comfortable with my sexuality. I'm confident that I can please someone, or help them please me, and/or make it all work well (though I haven't had as much experience as some) Empowered? Wellll, I discovered recently that my sexuality had the power to grab people's attention and keep it, and keep them coming back to me for more! Is that a healthy kind of empowerment? Would it help me be liked by more people? Or would I end up being viewed as one-dimensional, as only a sexual being? I really don't know. ~Eire

• Being empowered is all about knowing what you can do and what you can't do. There are a lot of ways to be empowered sexually: Masturbation can be sexually empowering because it gives you the power to enjoy a type of sexual pleasure more or less whenever you want. Talking about sex can be sexually empowering because it gives you the power to speak up for yourself and express any concerns you might have when you need to. Setting limits (any limits: "I will be tested for STDs every 6 months if I'm sexually active" or "I will not do anything sexual that I haven't discussed with the person involved" or "I will not have intercourse unless I can handle either a baby or an abortion" or even just "I will not ever do anything sexual that I do not want to do") or can be empowering, because it's giving you control or power over your own lifespecific guidelines that you've thought about, know very well, and can communicate to others (and change, if you need to! ). Knowledge is empowering in and of itselfknowledge about your own preferences, your own body, your own limits; about different sex practices, terms, toys, birth control and safe sex, and so forth. That last pair being particularly emportant. Some less serious things that have given me a reclaiming-my-sexuality-from-society rush have been: getting a digital camera and making ridiculous "porn" of myself; getting a speculum and looking at my cervix; browsing (and ordering from!) sex-positive sex toys shops online (of course, I'm over 18 now). Julie(lipse

Wow, what an interesting page. I love what everyone wrote. This isn't hyperbole, either I honestly love what everyone wrote.

One thing I want to say: Sexual empowerment is very important, yes. But part of that empowerment is knowing that you have the choice not to do something. And acting on that choice.

You have many years to live. You will get experience. I promise.

Jessica